What are your mixed states like?

I feel like they are different for everyone. I'm just curious how much they vary between people.

I'll venture an example just to get this thread going as I'm also curious being newly diagnosed.

One example is feeling good and optimistic or high energy (incredibly high energy) and even creative, however simultaneously having this feeling that I'm just ridiculous and can't actually be any good or any use with my things.

There are other examples, probably better ones, but that's just what comes to mind now.

Ok, wait, maybe excessive irritability and anger, but self hate at the same time. That's a more serious mixed state, especially one of my most troubling ones, but relative to others' experiences, I am probably still considered within the hypomanic range, just for further picture painting.

New Jersey, and Oklahoma.

Depressed and furious. I look for trouble. My mind feels like it is going to explode. Can't sit still, constant rumination on negative experiences. Absolutely miserable, exhausting, and when I cause myself the most trouble.

I feel depressed and angry and have racing thoughts and shaking limbs. I get super irritated at everyone and everything. I want to do crazy things but lack the motivation to do anything productive.

Almost no sleep and no food for a week, energetic to the point of bursting. I was working on some grandios masterplan, fixing things. And in a blink of an eye turned suicidal. It was like being split in two, one person really manic and one really suicidal (not actually depressed, more that one was exhausted and scared to death by the other…).
Arguing wether to kill myself or keep working on the plan. Beauty and the beast, up close and racing in a game of life.
Best and worst time of my life, heaven and hell.
Spent a week in hospital, spent months recovering mentally afterwards.

Lol, as someone who lives in Oklahoma but has never been to New Jersey, I'm wondering which one you think is the good and which one you think is the bad

Agitated, restless, energetic, bored. (Exercise helps with this agitation as do prn’s if I catch it early)
Or
Agitated but calm, suicidal, clear headed. (Exercise no help. Must phone pdoc to get instructions on how much more meds to take. IP if increased meds don’t help). This is the worst mood to be in. I would rather be depressed than in this mixed mood.

It feels like terrifying amounts of energy, fear, and rage. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to turn green and burst out of my clothes. Sometimes it feels like lighting bolts are about to shoot out of my fingers. Like I've just been bitten by a radioactive spider and my superpower is about to manifest, and I don't think it's gonna be good.

In a word: Hell. I already have rapid cycling, and a mixed episode feels like rapid cycling on steroids.

Most of my manic symptoms are the rapid speech, racing thoughts, and extreme anger. My depression while mixed is the worst despair I can ever feel in the world, I fall into my deepest, darkest place when mixed. For example, I can have racing thoughts, get angry at myself or others because I can’t think clearly, then cry uncontrollably because of my anger, and suicidal because I can’t take all these emotions at once.

My therapist, and psych evaluators have seen me go from rapid speech, shaking uncontrollably, anger outburst, and crying into a chair, all within 60 seconds. Seriously. Being in a mixed episode is the most exhausting state I can ever experience. Since my moods often cycle multiple times within the same day, I seem to often stay on that thin line of rapid-cycling/mixed state fairly often. Which is why I feel so debilitated most of the time. Being on that line of rapid cycling/mixed I think makes it exceptionally hard to cope, I get overwhelmed easily, and mentally drained.

Sometimes it's having racing thoughts and wanting to do all kinds of great things...but I physically can't move

Other times it's severe depression, with racing negative thoughts, restlessness, energy.

Then there's severe depression, irritability, rage, impulsiveness.

Mine tend to change around a lot.

Everything seems so amazing and majestic but at the same time I feel like hurting myself or worse. I get waves of negative emotions over the positive, manic ones. It's torturous yet strangely beautiful in some way. That's the only way I could describe it.

It's too hard to describe my experiences with mixed episodes in a post. I wrote a 4-part story series describing my worst episodes. The first 3 include details of mixed episodes, mostly mania w/mixed features, though a couple of times it was more depression with mixed features. I know many here don't like leaving this site to read blog entries, but if anyone is willing my story starts with:

https://birdflight.blog/2017/05/10/m...ration-part-1/

Again, the relevant parts for my mixed episodes are parts 1-3. Part 4 is more about a severe depressive episode that led to ECT treatments.

Instead of sleeping, I run around my neighborhood bleeding from cutting myself screaming obscenities at a rate of speed where the cops say "I dont understand what you're saying" as they call an ambulance. During severe mixed episodes anyways.

I guess during mild mixed episodes (is there such thing as a mild mixed episode?) its staying in my room all day so I dont yell at everyone and writing in my journal in all caps (with lots of obscenities of course).

Mine are crying, then anger, then remorse, then crying, then anger, then remorse. Racing thoughts, anxiety, feeling suicidal. Not fun!

During mixed episodes, my anxiety is super high to the point of it turning delusional with racing thoughts that usually result in really impulsive actions. I'll often get paranoid. The depression is terrible, sometimes with thoughts of harming myself (or just thoughts of wanting it all to end, since it's such a horrible state of mind to be in), but it's a very agitated type of depression. Sometimes my anger will be really bad. I am often "all over the place" when I talk to people about my problems in this state and keep repeating myself, because I feel there is no way out, especially if I am beginning to get delusional. I have problems sleeping, because my thoughts will race.

Sometimes I'll get mad at the world and think everyone is out to get me. It feels like a mixed state is never going to end. I will cry and cry or panic and panic some more. The feelings of hopelessness and helplessness set in. It gets extremely hard to focus. The outside world can definitely tell there is something wrong with me in this state of mind. It's different than the kind of depression where you can hide it.