[RainyDay107]

I feel paranoid and spaced out. I am hungry yet feel I do not deserve to eat. I feel like a waste of space.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( glamslam ))))))

I am sorry you are going through this.

It has to be distortion. You are such a lovely person!

Please try to eat. Eating something may help a little?

Thinking of you.


WC

[porcelainboy]

Woke up shaking and crying from a nightmare this morning, and it's been messing with me all day so I wasn't able to accomplish anything. Why are my nightmares so debilitating?

[Sunflower123]

Sometimes I feel so alone in my depression.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Sometimes I feel so alone in my depression.

Me, too.
Just last night, everyone was out having fun and I'd needed to go to bed early, pray for decent sleep -- all so I could cope with today's demands. Tonight, H wants to take me out to dinner and I am too tired, again.

Abilify seems to help with energy, yet I still, honestly, feel hopeless.
I am so damned hungry on this med, I do not know if I can stay on it.

It's all so... frustrating!

You are on my mind.


WC

[Faltering]

I couldn't sleep last night because I was dreading the meetings I had all day today. I was sick to my stomach about it this morning. It's been a long day and now I'm exhausted.

I think the transition from Zyprexa to Vraylar is going okay so far. I haven't noticed much change in mood. I am less sleepy and hungry now. Fortunately my insurance covers most of the Vraylar.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Me, too.
Just last night, everyone was out having fun and I'd needed to go to bed early, pray for decent sleep -- all so I could cope with today's demands. Tonight, H wants to take me out to dinner and I am too tired, again.

Abilify seems to help with energy, yet I still, honestly, feel hopeless.
I am so damned hungry on this med, I do not know if I can stay on it.

It's all so... frustrating!

You are on my mind.


WC

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. I'm sorry that happened to you last night, that is lonely. So far Abilify has not made me hungry so we'll see. Is there something else you can try?

Thinking of you.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Sometimes I feel so alone in my depression.

I think it is a paradox.
In some ways we are alone, but in other ways we are never alone.

Certainly many, including myself can realize that we are lonely as we converse with people we have known our entire lives.

The real issue is Connection.

We can be all alone with nobody to share things with or talk to, but still feel connected with everybody.

I can feel connected to my deceased love ones!

I can also feel disconnected from everyone.

Connection is what we all are seeking.

We eventually get there...

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by porcelainboy

Woke up shaking and crying from a nightmare this morning, and it's been messing with me all day so I wasn't able to accomplish anything. Why are my nightmares so debilitating?

They are hard to let go, but we can do it.

After the worse nightmare of my life (shortly after a major trauma) I was afraid to sleep for months. That triggered the worst manic episode of my life.

Take it easy and try to let it go

Song in my head! I can't disconnect from Long Island hardcore punk band Incendiary's

of the Beastie Boys' Sabotage.

Anything coming out of Long Island named "Incendiary" should be treated as a category 5 typhoon.

An obsession this insistent usually indicates that something bad has already happened, is happening or is about to happen.

There's a secret farmer's market in Honolulu's Chinatown sponsored by pro-Kuomintang triads.

I've never lied on PC. I've been lying about lying.

That's all I'm prepared to say. Love to those having a hard time.

[bioChE]

To the point of Lefty lying, I can confirm he's lying about lying.

I've never lied on PC either. Either about erections or anything of the sort. Many of the ADs I tried made me limp as a dead worm on a fish hook.

Mood stabilizers and APs however, don't seem to have the same effect. The exception on ADs is Wellbutrin. That stuff should be marketed before Viagra.

[99fairies]

Jennifer... You are such a caring positive person. You inspire me with your posts. I really hope you feel better soon and please know you are not alone. Thinking of you.

[Shleigh]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I want to drink... fight... cut and destroy myself. If I drink I will cut which will lead to a hospital and all that mess. I'm trying to behave but it's getting hard. I wont drink, I don't have money for that. I can't fight it's not fair to my husband he's unwell. I can't cut because a hospital visit wont go well. I don't know if it's boredom or what. I don't think I'm depressed but my taste in music is really dark but upbeat. Maybe I'm becoming mixed or maybe I'm just ****ed up. I'm tired of convincing myself that I shouldn't do these things. Luckily I have no alcohol in my house. The school year is coming up and there will be a strong pull to attend and it'll spike my paranoia.

I have never done physical self harm, but I have destroyed myself in so many other ways. Most definitely drinking, which would lead to impulsive and extremely reckless behavior. I've been to jail ( alcohol related), I've slept with this person after telling myself I wouldn't (luckily never a stranger), but I put myself in compromising situations often and had been taken advantage of. I knew it, but didn't stop. I had no recollection of what I did regularly. I was a bartender, so there was no lack of alcohol, and it's an industry that promotes or almost requires heavy consumption of alcohol. Bad behavior was highly encouraged. It made others feel better. Almost everyone I worked with has mental or substance abuse problems.

I would get healthy, happy, and then the cycle would repeat. I wake up ashamed, guilty, hating myself. That would cause me to drink, and the cycle would repeat until I hit stability. Mania increased the recklessness, the ADHD allowed for no impulse control, depression just decreased the reckless behaviors mostly, but only because I couldn't leave my bed. It wasn't until I met my husband and got properly diagnosed and medicated that the recklessness ceased. The adderall helped as well. I no longer feel the need to drink until I black out, although if I pass a certain point, I will. I just have to stay away from certain people and places that are triggers.

Boredom definitely increases it, so does guilt. Now, I find hobbies that I get obsessed with. It consumes me, but I'd rather recklessly build, redecorate, garden, etc. than see myself in that place again. Lately, I've been mixed and I can feel myself slipping into a deep depression. I'm going to see my doctor to increase the lamictal and adderall. I think it's too low of dosages, and I'm seeing decreased effectiveness.

It's cheaper to see your psych or therapist than drinking a ton and/or going to the hospital. I would try to do that. I would also try to find things to occupy your in the meantime. No two people are the same and I don't know your story and struggle. I just hope this helps as you're not alone in certain ways. I hope you resist the self harm and that these feelings subside quickly.

[Wander]

Well I have been out of hospital for a day and feel good but exhausted. The weather is great is I am going to go to the beach for a walk and potter around my flat listening to music, plus a little study this morning. I am at my parents for the moment and they are being very supportive. Think I will stay here a week and see how I go. It feels so good to be free of IP after eight weeks in there, yet strange too. My mood is good so I am content with life. Thank you to everyone who supported me while I was IP. It meant a lot.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. I'm sorry that happened to you last night, that is lonely. So far Abilify has not made me hungry so we'll see. Is there something else you can try?

Thinking of you.

Thanks, Jennifer.
You make me smile.

I see 2 specialists on Friday and will know more about which meds I need, which will be deleted or added, etc. It's possible I'll get restarted on the chemo drug and may well lose my appetite. If that were to happen, then Abilify might be the one? Only time will tell.

I hope you sleep well and tomorrow is a better day.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wander

Well I have been out of hospital for a day and feel good but exhausted. The weather is great is I am going to go to the beach for a walk and potter around my flat listening to music, plus a little study this morning. I am at my parents for the moment and they are being very supportive. Think I will stay here a week and see how I go. It feels so good to be free of IP after eight weeks in there, yet strange too. My mood is good so I am content with life. Thank you to everyone who supported me while I was IP. It meant a lot.

I'm glad you are feeling better!

You work very hard to be well. I admire your strength and courage.
Please do enjoy yourself! You deserve it!


WC

[xRavenx]

I am not getting much sleep. I'll get a few hours of sleep from Seroquel. I really hate taking it, but it's the only thing that helps me sleep. It makes me feel weird at night until it finally does knock me out. I don't like the feeling it gives me before that happens though and it freaks me out a little bit. My memory is bad with taking pills lately too. I second guess myself if I took something twice or not. Aside from that, still feeling the same way, but I find I must keep myself occupied on something, or the anxiety and everything else feels out of control.

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel I am floundering at work and I feel intensely judged for it. Just from my co teacher and her clique. I know I shouldn't care what they think but it's not even that, it's that she is actively ignoring me and treating me like a dumb assistant and not a teacher. And I am dumb in math but she shouldn't treat me like that. I want to quit but I'm contracted. And it's only the second week of school.

I feel like I'm doing my student teaching again.

I gotta get my **** together and apply for the MSW program instead.

[bizi]

I think you are wonderful wild flower!
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

I think you are wonderful wild flower!
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

YES!!!

[99fairies]

Teaching is hard. But it sucks to have someone to treat you this way, You are very strong. I hope the rest of the year tuns out to be very good for you. You are in my thoughts.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I feel I am floundering at work and I feel intensely judged for it. Just from my co teacher and her clique. I know I shouldn't care what they think but it's not even that, it's that she is actively ignoring me and treating me like a dumb assistant and not a teacher. And I am dumb in math but she shouldn't treat me like that. I want to quit but I'm contracted. And it's only the second week of school.

I feel like I'm doing my student teaching again.

I gotta get my **** together and apply for the MSW program instead.

The passive aggressive people who ignore and have petty personal problems with others are "special needs" people.

They need to be treated in special ways.

Just look at them as hurting children and act accordingly.

Be loving and respectful, but never take their sad behavior personally.

My wife owns a rifle that fires antipsychotic darts. I barely feel the sting.

yesterday evening I really wanted to hurt myself.

I had gone through so many emotions in the space of a few hours- laughing, calm, crying, anxious, everything you could think of.. and it all just got on top of me and I wanted to hurt myself so bad.

I actually just sat their with the only thing in my mind.. cut, cut, cut, cut

fortunately, I didn't, I found a distraction- but it was a tough night, made worse by the crippling imsomnia which isn't letting up.

I don't know how I feel at the moment.. laughing and joking 1 minit, crying and anxious the next

[WildcatVet]

Me too. Totally out of control mixed emotions. Slept well and woke up feeling fairly positive about the day, but now I feel like I'm not going to make it. Why am I feeling so angry too??