[99fairies]

My husband and I don't work. 2 years ago we went on social assistance (welfare) because I was too sick to take care of the kids by myself. I'm embarrassed about this because I don't want to need help. There are a lot of women out there who can easily take care of their kids without help. I wish I was that kind of a mom. We are broke most of the time and he really needs to go back to work. I just don't know if I can do it on my own. And what happens if I end up IP for a few weeks...He would have to take work off and then we'd be really broke.

[bizi]

This is nothing to be be a shamed of. We have to take care of our families. Go to food banks too.Some churches have programs for clothing I believe.
The extra mile gives clients resources for items of support in our town, maybe in yours as well. Obama care would be allowed since you both aren't working at no cost I believe with subsidiaries.
bizi

There is nothing wrong with receiving social assistance if you have need of it. Have you considered applying for disability, or working just a part-time job?

Also, is your husband unable to work, or choosing not to work? If it is the latter it might be a good idea to have a serious discussion about him finding a job.

[99fairies]

He is only home because I need his help. He is totally willing to go back to work when I am in a better place. We live in canada, so the government pays for all our medical needs. Dental, optometrist, meds, basically everything. Thats part of the reason we are still on social assistance. My meds alone cost over $1000 a month, we can't afford to pay for that on our own.

Originally Posted by 99fairies

He is only home because I need his help. He is totally willing to go back to work when I am in a better place. We live in canada, so the government pays for all our medical needs. Dental, optometrist, meds, basically everything. Thats part of the reason we are still on social assistance. My meds alone cost over $1000 a month, we can't afford to pay for that on our own.

I hear you. I'm on ODSP (Ontario disability) and it covers my meds which I'm super thankful for. I also work part-time and combining that with disability, my finances are A-ok. I am not sure how things work in Alberta but I would highly recommend applying for disability if you cannot work.

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you feel embarrassed by this.

You and your husband are trying to take care of your family. Congrats for wanting to care for your children/family.

Some illnesses bring limitations. Some limitations are more temporary, while others are more permanent. Either way, we have to do whatever we can to survive as best we can.

Children/family are priorities; I am glad to hear you both make family a priority. You will figure out what's best as you move along your path.


WC

[Victoria'smom]

I’m in the same situation. My son is 15 now . My husband has BP also. He’s the only driver in the house. He volunteers at co-ops so my son can hang out with friends. My husband runs my son to school and all of us to our many Dr’s appointments. My husband says he’s a web developer when asked. He doesn’t like leaving me at home due to my paranoia and delusions. He worries I’ll hurt myself or I’d be afraid the whole time he’s gone. So often I go with him.

[99fairies]

The biggest reason I need my husband around is to take the kids to school and pick them up. I have extreme social anxiety IRL and I just can't be in that kind of setting. I only leave my house once a month for my pdoc appointments.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you get a therapist? I know it'll force you out of the house more often but it make help.

[still_crazy]

hi. i "get" where you're coming from, to a point. I live in the US. I receive disability. I am blessed to get disability for my mental problems. Thing is...

...well, the US is -clearly- not as "progressive" as Canada. The area I live in leans conservative, which is...odd, considering how much poverty and crime we have here. Inequality, too. Anyway...

...even though I was on the fringe for years, from a young age, never given proper treatment until recently, etc., the -main- reason I'm benefiting from what (very) little is left of the safety net in 21st century America is...

...my parents were/are "upwardly mobile," and now they're "comfortable" or "genteel" or...whatevs. Not rich, but they have sufficient resources and status, etc. to "get er done" on my behalf, which is great and all, but...

...there's tension. See, where I live, most "mental patients," especially those of us on disability, are -not- treated w/ the least bit of compassion or kindness...least of all me (long story). So, now, I'm slathered in stigma and labels, but I'm also living w/ my (now more affluent) parents, so there's this level of negative vibes I get off people 'round here, from the people at the mental health clinic (some of the worst offenders when it comes to screwing over the mentally ill, btw) to even people at a local coffee place I go to now and then for my iced coffee fix.

OK. Didn't mean to ramble on, just...do.NOT.be.Ashamed.

Oh...and...if you believe in a "higher power" or what have you, offer up a prayer of thanks for living in a place w/ more extensive social programs. Things are getting ugly here in the USA, and I doubt its going to get much better any time soon.

[AspiringAuthor]

Besides saying you are a web developer the way MM's DH does, you can say that you or husband or both are working remotely, part-time. Say, Amazon TURK. You do not need to give details.

[99fairies]

I saw my therapist and we mostly talked about my social anxiety but I kept cancelling because it wasn't helping and I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house anymore.

[Sunflower123]

There’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You and your husband are doing what’s key here: caring for your family. You do really well with your limitations. There were several years I was unable to leave the house. It’s hard, I know. I was fortunate in that it slowly and gradually resolved itself. I had to have help when I was house bound though. I hope your anxiety lets up as well so you’re able to leave the house.

[~Christina]

Do not feel bad , at all

I have been on SSDI for 5 years now, Between BP and Fibro pain I just can not hold down fulltime or either part time employment.

My husband has been on SSDI for almost a year now... Due to severe neuropathy in his legs and feet , and now he is on Oxygen...

Do I like being on it ? Hell No .. It basically has us living in poverty level.. It sucks.

If you need help you need help.

[99fairies]

Thank you for everyone's kind words of encouragement. I guess this is not something I should be ashamed of. We are doing whats best for our family right now and I should just be thankful for that.

[liveforsummer]

Hugs 99fairies

And you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

[emgreen]

I'm on SSDI because of my mood swings, but when I get in my agoraphobic moods & disappear for months at a time, I tell people I'm an astronaut & was in space for a bit. It's not entirely false, as I do tend to be a bit spacey.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Dont be ashamed. Those programs are there
For those that need it! I'm in Ssdi and have been for four years and am
Just now Starting part time work. I'm
Not stable enough to work full time.

[RomanJames2014]

There is nothing to be ashamed of here. I work and go to school and I am on the state insurance and recently at a dentist appointment the woman at the reception desk made me feel very embarrassed and ashamed and she had no right. It took some therapy to get over that but in the end, I think there should be a public option where are tax money goes into our own insurance through the government.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I have Medicaid and get a food card every month. I’m also waiting on my SSDI case. Yea it’s damn hard. I usually end up borrowing money from my dad a lot of times. But If I got a job and lost my Medicaid, I’d be screwed and it will just be another job waisted when I go loony on the job again. If I lost healthcare I’d probably end up in long term IP.

It is a little rough when people “notice” that I don’t work. On fb the other day, I checked in at a place I was at with my dad, eating lunch. A friend commented “I assume you don’t work because you’re always at home or out running errands”. So I told him what I tell everyone else “well I help my dad with his company blah blah blah”.

Embarrassing? Most of the time. But do I need the help? Damn right.

[bpforever1]

I would not feel bad about your situation. You have to do what you have to do to survive. I also was homeless and afterwards relied on food stamps and Medicaid before I could get back on my feet. I would not be ashamed. I applied for SSDI but thought I could not work on it. I then withdrew my application. I am working now am barely surviving. But, I am surviving and am grateful.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by 99fairies

Thank you for everyone's kind words of encouragement. I guess this is not something I should be ashamed of. We are doing whats best for our family right now and I should just be thankful for that.

There is no shame. Social assistance is about helping each other. It's better to ask for help than to struggle without it, especially when kids are involved. This is no one's fault.