Run away

If I could leave I would go right now. I am only held here in this moment by a very tiny thin string. I want to get up and leave so bad. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want this to be my life. Maybe in being selfish and I know so many would love to have my life but I don't want it. Not like this. This isn't what I wanted. I just want to run away.

Hi, sweetie. What do you want to be different about your life?

I just want to feel like I'm a person. Like I'm an individual. Everything in my life right now is basically decided on by what my husband is doing. I can't work because I wouldn't be able to get a job that would fit around his hours. I pretty much stay inside 24/7 unless I have to go to appointments or the grocery store. Which we go to the store together. I can't even walk to the other side of the store alone. We all have to go together. I have 0 friends. The only people I communicate with on a daily basis are my kids and husband. I'm just going crazy from being alone inside most the time with no life or even the option to do whatever. I would love to have a job just to be out of my house alone. I just feel like my individual life doesn't matter at all. It's all a out taking care of my kids and making my husband's life easier. The only alone time I get is going to my group therapy and I sometimes have to miss that if my husband is doing work stuff. You would probably understand better if you had read all my previous post on here. It's all so complicated.

I understand. Sometimes I feel like running away too, but where would I run too? I don't have any money and my car won't go far. I had a talk with my husband last night about what I need in the relationship by using the assertiveness skills I've learned while in therapy learning DBT and he seemed to get it, so we'll see. Do you think maybe you could have a talk with your husband? The one assertiveness sentence that's good is "I feel ___ when ____ because _____" and just fill in the blanks. If you don't communicate what you need men will never know, apparently they're not mind readers. If you don't think talking would help maybe couples counseling could help. Me and my husband did that in 2015 and it helped.

If you ever feel like venting I'm in chat most of the time during the day, just PM me in chat and I'll listen I don't mind.

I have tried communicating with him several times. Doesn't seem to be working. I've even had us do worksheets on needs and emotions etc. If he would go to therapy we'd have no one to watch the kids. He has stated before that he wouldn't go to therapy.

I had that life and I felt like I was living in jail without the bars. He wouldn't open up in marital counseling and flat out refused to continue after only two sessions. He was so controlling and my needs weren't important to him.

I left him after 18 years of marriage. A lot of people said they were so sorry we were divorcing, we were a great couple, and were sad for us. They had no idea. I felt really validated when my psychiatrist congratulated me when the divorce finalized.

I don't know if any of my post resonates with you. Trust your instinct. Have a safety plan. xo

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. You might talk to your husband again about caring for the kids a few nights a week so you can get out of the house and do your own thing. Sending big hugs.