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#1
Jul 04, 2017, 08:26 PM
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I got rid of my extra pills and my wife has my others. I thought it would make me feel better but all I feel now is trapped. All I can think about are different ways out. I don't want to live anymore. I just wish I could explain how I feel but I can't put it into words. I should have never started a family because then this would be so much easier.
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 bizi, liveforsummer, raspberrytorte, Ripose, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
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#2
Jul 04, 2017, 09:02 PM
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Quote:
Hey. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. The pain can seem unbearable at times. I know it may not feel like it right now, but you won't feel like this forever. The feeling of wanting to check out early can be very strong, that's really good that you are keeping yourself safe by getting rid of extra pills. I don't think sui is ever easy, whether you have a family you would be leaving behind or not. We never realize how many people's lives we actually affect, especially when depression tries to convince us they would be better off without us. While fantasizing about it may temporarily make you feel better, try not to let your thoughts go there. Distract yourself and do something to get your mind off of yourself as much as possible. I have been there before and get it. But at this moment, I am ver happy that I am still here. and that is not nothing. I am sending you a little bit of hope to hang onto that it really does get better. Please be safe and reach out to a T or Pdoc etc if you need immediate help. Hang in there. Hugs. |
| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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 Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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#3
Jul 05, 2017, 02:28 AM
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I am all too much aware of the pain you are going through. For me it was constant and it only continued to worsen, until I was put on Lamictal. Soon after I got to the 300 mg level all my suicidal thoughts ended. Don't get me wrong I still think of death constantly but not about ending my life directly.
Lamictal saved my life and I really don't understand why it is not the first line of defense in a pdocs arsenal. I wish you all the best and hope your pain goes away on it's own soon. |
| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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#4
Jul 05, 2017, 03:23 AM
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I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Kudos to you for making the decision to get rid of your extra pills and give the rest to your wife. I've been where you are. I was there yesterday...to such an extent I went to bed early to get away from those powerful urges. I feel better today. It's a fresh day and I'm getting a fresh start.
I hope you start feeling better soon. 
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| Wild Coyote
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#5
Jul 05, 2017, 12:22 PM
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Sleep is the only time I can find peace. I just want to sleep.
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| Wild Coyote
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#6
Jul 05, 2017, 12:43 PM
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Hugs Crook, I know how your feeling and I'm sorry your going through this right now! Just know your not alone and this will pass.
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| Wild Coyote
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#7
Jul 05, 2017, 01:37 PM
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I can relate to your situation.
There were times I had been so low. My wife really decided if it was really bad and maybe needed the hospital was when she asked me about stuff and I told her I couldn't see the future. Try and set up goals in time to work for. |
| bizi, Wild Coyote
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#8
Jul 05, 2017, 02:11 PM
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I am sorry you are feeling such deep pain.
 I do understand, as I struggle with this often, too. Just yesterday, I was anxious for bed time, so I could go to sleep. Just this morning, I'd hesitated to fully awaken because I did not want to face the day today. As soon as I stop doing tasks and my mind is free, I start thinking about leaving this earth. I start regretting anything that makes leaving more difficult. You aren't alone. I hope you can have these thoughts without taking action. What helps you with this? Anything? Please stay safe. WC |
| bizi
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| bizi
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#9
Jul 05, 2017, 03:53 PM
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Glad that you and your wife are keeping you safe while you go through this.
It's tough, though. The pain is ruthless and relentless at times. Especially when you've been trying to recover and have gone through so much. It's weary. Just get through it one minute at a time if you have to. Call your pdoc and/or T. Try a crisis line. Or just get yourself busy with little stuff. This will pass. |
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#10
Jul 05, 2017, 04:33 PM
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Sorry you're going through this Crook, I too can relate to these thoughts and feelings. Hopefully as time passes so too will your depressing thoughts. Stay strong, lean on those around you. Keep posting. Hugs
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#11
Jul 05, 2017, 09:47 PM
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I need a lot of Klonopin just to survive the days.
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| bizi, liveforsummer
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| bizi
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#12
Jul 05, 2017, 09:57 PM
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Hugs, crook.
My husband has hold of my meds too. I hate it most of the time. It's so obnoxious having my pills dispensed for me, but I know it's for the better. I hope you feel better soon. All I want to do when I'm depressed is sleep too.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| bizi, liveforsummer
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| bizi
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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