[eye2797]

Life has been Ok for the about the last week, once I came out of my hypomania.
I am still having trouble in the sleep area but am on the fence with it. I sleep more towards the morning hours and want to stay in bed till like one.
This is not what my P and T want.
Over the last few months I feel like I am getting to understand this BP stuff. Than the shat hits the fan.
I feel like a failure reasons of:
sleep issues
I feel like my husband hates me, and I try to please him
I do not work
I have a hard time with house stuff
Hubby goes silent
I cancel plans a lot

I am weak when it gets tough, I want to bail on life and I do not how to explain that , I am little depressed but yet I still do not want to live. I guess cause I can see my failures and understand them. I am a living breathing no purpose to be here blob.

I feel the same. I live for my dog. I'm sure your husband would suffer if you weren't here. I love to sleep. I sleep as long as i possibly can. I go early and stay late. Then i rest in the afternoon for a couple hours. It's not much of a life. I'm haunted by all my failures too. I think i'm over-medicated but when i think of how reckless and out-of-control i was off meds i am reluctant to see my doctor about reducing my meds. I'm so ashamed of myself, especially for being loose with guys. That's been over for years but i still hate myself for it. I'm so embarrassed. I feel it is better to be a recluse than to risk creating more experiences to be ashamed of.

[theKow]

Originally Posted by eye2797

Life has been Ok for the about the last week, once I came out of my hypomania.
I am still having trouble in the sleep area but am on the fence with it. I sleep more towards the morning hours and want to stay in bed till like one.
This is not what my P and T want.
Over the last few months I feel like I am getting to understand this BP stuff. Than the shat hits the fan.
I feel like a failure reasons of:
sleep issues
I feel like my husband hates me, and I try to please him
I do not work
I have a hard time with house stuff
Hubby goes silent
I cancel plans a lot

I am weak when it gets tough, I want to bail on life and I do not how to explain that , I am little depressed but yet I still do not want to live. I guess cause I can see my failures and understand them. I am a living breathing no purpose to be here blob.

somehow, somewhere, I lost all motivation. I used to be described as ambitious, arrogant and aggressive. now it's a triumph to wake up, let alone get dressed, bother eating... cleaning the house, pfft-- only when manic.

i have this passive desire for death. I know how much suicide would hurt my family, so instead i just wait for it. hope for it. that kind of thing.

I also live like a hermit. I don't want to be around people. for one, when I am depressed I am morbid and fatalistic. I bring everyone down and can't not do it. second, when I am manic, i am also usually irritable as all hell. little things set me off and I have a sharp tongue.

I don't like being either of those people. And last, I feel more alone in a crowd than in a basement with all the lights turned off staring into blackness.

My life has done several 180s.

[Wild Coyote]

I can relate. It's tough to feel motivated to keep going. Yet, the quality of life gets even worse when I give up and resign myself.

It's helpful to me to know I am not alone and also to have others share their experiences and how they get through.

I'd had a horrible weekend, yet am feeling a tad more hopeful this A.M. for some reason.

Thanks for this thread and to all posters.


WC

[eye2797]

I tell myself to step up, be the one you were in the past. Be the one that was outgoing. full of energy, loved life and that those in it and what I did.

Now I hate waking up, having to breath and do what I am to do. you know like house stuff, pay bills, not sleep all day, and try to keep a positive mental mind.

Lately giving up on life seems so easy, right now those around me do not know this is how I feel. I do not see away to stop the feelings.