Demanicization

I had an episode of mania 2 months ago. I was very happy; colors were so vivid! Music was playing in my mind all the time and I could listen to it. The music was perfect! Every note, every tone, ecstasy!

I was also very irritable, then enraged. Arguing with people online and IRL...I was sure that if everyone only saw from my perspective they would see the truth.

And so on.

I knew I was going out of control. My pdoc put me on Lamictal. Within a week I was calmer, more stable. Within 3 weeks I was very calm and stable. By the time I reached the dose of 150mg/day I felt "normal".

And every morning I am sad, even somewhat depressed. The world is duller. Chores and doing the stuff I have to do to get through the day are priority. The rain is somewhat annoying, instead of a cause for joy. I feel rather hopeless. Defeated.

My pdoc, when I told her, wants me to work on this with my therapist. I am doing that. So far, meh.

I have even thought of stopping the Lamictal, just to see what happens. But then of course, I would have to do the slow titration back up to a full dose if I have to restart it.

I am still painting, but the colors are harder to come by.

That is all.

Yes, there were theme songs to everything I did. My hearing was more acute, my reflexes faster. I could reach places in my brain I didn't know I had (Suddenly I knew all the Jeopardy hard questions about physics, a subject I know nothing about--I thought. I excelled in my Spanish class.

But everything is a trade-off. I wouldn't repeat the embarrassment and the real damage done for anything if I can possibly prevent it.

I take 200mg of Lamictal in the morning and it helped to stabilize my mood. I also take an antidepressant to counteract depressive symptoms. To be honest I take a lot of meds, but I feel so much better on them than I ever did while manic.

Yes, I take Cymbalta (antidepressant), but honestly, I don't think it does all that much.

(((((( *Laurie* ))))))

A warm hug for you.

WC

I take Prozac 40 mg for depression and OCD. It seems to help. Maybe you need to try a higher dose of your antidepressant, or ask your pdoc for a different one

Yeah, maybe a different one. I'm maxed out on Cymbalta. I've been on all the SSRI's multiple times and over the past years, they've stopped working against depression. But who knows, maybe along with the Lamictal something will work better. Blah, I hate this feeling.

I know. It's the worst. I too have tried multiple ssri's. Lamictal and Prozac are what has finally helped for me, but it took a lot of trying.

I’m going to try to work on anxiety and complex PTSD with a new therapist/EMDR. I think that will help. I’m bothered by telling my pdoc that I’m anxious, I want more anxiety meds. She tells me three things. See the therapist, meds can’t solve everything, and I’m describing depression.

I was a little mad.

Anyway, if you had mania and the SSRI isn’t helping, it seems like lifting that drug would be the more suspicious drug to act on.

I thought lithium was a problem due to fatigue, but it is OK now that I’ve eased off my low dose of Seroquel (I was only on 25 mg for sleep). I’m only saying this because drugs act differently together vs. alone.

I’ve heard Lamactil is supposed to be really great for bipolar depression.

In my past experiences stopping a med without doctor approval never ends well.

Thanks key tones. I agree.

I want to encourage the EMDR. I did it back in the mid-90's...my therapist was one of the first few trained by Francine Shapiro (the founder of EMDR, which was initially used for Vietnam combat vets). I found the technique helpful. I still use it sometimes. I hope it's helpful for you.

Thanks to all of you on this thread. Thank each of you for the empathy and suggestions.

It seems to me that controlling the mania without dealing with the depression is skewed. I'll see my pdoc next week...if I'm still having this depression I want her to address it. I don't think just telling me to "work on it in therapy" is a sufficient answer. Feeling like a half-asleep blah-thing isn't better than mania I just feel like I'm controlling the mania to please everyone else, you know, so I play well with others

I agree Laurie. You should push for relief from both and not be satisfied with their answer. I currently take an antipsychotic for mania, and antidepressant, and antianxiety, and a mood stabilizer. I've been relatively stable for two years with only minor bouts of mania/hypomanic and mild depression at times but it passes quickly. Best of luck

Dayum!. Sophisticated word. Keep it up!.

..........

Thank all of you, very much. Your input is invaluable

I don't really know what to say because everyone in this thread had given good replies. Hopefully your pdoc can help you, though. And like I told Halliebeth in another thread, you DESERVE happiness and healthiness.

I think you'll be alright in the long run, because you're doing all the right things, including reaching out for help when you need it. Support of any kind (including here and your pdoc) is invaluable to people like us. I think support is half of the treatment for bipolar, or at least it is for me.

Thank you so much, blue.

Chasing that high is dangerous. Remember the bad side of your experiences. They will repeat themselves and maybe worse. There are a few lies that challenge those of us with bipolar, and one of them is that we are better self's when we are manic. Ask those around you if you are a better person to be around when you are manic. It took me years of lost time and friends, homes, husband, custody of my son before I decided to stop trying to chase that feeling. I was addicted! I hope you don't lose what I did. Please check with your pdoc before changing your med.

Please do not stop your lamictal without your doctor's help.

Lamotrigine (Lamictal) is an anticonvulsant. Even if you've never had a seizure before, stopping it abruptly can lead to seizures as part of the withdrawal.

I am a medical student, I'm bipolar, and I've taken Lamotrigine for years. There are some meds that I feel comfortable skipping a dose of if I run out, but lamotrigine is not one of them.

Please be careful. Depression sucks. :/ Talk to your pdoc; there may be other options for you.

Just please don't abruptly stop an anticonvulsant-very dangerous!

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate that you shared your experiences here.

My issue is that I lose myself when I'm not manic, or at least hypomanic. When I'm manic I'm assertive. I take care of myself. I set boundaries. I don't do what I don't want to do - but believe me, I still care for my cats and my (grown) kids. I keep my home cleaner than I do when I'm "stable".

When I'm "stable" I caretake everybody, especially my husband. I've been caretaking him for 36 years. I feel like I've been stolen when I'm stable. I have no voice. Everything beautiful and meaningful is gone, and I'm polite and quiet and submissive and nice and ultra-mature. It's all fake. I'm not who I really am.

When I'm manic I don't hurt anyone else, believe me. Responsibilities are met just as always. I'm just much quicker to anger and I feel angry and wild all of the time when I'm manic. Like fire.

Thank you very much. No, I won't stop it suddenly. I would never do that with a med because I know it can be dangerous, plus I'd feel awful physically and I don't need that. I'm just wondering if cutting it down would be better than...this.

Ah, I'm pretty sure I'm going to cut down on the Lamictal. I'm just spinning my wheels, here.