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  #1  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 01:20 AM
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Alone & confused Alone & confused is offline
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Today was a bad day for me from the time I woke up, and it only got worse from there! It was as though I was in a contest with the universe to find out JUST HOW MUCH I can take without completely losing control and unleashing the beast within. Just one random, irritating, b.s., nonsense thing after another. And now it feels as though that rage has become a part of my flesh. No matter what I do to try to distract myself from it, it won't let me go! I am so irritable that I can't stand being around myself! I wish I could jump out of my own skin to get away from this feeling. It's all consuming right now. I'm trying to be rational and tell myself that even though I was definitely triggered, this level of anger is over the top and doesn't require this much intensity. That these triggers are manageable. But everything in me wants to have a scorched-earth fit!
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liveforsummer, Unrigged64072835, xRavenx, x_blessed

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  #2  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 06:58 AM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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Is it possible you're having a mixed episode? I know how miserable it is to feel this way. I'm sorry you are having a tough time and hope you feel better soon.
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Alone & confused, liveforsummer, xRavenx, x_blessed
Thanks for this!
Alone & confused
  #3  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 08:06 AM
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Alone & confused Alone & confused is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
Is it possible you're having a mixed episode? I know how miserable it is to feel this way. I'm sorry you are having a tough time and hope you feel better soon.
Thank you! It could very well be. But it really feels like it's trying to escalate into full blown mania. I am exhausted froom trying to reign it all in. My mind feels like it's been blown into fragmented pieces of hate, rage and confusion. Thoughts and emotions are scattered everywhere to the point they nothing makes any sense. And the very idea that I've let anyone or anything cause me to lose this much control of my mind and emotions just adds fuel to the fire. Not to mention that the pains taking struggle to keep myself quiet and still, disciplining my flesh not to act on these impulses is pure torture! I can literally, physically feel it all tthe way to my bones! It's not that I want to hurt another human being, I just feel the need to put my fist through a wall or something. Scream, yell, anything to release this poisonous feeling!
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h2os, liveforsummer, Victoria'smom, Wander, xRavenx, x_blessed
  #4  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 08:46 AM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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I really feel for you. I've never had full blown mania. (Bipolar II) but I had a mixed episode a few weeks ago. I was filled with rage and agitation and literally wanted to claw my skin off. I hope this passes soon for you.
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Alone & confused, liveforsummer, x_blessed
Thanks for this!
Alone & confused, halus1
  #5  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 01:40 PM
liveforsummer liveforsummer is offline
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Do you have anyone you can reach out to for support therapist, family member? Take care
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  #6  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 02:12 PM
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Alone & confused Alone & confused is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liveforsummer View Post
Do you have anyone you can reach out to for support therapist, family member? Take care
Other than here, I have a few people I can vent to. My nerves are still a little on edge, but my temper (although still charged) has simmered down to an idle and I'm cautiously watching for the next possible trigger that would set me off again. And I'm trying hard to keep my stress level down, which is a bit of a challenge, but I think I can manage.
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x_blessed
  #7  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 08:58 PM
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Standup2me Standup2me is offline
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Rage, for me, is a pre-cursor to mania
Do you have a p.r.n?
Zyprexa for me works well
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Alone & confused, x_blessed
Thanks for this!
Alone & confused
  #8  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 09:34 PM
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Alone & confused Alone & confused is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Standup2me View Post
Rage, for me, is a pre-cursor to mania
Do you have a p.r.n?
Zyprexa for me works well
It is for me too. And if I don't catch it in time and either medicate or separate myself from my triggers, it gets really ugly and unbearably intense. I'm supposed to take Lexapro daily, then Busbar twice a day. But when I can manage without them, I do because I don't like how they make me feel on my " better days". But when I feel I'm spiraling out or can't get it under control I'll take them.
Hugs from:
xRavenx, x_blessed
  #9  
Old Jul 02, 2017, 07:37 PM
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Standup2me Standup2me is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alone & confused View Post
It is for me too. And if I don't catch it in time and either medicate or separate myself from my triggers, it gets really ugly and unbearably intense. I'm supposed to take Lexapro daily, then Busbar twice a day. But when I can manage without them, I do because I don't like how they make me feel on my " better days". But when I feel I'm spiraling out or can't get it under control I'll take them.
That's good. I think that your ability to recognize it is a really great thing.
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  #10  
Old Jul 02, 2017, 07:41 PM
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Guiness187055 Guiness187055 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alone & confused View Post
It is for me too. And if I don't catch it in time and either medicate or separate myself from my triggers, it gets really ugly and unbearably intense. I'm supposed to take Lexapro daily, then Busbar twice a day. But when I can manage without them, I do because I don't like how they make me feel on my " better days". But when I feel I'm spiraling out or can't get it under control I'll take them.

We all hate taking meds. In order for the lexapro and buspar to work right they need to be taken daily without fail.
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Thanks for this!
xRavenx
  #11  
Old Jul 02, 2017, 11:43 PM
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xRavenx xRavenx is offline
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I'm so sorry about the pain you are in. Keep posting whenever you feel the need. I know it helps me to get things out here when I'm in a really bad place.

What you're describing sounds like me during a mixed episode. In fact, I feel myself beginning to slip into one. It's true that meds need to be taken consistently for there to be any real benefit, but I can relate to not liking the way some of them make me feel. These episodes definitely require intervention sooner rather than later though.

Maybe it's time to talk to your pdoc? It sounds like you need a lot of help.
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