Always Thinking

I was diagnosed with bipolar last August. Since then I am constantly thinking about it. I think about what triggered my depression and dealing with that. I read books and articles about bipolar and anxiety. I debate whether I should take my medications daily. I ponder whether therapy is necessary. I wonder what parts of my life were ruled by bipolar and I didn't recognize it. Sometimes I just wonder who I am.

Does it ever become normal? Will I ever learn to accept it and not rehash every single detail?

I too am in a similar boat. I think when I'm doing more well I don't think about it as much or sometimes when hypomania im having too much fun to think about it. But lately it's consuming me and I wonder how much of my past was spent in illness and not being in my right mind. How much better I might now be if I'd have accepted being truly mentally ill a long time ago. The reality is I might have been much worse off really.

Just do your best and realize the illness is not the real you. It's a part of you but doesn't define you. I understand what it's like to debate it all, especially the medication. I thought deciding to give my son ADHD medication was difficult (and it was) but these meds are really scary sometimes. It's equally scary to consider going into an episode and never coming out so I've committed to taking my meds for a full year as a poster on this board once mentioned and in that year I'm going to focus on learning meditation and coping strategies so that *if* my doctor and I ever decide that going med free is appropriate, I will have a ton of coping skills to rely on in times of stress. I've reduced my stress but eliminating it entirely is not humanly possible for anyone. I'm being realistic.

I look forward to reading what others have to say on this topic. I wish you luck. I wish me luck....I wish us all luck and courage and strength to fight this illness and come out triumphant (((hugs)))

Yes, over time you'll likely think about it less and less. At first it's natural to educate yourself and become aware of situations and moods.

My "bipolar" diagnosis was made about a year ago, too. Prior to that, it was Atypical Depression. I think it's always been the same thing, no matter how it's labeled.

I do think about this a lot, mostly because I've been constantly engaged in trying to find the right meds and to stabilize somewhere other than in a deep depression.

I have also been recounting a lot of "life history," and looking at how bipolar may fit in, just because my pdoc and I happen to be discussing/clarifying history.

I do imagine we think of bipolar less in time, yet especially if we have the experience of stabilizing.

My pdoc and I have been chasing a moving target for a long time. We are still trying to find a neutral and stable place.

When we are engaged in trying to find sufficient treatment, we naturally think of this more often, as it's a big part of our daily experience.


WC

I thought about it a lot when I was first diagnosed. I don't think much about it now since I'm trying to do other things.

I was obsessive about it when I was first diagnosed. I read everything I could get my hands on, hell, I probably know more about bipolar than the doctors do. But the focus gets less and less with time, and five years into the diagnosis I'm more focused on what I can do rather than what I can't because of my illness. I've also realized that what I have really is bipolar, not an existential crisis that will end at some point as I wanted to believe. But no, I don't think about it as much as I used to.

When I was diagnosed I ran from it. I didn't want to learn about it, speak about it or get help for it. I've gradually come to accept it. I do think about it a lot because I keep going in and out of these deep depressions so it seems ever present and my pdoc and I are constantly trying new things. I hope you get to the point where you can focus on the things you can do and not the diagnosis. Best wishes....