[vjdragonfly]

My husband asked me to open up and talk to him cause when I went IP a month ago it blind sided him. So I have been telling him how much I'm struggling and he told me I dwell too much. He makes me feel weak, like I should be able to pull out of this. He said I'm worse now then when I went IP. The thing is I usually hide most of it. I put on that dreadful mask and make like I'm coping well. I'm too tired and I just don't want to do it anymore. Then he makes it about him which depresses me even more. He told me I could leave if I wasn't happy with him. I have done everything in my power to let him know he is my everything. I just don't know how I am going to do this anymore.

[Leia78]

Your husband sounds a lot like mine. When I went IP once, he said the exact same thing, that I blindsided him and that it came out of nowhere, he had no idea why I was going IP and he felt that me and my therapist had plotted it out without including his opinion or thoughts on the matter. I tend to hide it when I'm feeling bad because he makes me feel guilty about it and like I'm not a strong person because I can't handle life or something like that. Then it comes down to him making it about him, which it's not, depression and feeling bad aren't about my husband, my bipolar is not about him and my symptoms aren't about him but somehow he can make it so that it is. So what has happened in my house is that I have stopped hiding it with a mask when I have a bad day, week, whatever and just let everyone know I'm not feeling great, that I'm really irritable, feeling down, whatever and that it is what it is, I'm sorry but that I'm putting it out there for their benefit so no one takes it personally and then we avoid talking about my bipolar because my husband doesn't like talking about it. He thinks and has said it, that if we talk about it, it becomes the focus of everything and takes over life.... yeah...right. It never has been that way. I never has been that way because I've always done my best to hide what I was going through and only has it become a focus in our household was during times of crisis when I couldn't hold it in anymore and had to go IP for suicide attempts or couldn't hold back the intensity of a mixed episode anymore. So, now, we just don't talk about it. It's not the healthiest situation. He has a list of my meds in his wallet that I gave him in case I were ever in an accident and he needed to give them to the hospital but that's as far as it goes with his knowledge about my bipolar.

I understand where you're coming from and truly feel for you. I'm sorry you're going through it. I hope you find some relief from your depression soon and if you have to go IP again, then go and don't feel guilty. You're not weak, you are strong and you are fighting. I know it's hard for you to make your husband understand. Just let him know you love him and that you are doing the best you can. Hang in there!

[vjdragonfly]

Thanks Leia, it is helpful knowing I'm not alone. I feel like I just need to keep it to myself. I feel like if he was more supportive and if he would learn more about my illness it would make things a bit easier. Sometimes it would be helpful if someone could tell me I can do this, I can make it through. Instead I bottle it up and lay in bed thinking of the best way to go. I have 2 years till my youngest is an adult, two more years I must hang on. Instead I cry and SI.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by vjdragonfly

I have 2 years till my youngest is an adult, two more years I must hang on. Instead I cry and SI.

You know 18 really an arbitrary number? My eldest is 19 and they still need you! He calls me all the time to take him here or there when his car isn't working or he just wants to hang out. Don't assume they'll be gone.

[vjdragonfly]

Originally Posted by Moose72

You know 18 really an arbitrary number? My eldest is 19 and they still need you! He calls me all the time to take him here or there when his car isn't working or he just wants to hang out. Don't assume they'll be gone.

My eldest is 21 and has relied on us almost completely, but there comes a time they have to take care of their-self. I just feel like I've done my part and this is so hard.

[Sunflower123]

[QUOTE=vjdragonfly;5664571]My eldest is 21 and has relied on us almost completely, but there comes a time they have to take care of their-self. I just feel like I've done my part and this is so hard

That is so not true. My cut off was 18 when she went off to college. She must have sensed it and sat me down a week ago and held my hands and said I need you now, I need you for college and graduation and my first love and my first job and at my wedding and for my first house and there as I give birth and to help me raise my babies and if you leave me I will be devestated but forever I will be angry that you didn't love me enough to stay and threw a hand grenade into my life and my dreams.

You matter!!! So much!!!! For you and for them!!! Please keep fighting.

[Sunflower123]

I'm truly sorry your husband's aren't on board with being supportive. This can greatly impede your recovery. Do you both have therapists to mitigate the damage? My husband did not believe in mental illness and was not supportive to put it lightly for many years. It impeded my progress. When he became abusive, I kicked him to the curb. Incredibly difficult but what were my options? I really hope you can find a way to work this out with your husbands so they'll be more supportive but if they are keeping you sick rethink things. Best wishes and good luck.

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by vjdragonfly

My husband asked me to open up and talk to him cause when I went IP a month ago it blind sided him. So I have been telling him how much I'm struggling and he told me I dwell too much. He makes me feel weak, like I should be able to pull out of this. He said I'm worse now then when I went IP. The thing is I usually hide most of it. I put on that dreadful mask and make like I'm coping well. I'm too tired and I just don't want to do it anymore. Then he makes it about him which depresses me even more. He told me I could leave if I wasn't happy with him. I have done everything in my power to let him know he is my everything. I just don't know how I am going to do this anymore.

---response "Ruminating" or circular thinking is one of the challenges which bipolars often have to deal with. When you find that you are not going forward, this may be in play. One strategy that can help is to try to break things down into smaller components, handling one thing at a time.
Often my family members just don't want to know about my struggles. Its best to share in a support group and with your professional team. I think it speaks well for your husband that he wants to know what is going on. The problem is that tho he might be a good sounding board for you, he can't micromanage your situation. We really need a team to help us do that. My heart goes out to you guys. Hugs!!!!
Lately I have had success staying away from toxic people and Latuda is doing a really good job for me. Wellbutrin was making me very angry.

i've not been told it, no.

but I think I probably do.

no, deffenetly do

[raspberrytorte]

I think I dwell too much too. Whenever I have a problem it's like it becomes my entire world. My husband has actually told me I dwell too much!

Yes, I've been told this a lot. And they say "get out of your head" as if it's a choice. Pffft. My friend recently told me this about my delusions...she said "everyone has weird thoughts, you just hold onto them a lot longer" she isn't wrong.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by vjdragonfly

Thanks Leia, it is helpful knowing I'm not alone. I feel like I just need to keep it to myself. I feel like if he was more supportive and if he would learn more about my illness it would make things a bit easier. Sometimes it would be helpful if someone could tell me I can do this, I can make it through. Instead I bottle it up and lay in bed thinking of the best way to go. I have 2 years till my youngest is an adult, two more years I must hang on. Instead I cry and SI.

This is exactly how I feel except my youngest is only 3. I have no idea how to make it until then.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Yes, I've been told this a lot. And they say "get out of your head" as if it's a choice. Pffft. My friend recently told me this about my delusions...she said "everyone has weird thoughts, you just hold onto them a lot longer" she isn't wrong.

I know this feeling. It is horrible and sometimes mean. "Get out of your head" everyone ha weird thoughts; its okay." I hear the same things.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason I keep songs on repeat for sometimes months at a time has something to do with this.

[vjdragonfly]

[quote=Jennifer 1967;5664669]

Originally Posted by vjdragonfly

My eldest is 21 and has relied on us almost completely, but there comes a time they have to take care of their-self. I just feel like I've done my part and this is so hard

That is so not true. My cut off was 18 when she went off to college. She must have sensed it and sat me down a week ago and held my hands and said I need you now, I need you for college and graduation and my first love and my first job and at my wedding and for my first house and there as I give birth and to help me raise my babies and if you leave me I will be devestated but forever I will be angry that you didn't love me enough to stay and threw a hand grenade into my life and my dreams.

You matter!!! So much!!!! For you and for them!!! Please keep fighting.

Thank you, your right. I'm just so tired of fighting this fight.

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I think I dwell too much too. Whenever I have a problem it's like it becomes my entire world. My husband has actually told me I dwell too much!

It is nice to hear I'm not the only one but it still irritates me because I don't know what I'm dwelling on.