[Miss Laura]

I'm 32 and I have been chatting to a guy who is 58. I don't want sex as I class myself as asexual.... I detest the thought of sex. But this guy is coming from England to see me in Scotland in a few weeks. He knows I don't want sex and is cool with it. But am I in over my head? I can't tell anyone in RL as they will think I'm ill when I don't think I am. I just dint know what to think at the moment. I'm quite nervous but at the same time very excited to see him.... any thoughts?

[hahayeahtotallylol]

You don't seem to be manic.

Is something like this uncharacteristic of you?

[Miss Laura]

Yes I'm like this when I'm manic but like you say I don't feel manic. If that makes sense

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Just look out because you may be on the rise.

You on your meds?

[Miss Laura]

Yeah I'm on my meds.... I've just came out of a depression but my meds are being adjusted I'm coming off of one and upping another

[hahayeahtotallylol]

I'm in the same situation.

Stay safe - At least you are self aware of this potential mood change.

[Blossomx]

I'm new to this and message boards generally -I literally just signed up and this would be my first post. Just saying in case I messed something up but it seems quite simple-
I wanted to let you know what my thoughts were Miss Laura, I am not a man hater ( before I say anything) I've lived through exceptionally life learning experiences though, I highly highly doubt that there is a single straight Man Who does not want sex when in a dating/romantic relationship of any sort - I have been told by even professional older men that there is no such thing - all guys want from a woman is sex period - of course they want all the other good stuff but first and foremost they want sex that is their motive to develop any sort of relationship with you !! I am not saying he is going to attempt to have sex with you when you guys meet up I am saying that eventually down the road he is hoping that you will change your mind or change somehow and end up sleeping with him what I'm saying is he's probably being patient and we will expect it down the road
Just my honest thoughts because I have been in your situation and I thought I was in over my head as well and I definitely was :/!

[Moose72]

Be aware that he may very well think this is an invite for sex. I'd get that clear beforehand.

[Miss Laura]

We have made it very clear it's not for sex just messing about. The thing is I don't want to lead him on.

[Wild Coyote]

Did you meet on a dating site?
Dating/romance -- the expectations are geared toward romance and eventual sex.

If you don't wish to mislead him, be very careful about what you say and/or don't say. Watch implications. If you already know you are not interested in him romantically, please tell him so before he makes the trip.

Carefully watch your own mood/behavior.

Good luck!

WB

[Miss Laura]

We met on a fetish site which I go on when I'm flying higher. I have told him I'm not interested in sex of any kind. He is okay with it. I think of sex and it makes me feel sick :-(

[Wild Coyote]

Are you both good enough friends for him to make that type of a trip without expectations.

In other words, I hear you saying he is listening to you about not wanting sex; yet, you still have some concerns.

What do you feel he has for motivations?

Are you two good friends with lots of common interests?

I wish you the best.


WC

[Miss Laura]

We have been talking for a week via text and he is calling me on Mon I think. I'm really unsure if I'm making a wise decision or not tbh

[Wild Coyote]

A week doesn't seem very long, really.
Do you know him well enough to trust him to honor your wishes.

It kind of seems, from what you have written, that you current viewpoint on sex might make any sexual advances unwelcomed right now?

Do you feel relieved if/when you think about asking him to postpone his trip?

Take really good care of yourself. You are the only one who will do so.


WC

[Miss Laura]

If I postpone I think I'll lose him.... He is older than me and in another country if you like he is about 9 hours away from me if not more. We have our fetish that's a common ground. He knows sex is off the table however when I'm manic I become "possessed" for sex. I feel like I'm kinda losing control but unsure how much. I'm in a sticky predicament as I have no idea what's going on I my head.

[Wild Coyote]

So you aren't sure if you can trust yourself, because you feel you may be headed toward mania?

Let's say I like candy. My favorite candy store is nearby my home. Sometimes I get out-of-control and binge on candy and it makes me sick (and I gain weight).
Let's say I've had good control about candy for awhile; however, I am feeling like I am not in the best place for good control, I feel a lack of control. I feel I might binge.

Should I go into the candy store? (No for now. Maybe yes another time.)

Only you will protect you. If you are feeling you are likely becoming manic, and you wonder if you can trust yourself, then take a pass or postpone until you feel more stable.

You write you might lose him if you postpone. Wow. How much does he really want to get to know you if he'll give up that easily?

You say he's older than you. I've been assuming you're of legal age. I hope you are of legal age. (For online fetish sites, that is.)

Remember: You are the one person most invested in your own welfare. Relative strangers cannot possibly be as invested in your welfare.

Protect your own welfare. You deserve it.


WC

[IntentOnHealing]

You don't sound manic to me--not by the way your phrased it. You sound normal.

Do you ever take any of your manic things "back home"? I do. We think we are so great in mania right? Well, maybe parts of us ARE. And is it possible this is one of them?

[IntentOnHealing]

Oh..hmm... I just read your convo with WildCoyote. Maybe I spoke too soon. I mean, my question still stands, but you DO need to take care. Use caution. I don't want to see you hurt and you haven't been in touch for very long... where is he planning on staying?

[Miss Laura]

He is staying with me and a hotel. Hotel for 3 nights me for 4 nights. I'm 32 so I should really know better shouldn't I. I don't know if I can trust myself. I mean I get so easily influenced when I'm in these situations

[hermitix]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

He is staying with me and a hotel. Hotel for 3 nights me for 4 nights. I'm 32 so I should really know better shouldn't I. I don't know if I can trust myself. I mean I get so easily influenced when I'm in these situations

I think it's a good idea to listen to your hesitation. Losing this guy might suck, but you'll save yourself from feeling worse if you did end up being influenced to do something you didn't want to.

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

He is staying with me and a hotel. Hotel for 3 nights me for 4 nights. I'm 32 so I should really know better shouldn't I. I don't know if I can trust myself. I mean I get so easily influenced when I'm in these situations

That sounds REALLY dicey. I was in a moderately similar situation a number of years ago, to meeting at a hotel even, and people told me to be ready to kick him to the curb. But I was already pretty emotionally invested, and though I told them I would, would I really have? Short of a super creepy vibe, no, I probably wouldn't have. And that might have been hugely unwise. It ended up fine, but then again, sex was definitely on the table for us.

I'd asked myself at the time it I was going manic, and I told myself no. Looking back at the timeline of actions and events, I was. So… consider that may be the case.

I'm feeling hesitation on your part, and that's probably wise. If you loose him, so what, really? You've only been talking for a week. You really don't know him. (And I'm saying this from a perspective of fast moving events from my life that were still longer than that.)

It sounds like your intuition is trying to talk to you...

[Miss Laura]

Thanks guys I'm still indecisive the usual huh. I appreciate all your posts makes me feel less alone out in our wee world of mania

[Wild Coyote]

Miss Laura, I've found the thread for you, incase you could not find it. This is it. Bumped back to the first page of the forum for you.


WC

[Sunflower123]

This sounds a little dicey to me too. Did you mention you've only texted him for a very short time? I'm worried about your well-being mentally and physically. Please take care of you.

[Wild Coyote]

I am concerned you may be lacking some insight at this time.
You are concerned enough about yourself to make two threads asking for help.
I think you should ask your pdoc for help.
We can support you while you ask him/her for help.

Please take good care of yourself.

WC