Missing the high...

So, I've been doing pretty well for almost a year now without major depressions (HUGE win), and when I encounter something that would normally tailspin me for days/weeks/longer, it's short-lived - feels like a 'normal' reaction period. I'm keeping up socially, taking more interest in cleanliness (house & hygiene), and doing more quality things with my family. I feel more on top of everything.

But, I don't feel GOOD about myself. I don't feel GOOD about my life. When I get hypomanic, I feel so wonderful and like I'm an amazing person who can do amazing things. I feel intelligent, confident and capable. I find things I enjoy doing, do them, and enjoy the heck out of it. I don't feel apathetic right now (like is my norm in depressions when I'm not totally emotionally sunk), but I don't feel GOOD. I miss that so much...

(((hugs))). I know exactly what you mean. Hypomania (when it's not the irritable kind) makes me feel so on top of the world, confident, uninhibited, enjoying each moment. When it ends, it often leads to devastation or just yearning to feel that way again. I do realize that in the end, hypomania is not worth it since it has resulted in some really bad decisions and situations. That being said, I still struggle with this issue.

I wish I had better advice or input. Just letting you know I empathize with you and can relate. Take care of yourself.

Someone may chime in and say this is what it feels like to feel "normal". That's what my wife likes to tell me at least. You don't feel bad, but you don't feel good. It's just in between. You are just there. Good things are good, and crappy things are crappy. Neither is elevated more so than it should be.

Ya I feel and agree with what you've all said, I miss it and without it stuff just seems so mundane. I wish I could come up with something totally insightful to say about how to accept a mainstream life but alas I can't think of anything.
Maybe a gratitude journal would be a start?

Hey. No advice here. I Just wanted to say I can empathize.

It's like after you have viewed a beautiful vista from the top of a mountain looking down, it's hard to then be completely satisfied with the view from below. It's Still pretty, but not quite satisfying enough. It sort of ruins you for the every day view that most people see and seem to be content with.
Hang in there.

Maybe have a treat or small thing you can do everyday to feel good.

Life doesn't have to be OMG good all the time. Sometimes just a little bit of fun is good enough.

People have told me that as well. Matter of fact I had a psychiatrist tell it to me once.

I think it's bull$hit. I want to feel good.

wow sounds like on the road to some success. don't expect amazing change, just an uptrend over time, better than last y, and the year before. think of that - how you will be in 5 years - it helped me to take the long term approach, because ups and downs can be a disappointment. best

Great perspective here, thanks. On my way to something better...that helps.

The challenge is not so much that I want to feel super amazing and awesome all the time, but even things that make others in my life feel good don't make me feel really good. Viewing it as neutral now, when a year ago it would have been bad, does help to make me feel like maybe I'll get to feeling good about some things again, someday...

You just summed up my life. I have been told this is what stable feels like.