[Helmot]

I don't know what to do. Something's not right. I have 2 minds and the sick one is always trying to take over and I'm so tired of trying to avoid this to happen. I'm anxious and depressed and there's nothing I can do to make it stop now but to breathe. I must always remember to breathe.

[bpforever1]

I feel quite depressed again. I called my mother and she said there is no time to be depressed. I did not say anything. I feel tired and apathetic. I have no energy. I have to go out tomorrow which may be good for me. I think the weather here is making it worse for me. It is rainy and humid. Yucky weather. I just need to make it until tomorrow. I will hold on and go out and hopefully I will feel better.

[Scooter9]

My older son arrived for his 2 week visit! I'm really glad to see him. We're going out later today along with my younger son and my mother. It'll be a nice 2 weeks...he's already asked to use my car lol.

My mother in law also arrived. She's staying for 3 months. She lived with us about 10 years ago but went back to her home country so she's just here for a visit this time. I get along well with her.

My mood has been it's usual low but now I'm having moments of happiness...I'll take moments over nothing at all.

I'm having big problems with dehydration with my higher dose of lithium. Over the years on various drugs I have just gotten used to the side effect of dry mouth so I drink when I think about it. The problem is that I'm drying out from lithium. I'm having constipation and fiber over that past month hasn't been helping. The solution is to drink more but it's simply not coming to mind during the day.

[Miss Laura]

Mood has greatly improved and the sun is shining what more can I ask for. Still buzzing from Fri night seeing an old pop group from the 90's in my home town. Tomorrow is my Mum's Birthday so hoping to celebrate with her and the family.

[hopeless2015]

Drinking too much again but honestly after this weekend I'm just not feeling it again so that's good. I'm still doing ok keeping the apartment clean and haven't been missing much work so I do feel good about that.

Sending big hugs to those who want or need them!!

Originally Posted by raging vortex

afternoon/ evening:

had a seizure

drank a bit of coke

struggled with ****ing flashbacks

I want it to stop... but I can't make it stop because the grounding box isn't helping me

Sorry to hear about your seizures. Are you on any anti-seizure med, like Lamictal? Or any meds at all?

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I feel quite depressed again. I called my mother and she said there is no time to be depressed. I did not say anything. I feel tired and apathetic. I have no energy. I have to go out tomorrow which may be good for me. I think the weather here is making it worse for me. It is rainy and humid. Yucky weather. I just need to make it until tomorrow. I will hold on and go out and hopefully I will feel better.

Wow, I'm sorry your mother said that to you. Well, I'm taking her comment literally -- unless she meant it in a different way that I don't know about?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Haven't been on PC too much last week or two. Hope everyone is doing ok. I've had a lot going on with me since a giant cut back on trileptal. My body has been wigging out. I've gone to the ER twice. Initially I ended up with what we think is costochondritis, which started within a couple days of the cut back. This week I got real lightheaded and dizzy and my muscles are twitching and having spasms. Felt really weird for a bit. This sucks. My anxiety has been horrible. But I don't disagree with the cut back because my sodium was so low. It has slightly rebounded. Plus side, since the cut back, my depression is loads better. Hoping things will calm down soon. Never increased my Latuda with all that's been going on. May not need to now since my mood has improved.

Costochondritis is very painful!
I hope the cut back helps you in the long run!

You are missed when you are taking a break here.
I hope you have a better week ahead!


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Have the last of five loads of laundry in the dryer. That and I made burgers for lunch. Got more stuff from grocery (seems to be a daily thing). I was helping my husband move food out of the freezer so we could defrost it, and he snapped at me for moving items he wasn't prepared to move. He's now asking me if I'm hypomanic because I was moving fast. He feels like I've been go-go-go the past few days. Maybe, but he's also moving a lot slower, is forgetting more, and seems to be more confused. Maybe we both need appointments.

Other than that--updating software on my computer and surfing the net. I have EMDR Tuesday and we're going to pick up kid's furniture on Thursday. Lots of time in between. Still need to sweep the hallway and bathroom. My husband said he'll mop the kitchen and bathroom, but he hurt his back cleaning in the basement so we'll see. I'm not mad at him, but we're both not in shape.

Still have to make dinner and then look at where we want to move. As much as we want to move out of state it's cheaper to stay in the local area. Just can't find houses with the space we need for the price we can afford.

I'm doing okay, just a little tired.

[Blueberrybook]

I slept in over 2 hours late this morning after that God-awful family reunion yesterday. I know I set my alarm clock, but I don't even remember turning it off. Usually, I remember turning off the alarm, even if I do go right back to sleep.

I went for a jog/walk, didn't fall, but sweated a lot. It is hot, and the humidity is very high after all the rain we had last week. I got back in around 9 AM, and hubby and my daughter were still asleep. Finally, at 10, I decided to take a shower even though I knew it would likely wake my daughter (and it did). She had had insomnia the night before though. She almost never sleeps that late.

I spent a good part of today sorting more books in my office. Books to sell to the used book store, books to donate to the library, books to keep. I am so proud of myself because I boxed all of my eating disorder related books (some fiction, some nonfiction) to sell or donate and NOT keep. That is something that should have been done years and years ago. I've already gotten weird of most of my skinny clothes (I even got rid of the jewelry I wore back then, which was cheap stuff anyway because it reminded me of those times); I think I have one pair of jeans somewhere in the closet; I'll find them once I'm done with my office and move on to going through my clothes. Now, if I could just delete the darn triggering (usually ED-related or SI) songs from most of my walking playlists...ugh. But some of it is I know the lyrics or the beat, and, ugh, some of those songs were very popular back in the day, such as "Anorexic Beauty" by Pulp. Even my husband has that on some of his playlists or the music he plays on the system he's set up in the house (he tends towards songs from the 1980s or electronica). I have never mentioned to him that that one song is listed nearly on every pro-ED website and forum in the ED songs playlist. Perhaps I should.

Sore muscles after a long afternoon of moving boxes filled with books. Hopefully, tomorrow, I can at least get some of the books dropped off at the library. I see my primary care physician tomorrow for my annual exam, and my appointment is around noon, but you are guaranteed to usually wait over an hour past your exam time there, and the used bookstore takes around 40 minutes to drive to. But the local library is a quick drive, less than 15 minutes as long as you go the speed limit through downtown, where the cops are just waiting to hand out traffic tickets.

I'm feeling frickin awesome right now! I got sent home from work early and that made my day because screw that place. Don't worry it was weather related not me sacrificing a kid. Anyway I'm glad they didn't admit me this morning/last night because I do NOT need to be on a locked unit. I'm free! I love this weather too! Sooo beautiful. Except I have to get my blood work done tomorrow morning when I just got some this morning. And no I'm not drunk, so I can't go to the ER.

[giddykitty]

I finally got a few minutes to spare. Now what to type up...

Well we had my husband home for the weekend so a little less crazy, at least another adult for the kids. He also has a better rhythm with things (Its his family afterall). So that was good. I'm a little anxious about when he leaves again tho.

I'm also anxious about the new car we got. It's a little tight, for lack of a better word. I dunno. It's just that we planned these long trips. Oh we will figure it out.

Mood pretty ok.

[giddykitty]

Hope you don't mind, thought of a few more things.

So I managed to sneak in a morning yoga session while everyone else slept. I slept on time. They all stayed up late. Anyway, that helped fuel my day. Feels good to do that for myself. Plus, I need to (want to) lose weight.

Speaking of weight, I weighed 5lbs more at the doctor and flipped And was so depressed the other day. Turns out their scale is off and im actually stable. Hoping my dieting and workout today and playing with the kids helps take some more off.

Ok think that's enough. Good mood

[wildflowerchild25]

My day went well. I felt bad for napping again though. Oh well. Took my son to get a haircut. The barbershop I take him to caters to kids so it was super loud and I hated every minute of being there. I had to get out ASAP. I took him to McDonald’s for lunch afterward but I couldn’t relax there either so I hurried him through his food, made him take half home because I just had to get home where it was quiet. I think I just got overwhelmed. I fell asleep for a couple of hours when I got home unfortunately. I hate when I do that. I did try to go outside with my son but he said it was too buggy out. He hates flying bugs. So we came back in.

Tomorrow is his first day of summer camp. He’s super excited. I’m glad he likes it. I wouldn’t be able to handle him at home all summer. I’m grateful that my grandma helped me pay for it. Hopefully in the future I’ll have a good paying job that will allow me to pay for it on my own. I would have been able to this year had I not had to resign but whatever.

Hoping to do major cleaning tomorrow. I’m also hoping to paint the three doors in my hallway sometime this summer. My door, my son’s door, and the bathroom door. They all look terrible. They haven’t been painted in ten years and they’re white so all the grime from the past ten years has collected and they look awful. I have my qualms about my painting abilities but I don’t think I could make them look any worse. So I just have to be brave enough to do it.

I quit smoking cigarettes five months ago today. But I started smoking e-cigarettes instead. I have vowed that once I am out of cartridges I will quit this too. That will be sometime in the next couple of days. I have sugar free candy to help me through. I think I can go without the nicotine, it’s the hand to mouth thing. Maybe I need lollipops.

I have a barbecue with my brother, his wife, my mom, my son, and my other sister In law and brother in law next weekend. I am very excited! It should be a nice day and I haven’t been with my brother and his wife in a long time. I’m hoping my boyfriend might be able to come for a couple of hours so I can introduce him to my family. They are dying to meet him. But he has odd hours at his sales job. Sometimes on saturdays he works until 9pm. That would be too late for him to come up. I’d also be nervous. I want him to like them. I mean I know they will like him. I just want everything to go ok. Maybe I will hold off. We’ve only been dating for 3.5 months. I don’t know. It might be too much to have him meet everyone at the same time. I’ll ask him what he thinks.

Otherwise still stable. I’ve been off topamax for a few days bc I haven’t filled the script yet but I will do so tomorrow. No use rocking the boat, right?

[Victoria'smom]

My head is buzzing and I'm not sleeping well off the Zyprexa. My sister's and their families came over for cake for my nephew. We were suppose to go swimming but it thundered. We had pizza and cake. It was nice, everyone got along (rare).

[Tucson]

D&D is still being played by teenagers?

My leg is sometimes hurting allot. I think I may need to go to the ER. I do not want to do this over something that I should be able to put up with. However, the earliest doctor’s appointment may be a week from now. It has been already a week since I have injured my leg. It seemed to be getting better. I then went to IHob with my iPad. This is when my leg began hurting more, much more. It is unrealistic to stay off of my feet.

I just received a “doo hickey” from Amazon that is used with my sports watch. I know what all of you will say. “Look at him. He has another toy to play with”. You would be partly true, maybe even more than “partly”. I want to determine how many calories I burn from using an indoor treadmill. Now if I was being paranoid and a*n*a*l about this, I would be weighing everything that goes into me, which I try to do, along with measuring everything that comes out of me. You know what I am saying here. However, I just do not do that sort of thing.

Update: My leg is hurting allot right now. I walk around for a couple hundred feet and this is what happens. I will break down and take a couple Tylenol.

[bpforever1]

Happy today about life. Sunshine come my way!! I love the sun!! It makes me happy!! Four cups of coffee does not hurt either. I feel great!

Besides this, I have to work today and tomorrow. So be it.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My head is buzzing and I'm not sleeping well off the Zyprexa. My sister's and their families came over for cake for my nephew. We were suppose to go swimming but it thundered. We had pizza and cake. It was nice, everyone got along (rare).

I'm so sorry about the sleep issue. It's awful when it starts happening to me. Can you get anything prescribed for sleep? I used to use Trazodone (hard to OD on but too much leaves you like a zombie the next morning, so you have to find the right dosage) and hydroxyzine. The Trazodone helped me fall asleep (though I had to allow for the hour or so it took to start working), the hydroxyzine to stay asleep. It was pretty effective. When I was trying to get pregnant with my daughter, I took a herbal remedies for sleep and stayed off most psych meds except Zoloft (which they used to feel was safe until you were pregnant, at the end of pregnancy and even while breastfeeding; I don't think they do anymore though). I took a combination of melatonin & and valerian (stinks to high heaven & if you have cats they will treat it like catnip). It is not recommended to combine the 2, but that was the only thing that worked for me. Ambien caused me panic attacks. Benadryl did nothing. Restoril may as well be candy. I usually drank a cup of chamomile tea (steeping it the max amount of time), the herbal valerian (capsule form) with melatonin, also pills. I bought each separately at a natural vitamin shop except the chamomile tea which is easily available in any grocery store. It was the only combo that made falling asleep feel normal, except for the stuff I was prescribed (the Trazodone/hydroxyzine combo - the hydroxyzine to stay asleep, the Trazodone to fall asleep). That stopped working after being hypomanic in March.

Now, I'm on Seroquel (well I was on that beforehand too but my pdoc upped the dosage for the mania and that usually puts me out quickly though I also take Clonidizine for sleep (you have to monitor the dosage of Clonidize though; it can make you very confused and super forgetful). For me, to the point where I did the drive-through ATM at the bank and left my debit card in the machine and drove off. Thank goodness the person behind me was honest and took the card inside to the bank. When the bank called me, I had no memory of forgetting the debit card and had gone shopping to several stores and was horrified that I'd done such a thing. I immediately called my pdoc, and he lowered the dosage of Clonidizine). My pdoc also has me take 5-10 mg melatonin for sleep if I have difficulty.

anxiety- high

depression- high

rest- non existent

mood- don't really know... in them iddle somewhere?

and now a whole new week to try and brave...... uggg.

please be nice to me world

[Nammu]

Didn't really sleep, so up with the sun. Gee lots of half hour ads on this time of the morning!

[Rainbow Child]

I am very excited today! I’m taking my oldest two boys to a Japanese grill for lunch. This is a big deal for me. I’m even going to wear makeup! They are going to think the grill is so cool. I can’t afford to do it, but we’re splurging. And did I mention I get SUSHI! Eeeeek! Lol.

I made these plans yesterday, and today I’m still feeling up to it. Normally I can’t do stuff like this. The people. Crowds. Public. But TODAY I’M DOING IT, and we’re going to have a blast!

[bewise93]

Very tired. A little irritable. Somewhat anxious. Wish things could get better.

Last Friday I saw one of two prospective new therapists to replace my current one who recently moved her office far from my house. Last Friday I had a mix of excitement and just a tiny bit of anxiety. I kind of dreaded having to tell my story, but when I got there I developed motor mouth and had no problems.

Today I see the second prospective therapist. I'm feeling much more anxious and barely excited at all. The double vision I developed yesterday doesn't help. And my psychiatrist has yet to call me back. I've been overeating all morning and feel horrible.

I feel physically weak. Probably because of the 300mg of clozaril (per my doctor's suggestion) and taking 40mg of zyprexa at once (per my impulsivity and need for this feeling to end). I'm not really tired, just feels like my body is 2x heavier and slower.
I'm doing good in spite of that today. I got my blood work done, put air in my tires, and took out a book from the library and started it.

[Blueberrybook]

Irritable and moody this morning, but I expect my period in 2-3 days, so it's probably PMS. I've noticed my PMS has gotten worse the older I get.

Eating a PB&J sandwich right quick before leaving for my annual exam with my primary care doctor. I haven't seen her in ages. She's always booked and apparently doing more admin stuff, so usually I've had to see another doctor or a nurse practicioner when I need to go in.