[Unhinged88]

So I feel I am in a dark place. Darker than usual. The loneliness is indescribable. And not for lack of trying. I have anxiety so I try to first talk to people online and then meet later, if there is something. And one person who also had bipolar, just up and ghosted me right before we were going to hangout. Another, who I thought we connected on a friends level, did the same. I dont understand. What is so wrong with me that people don't want to be friends with me? My whole life I have struggled to maintain friendships. I have no support system anymore since the one friend I did have of 13 years, left due to an ultimatum given by his fiance. I get it, a wife or a best friend... that was in April. And not only is the loneliness indescribable but the self hatred. How can you not take lack of friendships anything but personal. I have been told my whole life all the things wrong with me and maybe people can spot it a mile away. They think, nope...not her. Too much baggage.

The holidays were harder than usual. I ruined thanksgiving by going on a bender and gambling away 700 dollars. I worked Christmas and new years so I wouldn't have been sitting alone at home. Besides work, I have no social interaction. I have my dog, but it isnt the same. And granted, he is MY best friend, and I know if I didn't have him I would be dead by now, I feel like something needs to change or I am afraid of how much darker it can get. I was stopped by a passing a train yesterday and thoughts crept into my head that I haven't thought in years.

Therapy doesn't work for me, it doesn't change the fact that I do not have anything. And what is the point anymore. I don't go out. I don't see anyone. I dont have a SO or kids. Who cares what happens to me. No one asks how I am. I bet if I died, no one would even find me for weeks. What a horrible thought! I can not do another 30 years of this. I keep saying these feelings will pass, things will change but they haven't. And if by now nothing has gave, why should I hold on to anymore hope.

Does anyone else feel so lonely? Am I the only one?

[SorryShaped]

I feel ever so much as lonely. I stay at my parents' but don't feel I have a home. I'm at work there, to take care of Mom. It pays in sleeping quarters on the floor and about a meal a day. I have an app in for public housing and it can't get here soon enough. I spend almost all my "me time" at the gym because I'm not poked at verbally here. Every time I go back, I'm jabbed one way or another verbally. I have no RL friends at this point but am trying some. I have no SO either. So many people that said we'd be friends forever have disappeared to me. I have kids but they don't care if I see them, even when I schedule it.

[LadyShadow]

I do understand this feeling. I have to say I have felt it for a very long time too. I have been a victim of ghosting of god knows how many years. You are absolutely right, how could you not take it personally? My advice - just connect as much as you can online. Now, that may not be good advice, because a lot of toxicity happens online, but I have made a lot of friends on chats and forums over the years.

I do very much know what it is like to be alone. I have no significant other or kids either, but I have been fortunate to grab hold just a few friends, and I hold on to them for dear life. But trust me, I remember that dark place.

All I can do is extend my hand to you at this point. It may not seem like much, but if you want to talk, I am just a PM away.

[Unhinged88]

The only words to describe how I feel is, I just can't. I just. Can't. And I am reaching out here, for the first time, since I joined a few days ago in hopes I can find some sort of connection.

[SorryShaped]

Hit me up. I'm reliably insane and only leave abusive situations. I've got weird sense of humour, I'm dark, light, and in-between. What are you into? Start a dialog here. Maybe I'll just tick you off but you'll dig somebody else.

[LadyShadow]

Well you are doing really well! Reaching out here is a really big step, and I am really proud of you for it!

Hang in there. Keep posting, and just connect as much as you can.

I would love to sit here and tell you to not say "you can't" but I have been where you are so I know that won't be helpful. The truth is "you can" becasue you are here right now, and even though you may not see it, that is a huge accomplishment.

Message me anytime. I know online friends isn't the same as in real life, but I actually really like my online friends and feel they add something to my life. I'm a total weirdo, but I'm here.

[Ralau]

A lonely one here too.
Days pass by, I withdraw myself and avoid people by not going to the university. This isn't any good for my studies, but other people, they make me sick. It is very difficult to explain, I'm lonely and I kind of do not want to feel so lonely, but at the same time nobody interests me, there is no point in anything.
A month ago, a friend I knew for 12 years told me she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I think it was mostly because of my selfish behaviour when I was off my meds. I am not sure why she left me, but I know that my behaviour wasn't acceptable.

It seems so dark. For some moments it seems darker than most of the time, and that's when I feel like I'm really sinking. But I have been trying to tell myself that I've been in darker places before, that this isn't the darkest one. I really hope this won't become any of those darkest ones.

So you're not alone feeling lonely. If you ever need to talk to somebody, you can talk to me, if you want to.

Hugs.

[SorryShaped]

If you ever think you aren't interesting, post five things about you that you think are probably the lamest things you do. One is allowed to be "posting five lame things about me." You'll see people come out of the woodwork with similarities.
Something I discovered tonight. This guy at the desk at the gym I kind of always bypassed but as with all there said "thanks" as I scanned in to be courteous. But because of his perfect hair, and my lack of most of mine, thought he'd be snobby. Why did I think that? I think it's the hairstyle truly, as most people I've seen that on were really very snobbish and off-putting.
Anyway, in the spirit of being open, when he asked how my workout went I told him, openly and honestly. We chatted for almost half an hour on subjects we both are VERY interested in. Really a neat guy. He was also privy to some info about a very stressful situation for me concerning another location. That made me feel so much better! I've been stressed over that since early November when I heard what was happening.
The moral of this story;
EVERYONE CAN BE INTERESTING BUT YOU GOTTA GIVE THEM A CHANCE

[Unhinged88]

I feel a little better today. Thank you for all the offers to talk, etc.

And its not that I think Im uninteresting or other people are, people just don't talk to me, they don't give me a chance. Even as a kid in elementary school, I was only ever made fun of for whatever reason. I really think people can just sense that Im a bit off.

Originally Posted by Unhinged88

I feel a little better today. Thank you for all the offers to talk, etc.

And its not that I think Im uninteresting or other people are, people just don't talk to me, they don't give me a chance. Even as a kid in elementary school, I was only ever made fun of for whatever reason. I really think people can just sense that Im a bit off.

All the best people are a bit off. You just have to find your people. The ones who love you as is. Anyone else is just not worth it.

[SorryShaped]

Always was the weird kid here. I was made fun of, bullied, and shunned constantly.

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Always was the weird kid here. I was made fun of, bullied, and shunned constantly.

Same here. It really sucks.

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by Unhinged88

So I feel I am in a dark place. Darker than usual. The loneliness is indescribable. And not for lack of trying. I have anxiety so I try to first talk to people online and then meet later, if there is something. And one person who also had bipolar, just up and ghosted me right before we were going to hangout. Another, who I thought we connected on a friends level, did the same. I dont understand. What is so wrong with me that people don't want to be friends with me? My whole life I have struggled to maintain friendships. I have no support system anymore since the one friend I did have of 13 years, left due to an ultimatum given by his fiance. I get it, a wife or a best friend... that was in April. And not only is the loneliness indescribable but the self hatred. How can you not take lack of friendships anything but personal. I have been told my whole life all the things wrong with me and maybe people can spot it a mile away. They think, nope...not her. Too much baggage.

The holidays were harder than usual. I ruined thanksgiving by going on a bender and gambling away 700 dollars. I worked Christmas and new years so I wouldn't have been sitting alone at home. Besides work, I have no social interaction. I have my dog, but it isnt the same. And granted, he is MY best friend, and I know if I didn't have him I would be dead by now, I feel like something needs to change or I am afraid of how much darker it can get. I was stopped by a passing a train yesterday and thoughts crept into my head that I haven't thought in years.

Therapy doesn't work for me, it doesn't change the fact that I do not have anything. And what is the point anymore. I don't go out. I don't see anyone. I dont have a SO or kids. Who cares what happens to me. No one asks how I am. I bet if I died, no one would even find me for weeks. What a horrible thought! I can not do another 30 years of this. I keep saying these feelings will pass, things will change but they haven't. And if by now nothing has gave, why should I hold on to anymore hope.

Does anyone else feel so lonely? Am I the only one?

NO. You're not alone. I'm like this. I try not to think about it but, this is what it's like for me too. You have to find something that distracts you from thinking about is. Exercise, reading, watching a movies every now and then, playing video games. Anything good that will take your mind off of it and don't give up. I know that it seems pointless to continue struggling with all of that hurt but, you can distract yourself from it. And you will find the right person someday. I know what this feels like. I've been on the same lonely road for many years. It has to get better though. There has to be a way. Just keep thinking about that and don't give up.

[Unhinged88]

I have obsessive thoughts so trying to read or do anything that usually works, doesn't when I get so overwhelmed with emotions.

But now that I joined PC, I have a place to talk to people if I get like that and hopefully the feelings pass a lot sooner.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by MavriforceK9r

Same here. It really sucks.

Yes and no. Those that treated me like hell sometimes find out the hard way that people like me, and sometimes me, help them in their worst of times. I stop for stranded motorists. I'll help them or (possibly if they kill people) die trying. I can't tell you how many times I've taken a butthead or another from school to get gas. The mean girls that said "go sit somewhere else" while I cried standing there after my tray had stuff dumped all over it tend to run over stuff then I happen along and change their tire. I fixed King ding-a-ling himself, my main bully's wife's car on the side of the road. I had some leftover vacuum hose and changed out the one from her check valve that had collapsed. I closed the hood, right as he drove up and got out, then I said "just a vacuum hose, all good now. Have a nice day" got in my truck and rode off in the sunset. He looked like I felt all those years at that point, straight down at the ground and about to cry because he knew at that moment who helped him and his family.
It also had advantages. By the time I was in highschool, the administration had given up. My grades were great but my behaviors not so much. They eventually stopped trying to make me do like the others. I realized I could go get coffee from the teachers' lounge. I'd tell a teacher at her desk quietly that I was going to go drink a soda, and she'd look at me, sigh, and shoo me toward the door. I became an adult by being nothing like the adults or those becoming adults with me.
Sure, I'd have loved more friends. I'm only now while writing this realizing I never needed those people for friends, because they were never for me. They were all for themselves, and I truly didn't fit in, and in a lot of ways, I'm now very grateful I didn't.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Unhinged88

I have obsessive thoughts so trying to read or do anything that usually works, doesn't when I get so overwhelmed with emotions.

But now that I joined PC, I have a place to talk to people if I get like that and hopefully the feelings pass a lot sooner.

Yes you do!

[FallDuskTrain]

Same here.
It is very annoying to feel this lonely.
Although, I always say that I am one of those lucky ones in the sense that I have always enjoyed my solitude. But even I do feel lonely at times. It gets worse as I get older.

[SorryShaped]

I apologize for all my long-windedness