[dshantel]

So lately I have been dealing with feelings of jealousy towards my husband. I know it's rediculous but I'm just here watching my life pass me by and accomplishing nothing. He's done so much and so far has reached his goals and continues to set and accomplish goals. I have goals and things I want to do but so many road blocks. I just feel like I do everything in accommodation to what he does. Yes I realize that he takes care of us and us the provider but I feel like I have no life. I can't get a normal day job due to child care expenses and if I did I would have to be the one to figure out childcare. I've been trying to find something overnight but I still have to work around his hours so in limited to 10pm to 6am and that's cutting it close. I have tried talking to him but all he says is that I'm not gonna find a job making what he makes. Yea that's true but I still have goals and dreams. It all just makes me wonder about my life and wish I had done things differently and that makes me feel so selfish.

[Sunflower123]

Keep thinking of possibilities to fulfill your needs. Something will come up. It was insensitive of your husband to say you'll never make as much as him. Can you arrange with him to take care of the kids a few hours a day for a few days of the week so you can start doing things that fulfill you (exercise, employment, school, volunteer work)? What need is not being met that makes you jealous of him? I wish you luck in finding solutions.

[Shazerac]

so what if you never makes what he makes? It's not a contest. Keep exploring ways to meet your needs and have a fulfilling life. You have right to this.

[Fuzzybear]

[Tazwert]

I have felt in competition with my wife. We met at work. Our company was so large we continued to work there after we got married. She advanced faster in the company than I did. I continually got unsolicited ideas on how I could advance further myself. Eventually, I lost my job in the "economic downturn" (read "economic depression") of 2007. We decided that I should be a stay at home dad to focus on raising our daughter. Now, I am struggling to find work with outdated work skills and a huge hole in my self-confidence. I feel like a loser with a college degree, which is not how I saw myself after I graduated.

[Woolly Bugger]

You should take pride in what you do. Not everyone can raise children to be happy productive adults. There is no more important job. In a few years, they will be in school and you will be free to pursue your interests. Take comfort in knowing that what you do is vital, and that there are many who would gladly change places with you.

[Shleigh]

Originally Posted by dshantel

So lately I have been dealing with feelings of jealousy towards my husband. I know it's rediculous but I'm just here watching my life pass me by and accomplishing nothing. He's done so much and so far has reached his goals and continues to set and accomplish goals. I have goals and things I want to do but so many road blocks. I just feel like I do everything in accommodation to what he does. Yes I realize that he takes care of us and us the provider but I feel like I have no life. I can't get a normal day job due to child care expenses and if I did I would have to be the one to figure out childcare. I've been trying to find something overnight but I still have to work around his hours so in limited to 10pm to 6am and that's cutting it close. I have tried talking to him but all he says is that I'm not gonna find a job making what he makes. Yea that's true but I still have goals and dreams. It all just makes me wonder about my life and wish I had done things differently and that makes me feel so selfish.

Your feelings are not selfish. Don't let your emotions become invalidated by your bipolar disorder. You are still human and not everything you feel has to be stifled or attributed to your mental illness. You are allowed to feel rational feelings.

I know what the depths of bipolar can do to your self-esteem. I get so tired of saying I'm sorry, or feeling ashamed and guilty. Too many times I don't even know what I have to be sorry or guilty about once I think about it.

The feeling that you are experiencing is similar to that of a lot of women, and some men. Holding in this feeling can build resentment and cause harm to your relationship in the long-run. I would really try to express how you feel, and work together to find a way to satisfy this very natural void in your life.

Have you ever considered working from home? Do you have any hobbies, or some you may want to take up? Gardening was extremely therapeutic for me.
(Head with caution. I tend to want to accomplish and start to many hobbies, or become obsessed when I am manic.)

There are many options other than the traditional 9-5 or overnight shifts. I can share some of the jobs I have had that has allowed me to work around my illness as much as possible if you'd like. I have you are able to find a compromise that allows you to achieve you goals as well.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Keep thinking of possibilities to fulfill your needs. Something will come up. It was insensitive of your husband to say you'll never make as much as him. Can you arrange with him to take care of the kids a few hours a day for a few days of the week so you can start doing things that fulfill you (exercise, employment, school, volunteer work)? What need is not being met that makes you jealous of him? I wish you luck in finding solutions.

I used to have things that I liked to do but sometimes I don't even know who I am. It's hard for me to try an go places when he gets off because he just wants to be home relaxing when he gets off and then most days he has to back at night to do his drawer change. On his off days we usually either do appointments for the kids or grocery shop and then we go back home.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

You should take pride in what you do. Not everyone can raise children to be happy productive adults. There is no more important job. In a few years, they will be in school and you will be free to pursue your interests. Take comfort in knowing that what you do is vital, and that there are many who would gladly change places with you.

I realize that taking care of my kids is really important. I'm not saying I don't want to. I love my babies but I feel like I have lost myself and I don't even know who I am. Outside of being a wife and mom I am nothing.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Shleigh

Your feelings are not selfish. Don't let your emotions become invalidated by your bipolar disorder. You are still human and not everything you feel has to be stifled or attributed to your mental illness. You are allowed to feel rational feelings.

I know what the depths of bipolar can do to your self-esteem. I get so tired of saying I'm sorry, or feeling ashamed and guilty. Too many times I don't even know what I have to be sorry or guilty about once I think about it.

The feeling that you are experiencing is similar to that of a lot of women, and some men. Holding in this feeling can build resentment and cause harm to your relationship in the long-run. I would really try to express how you feel, and work together to find a way to satisfy this very natural void in your life.

Have you ever considered working from home? Do you have any hobbies, or some you may want to take up? Gardening was extremely therapeutic for me.
(Head with caution. I tend to want to accomplish and start to many hobbies, or become obsessed when I am manic.)

There are many options other than the traditional 9-5 or overnight shifts. I can share some of the jobs I have had that has allowed me to work around my illness as much as possible if you'd like. I have you are able to find a compromise that allows you to achieve you goals as well.

I have considered working from home. I've tried a lot of direct sales with no success. My goal right now is to start my own custom wig business. Im licensed cosmetologist and I love making wigs but I don't have funds for startup cost. I'm interested to here what you have tried.

[Shleigh]

Originally Posted by dshantel

I have considered working from home. I've tried a lot of direct sales with no success. My goal right now is to start my own custom wig business. Im licensed cosmetologist and I love making wigs but I don't have funds for startup cost. I'm interested to here what you have tried.

I would keep working towards that goal. You really want to make sure that it's something familiar and that you like to do. Does your husband offer you any financial support considering that you are working by staying home and taking care of the house and kids? If he makes it a point that he is the one that should work, then he should be able to offer some sort of financial help for you to do this. You may not make money off the bat, but it will be something productive and positive for you in the meantime. Have you ever considered kick-starter or GoFundMe?

Have you ever considered going back to school? They offer flexible schedules and online courses, and you can also receive financial aid and even assistance with daycare. You could always take your general ed. and electives first to explore what other things may interest you. They also offer counseling, accommodations, and other resources to help with mental health. There are a lot of resources that I wish I had taken advantage of.

I had worked in the restaurant and bar industry for a long time while going to school. It is flexible, and you can make a very decent living. However, I would heed caution if you were to approach this. The environment is not always healthy for someone who struggles with mental illness. I currently work as an outside salesperson. I can work remotely and schedule my own hours at the office, as long as I am productive and effective. This way, I can work late, or start later when I feel like I can't manage getting out of bed.

I would seek a company that allows you to work remotely when needed. These positions aren't always easy to find, but they are out there. I would set up a LinkedIn and update other professional sites. I don't know your education or work history. Those will be a factor in where to start looking.

You said you're a licensed cosmetologist right? Could you start off by setting up a small area at home and working from there? You could then market your services on social media and build up your business that way. I hope some of these help you out a little.