[Theresa1991]

Are you guys being honest with your p and t?

It is hard for me to open up to anybody for real and as I haven't had any real feeling recently it is even harder because I don't even know what I feel.

Anyway I try to tell them the stuff I do but sometimes I am just ashamed and I kind of play things down sometimes because I don't want to be that person. Mainly about drinking, drugs and hypersexuality and also about panic attacks and obsessing. I don't lie a lot, but sometimes I do because I don't want to see their faces.

I know they have probably seen worse than me but still, I just want to be a good person and don't lose all my pride.

[Faltering]

I'm embarrassed by some of my symptoms. Sometimes I will just not talk about them if they're not directly asked about. Or I will describe my paranoia in a more general way rather than going into details.

[bioChE]

I'm mostly honest, but there are times when I will obfuscate or embellish certain things to make me seem better or worse to some end.

It's hard to be completely transparent when there are things of which you are ashamed. There are also times when I have difficulty putting things into words that make sense. Describing emotions and feelings is a challenge.

In particular, talking to my psychiatrist is difficult when I'm able to put on a good face. I always want to seem put-together and "fine", although I know that's not the best way to feel better.

[Wild Coyote]

I hid a lot from my pdoc (he is also my t) for many years. I also shared a lot, just not all I should have shared to get maximum understanding and benefit.
I have opened up more recently and he seems to be having a more difficult time incorporating what I am sharing than if I had shared it in the first place.

I'd gently suggest honesty from the beginning. It paints a clearer picture.


WC

Nope. I only go to therapy because other people want me to so with my therapist I just grin and bear the 60 minutes a month. I also don't share things with my pdoc because I guess I want to be able to deal with things on my own.

[Sunflower123]

I am honest with my t 100% even when it's embarrassing because I have an excellent t and feel like she can't fully help unless I do. With my d there is one question that if he doesn't ask then I don't offer. If he does ask then I'm truthful even though I am ambivalent about it.

[MBM17]

When I'm feeling sui, I downplay it. Sometimes I don't even mention it. But somehow he picks up on it usually. I answer his questions honestly.

I had a list of my most shame-filled topics, and I didn't mention those for years until my trust was more complete and I wanted to work on them.

[*Laurie*]

I think I am honest, but generally I feel like they don't comprehend the depth of my anxieties about certain things. I feel like if I broke down sobbing they would get it better, but that's just not my style...hard for me to express emotions.

I'm always honest with both because lying flares my anxiety to a point I can't handle. I'm very paranoid about being caught in a lie.

I have been honest. I don't go into extensive detail, I just give a quick overview of what I know are bothering me which I feel is sufficient. The problem is, I don't think they ask the right questions and I don't always know what is pertinent so there is a breakdown of communication going on. They have also reacted in a very shaming fashion on a few occasions which complicates things. If anything, I may have been too honest as my friend feels my "delusions" are natural stress responses that anyone would have had in my situation. I feel she is right and so does my husband and mother. Well, my husband and mother think it's also mental health related, a frailty or predisposition and it's very likely my friend also has a mental health disorder, so what appears "natural" to her, may be a little skewed perhaps. I know know what I could realistically do to get it through my doctors heads anymore than I already have. I'm not always at my worst when I see them, and explaining myself isn't always my strong suit as I don't always know what's even happening to me, but I do my best to explain it.

[hopeless2015]

Yes, it took some time to get there though. I always appear to be ok so I think it's hard for them to believe when I'm struggling.

[scatterbrained04]

I tend to down play big time. I do try to answer truthfully when directly asked questions though. Being bipolar is embarrassing to me at times. I'm a rational person trapped in an irrational body. I definitely come off as higher functioning than I really am.

[Miss Laura]

I eventually am after months of suffering.... I hate admitting things like I am suffering

[Unrigged64072835]

Not always with my pdoc, especially if I reduced meds. I'm trying to be more honest now.

I'm truthful with my T, though. We've known each other since 2011 so there isn't much I can hide.

[Moose72]

I'm honest with my Pdoc. Don't have a T right now. But as I recall I couldn't put much past my last T.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

I'm not very honest. I don't like not having control.

Quite frankly, if i were more honest, my liberties would be taken away. And i am not so sure that it can be treated with medication alone. So, i still struggle with this.

[Naynay99]

i think i often downplay how bad im doing during a depression. i dont think i mean to, but i suppose its shameful admitting how non-functional i sometimes am.
i was more honest w my T today, not sure if it was helpful or wise to do so, but i suppose it feels better to talk about stuff than keep it inside.

i actually think maybe my pdoc doesnt fully believe me when i tell him how bad i am. like if i can keep a job and an apartment i must be fairly ok. so maybe i dont even try that hard anymore w him.

i think i just suck at opening up and trusting ppl. they really need to ask the right qs sometimes for me to be totally honest.

[xRavenx]

I am pretty honest and straightforward, but at times I only want to share to a point when it comes to certain things. For instance, while with my pdoc, I began recalling things I did that I had regrets about while I was feeling manic (recently). My whole point was to basically tell her how I've been impulsive in ways, but didn't think she'd ask for anything that specific. I mentioned to my pdoc texts I've sent that made me embarrassed. My pdoc asked if I can show her my phone, so she could read them! I lied and said I didn't have the conversation saved, since I felt awkward flat out saying "no."

[Wander]

With my T I am almost completely honest. He knows me so well and can see through any facade I may put up. Still, there are a few things I have hidden from him like drug abuse. My new pdoc I have only seen a handful of times so the trust is not fully built up yet. However, I do honestly answer his questions and offer up information I think will help him. My last pdoc was terrible so I was never completely honest with him after he broke my trust.

[popuri88]

I downplay the worst parts of my week for my therapist. Smiling while telling her I lashed out at my SO also helps the downplaying game. Otherwise I'm sincere and try to tell exactly how I felt... even though "telling how I felt" is very hard for me.

This thread got me thinking, because I sometimes feel like I'm not expressing myself well or feel confused by what's being asked. Like, when my psychiatrist asked me if I was "bothering others" when I was hypomaniac and I said that I didn't know, not because I was downplaying, but because I really didn't know.

[Miss Laura]

I try to be but I haven't of late. Well the last 6 months tbh. I have been telling them everything has been great and I'm doing great when in fact I'm suffering and feeling sad and hurting myself. I only see my Psychiatrist once every 6 months so when I see him in July I'm sure I'll need to tell him about everything. I just told my Psychologist this week everything she was so understanding. I feel like I'm a let down a disappointment of sorts

I've gotten way better with it. Took enough years. In transistioning to a new provider and realizing how much NOT being altogether forthcoming had screwed me over (which would make a separate post unto itself) the incentive was there.

Among other things, I saw my previous provider's notes. Apparently I attributed more ability to read/see through than she actually had, because there were really serious omissions. It was clear she took me more at my minimizing word than either of us had imagined. I read it and wondered who it was about, you know?

It's not 100% yet, but it's considerably closer. I struggle most with being honest about certain realities of my life. It often seems to be for the sake of protecting others' privacy. But it'd be more to the heart of the matter to admit that it is shame that holds me back.

There it is. Confession day.

[Jenna120]

Emotions, I'm honest. If they don't know, they can't fix me.

Medication side effects, well.....if it helps I might "forget" something bad. I would do just about anything to feel better. I'm trying to figure out how to avoid the EKG my new psych NP wants me to take.

[franz kafka]

I've learned how to be honest. Writing down what I want to say and bringing it with me helps a lot.

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I tend to down play big time. I do try to answer truthfully when directly asked questions though. Being bipolar is embarrassing to me at times. I'm a rational person trapped in an irrational body. I definitely come off as higher functioning than I really am.

This feels deeply true to me, especially how you said the rational/irrational dichotomy. May I use this elsewhere? Maybe on my blog?