[wildflowerchild25]

I’m never going to make it. I opened up chapter 7 and it’s complete gibberish. Exponential functions?? Wtf?? Whyyyy did I think I could learn math...I should have remembered high school and that was before all the psych meds and ECT addled my brain. I’m going to write my resume this weekend and start applying to jobs. I might as well. I don’t care if I back out of my contract. I found out that another math teacher backed out as well. I don’t know if he is continuing in teaching, this was his first year. Point is it’s doable. Especially bc I don’t want to stay in education anyway.

Fuuuuck man I just can’t. I’m sick already. This is going to be a disaster.

[Victoria'smom]

My parents want me to go up north and so does my husband. I know if I don't go I'll lose the chance to ever get to see my 92 year old neighbor that raised us. I think I'll go and space my meds out to cover the trip. It'll be tough but worth it.

Our car broke yesterday. Now we have to have it fixed by Tuesday because my husband starts college and no buses go to that campus. IDK it's $80 to get it looked at We can't afford over $400 IDK what to do.

[xRavenx]

Last night was awful! The only reason for this was because my medication made me feel so drugged up that I felt my blood pressure drop, or at least it gave me that feeling. This typically does not happen, but every now and then it does. My anxiety increased too (very much), because I knew my body didn't feel right and it almost felt like my legs were paralyzed. I felt like something bad was going to happen to me and just hoped the effects would wear off. I hardly slept, yet I felt so sedated. The only time I slept was when I was lucid dreaming, hearing things in an altered state. Stupid Seroquel. So much for the dose increase....and I've been on much higher doses in the past. I thought all was going well with this medication change. The thing is, it does help with the anxiety a little bit during the day, so I just don't know what to do anymore. Now, I'm kind of afraid of having another night like that.

[sonjaward809]

Still having some issues with my brain playing tricks on me, but I got worse news now. We're being evicted because my brother hasn't been in town to sign the lease yet. But we have until March 31st to move out, so at least that gives us some time to come up with a game plan. We've been paying lot rent and stuff so I'm unsure of what the issue is. My mom is looking into a lawyer. The trailer is paid for but they're trying to charge us $600 for lot rent and it's only a single-wide trailer. Everybody including my disability lawyer is saying that's way too expensive. I don't have anybody to stay with up here so I'll have to move back to Texas. But my disability hasn't been approved yet so I'm unsure of what to do.. I really need that to be approved before March 31st so that I can get my own place when I get back to Texas. Otherwise I have to start the process all over again down there. Really don't want to have to do that. My car still isn't fixed either, but my brother will be back on Saturday to take it to a mechanic. Idk I feel like I keep getting knocked down, no matter how I try to climb up! I took a 6 hour nap today .. I didn't even realize I slept that long. The house is a mess because I don't have the will power to clean .. I have to do some stuff tomorrow though so my brother doesn't freak out when he gets back home. Things just aren't going well right now.

[bpforever1]

I am doing well but cold. I will bundle up and stay warm. It is supposed to snow here tonight. I feel it coming already. Life is not bad. I took my medication and am feel good. I sometimes feel dumb because I teach English and my English is becoming like gibberish. I am learning Japanese and it is improving but my English is not. I say stupid things in English that make no sense. I am still able to realize this and am not happy I make grammatical errors or make up words that are not real. It is as if my brain can only take so much new information. I have scrambled eggs for a brain so I should not expect much. I wish my brain was more amenable to new information without compromising what I already know. But, it is not. Argh!!!

[99fairies]

I got zero sleep last night. Was in too much pain to sleep.

[Unhinged88]

I'm alive. I guess that is all I can ask for right? Since asking for decent sleep, the ability to pay my bills or even being afford to eat, maintaining friendships or even the possibility of anyone liking me, is too much. But I love my dog. And have a roof over my head. So I am thankful for that. And tea. I have lots of tea.

[Tucson]

I am glad I took out a Home Equity Line of Credit. I went from near bankruptcy to having a couple hundred left in the bank every month. The problem now is misusing this credit line. I do not want to get myself in trouble again but this time I would be trying to pay off an incredible amount of debt compared to what I had earlier, that which almost placed me into bankruptcy. I am glad I will be given twenty years to pay it off. I will probably have passed away by then.

I am OK today. I am trying to motivate myself to take a shower. So far, no success. It is chilly in the room. I am using that as an excuse. My daughter will turn 18 in a couple weeks. My ex wife managed to save up for her college expenses and anything else she will need like getting an apartment while she is going to school. I feel guilty for not having been able to help with this. I just have not had the money ever since I ended up on SSDI. Soon my daughter will have more in the bank then I ever had in my life. She should thank her mother for this.

[BPQuestions]

I hate meds that is all.

[Unrigged64072835]

Last night my mind started racing again. I ended up taking 50 mg of Vistaril and didn't wake until almost 8 AM. I hate doing that but I need sleep, and this yo-yoing sleep schedule ain't cutting it.

I finished rearranging my home office and trucked a couple boxes full of books downstairs. My knee was hurting bad, though, so no aqua therapy today. I started studying for my next app exam, but felt too tired and it was getting late.

My husband did the bills and it looks like another lean month. Fortunately we planned this out weeks in advance. We're going to have to stick with eating at home, though. My daughter's birthday is coming up, plus we're helping her set up her own health insurance. At least we can keep that going until she's 26. It's just the hoops we have to jump through.

Mood is calm and kind of grumpy, but I'll get over it.


Need to start making dinner soon.

[wildflowerchild25]

Work went ok. It’s going to be very hard to stay on top of everything and figure everything out. We will see how long I can keep it up. I am exhausted but that’s due to waking up early for the first time in weeks. And the anxiety I felt all day. My supervisor came in and told me I should go introduce myself to the principal (he doesn’t remember who I am) but I couldn’t. My anxiety was just too much. I hope I can tomorrow, otherwise my supervisor is going to be like wtf is your problem. I hate that I’m so anxious right now. And I know it’s work related because I was fine as soon as I stabilized. Then as work approached it got worse and worse and now it’s like it was when I was on latuda over the summer just awful.

I gave up and got McDonald’s today bc I didn’t plan anything for dinner. Crock pot will be my bff for the next few weeks until I can get back into routine.

[wildflowerchild25]

I told my mom work stressed me out and she said I “can’t let it get to the point it was at before” referring to my IP stay. Kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Like really upset me. I feel like she’s implying it’s my fault I had to go IP. I did everything in my power to remain home. But I had a psychotic break. Wtf am I supposed to do??? I also feel like I can’t go IP ever again, at least not until my son’s old enough to take care of himself. I know that’s what this is about. She can’t handle watching my son by herself. And why should I expect her to? She couldn’t handle me and my brother either. But I feel kind of....I don’t know, upset to Know that if I need IP I can’t go. It’s not like I WANT to go. But if the choice is killing myself or going IP...well I’m gonna choose IP. Except now I can’t :-/

[bizi]

you are a good mother.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Messing with meds and Benadryl. Hoping to see if dystonia in legs/feet will stop with Benadryl use. (Trying to discern, for sure, it's dystonia.)


WC

[giddykitty]

Well... I was just diagnosed this morning. Start Latuda in just a few. I'll be looking for support in the next few days, and I'm really hoping I'll be able to sleep again tonight. Ohh Wonderful Peaceful Sleep, how I've missed thee!! :P But as my status says, I'm feeling "mellow" tonight. I only JUST looked at those mood suggestions and I already had "mellow" in my mind early this evening. Was stoked to see it was listed!
gnite!

[bpforever1]

I had an interview today. It went ok. I am so tired now and cold. I have aches and pains all over. I feel really exhausted although I stayed inside all day. I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel like crap. I will try to rest some more and forget about my condition.

[avlady]

let us know how your new dr appointment went!

[bpforever1]

I am feeling good. I have another interview again for the next round for the innovative school. I am excited and will be ready to show my stuff!! I feel like Rocky!!!

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I told my mom work stressed me out and she said I “can’t let it get to the point it was at before” referring to my IP stay. Kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Like really upset me. I feel like she’s implying it’s my fault I had to go IP. I did everything in my power to remain home. But I had a psychotic break. Wtf am I supposed to do??? I also feel like I can’t go IP ever again, at least not until my son’s old enough to take care of himself. I know that’s what this is about. She can’t handle watching my son by herself. And why should I expect her to? She couldn’t handle me and my brother either. But I feel kind of....I don’t know, upset to Know that if I need IP I can’t go. It’s not like I WANT to go. But if the choice is killing myself or going IP...well I’m gonna choose IP. Except now I can’t :-/

So many hugs. I think that you made the right decision to go IP. It’s not anyone’s first choice, we do it because we need to.

[Asteya]

I hate that my boyfriend and I are on opposite schedules, but I guess it works somehow. Once he accepted it and stopped trying to be on mine and his own (he literally got no sleep) I still feel bad I kind of sort of had an almost episode the other day??? Sometimes I’m too blunt and I wonder if I’m not sympathetic enough.

[BPQuestions]

I'm doing ok. My divorce is chugging along and I'm ok. That was not the case a few months ago. Meds are doing there thing even though i dont like them lol.

[Unrigged64072835]

Been an okay day. Would be better if I didn't spend so much money on clothes. (It wasn't much, but I went in for a dress and ended up with two dresses and some shirts. My financial self-discipline is out to lunch.)

Got my daughter signed up for health insurance for when she turns 21 soon. Also bought her birthday present. Had to pay for two-day shipping so I can get it before her birthday. I wanted to get her something special that she has been wanting for years. Hope it will make up for cheap Mexican food and the hangover she'll have after a margarita or two.

That large sucking sound? That's the money going out of our checking account. At least all the bills are paid and we have money set aside for food and gas.

I'm doing okay though. I'm kind of mad at myself, but I'll get over it.

[Unhinged88]

I want to binge eat today. I eat and then I want more an hour later. How can I possibly be so tired and so hungry at the same time??

[LadyShadow]

Rounding around a high point. Didn't accomplish what I wanted today, was definitely challenging staying awake today. Found myself hanging out online and resting, even though I was dragging my feet a lot and low on energy.

Things ae picking up as the night is progressing. So I am going into the evening with good spirits.

[Cocosurviving]

I paid a lot of bills today and while I’m happy I was able to pay them. What was left was terrible. Lol. Anyway me and my daughter took care of business. Then we went to pick up prescriptions. Later we took my grandmother to pick up her prescriptions. I checked in on my older daughter to see how she was doing. I also checked on my disabled aunt.