[dshantel]

Just wondering if anyone else dreads night time? I absolutely hate it at the moment because I know thats when it all begins. When my mind is left to do as it pleases. I guess I'm not always this way but recently its been bad. The thoughts start, the feelings and I can't get away from it until I fall asleep. I was doing fine for a bit but here I go again. Why? Lately ive got this deep deep yearning to just feel loved by my husband. I just want to spend time with him or for him to hold me and touch me. He works a lot. I dont work. I also have this yearning for companionship as well, like a best friend I guess. I don't have any friends anymore. I'm sort of isolated I guess. I haven't really had a lot of adult conversation outside of my husband in awhile. But these yearning feelings are more prominent at night. It causes the negative thoughts and SI. I know I have to deal with this every night and the dread just makes it worse. I'm just tired of being this way.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with night time. Mine is the exact opposite. I get that way during daylight hours. It's very hard. I don't have any advice aside from maybe following a routine each night that you enjoy. I just wanted to lend my support and let you know I'm here if you need to talk.

[x_blessed]

Hi dshantel, I know EXACTLY how you feel and is very relieved to see that I am not alone. I'm only 22 and me and boyfriend both still live with our parents. I work a 8-5 and take classes to pursue a nursing career and my bf works ALOT, always have. He wants to one day be the sole provider (saving for our first place) and I can't blame him for that. But at night, i gets sooo lonely and only want the attention from him. Much like you i also yearn for his presence, his touch, just to feel loved.

I have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder so what I use to describe as 'temper tantrums' that I couldn't control are actually mixed episodes of manic and depression. So while in my depressed state, if I feel rejected by him in any way (including having to work) I cry uncontrollably. And I'm currently unmediated. I feel like a burden on him or others sometimes but now that i know l can't control it , it's not so bad. But because of this my nights are so dreadful right now!

Thanks for sharing!! You may not react the same but it still feels a lot better knowing I'm not alone.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by x_blessed

Hi dshantel, I know EXACTLY how you feel and is very relieved to see that I am not alone. I'm only 22 and me and boyfriend both still live with our parents. I work a 8-5 and take classes to pursue a nursing career and my bf works ALOT, always have. He wants to one day be the sole provider (saving for our first place) and I can't blame him for that. But at night, i gets sooo lonely and only want the attention from him. Much like you i also yearn for his presence, his touch, just to feel loved.

I have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder so what I use to describe as 'temper tantrums' that I couldn't control are actually mixed episodes of manic and depression. So while in my depressed state, if I feel rejected by him in any way (including having to work) I cry uncontrollably. And I'm currently unmediated. I feel like a burden on him or others sometimes but now that i know l can't control it , it's not so bad. But because of this my nights are so dreadful right now!

Thanks for sharing!! You may not react the same but it still feels a lot better knowing I'm not alone.

You're definitely not alone either and thanks for commenting. Our situations seem very similar. I often feel rediculous for how I feel but I can't help it. I wish I wasn't this way but in trying to learn to accept it and just deal with it. Im also currently unmedicated. I still have a hard time admitting that I am in or had and episode. It feels like im just making excuses.

[x_blessed]

Originally Posted by dshantel

You're definitely not alone either and thanks for commenting. Our situations seem very similar. I often feel rediculous for how I feel but I can't help it. I wish I wasn't this way but in trying to learn to accept it and just deal with it. Im also currently unmedicated. I still have a hard time admitting that I am in or had and episode. It feels like im just making excuses.

It's definitely something to get used to, I'm coming around on accepting it. Being diagnosed actually helped me to understand why I behave, feel, and react the way I do. Before being diagnosed I had an even harder time trying to understand why I couldn't get myself to act differently with situations. I felt crazy! Sad when everything's happy, happy and hyperactive when things are sad or serious. Very frustrating. I can relate to the whole making excuses things because I honestly made up excuses and blamed everything and everyone past and present to why I was depressed, lonely, feeling unloved or less than, because I couldn't explain my crying spells/depression. Or why I was mean and acting differently because I was manic. Of course I didn't know I was bipolar at the time but I understand. And I also wish I wasn't because I worry about my future, relationship with others, and how people view me because I can't control it.

Do your husband understand or try to understand what your going through?

[dshantel]

He doesn't understand that its not his fault. Like when I'm depressed which happens quite a bit, he thinks I'm unhappy because something he's done or because he's not enough and I tell him that it has nothing to do with him. I feel bad that he feels that way. I think he tries to understand but how can someone fully understand when they've not been through it.

[x_blessed]

Same here, but at first I felt he wasn't even trying to understand he was in denial about me having depression and anxiety, he thought it was all because of him. He don't mistreat me but we have a crazy past. Including me having a miscarriage that I believe was stressed related. and now that I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder he was definitely misunderstanding I didn't think he was ever even going to try. I've only started to see a change in trying this past week.

And I get so caught up in my depression that I have thoughts of leaving him. Just because I want it to be easier for him. To not have to worry about me or deal with my out of the blue mood swings...

[dshantel]

I feel the same with leaving sometimes when I'm depressed. Maybe try seeing if he will go to a therapy session with you. That may help him see that its not his fault.

[x_blessed]

It's in the plans! Thanks a bunches for posting and discussing this issue with me, it was a lot of help!