[ConfusedOne]

Hi
I feel lost right now. I got my disability last April but don't qualify for medical till Dec 07. I tried a clinic that accepted me but they changed their pdocs and therapists four times in as many months. I just quit that 4 week ago and the med have gotten totally out of my system now. I am sleeping 2 to 3 hours at a clip. I know this is sending me into a deep hole. I have to hold on till Dec. This is not going to be easy. Even though I was dx as bipolar I don't think it is right. I just go form one depression to another. I was put on lamictal and experience my one and only manic period. That lasted 2 months until I told the pdoc about the rash then he promptly took me off the drug. I crashed hard became suicidal and have not recovered since. That was in Jun. and July of 06. Nothing seemed to work since then. I just went off prozac and seroquel. Which did not help at all. I have lost hope that there is a med that will help me. I have been on so many meds since May 2004, been hospitalized twice. I just wish I was dead. Depression is a hideous disorder it robs you of everything. With no medical since July 2005 I have had to go cold turkey 3 times and each time I get scared and suicidal. I hope the later wins this time.

[Direction]

Sounds like a lot is going on...keep posting and talking with us...if there is no other way for medical until December...we will try to give you support until then...and after...

Lean on us...

[mydarlin]

Totally agree with Direction...maybe a support group will keep you from doing anything rash (no pun intended). I know that sometimes the depression feels like it will win and keep you in the deep dark black hole...
Just remember that we are here for you and we are pulling for you to get through this.

[onyx69000]

for now try some natural suplements that help depression sorry the name evades me right now oh st. johns wart. helps with depression! don't give up. i know its hard belive me. but try to go back to the clinic until dec atleast you'll be able to get meds. maybe not great service but meds can help. please try yo work the system for you right now. big huggs-onyx

[ConfusedOne]

I'm having trouble sleeping now. Having wild nightmares about an hour or two when I finally fall asleep. I've been up for a day and a half now and pretty tired but afraid to sleep. I even tried drinking but that didn't help. Think I will try cleaning up the kitchen. Maybe even find the table that I know is in there somewhere. Got to try to tire myself out so I can sleep.