Struggling- Need support if Possible

It seems that this mixed state is worsening. I can't concentrate and can't sit still so study is so tough. Today in class I try to speak out to answer questions and get my words mixed up. Yet I keep putting my hand up. I find it hard to sit quietly. The agitation is bad and my mood tanking. Thoughts racing, twisting and turning over themselves. Exhausted from chronic fatigue but can't sit still. Sleep or lay in bed so much as I'm trying to escape being awake. Mood tanking. Suicidal thoughts creeping in. All is hopeless. Why am I studying at all? I can't hold a career with my mental and physical illnesses. I am so lonely. Friends never call and I spend most of my time alone. It seems, like Trent Reznor said in his song "Hurt", that 'Everyone goes away in the end'.

Sorry for the rant. I am trying to fight and keep living my life but I fall sometimes.

Aww... it sounds like you're really having a hard time right now. My heart goes out to you. 💜
I'm sorry you're struggling. Do you have a t to reach out to?
I can certainly relate. I'm sorry you're going through this.

((((((( Wander ))))))

I understand, at least to some degree. I have similar thoughts, wondering why I continue to struggle to get through.

I try to feel worth all of the effort.

*sigh*

Much Love to You,

WC

Hi Wander .

Where you are now (A deep dark black hole!)`I have been there, and I came out of it after 3 months`! `NOW` I feel a lot happier and optimistic!
`And I am sure that you will too! Just hold on and be strong my friend.............Take care

Do you have any services in place a therapist or Dr.

sorry, it is worth it.

Hi Wander,
Have you been in the same cocktail as usual?. Phyc drugs, as you know, can help or hurt.
You're never alone when you're here. We love you!!!.

Sending big hugs!!

I'm sending hugs!

Lots of hugs and healing energy to you!

Thinking of you. We all go through this, so you're definitely not alone. I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks so much everyone. Your support helps so much. I texted my T yesterday and he advised me to contact my pdoc today. Last Friday I increased my Lithium and have only been on Abilify for about 9 days with the increase to 20 mg from last Thursday. At times it seems to have helped but at other times I am drowning. For about four days I slept 10 hours and stayed in bed for 12 hours a day but last night I hardly slept. Feel panicked. Anyway I can call my pdoc in 1.5 hours, at 9am here, and will then have to wait on him to respond. I have so much to do I can't go IP. Hopefully he will come up with something. I am getting tired of fighting.

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I hope your pdoc has some ideas that will make things better. Much support.

Do you think it could be the abilify? I found it very activating (then it caused akathesia and double vision and I had to go off it).

I don't know, it could be I guess but I was feeling similar before the Abilify, it is just getting worse. Just called pdoc office and left a message. Now comes the waiting. I will try to study but my mind is all over the place and sitting still is so difficult.

Doctors office just called and I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon. That was quick. My new doctor is turning out to be good in so many ways. Hopefully he will be able to sort out this mixed state, though I know they are difficult to treat. Now I have to get through the next 29 hours. I think I can do it. Just move from task to task to deal with the restlessness and keep busy so I can't get lost in my dark, racing thoughts.

Keep posting here. We're here for you.

Thinking of you xo

I am sorry it is so hard for you now, yes things will change
Thank you for your support on my thread...
This is hard work you are doing...
and you are worthy of this effort!
bizi

Had a busy day but I can't seem to rest even though I am on to my fourth beer. Just cleaned the bathroom, scrubbing tiles and all. It is nearly 8pm and I feel like cleaning more, or doing something to keep this restlessness at bay. My mind scans my flat searching for something to organise, to clean, but I am already on top of it. Mind is racing and body restless so difficult to just watch TV or read. Would go for a drive if I hadn't been drinking. Not sure if I will sleep tonight. Mood kind of up for a change. If I had people to call I would. I feel like chatting. Still agitated. Uncomfortable.

Best of luck, sweet dreams! tell us how your appointment.

Saw my T and pdoc. T was really encouraging and supportive. He believes I am in a mixed state and need meds to bring me down. Pdoc was amazingly supportive too. He wants me to take 10mg of Zyprexa for the next two nights to try to get some sleep and then email him on Friday to let him know how I am going. If I worsen he wants me IP but I am hoping to avoid that. I see him again next Tuesday and he wants me to start Sodium Valporate in conjunction with Lithium as research shows that combined they work well for mixed states. I am open to this.

Overall I am feeling like I am spinning out of control with agitation, racing thoughts, irritability, impatience and suicidal thoughts; but I am hoping the med changes will calm me down back to stable before things get worse. How I feel now is similar to how I felt before I had a manic psychotic break late last year. That scares me. I told my T and pdoc this which is part of the reason they are being so vigilant. I am so thankful for the great treatment I am receiving. It gives me a slither of hope.

mixed episodes are horrible i hope you start feeling better soon

Hopefully the zyprexa brings you down and you avoid ip.

I so hope the meds work. Zyprexa has helped me come out of episodes many times. You're so supportive on here. Just wanted to tell you that. Hugs