[251turnaround]

I've been on bipolar meds for three years now, and it only seems like they've started to somewhat work in the past month or so. I still have ups and downs even though I'm pretty heavily medicated. I still get severe depression, while the 'hypomania' seems rather mild. Both states only last for a few days until I return to my mildly depressed baseline. Thanks to Lithium, even when I'm in my deepest depressive phases I don't get a single fleeting thought of harming myself. It's been nice, actually.

Here's the thing, though: I'm honestly not sure I have this disorder in the first place. I feel like I over-exaggerated the symptoms I was experiencing to my therapist even though I know for a fact I've experienced hypomania before as a kid, there's no doubt there. I think those times were just blips in my system, though.

Anyway, even though I'm 'stable' right now, I want to get off these meds now more than ever. I feel like they've sapped my brain power. I used to have an excellent memory and motivation but ever since going on meds it's changed.

Maybe I don't really belong here. I don't think I experience the same struggles many of the other people here do. It feels like I've just been able to ride my way through this.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Have you told your therapist or pdoc that you feel this way? Maybe they could help you sort out those doubtful thoughts and figure out if its worth trying without meds again. If my moods had finally evened out though I probably wouldnt want to screw with that. Im not sure I belong here either but I hate the depression and the antidepressants really screw with me so for now I'm just accepting whatever the dr says

[bizi]

you both are welcome here.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[~Christina]

Sounds like you need to have a sit down with your Pdoc and go over your medications.

Going off them on your own can be a problem.. It took time for your brain to get use to the medication so it will take time for your brain to revert back to prior to meds.

Tread carefully.. Often people quit meds and all hell breaks loose.

Welcome to PC

[UpDownAround]

Me: OK, I am a little moody sometimes but it's no big deal.
Others: It's a big deal...

Ask those close to you.

[glennk]

Even though your BP similarities are shared here, everyone is unique. We respond to the meds and outcomes differently. I was diagnosed 21 years ago and have been up/down more times than I can count. I've been on meds, off meds and back on them countless times. The only thing that holds true for me is that my happiest (and safest) times were while on my prescribed medication. So, I regularly remind myself of that.

[WildcatVet]

I never would have made it this far if i weren't for religiously taking my meds..."stable" may be a personal definition that's unrealistic...because we can't realistically see ourselves and our behaviours.

[Northchild]

I'm going through a period of being off meds as well, for similar reasons. I can't justify my decision to go off meds to myself or anyone else, it's just "something that I needed to do". I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not on some cosmic witness stand with a disapproving father figure grilling me about exactly what made me think that my decision was a valid one.

On a positive note - I'm 42 years old and have been dealing with mood problems since I was 15. I feel that I know myself as well as one is able to. I spent over a decade in talk therapy, often as much as once per week. I grew up in an abusive home, but my parents have been dead for 15 years and I have no other family. Most of all, I know what medications work for me: a moderate dose of Geodon and Zoloft, and a low dose of Remeron for sleep. If things do go south for me again, I know what I need to do.

Just wanted to say that you're not alone - and if you know yourself, you know what treatments work for you, and you're in a good place with the way that your living situation is and with your close relationships, then if there ever was a time to experiment... this is probably it.

[richeyd80]

I think some people think that by taking meds, their bipolar will be gone. I am one of the people which leads to going off them only to experience mania or depression. We need our meds and a T to hopefully minimize the need for inpatient.

This basically how I have failed so many times and fought back. It is a never ending circle for me. Take meds, talk to pdoc and talk to therapist.

[wiretwister]

as a youth though not dxed was my "ping pong ball in a hurricane " period ,, now it is depression ... the old folk bp illness ... anger is my mania these days ... whether I am bp or not I will not be going off my meds anymore ... I fought them for years going off and on many times .. but when I found something that worked .. I'm keeping it .. I wish you well on whatever path you chose .. Love .. Tigger .

[SparkySmart]

Originally Posted by Northchild

I'm going through a period of being off meds as well, for similar reasons. I can't justify my decision to go off meds to myself or anyone else, it's just "something that I needed to do". I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not on some cosmic witness stand with a disapproving father figure grilling me about exactly what made me think that my decision was a valid one.

On a positive note - I'm 42 years old and have been dealing with mood problems since I was 15. I feel that I know myself as well as one is able to. I spent over a decade in talk therapy, often as much as once per week. I grew up in an abusive home, but my parents have been dead for 15 years and I have no other family. Most of all, I know what medications work for me: a moderate dose of Geodon and Zoloft, and a low dose of Remeron for sleep. If things do go south for me again, I know what I need to do.

Just wanted to say that you're not alone - and if you know yourself, you know what treatments work for you, and you're in a good place with the way that your living situation is and with your close relationships, then if there ever was a time to experiment... this is probably it.

I'm new to this site and can't for the life of me figure out how to navigate around it, but I'd like to comment here. I've taken lots of "drug holidays." Even though I have bipolar I, "severe," I have long (once 3 years!) of relative stability, and then things deteriorate rapidly. My doc says he doesn't mind if I make this decision as long as we have a plan because, as he says, "it WILL happen again." There are really only 2 drawbacks to this: 1) I may not be aware that things are spinning out of control, and 2) the meds may not be as effective, if at all, when they're re-started. The tradeoff, to me, is that my liver/kidney function will hopefully be preserved, and I have a full emotional range off of meds. BTW, I'm on meds right now.