Weeks of good days, then BOOM! Sick as heck.

I was feeling so good for three weeks, then today it's like all of that disappeared. I'm still in my pajamas at 2 pm. I haven't written anything for my blog or read anything I needed to (like therapy homework). I've gorged on chocolate, had anxiety to the point of sweating and taking an Ativan. I've been so extremely tired and unmotivated. I dread hubby coming home and seeing that I've done nothing.

I know yesterday turned out to be more stressful than I expected. Why does one bit of stress still tear me down?

I'm so sorry you are going thru this BirdDancer. I think many of us can relate. I think this is the cruelest part of the disease. We feel 'normal' and productive for days, weeks, even months, and then bam...cycling starts. I've been having some improvements lately. I spent time with some friends a few weeks ago for first time in months. I was very happy I did it. However, the next day I slept almost the entire day. I do not think it was depression per se, but the stimuli (which was good not bad) wiped me out. I just had this again this past weekend. I spent time with family for most of the day, when I got home i slept for probably 3 hours within being home an hour.

Chocolate you mentioned...go with dark chocolate! I didn't like it for a long time but have grown to enjoy it.

Do not put pressure on yourself for having a difficult day. Your hubby will not be upset, and will likely totally understand and support you.

If you haven't already, take a shower. Depression creates a huge barrier of that for me. It will not end the depression, but will give at least a brief reprieve.

Don't beat yourself up and get the rest that you need.

hang in there and give us an update this week.

I'm so sorry. I hate days like that.

Thanks, piano97 and cln1812. I do need a shower. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Yesterday my husband and brother told me things about my dad that concern me a lot. That could have been part of the trigger for today. Also, though I really like my new therapist, today I feel a little overwhelmed by her. A couple weeks ago she expressed an interest in my WordPress blog and asked for the address, so I gave it to her. I thought she'd read a couple posts and maybe browse a little at the most, but last week she discussed my blog with great enthusiasm saying she read many posts. Actually, she "liked" almost 15. Then today I see she signed up to follow my blog by getting email notices of posts. This somehow makes me feel uneasy. I originally thought she'd take a look and never return to it again.

I told my psychiatrist that my new therapist seems like a very passionate woman. I like that in a way, especially when my mood is a bit elevated, but now it is almost scary.

I am a little weary today after a long holiday weekend.

I would not like my therapist following me online in any way. I have nothing to hide; yet, it just would feel weird to me. I never hint as to how/where he can find me online, even though he asks.

I hope you feel better quickly!

WC

Hi I'm Kate, I'm new here and just reading up on some of the posts. I hope you are feeling a bit better today, just because you are having a bad day doesn't necessarily mean you are in for a mood episode so fingers crossed it was a reaction to the triggers about your Dad and it settles a bit with time to process those feelings. ((hugs))
My psychiatrist asked for my blog address but I didn't give it to her, to me it feels like crossing a professional/personal line. I am afraid it will make me feel less able to post honestly and being able to get my feelings out through my blog is extremely important - If I were to post something about feeling suicidal I don't know what 'duty of care' position that would leave her in, it is nice to have the freedom to express myself without having to worry about police knocking my front door down. That being said, I know lots of people who's T's do read their blogs and they have no problems with it.
If you feel too uncomfortable about it, maybe ask her nicely not to read it anymore and hopefully she will honour your wishes... maybe casually mention that you can see who's reading through your stats and as T's need you to be able to trust them, with a bit of luck simply asking would be enough to stop her checking up on you.

I would feel very uncomfortable if my T or pdoc followed be online. It's bad enough that I've given consent for them to talk to my family. I like to control what I information my doctor's get. I realize it's useful for them to know everything, but I would not like it.

Kate, thanks to both you and Merlin for your comments on my tdoc reading my blog. I'm responding to you both here.

I actually am feeling a bit better today. Yesterday a member kind of nudged me to take a shower, and it really did seem to "wash away" some of my ill feelings. I also got a very good night's sleep last night. It's amazing what that can do!

Kate, your statement about not feeling you could post honestly if your tdoc or pdoc was reading your blog (or posts here) is definitely something I'm feeling now. It's sort of brought on a bit of a writer's block. I will admit that over time I've found that more people I personally know read my blog than I originally thought. I made a mistake by giving my dad my blog's address. He shared it with practically the world. I also eventually cut the link between my blog and social media. I know that limited my followers, but I prefer the limitation all the same.

It's true that thoughts fly into our minds that may not last long, and are certainly ones that shouldn't necessarily alarm people. That's a good thing people don't have ESP, but now with forums and blogs, people more than ever read thoughts that are otherwise usually left unspoken.

I rarely invite my husband to my sessions, and he's only called my psychiatrist on a couple of occasions when I've been manic and/or hospitalized. I like it that way, too. Unfortunately when my new tdoc asked for my blog address I was a little elevated in mood and didn't think the ramifications through. Again, I kind of thought she'd take only minimal interest. Perhaps she will ignore my posts in the future, but if she sees a post title that interests her, maybe she will take a look. Thanks for your comment on this topic!

The only solution for this, of course, is to write fake blog entries outrageous enough to scare and/or gross the hell out of your therapist.

My old T looked though my blog and Flickr accounts. He was rather impressed. I think he still looks at them, and it doesn't bother me. I do tend to write poetry about people IRL but I only published one online recently. Some of it was angry so I don't post those. My new T hasn't yet, but she wants to know me better before she does. It's all public anyway.

Sounds like you had a lot of stressful things going on, though, and that can cause a situational depression. Do take care of yourself during this time.

Thanks, everyone! I am hoping this slump will go away after just a few days. I do sometimes have a tendency to bounce back quick.

Northchild, do you have any suggestions for me?

I guess if my therapist's interest in my blog affects my ability to write there I will eventually bring that up to her. I did write a post today, despite. She didn't "like" it, but when sending me an e-mail about something else she said we could talk about today's post. I'm so tired that I almost forget what in the heck she might want me to talk about. Perhaps I'll ask if we only talk about posts that I decide to bring up, or any she feels strongly about discussing. After all, it's possible that I might write three or more in a week. I don't want to spend too much time discussing blog posts. Not all of them are significant.

My former pdoc and my grief counselor from hospice have the link to my blog, and I know they read it while I was their client. I doubt they do anymore. But it was nice that they did for awhile.

"Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself." (George Bernard Shaw)

Also:

If you go out in public and stare at something on the ground hard enough, someone will eventually walk over and pick it up for you.

YIKES
How odd and how awkward.

That would cause me to experience writer's block something terrible. I don't know...what your therapist is doing almost seems over the line of respecting a boundary.

If I were in your position I would be very tempted to close my blog, start a new one, and tell her I'm not doing a blog for the time being. Of course, closing your blog causes a whole host of problems...

I'm not exactly sure of what to advice, but I sure don't feel good about her reading your blog so avidly.