[boogiesmash]

So today I had the “privilege” of working with my p o s co worker. But instead of getting pissed at her mere presence, I simply didn’t care. When she had others at work eating, I didn’t care. Is this me letting go? Is this healthy?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

So today I had the “privilege” of working with my p o s co worker. But instead of getting pissed at her mere presence, I simply didn’t care. When she had others at work eating, I didn’t care. Is this me letting go? Is this healthy?

I believe it is. The more you let others eat at you, the less of you there is

[~Christina]

Yes healthy ! I'm glad your feeling better.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yes healthy ! I'm glad your feeling better.

Was hoping you would post. I have come a long way from you suggesting in patient or php for me. I love iop and have expressed an interest in a dbt group after I get discharged. I wish I did this sooner.

[*Laurie*]

Boogie, I am so happy for you, so glad you're benefiting from treatment.

[wildflowerchild25]

You're doing great work, boogie. I too am very happy for you! Letting go is so hard, but it's beneficial to you.

[boogiesmash]

What else is letting go like?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

What else is letting go like?

My mantra, as mandated by my therapist is "I will let go of these thoughts [my past] and live in the moment."
That translates to forgetting the bad in life and being aware of what's happening now, the only thing we can change. I keep reminding myself to do it, but I'll tell you from experience that it is difficult to do.

[boogiesmash]

Very n I still have feelings of revenge, having her feel guilty, and suffering. Although I’m trying to think and make myself think, I just don’t care and don’t want to hear her.

[SorryShaped]

Getting philosophical here. Read or not, that's your decision.
Revenge just means you have no self control. It's very ineffective, even to get your point across. Revenge has never served me well. If someone crossed you once and aren't of their own accord truly repentant, they will do it again without hesitation, and they already found one(or more) way(s) to do it, the prior one(s).
Are you still around her? If so, why?
Does it make you feel good inside knowing others suffer for their misdeeds? What about those you've crossed? Releasing yourself from violence is part of one of the 8 limbs on the path to enlightenment. Violence in any form blocks the path to enlightenment, beit thoughts or actions toward anyone, including yourself or inwardly.
Releasing everything to be in the moment is awesome when you get to doing it. I spent 3 hours recently just to watch a spider spin it's intricate web. It was a pure experience, in the moment and very beautiful. A friend once told me, the easiest way to let go for her was to pretend to hold it in your hand, stretch out your arms, and drop it into the wind. I miss that friend but people part ways sometimes.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Getting philosophical here. Read or not, that's your decision.
Revenge just means you have no self control. It's very ineffective, even to get your point across. Revenge has never served me well. If someone crossed you once and aren't of their own accord truly repentant, they will do it again without hesitation, and they already found one(or more) way(s) to do it, the prior one(s).
Are you still around her? If so, why?
Does it make you feel good inside knowing others suffer for their misdeeds? What about those you've crossed? Releasing yourself from violence is part of one of the 8 limbs on the path to enlightenment. Violence in any form blocks the path to enlightenment, beit thoughts or actions toward anyone, including yourself or inwardly.
Releasing everything to be in the moment is awesome when you get to doing it. I spent 3 hours recently just to watch a spider spin it's intricate web. It was a pure experience, in the moment and very beautiful. A friend once told me, the easiest way to let go for her was to pretend to hold it in your hand, stretch out your arms, and drop it into the wind. I miss that friend but people part ways sometimes.

Thanks for the post. I do appreciate it. Self control, never thought about that. I don’t mean violence in any means. Maybe some shouting but those are my thoughts.

We both work at the same place so it’s not up to me.

Tell me more about self control maybe that’s an issue I need to visit.

Boogie, be proud of yourself....... not many people who went through what you did would be able to work around this women at all. I think you've shown a great amount of self control considering the circumstances. I'm glad you aren't thinking of revenge.....it's stopping to their level and blurs the lines on whose right and wrong. You are the one whose right in this situation and you know it deep inside.....don't let anyone take that from you.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Boogie, be proud of yourself....... not many people who went through what you did would be able to work around this women at all. I think you've shown a great amount of self control considering the circumstances. I'm glad you aren't thinking of revenge.....it's stopping to their level and blurs the lines on whose right and wrong. You are the one whose right in this situation and you know it deep inside.....don't let anyone take that from you.

I’m not sure if it is revenge that I think. I have tons of thoughts confronting her and tellin her how much pain she has caused me, what it cost me in my dream job, what it led to in my suicide attempt and five + years of depression shame, embarrassment and weight gain. I never once thought of laying a finger on her.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

Thanks for the post. I do appreciate it. Self control, never thought about that. I don’t mean violence in any means. Maybe some shouting but those are my thoughts.

We both work at the same place so it’s not up to me.

Tell me more about self control maybe that’s an issue I need to visit.

I've started reading into Buddhism. I might be a Buddhist and never knew it. Even if you aren't, there's a lot of knowledge there that's very helpful. Self-conditioning and self-control are essential to true bliss, to enlightenment.
I also study yoga. This is much more than physical control to me. It's all four corners: mental, emotional, spiritual, and lastly physical, with the tertiary my primary reason. I began yoga because a very basic class in hospital of all places elevated me in new ways. I needed more info. I found my way to the teachings of Patanjali, his "Yoga Sutras." This is a text with no mention of a single pose, but instead of the spiritual reasons for yoga. The knowledge he imparted is very helpful to me, when I'm remembering of it. I recommend reading it with Swami Vivekananda's explanations. I got it free on archive.org
The yoga mentality is more important than anything else I've learned in life, in 43 years.
BTW, I was certain humans were aspritual before I studied yoga.

You sound like such a great guy Boogie.......what she did was awful and unforgivable. You are handling yourself much better than most would. I'm glad you have no desire to harm her physically. I can understand wanting to confront her. I'm surprised after what happened that HR would let you guys work together at all. But you've managed and that has taken great strength. I'm sorry for all you went through as a result of her. Stuff like that gives me Opel PTSD for life! Did you have mental illness before this happened?

[SorryShaped]

I'm surprised you haven't found a new job

[boogiesmash]

Pay is the factor. Although how she screwed me was for another job elsewhere.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

Pay is the factor. Although how she screwed me was for another job elsewhere.

Is the pay worth the pain?
I'm not trying to make you angry. I'm asking these questions because you do always have options. Surely by now you've made enough contacts at other places to help you move forward? You deserve to be happy and feel safe and secure. I couldn't continue to work anywhere with that over my head. In fact I don't work anywhere except as live-in help for my parents. They caused a lot of damage for over 20 years and are still doing it now, but I'm totally over it and out next month. They and my siblings can now take turns when it's needed.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Is the pay worth the pain?
I'm not trying to make you angry. I'm asking these questions because you do always have options. Surely by now you've made enough contacts at other places to help you move forward? You deserve to be happy and feel safe and secure. I couldn't continue to work anywhere with that over my head. In fact I don't work anywhere except as live-in help for my parents. They caused a lot of damage for over 20 years and are still doing it now, but I'm totally over it and out next month. They and my siblings can now take turns when it's needed.

You definitely aren’t. I welcome criticism or the like. I just want to get better. Their isn’t much movement for advancement at my job and I’m too comfortable with the pay, although dream job might of been cut of 25 percent. But that was five years ago.

[Sunflower123]

Kudos!!! I'm so happy that you're starting to learn how to let go. If you hold on to what happened, she is just renting space in your head and she's not worth it. Good luck on your continued success.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Kudos!!! I'm so happy that you're starting to learn how to let go. If you hold on to what happened, she is just renting space in your head and she's not worth it. Good luck on your continued success.

Renting space in my head... I used those very words to describe the BS my ex sometimes still tries to pull

[boogiesmash]

That term is accurate

[boogiesmash]

And she is trying to start a fight.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

And she is trying to start a fight.

Don't give her the satisfaction. What I had to do was just cut my ex off entirely. She tries to message me, and I don't respond. If I don't want to talk to her when I see my kids, I just ignore her. She got up in a huff last time and just left the room. Kinda funny