[leomama]

Watching twin peaks, trying to find a show that holds my attention. I’m watching dark but in Herman and I can’t understand Herman so I can’t watch it while I cook. I’m bouncing around between dark, Star Trek enterprise, the mist and twin peaks.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m so tired. Of everything. I enjoyed two baseline, anxiety free days thanks to Ativan. I took off work today to take my son to the doctor and I guess it was good I did because I seem to have crashed from the hypo/mixed/whatever tf is was state back into depression. I just wanted to sleep and I would have if I had taken my son to school but the weather was so bad I decided to keep him home after the appointment.

I was supposed to go hang out with a friend tonight but a)can’t get a hold of him and b) as mentioned, the weather is ****** as hell (huge nor’easter) so I’m not going. Just as well. It would have been nice to get out of my head but whatever.

I’m sooo tired of dealing with my son’s hyperactivity. I honestly don’t know what to do. He’s got soooo much energy and he’s so loud and so boisterous and he destroys everything in his wake. I’m so tired of trying to handle him and handling my own mental health issues. I may cry at his therapy appointment tomorrow. Yes, I found him a therapist. Tomorrow is the initial appointment where I go by myself to discuss my concerns. I am concerned about his trauma but also about all the ADHD symptoms he presents. Though apparently he does just fine in school, so then once again it falls on me. I’m a bad parent at home. Maybe I just want him to be someone he’s not - someone calm and quiet. Because I get overwhelmed so easily. I’m just so overwhelmed with everything right now, between my job, my mood swings, my own trauma issues, his issues...I don’t know where to even begin to untangle this mess.

I really just want to drink until I pass out tonight but that’s not an option so I’m going to take my meds and hopefully fall asleep very soon.

[wildflowerchild25]

Found my son on my computer on google looking up pictures of dead bodies, dead bodies in coffins, dead bodies with blood on them, etc....I am broken. What is wrong with my little boy? Is this normal for a seven year old? I don’t think so. He still seems so happy. Maybe he’s just curious about death. I’m so glad I found him someone to talk to. He needs help.

We both need help. I’m holding back tears and I just want to give up and go back to bed. Forever. I was all set to self harm but my son knocked on the bathroom door. He knows how to unlock it so I decided not to. I’m vaping desperately but it’s not as satisfying. I want to go back to smoking because I want to kill myself passively.

Ugh. Sleep.

Oh, wildflowerchild! I am so sorry.
I think he is around the age where they start to understand death, so it may just be that, but I am glad that he will be getting therapy to help.

(I also felt compelled to write because the last time I talked with my own son, I learned he watches very disturbing videos online. He is an adult now, but still, it breaks my heart, and I felt that pang for you -- the discovery, the heartbreak. He refuses help on any front, so I am especially glad for the help your son will receive.)

[Unrigged64072835]

Wildflowerchild--my daughter was like that too. Morbid curiosity, but there ya go. Unfortunately I was with my abusive ex-fiance, and of course he showed her all the horror movies to get back at me.

Today I would've went shopping with my husband and daughter. Instead I stayed home with a whopper of a headache. I had to cut back even drinking decaf coffee because of the acid reflux. Maybe there was more caffeine than I anticipated. I have a coffee alternative and while it's bland it's still good. Tried to shop online and didn't find anything, so I guess that's good. If my husband and I feel better tomorrow we'll go get his stuff.

The cats are doing better. My daughter's cat has been eating more so hopefully the UTI will go away soon.

Mood is getting better, even with the pain.

[Ysabet]

Kind of in a neutral state today. Coming up from a month-long depression though I don't feel the manic increasing. I have no doubt it will. Feeling rather burned out on everything.

[Nammu]

Talked to my daughter about going off the AP , she doesn't want me to do it. Has never known me to be as stable as I have been recently. Gave me a great deal to think about as she has known me and lived with my badly treated illness for years. This is the first time she's known me as stable in all 34 years of her life.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Found my son on my computer on google looking up pictures of dead bodies, dead bodies in coffins, dead bodies with blood on them, etc....I am broken. What is wrong with my little boy? Is this normal for a seven year old? I don’t think so. He still seems so happy. Maybe he’s just curious about death. I’m so glad I found him someone to talk to. He needs help.

We both need help. I’m holding back tears and I just want to give up and go back to bed. Forever. I was all set to self harm but my son knocked on the bathroom door. He knows how to unlock it so I decided not to. I’m vaping desperately but it’s not as satisfying. I want to go back to smoking because I want to kill myself passively.

Ugh. Sleep.

Losing a parent can be very perplexing. He may be trying to satisfy some curiosity about this event in his life?

I'd had a lot of questions about death, coffins, autopsies, etc., when I'd lost my dad at 11 y.o.

I am glad you are both getting professional support. You have been through hell. You deserve the support.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

I'm a little "caught up in" my advocacy attempts recently.
Advocating for safe schools. Also advocating for mental health access and affordable care, affordable meds, etc. DH and I have written lots of letters, lots of emails, made lots of calls.

If interested, see NAMI's recent statement:
https://www.nami.org/About-NAMI/NAMI...-Trump-s-Recen

Tired of the mentally ill being "scapegoated."
Want to target the mentally ill? then help by crafting legislation that truly helps mental health consumers.

Gotta go... I'm too "fired up" about this right now. I'm probably being "too political."

Will check in again later.

Love to All!

WC

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Talked to my daughter about going off the AP , she doesn't want me to do it. Has never known me to be as stable as I have been recently. Gave me a great deal to think about as she has known me and lived with my badly treated illness for years. This is the first time she's known me as stable in all 34 years of her life.

why rock the boat?
bizi

[leomama]

I’m tired of people thinking I’m being sarcastic when I’m not. It’s irritating .

[leomama]

If something irritates me it’s not good for my “hypomania”, so I need to stay away.

[Moreta]

Bad IBS flare. Tried eating a salad today. It's not going well. Why won't my GI system just ****ing work right.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by bizi

why rock the boat?
bizi

I've been stable for 5 years and don't feel like I'm really bipolar anymore...but as my daughter said she knows I'm bipolar and reminded me of the time I kept her out of school so we could have fun. We did have fun and she remembers it fondly but she's a mum now and knows it's not the right thing to do. Plus I want to lose weight and no I can if I go off the AP.

[pirilin]

Feeling groovy. Sock it to me. Right on!!!.

Eating healthier is going to take an extra effort with frequent trips to the grocery store. I had a miserable trip today as it is extremely cold and windy out. The only nice thing was on the bus on the way home I got to chatting with a cute young man who was new to the city and doing some sight-seeing. He made really good eye-contact and looked at me openly and expectantly -- so nice to have some attention, even if he was too young for me!

[leomama]

It’s a lot of work to eat primarily Paleo but there’s no going back. I have no idea now if I have an allergic reaction to grains or not. I think I would rather just eat clean and stay on the safe side.

[Tucson]

Well my day was OK. I had someone put grout in between my new tiles. Also he prepared my ceiling for a new coat of paint. I received my new Samsung S8 cell phone yesterday. I am not impressed. I was a iPhone owner for many years, but the latest software on my iPhone is just too buggy for me. This has been a disturbing trend ever since Steve Jobs left the business. My new cell phone has a broken camera, so I will send it back for another one. Right now I may go back to the iPhone, but for their latest one. I think that out of any of their phones, their software should work well with their latest. But their latest iPhone 10 is costly, even with a contract.

[bizi]

On April 21st we are going on a boat ride!!!!! near new orleans!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

On April 21st we are going on a boat ride!!!!! near new orleans!

Awesome!!!


WC

[Moreta]

I am so fatigued today and nuvigil and coffee isn't helping. I gotta leave to go to church in a few hours, so I hope I can wake up by then. i slept from 9:30-6 and feel like I could sleep for another 4 hrs. My body just feels like lead. Ughhhh. This is what I get for trying different food.

[bizi]

I am sorry you are not feeling well moreta.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[scatterbrained04]

Hanging out in the land of stability. It's been good to me this past month. I've been reading a lot, something I couldn't do for a long time.

I'm hopeful that March will be a good month for me. The weather is better, I'm feeling better, and it'll be a good month financially for me. I've been doing a lot of planning about how to be smarter with my money. I'm finally in a better spot than I've been. The rest of this year I'm going to work on creating a savings while continuing to pay down my debts and do better about paying everything on time. At least that's the game plan.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Hanging out in the land of stability. It's been good to me this past month. I've been reading a lot, something I couldn't do for a long time.

I'm hopeful that March will be a good month for me. The weather is better, I'm feeling better, and it'll be a good month financially for me. I've been doing a lot of planning about how to be smarter with my money. I'm finally in a better spot than I've been. The rest of this year I'm going to work on creating a savings while continuing to pay down my debts and do better about paying everything on time. At least that's the game plan.

We pay almost all of our bills automatically so we never make a late payment. It is so easy to set up. This helps to build up good credit.
good luck!
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[wildflowerchild25]

I have definitely crashed and it is a hard crash. There was no slow descent from mania to depression. I almost feel like I did years ago when I was unmedicated. I feel like my meds are doing absolutely jack ****. I don’t know what to do. The mixed episode was uncomfortable as hell but I guess the meds worked a little because I didn’t get the intense SI/SH thoughts. But now the SH thoughts at least are coming fast and furious. But no SI thoughts, at least there’s that.

I’m struggling to find the motivation to shower, which NEEDS to happen today for various reasons. I just want to lay here and cry. The house is a mess, there’s a **** ton of laundry.

Ok goals: shower. Go grocery shopping. Finish laundry. Make dinner. Not necessarily in that order. I think I can handle that. Just forget cleaning, it’s not necessary right now. If I can do it great but if not oh well.

Siiiigh...