How did you react when you were first diagnosed?

I was diagnosed with MDD first which wasn’t a surprise. Then I was diagnosed BP at 18 and really didn’t care or know how serious it was. Honestly I didn’t even start on a steady med regime until age 27ish. The time in between is a blur of self medicating. I didn’t take this MI seriously until i had some major episode that landed me in IP. Oh and being unable to hold a job longer than a few months.

For the first second it was like aha !! An excitement like I'd just unravelled the worlds biggest mystery then the next second it was like WTF, Noooooooo! And here I am months later finally coming up to my first pdoc appt this month to get confirmation. (Last pdoc in June was write off) so I'll see how I feel once a pdoc assesses me

From my early teens on I knew I just wasn't *right*. I was also diagnosed with MDD first but then the mania hit. I wasn't surprised at all with the BP diagnosis...actually I was relieved that someone besides me put the name to it.

Denial - for several years. I did get treatment off and on for depression and ADHD.

I was first diagnosed with depression @ school. I didn't believe I had depression (because I had felt depressed for so long that that depressed feeling was "normal" to me).

Later on, I was Dx'ed with MDD. Didn't believe that one either for the same reason. But since I was agitated 100% of the time and wanted relief, I figured I'd give antidepressants a go since people kept suggesting it. It was sort of like "yeah, yeah, whatever. Just fix the agitation." Fixed the agitation alright... because it made me manic af!

Then my pdoc was an asshole and took me off it instantly instead of weaning me off and giving me a mood stabilizer or AP. Became severely depressed... "just in time" for my psych evaluation... I actually cried during it. (This was my first pdoc, btw. I quit seeing him.)

I actually told my pdoc all my symptoms and he initially said "hmm, sounds like bipolar." Then because I said no one in my family has bipolar, he didn't believe me, hence the antidepressant w/ no mood stabilizer or AP

First diagnosed with depression in October 2009. I don't recall how I was feeling other than depressed. Diagnosed with Bipolar October 2010 and I cried and argued with my Psychiatrist told him he was wrong. I was in denial and I still am in denial if I'm honest 7 years later.

I was diagnosed when I was 32, six months post-partum. How I felt was relieved - what was wrong with me had a name and could be treated!

THAT was worth the world.

I've had problems since the age of 13. Mostly depression with psychosis and agitation throughout my teens. No one ever told me my dx until I landed IP (for the 7th time) at 18. I laughed in the doctor's face. In my mind, mania meant extreme happiness, and I was never happy, this not bipolar. However, what I was was completely rageful, agitated, anxious, suicidal, self-destructive. I didn't know about mixed episodes at the time but that's what it was.

After I had ECT at 19, I became normal, so I thought. I was happy, productive, lots of new goals and ideas. Oh yeah, no sleep. Hypomania, but again, I wasn't familiar with it. I just thought I was finally better. I stopped all treatment and managed to get on well on my own for six years.

In 2012 I got so depressed that I harmed myself after being "clean" for six years. I made an appt with a pdoc but it was 2 1/2 months out. In that time I had my first euphoric mania. My unmedicated cycles are extremely short, only about two weeks long, so I didn't ruin my life thankfully.

I started to believe maybe I did have bipolar, but still thought I didn't really have to take medication unless depressed. I kept going on and off medication (all documented here unfortunately). It wasn't until I had a mixed psychotic episode all on my own, not induced by any medication, that I finally took my illness seriously. That was three and a half years ago.

I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to go it alone. I could get help, healing and could start to move forward in my life.

I'm still not sure I've accepted it. I vacillate between belief in this (BPII) and MDD since hypomania is basically hyperproductivity and so easy to write off.

I was very manic for a very long time (6 months) when I got my diagnosis. He read off the symptoms of mania and I started crying. I thought I had just become a bad person with no moral compass. He sent me to the hospital the same day and when the meds started to work it felt like the last 6 months was just a horrible dream...but it was reality. Lots of work to try and get back my life. But I managed to and have been terrified of going that high again. That's why I Squash hypomania with strong ap's before I go full blown manic.

My T said I think you are Bipolar .... I thought about it for maybe 30 second and thought

"Oh well that explains alot " gotta laugh about it.

I was lucky I didnt have to get on board. I accepted it right away and start the "Med Merry Go Round , It was real... Traced it back to age 6 !

relief at first

all I can think about was.. well, i'm not crazy- i'm not weird, this actually has a name

and when I learned about mania, it dawned on me that i'd probably had a manic episode before diagnoses

then you deal with it all and it all turns to ****.

so

I was first dxd with major depression at 17 after being depressed for at least most of two years. I was dxd bipolar at 21 and felt relieved for proper treatment. At first it was a bipolar 2 dx but his last year it's changed to bipolar 1, rapid cycling with psychotic features. It's humbling.

My first diagnosis was psychosis NOS but they didn't tell me about that until I turned 18 and it had changed. I do remember being in a pdoc appt with my dad and him explaining to the dr my manic episodes and the dr said "sounds like bipolar" and I was completely pissed.

I was really happy to have a name to go with what I was feeling. Seems like a bunch of people are the same way. I know there is no "cure" but at least I know what I'm dealing with. I received the Dx of a few disorders at the same time so the blow may have been spread out a bit.

I was the one who said "I have bipolar don't I?" so it was just confirmation of what I already knew and had slowly come to terms with over a few months. My family history made it easier to see and by the time I was diagnosed it was really obvious (although it took about 3 more months to get into a new pdoc for diagnosis since the one I had at the time was clueless). When I saw the 2nd pdoc, who is a world-renowed bipolar specialist who was in charge of a clinical trial I did and therefore hard to not believe what he said, it was so obvious so quickly as he did his interview that I couldn't believe it had taken so long. Overall it was just relief.

It confirmed what I already pretty much knew, so I was relieved that I was getting the right help for myself. I had my first Bipolar episode around age 15, and some signs were probably there earlier. My mother did not want to take me to a therapist, since her upbringing is kind of "pick yourself up by your own boot straps." I only went to a few sessions, and that was the extent of my treatment until adulthood.

Around age 19, my primary care had me on antidepressants, only because he did not have expertise in that area, so he figured we'd give it a shot, which was the wrong thing, because I became manic from the AD. Then, I went to a real Psychiatrist, which is when I was formally diagnosed. I had studied Psychology prior to that, as a desperate attempt to at least explore what was wrong with me. Finally, I was able to get the proper care that I needed.

I wasn't surprised. I knew I had a problem. I used to say "what's wrong with me" on a daily basis but I figured I could fix it on my own.

For me, it was a relief because I could start the rebuilding process. All I had to do was accept I wasn't "normal".

In truth, I knew very little if anything about BP and thought I was just a maniac with some sort of impulse control problem. I would always blame things on my wife, my job, society, you name it. All the while, it was me who was the source of my problems.

Massive denial!!

Even though my mother was bipolar; I didn't think I was like her.

I was in denial for a long time after my diagnosis. I knew in my heart of hearts that it was the right one, but I was devastated. I'm the only one in my family who's ever been diagnosed bipolar (although I'm sure my mother had it as well) and I was so ashamed at first. It was when I found out I'd been diagnosed with bipolar 1 in the hospital that I finally accepted that I really was sick, I wasn't making it up, and I had to allow myself to be treated accordingly. Before that I'd fought meds tooth and nail, dismayed at the fact that the number of them kept rising. But I finally realized that it didn't matter how many I was on, I would take as many as I needed to get my illness under control and keep it that way.

Do I like any of this? Hell no! But it's best to face things squarely, and living with bipolar means I have to be honest with myself. I've grown a lot during the past five years.

I was relieved to know what was wrong, and it confirmed my suspicions. But I was also upset because I knew that it would be something I'd have to deal with for the rest of my life.

I don't know about that. I don't get hyper productive when I have hypomania. I guess everyone is different . When I get hypomanic I'm less productive because I'm jittery and jumping around from thought to thought and starting one activity without finishing the previous one.

Then on top of that I take frequent breaks to contemplate the meaning of the universe, and start wondering what the color blue tastes like.

Well, I guess that's true, not all of my hypomanic experiences have been hyperproductive. I remember my 50 mile walk... not so productive.

How did I react when I was first diagnosed? Well, since I was out of my mind psychotic, I was pretty ticked off, because locking Gandhi (me) on a mental ward was a grave injustice.