Stuck in my head

Months ago, nearly a year now, my therapist and I had a disagreement. We had different goals going into the session and both were frustrated and things were said that I did not like much. Since then we've worked it out and I don't think of it unless I'm cycling and then I can't stop thinking about it. And I don't want to talk to him about it because it really was over and it only comes up as paranoia and negative thoughts about myself.

Tonight I'm also obsessing about a job I had in 2009. I had a very hard time there because my assistants did not care to follow what I told them to do. And my mind is wrapped around specific times this happened and all the times I should I have quit on the spot (I was very, very close to quitting when I was fired) because I was not treated with respect and because I was legally responsible for my assistants' poor ethics.

And there are others. My brain just isn't willing to stop beating me up and these things are in the past. They have no bearing on life now and I'm only thinking about it because I'm depressed.

That doesn't make it hurt less.

Sorry you're hurting.

I think it's okay to bring these things up in therapy. I mean, if they're still bothering you and you're hurting a lot, it's worth talking them out. I know you said you don't want to do that, but confronting your paranoia could be really helpful because it doesn't sound like you've fully healed from those incidents if they're still coming up during your depressions.

I can imagine it all hurts a lot. I've had bad memories come up during my depressions too. It sucks... a lot. But my talking them out has helped me a lot.

Have you talked to anyone about this?

I am sorry you are depressed and suffering. I also tend to ruminate when I am feeling down. I'm seconding Blue's suggestion: Why not talk it through?

Most of all, I'd wanted to leave a hug for you.

(((((( BeyondtheRainbow ))))))

May you find inner peace.


WC

Don't beat yourself up for the actions of other people. Try to focus on the future.

Start off with "I know this only bothers me when I'm depressed and paranoid but __________ is really bothering me right now." You have every right to be hurt and upset right now bipolar does that some times.

I ruminate all the time when I am in a mixed episode. I wake up feeling shame and guilt in the middle of the night and in the morning. I hate it. Hugs, it will pass I think.