[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I hear you about stress, WC. I'm trying not to think about it, but I'm having rotator cuff surgery tomorrow morning. I don't need the guilt, stress or depression. I hope to keep the pain to a minimum, but it's really gonna hurt! I hope your stress isn't causing too much depression for you. I know you've been through a lot lately.

I hope your surgery goes well tomorrow with the minimum of pain. Thank you for reminding me to keep my eye on the ball.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Absolutely and thank you for stating that. How is your stomach doing today and is your mom doing okay? Thinking of you.

I am recovering from a GI bug from hell. Feels good to be on the recovering side of it. It will be a couple more days.

My mom is doing well, thanks. She's a very strong person. She's just frustrated with the healing process and the "red tape" with the VNA , restrictions, etc. She's not one to stay home so this is tough on her. She gets a lot from her volunteer work and cannot do any of it for a month (according to the doctor). She might make it two weeks before she goes against orders. Maybe two weeks, more like one. We'll see.
Thanks for asking. Thinking of you, too.


WC

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Stress exacerbates my depression. Quickly. I feel very weak while admitting this. Yet, maybe someone else can relate?

Love to All!

WC

Stress is a bipolar's kyptonite

[liveforsummer]

Can totally relate to stress making depression worse WC. I hope things improve for you soon!

Jennifer I hope you’re feeling better today!

Emgreen, good luck with tomorrow’s surgery!

HUGS TO EVERYONE STRUGGLING

[Daonnachd]

You probably all get tired of reading this each month, but I have ECT this Friday and I'm getting anxious about it. If I tell the doc in charge of it how bad things have been, she'll want to increase the frequency of my treatments. I don't want to do that because it will worry my wife and will cost us lots more money.

[Lifeischallenging]

The one issue with Bipolar Disorder that I am still experiencing is spending. I have overdrawn my checking account three times already. My moods are under control. Lately, I've been feeling a little under the weather. I have a scratchy throat. My get a bottle of Zicam and take some. I didn't want to take all my meds with this sore throat. Was nasty going down. I'm in the market for second job now. I don't know where to apply. I suppose I could try my local library, but I won't get much in terms of money. I don't know. I'll just see what happens. I need a second job. Well, I'm going to go do that. Bye for now.

[Moreta]

My disability hearing is today. oh man I'm anxious. I hope it goes well.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moreta

My disability hearing is today. oh man I'm anxious. I hope it goes well.

I hope it goes well for you, too.
I'll be thinking of you.

WC

[bpforever1]

I met another man online but he lives in the States and comes to Japan often. So, he is in the States now. I think this is good, otherwise, I would have met him and had sex with him. We are talking and he is really nice. He listens and comments. He is sweet. I will meet him when he comes to Japan. I like the other man with bipolar but he is not that interested in me I can tell. I write him and he writes one or two words and that is it. So, it is nice I met this other man. I don't know when he will come here. I think it is good to have him know me for awhile then meet. I don't know if we will last until he comes but I will do my best to be faithful to him. He lives in a small town in Michigan. I don't think he gets many women there. Thus, he was happy I wrote him. I am happy for him too. I have a tendency to write a lot though and most men get overwhelmed by my writing too much. So far he is being nice about it. I am happy that he is so nice. But, I know I should not overdo it by writing him all of the time. I want to meet him. He is my age too. I am ecstatic for now. I don't want to hurt him and will try to be good to him.

My life is ok. I am eating burgers daily. Today I had an avocado burger, salad, and ice coffee. Tomorrow I teach again. Today my class was cancelled. I am having a good time. Last night I danced to make sure I don't get burger butt. I walk a lot too. I am doing ok and take my medication daily.

Not well.

Possible trigger:

Self harmed first thing in the morning. Last night I spent about an hour contemplating my pdocs emergency line as I was having VERY violent thoughts and images of suicide and homicide.

Today I'm telling the IOP doc that we need to be more aggressive in treating this mixed episode. I just want to be fixed.

[wildflowerchild25]

Yesterday I was in deep depression. Today I am actually feeling ok. Like almost normal. I feel like I could go back to work and not have a problem, whereas yesterday and days past I didn’t want to go back at all. But I have to wait it out and see if it lasts. I know myself and I know that my moods can swing on the daily. But wouldn’t it be nice if the meds are finally kicking in and I can be stable again? A girl can dream....

[251turnaround]

Going through some diagnosis denial again. I know it's pointless to do this, but it's been so long since I've had anything resembling a true manic episode, and it seems like my therapist is the only one thinking I actually have this. I can tell my pdoc thinks I'm making it all up based on the vibes he gives off and the fact that he and my physician list me as Bipolar NOS while my therapist says I have type 1. Weird.

I wish I didn't have to go through these phases so often, and thinking about just treating the symptoms seems to make it worse based off of how few episodes I've had. Seriously, I can only recall one time in my life where I had an extended period of time that could possibly be considered an episode, but even then that's stretching it I think.

[WildcatVet]

Saw the T for the second time yesterday...more of the just Q and A's. But I found out that I'm eligible to get transport assistance which was a major issue. Will be seeing the psych nurse in 2 weeks...a little nervous about that and my meds. I'm afraid that because of my rapid cycling they'll want to change them but these are working okay I guess...and nothing else has worked well at all.

[Sunflower123]

I am sleeping about 2-4 hours a night and didn’t sleep at all the night before last. Have enough energy and not tired...just shaky and jittery although that could be the coffee. If I’ve ever had this happen before, I don’t remember it. It’s so odd for me and I’ve quit taking 2 of my 3 anti-depressants over the past few weeks. Guess I’ll call my pdoc and give him a heads up. Think I’ll lay off the coffee and light box for a few days.

Hope everyone is having a good day and sending hugs to all that are struggling.

[tecomsin]

Another day of high anxiety. No appetite. Sleeping ok though. I ran across some emails I wrote awhile ago and it got to me that although my delusions have changed over time, I've had long, long periods of paranoid delusions. It is sitting like a brick on top of my chest. I've lived in a make believe world for long periods of time. I didn't talk about it because i was afraid of being committed.

[zbmom]

I've been out of the hospital for 3 days and stable since Saturday so I feel relieved. Am feeling restless and think it's a side effect but hoping it will go away eventually.

[scatterbrained04]

I can't tell if I'm getting depressed, or if I'm burned out. Or maybe a little bit of both. I can't concentrate worth a darn either. I don't feel right at all today.

I was just in hospital for self harm. suicidal stuff

feels good to actually shower, eat something hot, and do normal things

what's not so cool is trying to look through and delete about a thousand emails...

[hopeless2015]

Good to hear from you Shattered! I hope your feeling better, you were missed...hugs

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Good to hear from you Shattered! I hope your feeling better, you were missed...hugs

you were all missed too.

1 of the only things I could think about was... I hope when i'm out the site's not down for that server move (i'm pannicking about that)

but nope.

I belong here and this is where I stay

no getting rrid of me lol

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m feeling much better today. Good enough to take on paperwork that I’ve been avoiding for my job. I got a partial paycheck today. So at least I have some money. The rest of my time off will be unpaid leave. So I’m hoping to go back the first week in December and just power through any episodes that come about. I don’t think I’m feeling hypomanic yet. Just good.

I’m having my son’s family party for his birthday tomorrow. There is a lot of cleaning to do. I also need to purchase snacks and a cake. Then I need to get invitations for his class party so he can give them out Monday. I was too mixed/depressed to do it in time for his real birthday but at least he’s going to have one, albeit three weeks later.

[kitties]

TRIGGER...brief mention sui, nothing graphic


My stepdad finally lost his battle with pancreatic cancer three days ago. He was suffering...I’m glad he’s no longer in that state. Me, I’m gutted. We were so close. Except for my daughter-my entire family is dead. He was 64. He was the BEST parent I had.

My bio parents died early deaths long ago.

Thanksgiving is sooo hard. My dad committed suicide on Thanksgiving Eve. My brother and I found him...we’d made the four hour drive to spend the holiday with him. WHY?! I loved him but we had geographic mileage between us and we didn’t have much contact. He loved me.

My mom...died 64 years diabetes 1 complications. I’m trying to get a trauma therapist. I have C-PTSD and my mom ... big part. Leave it at that.

This is theglamslam/RainyDay. I couldn’t access my account so I’m kitties now.

Two days ago, I was diagnosed with pica. I’ve been eating ten lbs of ice every day for several months. It’s not a want. It’s a need. I hate water.

Chances are I’m anemic. I am so tired. Getting blood work done.

Saw pdoc yesterday and he raised my Wellbutrin to 450 mg.

I feel like a worthless human being, a train wreck. A big FAT waste of space. I’m safe. I’m used to the ideation ps. There is no plan. It destroys families. My daughter...never make her experience that.

Bf and I have been arguing.

I got zero sleep last night.

One of my cats died two weeks ago. (Brief levity...turn it into a dog and we’ve got a country western song, lol).

I’m so depressed I can not read. I’m executor of the will, I’m handling closing the estate withstanding the trust. I’m overwhelmed.

This big house, it’s mine now. That’s pretty cool, I’d never be able to afford on SSDI. But so many bad things happened here. And my stepdad never handled my mom’s things.

I’m starting a med for PTSD nightmares.

Guys and ladies, what do I do? Haven’t showered in four days. I guess that’s in order.

Books are my escape. Healthy escape. Reading tons until the past month.

Thanks for listening.

[kitties]

Originally Posted by zbmom

I've been out of the hospital for 3 days and stable since Saturday so I feel relieved. Am feeling restless and think it's a side effect but hoping it will go away eventually.

zbmom, glad to hear you’re stable and at home.

The restlessness...new med? Look up akathesia just in case. My pdoc gave me Cogentin for it and it went away - poof!

[Daonnachd]

Here we go. Off to ECT this morning.