[Wild Coyote]

Slowed down today by pain. Tomorrow is another day! I am looking forward to it!

Love to All!

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I felt sooooo good today, really. Calm and clear headed. I’ve gotten tons of work done because I’m super focused today. Finally taking a break to make/eat dinner. I’ve had such a good day! I really felt more baseline today but now the joy is overtaking me and I can feel myself going up again. I better finish my work today in case I’m bouncing off the walls and can’t do it tomorrow!!

I see pdoc on Tuesday, no idea what she’ll do, dunno if she’ll believe me when I say it’s the rexulti causing it. But it is! I was an anxious mixed wreck before she increased it now I’ve been flying hiiiigh ever since!

[Tucson]

I walked over six miles today. Part of my depression was alleviated because of this. This is good. I also am starting to get more in shape. My daughter broke up with her first boyfriend. She is upset now. I feel for yer. I have been so depressed lately that I have not been cleaning up, and I have been leaving things around the house.

I have my first job interview with the Geek Squad. This should be interesting. Last time I was interviewed was at least 35 years ago. I have had only interview maybe three or four times in my career. I am very nervous. I also need to pick up clothes that fit me before the interview. I have lost about 60 pounds, so my clothes do not fit me anymore.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Tucson

I walked over six miles today. Part of my depression was alleviated because of this. This is good. I also am starting to get more in shape. My daughter broke up with her first boyfriend. She is upset now. I feel for yer. I have been so depressed lately that I have not been cleaning up, and I have been leaving things around the house.

I have my first job interview with the Geek Squad. This should be interesting. Last time I was interviewed was at least 35 years ago. I have had only interview maybe three or four times in my career. I am very nervous. I also need to pick up clothes that fit me before the interview. I have lost about 60 pounds, so my clothes do not fit me anymore.

Good luck with your job interview!

[leomama]

Had a good day at work today. Work is taking a lot out of me but I guess I'm ok with that. At least I'm working.

[cool09]

I stayed out of bed but I've been irritable off and on which is the norm for me. My father got me so furious with his email. He doesn't understand mental illness. Outside was crappy to day, ice and snow storm. I'm spending too much time on the computer. I made some strong comments on facebook which ticked off several people.

[Under*Over]

I feel really bad tbh.

Ive had suicidal thoughts the last few hours- passive ones, more intrusive thoughts than anythig that I have NO intention on listening to... but its just hard and I feel like such a freak for having this happen to me. Like why cant I just NOT. Im just so tired of it.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

I feel really bad tbh.

Ive had suicidal thoughts the last few hours- passive ones, more intrusive thoughts than anythig that I have NO intention on listening to... but its just hard and I feel like such a freak for having this happen to me. Like why cant I just NOT. Im just so tired of it.

Your post was at the end of a page, where posts sometimes get "lost" in the shuffle.

I am sorry you are going through this.
I hope you find some inner peace.

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

I feel really bad tbh.

Ive had suicidal thoughts the last few hours- passive ones, more intrusive thoughts than anythig that I have NO intention on listening to... but its just hard and I feel like such a freak for having this happen to me. Like why cant I just NOT. Im just so tired of it.

You’re NOT a freak. I promise you that. Many of us deal with suicidal thoughts, passive or otherwise, especially during an episode. During my last serious depressed episode i literally laid on the couch afraid to move because I was afraid I would act on them. As I slowly got better the thoughts got better too but they were there passively for a good month or so. Now they are gone, but they will be back. My therapist reminds me that’s thoughts themselves can’t hurt me.

[LadyShadow]

Feeling really good and accomplishing A LOT. SO TIRED though. The good thing is I will sleep sound tonight!

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

I feel really bad tbh.

Ive had suicidal thoughts the last few hours- passive ones, more intrusive thoughts than anythig that I have NO intention on listening to... but its just hard and I feel like such a freak for having this happen to me. Like why cant I just NOT. Im just so tired of it.

Even being pretty stable I still get an occasional intrusive thought. You are not a freak by any means.

[Under*Over]

Thanks guys. You are just the best.

Yeah I just feel like such a loser I guess. I try so hard just to be... somewhat stable.

I dont know. The freak thing comes up to bully me pretty frequently in my head. I wish it didnt. I just want to be ok.

I have an appointment soon so Ill tell her how I feel. I really hate feeling this way and hope it stops soon.

Day six of my diet went well. Just one more day and i get to weigh in and hopefully get some good news.

Originally Posted by Nammu

I fell asleep round 1am......then woke up at 4am! Was just falling back to sleep when my daughter got here with her daughter for me to babysit. Sigh. She's being crabby too. Just got her stretched out for a nap......hope she falls asleep soon. Daughter is seeing her doc then getting the down payment for the town home she's renting. I still worry about her separation from the kids dad. He did do something proactive now that she moved out. Now he gets serious about taking anger management classes. It might be too little too late. He does take antidepressants but he quit therapy and refused to go to couples T. My daughter wasn't going to let her kids grow up seeing their dad putting her down, yelling and destroying property. Quite right. Still I worry he'll get mad and withhold the child support....then where will she be?

That doesn't sound good... It sounds like you and your daughter are struggling a lot with all that stress.

Hopefully you're able to remain stable and that your mood will be okay. I know that stress f's me up from time to time.

Not sure what to say about the dad, other than I personally think it sounds like backpedaling

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Day six of my diet went well. Just one more day and i get to weigh in and hopefully get some good news.

Congratulations!
Are you doing a specific approach to dieting?

WC

[Blueberrybook]

I did not sleep well last night. Got about 3 1/2 hours and not especially tired. I think I have hypomania. I am resisting the urge to shop online and spend money I don't have. I am not eating much because of the hypo, and I really need to gain weight. I have a past with anorexia, but this weight gain issue isn't so much the eating disorder, more like I'm not hungry, don't want to take the time to eat, can't be bothered. And, it feels like my metabolism speeds up when manic. I am now quite underweight for my height, and on some level, the eating disorder likes this (ugh!), but I am not so underweight I look like an eating disorder victim. I need to throw the scale away, even if my husband likes keeping track of his weight on it.

I did put in a call to my psych clinic, asking them to have my pdoc call me back. They tend to be good with messages and the doctors good with calling back, so I have to wait & see.

In the meantime, I'm meeting a friend I met on Nextdoor (she was giving away a pair of blue jeans just my size). We've been communicating over FB Messenger and found we have a lot in common. She has psych issues too (depression & anxiety/panic disorder). She worked as a hair stylist before her kids were born, and it's the strangest thing, she worked at exactly the same hair salon I use now and knows the owner well (I use the owner for my haircuts; I think she does it best). We even have practically identical scars above our belly buttons, her from a weight loss surgery near 2000 and me from a recent ulcer surgery. Crazy! I hope lunch will go well. I have a really hard time making friends. In fact, I don't have a single friend living in my area, not counting one of my sisters, and that sister is still a 30 minute drive away, while this lady lives less than 5 minutes away. I think we are going to meet at McDonalds, so the play area will keep her preschool kids occupied. I hope it goes well.

I'm really agitated... and tired. I just want to sleep off the agitation because it's really uncomfortable. I also can't sit still or concentrate, and everything distracts me. It doesn't help that the voices are constantly bothering me and putting visions in my head. I don't know why I'm being stalked, but I am.

I'm just feeling horrible all around.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm really agitated... and tired. I just want to sleep off the agitation because it's really uncomfortable. I also can't sit still or concentrate, and everything distracts me. It doesn't help that the voices are constantly bothering me and putting visions in my head. I don't know why I'm being stalked, but I am.

I'm just feeling horrible all around.

I am very concerned about you, Blue.
I care a lot about you.
Make the call.

WC

today their is a new woman moving in to our area.

making us anxious... we really don't want to live next door to someone.

no no no.

we're going to make things better by having fish and chips from the chip shop and watching celebrity juice

[cool09]

I don't feel right. I don't know if I'm agitated. I ticked some people off on social media and my father via. email. Seems like I never can say the right things. It's just a constant struggle.

[wildflowerchild25]

Another calm, stable day. It's great. I feel almost overwhelmed with joy just to be normal right now. I'm still feeling motivated but I don't feel like my eyes are rolling around in my head wildly or that I'm tapping and moving incessantly. It's so nice!

I do have another snow day so I have another day to get my work done for my job. I only have ten students left so that should take me the rest of the day because I'm going to take a lot of breaks, it's mind-numbing work and I hate it.

So nice to feel so nice!

[LadyShadow]

Absolutely fantastic! The Seroquel is doing its job and it has just been miracle after miracle for weeks now! Getting a lot done, packing up to move to a new house, writing a lot, (my blog is exploding with followers and commenters!), and just overall good vibes as I actively make moves to improve my life. I am also rebuilding my credit and finances, (boy did I mess that up with previous manic episodes!), and everything is falling into place.

The next BIG step is to find stable employment in a job that would be a good fit for me, (I am ABSOLUTELY NOT hiding my Bipolar illness, I plan on letting every potential employer about it, and if they don't hire me they can either be met with a lawsuit or I can just shrug it off and look for another opportunity), and make a REAL effort to contribute back into society and stop living off of disability and being lazy. Enough of that nonsense, seriously!

[Unrigged64072835]

Didn't sleep well again, as husband woke me up when he got out of bed. Might have to get a foam mattress. Mind raced and couldn't get comfortable physically.

Did another poem and finished two sets of loops. Didn't walk on the treadmill today because I hurt too much. Husband isn't feeling well either, but at least he can take a nap. After I take Latuda, I'm wide awake until night time. Will try tomorrow or later this afternoon.

Daughter is home making a late lunch. She and her boyfriend are seeing their friend to go over the moving situation. I mentioned to her that they need to list out things they need to get (or have the parents get, more likely). Money for rent and utilities may be an issue, since she is starting at minimum wage again and the friend doesn't have a consistent job. He makes money off of video games and while it's good, he doesn't know how to save well. Once that happens, we'll be getting this place fixed up and ready to sell. (I'd rather sell it as-is and walk away, but my husband doesn't want to do that. I'd rather spend the money and labor renovating our next house since we'll have to buy an old house for the space that we need.)

Daughter's cat is still ill. We may have to take her in. Ugh. She now has hairballs even after being brushed. Ugh.

Mood is meh. Just meh.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I read the various blogs. Why don't you make yours more easily accessible?
It's a turn off to click on the link and then find 2 hurdles to simply reading your blog. If you prefer to keep it private, that's fine, but then why post that you'd like followers?
I'd love to read your blog, too. Can you make it easier for people to do so?


WC

I'm thinking about it and had plans to do so in the future, but I just feel more comfortable having at least a rough idea of who has access right now, just until I get it going and have a better idea of what it's all about (as if I will ever make a decision on that fully. I'm always changing my mind. Anyhoo). I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

Originally Posted by leomama

What’s the link?

I put it in the blogs page. I'll send you a PM with it too. I don't want it getting lost in too many threads. Will possibly put it in my profile one day too, for now I'll message you and you can follow it...you have WordPress, right?

Edit: erm, guess I won't message you. Well, I guess I'll try to put it in my signature....

-----------------------------------
Part of the reason for the blogs stuff is because I'm planning to take a bit of a break from the internet this week, as much as I can anyway (shh, I'm only a tad addicted), but so I usually recap more in my blog than I would if I were popping in here anyway. Plus, I thought a few had shown interest and I was just trying to follow up on that. didn't mean to sound bossy or anything. I'm just not always the best at conveying what I mean, and my playfulness doesn't always come through accurately via text. ...
Meh! who am I kidding?! I'll probably be around, but maybe just less..I don't know! I'd really like for the sun to stay out and for me to get outside a bit and enjoy spring! So, we will see. Enjoy your week/weekend folks!!

[wildflowerchild25]

I’ve barely done any work today. Lost my motivation pretty early. I’ve told myself I have until 6pm to lay around. That’s two hours. That’s plenty of time. Then I have to get five students done. Then the rest tomorrow.

I got SUPER irritable with my son, AGAIN. I feel terrible that I’ve been so irritable with him lately. He was just whining about not getting a toy in target. It really got on my nerves. I feel like all I’m doing is yelling at him lately. I hate it. I don’t want him to touch me, I just want to be left alone. I hope this passes. Yet another thing to mention to pdoc. I better write this **** down.

Seeing nv tomorrow. Excited for that.

Other than that blaaaah. Kinda missing the magic.