[hahayeahtotallylol]

Ever since i walked away from my big boy job, i have been spiraling down hill. Hospitalized 3 times in 4 months. The meds are fine, but my situation is not. If medication is supposed to counteract mood problems, what counteracts an actual, sh!tty life? What is the dosage of unreachable goals needed to merely stay afloat?

I have often felt like i can not live on my own. But why should i deserve assistance over people who don't have family support and a place to live? I don't think assisted living is for me, until i'm permanently psychotic.

I applied to the department of mental health. Hopefully something there works out. But in the mean time i can barely handle basic responsibilities. It feels like my life was wasted and now i'm just playing in a pile of *****.

If you were me, what would you do?
Can you relate at all?

Thanks

[glowsinthedark]

what caused you to walk away from your job? Are you currently living with family or are you alone? What is your situation, or as you say, this "pile of ****"?

[Sunflower123]

I totally relate. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Try not to be so hard on yourself and take baby steps. Calling the mental health office is a good start. I hope you start feeling better soon.

[Daonnachd]

I walked away from my career also. Now I have a part time job.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Originally Posted by glowsinthedark

what caused you to walk away from your job? Are you currently living with family or are you alone? What is your situation, or as you say, this "pile of ****"?

We were outsourcing and i was in a mixed episode. The company had a 20% lay-off the next month. I am alone.

Well, this pile of **** is, Depression. I am in a couple sticky situations that are personal, and have little to no motivation to get a job as i am still feeling down about those couple of situations. For all i know it could even prevent me from getting employed. On top of this, as i said, it seems as though i cant take care of my self. I cant save enough money for food even sometimes, my hygiene and general cleanliness. I can't muster up the energy to care. I'm even ignoring my phone calls, and i know some are from my recruiter, trying to get me nice jobs.

[glowsinthedark]

it sounds like you are having a really hard time AND being very hard on yourself (**** you depression!). If you are able, take the day off (from life I mean, not from a job). And by 'off' I mean have a day where you let yourself do whatever you want without feeling bad about it (as long as it isn't harmful of course). Watch some movies, listen to music, eat your favorite food, take a bath or walk or drive or whatever. I'll do it "with you"

[Wild Coyote]

I am struggling with severe depression. I can relate.
I do not know what I'd do without the care and support of my husband.

I hope life gets easier for you, soon.


WC

[glowsinthedark]

Originally Posted by hahayeahtotallylol

We were outsourcing and i was in a mixed episode. The company had a 20% lay-off the next month. I am alone.

Well, this pile of **** is, Depression. I am in a couple sticky situations that are personal, and have little to no motivation to get a job as i am still feeling down about those couple of situations. For all i know it could even prevent me from getting employed. On top of this, as i said, it seems as though i cant take care of my self. I cant save enough money for food even sometimes, my hygiene and general cleanliness. I can't muster up the energy to care. I'm even ignoring my phone calls, and i know some are from my recruiter, trying to get me nice jobs.

sorry, responded at the same time as you so didn't see this ^^^

you don't sound ready for a new job. you sound like you maybe need a more extended stay in a hospital, to take a pause and perhaps adjust medication. white-knuckling through things only works for so long, and usually only barely works at that.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

I just spent 3 weeks, and in January got out after two 2 week stays.

In the past 4 months ive spent 32% of the time in the hospital.
I think it is more situational than emotional. I need to get my **** together but continuously fail to. Maybe i just need to give the real world a shot again. Although, i am technically a fugitive for something i did right before the hospital. So what the **** does that do to my job eligibility.

[glowsinthedark]

I get why you'd be ready to NOT be in the hospital anymore, but don't not go just because you've already spent a lot of time there (yes 32% sounds like a lot, but it's all totally arbitrary when you think about it...there is no normal/abnormal good/bad amount of time, just what YOU need).

As far as you being a fugitive - yes, that would seem to complicate matters...more or less depending on the nature of your crime and your line of work...

If you could have everything your way, what would life look like to you? I mean, if you decided to give the 'real world' a shot - what would that mean?

[anprz1996]

hey I can totally relate. I was having the exact same feelings some months ago while I was in a deep depression, and I was hospitalized twice in 2 months. But all your thoughts, thats the depression talking. You really need and deserve help, and there is a point where you get better and this horrible and strong feelings subside. Keep strong and please do get all the help you need!!

[bioChE]

Have you considered how much of your depression might be situational vs. bipolar-related? I know if I was a fugitive it would weigh heavily on my psyche.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Originally Posted by glowsinthedark

I get why you'd be ready to NOT be in the hospital anymore, but don't not go just because you've already spent a lot of time there (yes 32% sounds like a lot, but it's all totally arbitrary when you think about it...there is no normal/abnormal good/bad amount of time, just what YOU need).

As far as you being a fugitive - yes, that would seem to complicate matters...more or less depending on the nature of your crime and your line of work...

If you could have everything your way, what would life look like to you? I mean, if you decided to give the 'real world' a shot - what would that mean?

Finance, Aggravated assault. Not the best mix. I think i need a "job" before a "career", at this point.

Giving the real world a shot would be, being responsible with money and appointments, not going off my meds, and find a way to pay off 30k of debt while having enough left to eat. And so far, i've broken the responsibility point in both places.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Originally Posted by bioChE

Have you considered how much of your depression might be situational vs. bipolar-related? I know if I was a fugitive it would weigh heavily on my psyche.

I honestly think it's around 90% situational. And every time i go to the hospital i take one step back, in my opinion.

[glowsinthedark]

Do you think you could get your life in order and keep it that way if you remain a fugitive? I honestly don't know if I could deal with the stress, unless I felt I had a very valid reason for my crime. Could this be the root of the problem? What would happen if you faced the consequences?

[hahayeahtotallylol]

My background check would fail.
Maybe i need a job where they don't care about your record, in case i get caught, and grow out my hair and move to a new Career once the heat is off.

I think it is a pretty big part of my distress, especially since it limits the places i can even go to.

[BipolaRNurse]

Being a fugitive is extremely stressful. Many years ago, I was running around with several warrants out for my arrest, and I almost went crazy from the stress of hiding and dodging the police. It was stupid, really---didn't appear in court on one charge, didn't pay the fines on others. (I should mention that this was about 15 years before I was diagnosed.) But every day I woke up terrified that today would be the day I'd be arrested, and until I finally went to court to face the charges, I was a wreck. So I understand how tough it must be for you with all this hanging over your head. ((((HUGS))))