[Scooter9]

My son who had been visiting for two weeks left today. I miss him already. He said he'll be back for Christmas.

I look at my old posts here and see they're all about feeling low and today is no different. I have a pdoc appointment on Tuesday...I'll tell her about my son's visit and that he just left, plus the loss of my job. Still holding on.

[Unrigged64072835]

My daughter is home for the day. She's doing her laundry and cleaning up her space. One of her friends is over to help. How cool!

Ex's mother wants to call us sometime this weekend and talk about what happened with her son. She says "no hard feelings" and she was expecting it, but she has no idea about what he did to the house. My daughter said she'll arrange a place for us to meet if need be. I'm nervous about this but she wants to not be a "helicopter parent" and look at things objectively.

Meanwhile I have my desktop back up because if I have to put up with young adults for another month I want someplace to go besides the bedroom. However my neck and back still hurt so more physical therapy is required.

I'm doing good, though. I'm relaxing today after all the hard work for the last two days.

[wildflowerchild25]

I had the urge to drive really fast with my music blasting but I couldn’t because my son was in the Car. My mood switched from agitated to happy about midday. I did some manual labor to get my energy out. I weeded the front garden because it was such a beautiful day out. But I totally ****ed up my back and now I’m in pain. I was uncomfortable even standing to make my lasagna. I am disappointed because NV can’t come for dinner. But my SIL is still coming so that’s a plus.

I definitely don’t want to pick up smoking again. My mouth tastes disgusting. My cartridges should come Monday so if I can just hold out till then...it depends on my mood. If I’m super agitated like I was today then I guess I’ll just have to do it so I don’t snap at my son. I don’t want him to be the object of my wrath.

I hate being bored. I have to plan something for tomorrow.

[yellow_fleurs]

Doing okay today. Some of the worst irritability has subsided. I also went to my acupuncturist today. He has helped me in the past with my hormones/moods/pain so hoping he will be able to help straighten me out a little. I mean, I do feel a little better today afterwards but could be a coincidence. Also, I got a job offer today for a job I interviewed for via Skype yesterday. I felt terrible yesterday so no idea how I did well with the interview honestly. Self destructive and impulsive thoughts continue, though. They seem here to stay for now and I am trying my best to stay on top of them and not do anything I would regret. I am on the therapeutic dose of Lamictal for 2 days now, so we'll see soon if it will help...

[Blueberrybook]

I had a decent day. Went for a run this morning and finally figured out (I think!) how to keep my computer mouse from randomly freezing, requiring a hard re-boot of my computer each time it happened (every 20-30 minutes). I deleted some junk programs from my computer, still have more of that to do, and finally puzzled out how to get my music from iTunes onto my phone. In the past, it's been simpler, but with the freezing mouse and this latest phone, it is not easy at all. I've been able to start a playlist, but I need to get more songs on it before my run/walk tomorrow.

I spent most of the afternoon with my daughter, taking her to a place with a kids craft to make slime, picking up a few groceries, including my daughter's new backpack for school. Her school is starting super-early this year, August 15. It's never started that early before. She is very bummed because the school district switched to a mesh or transparent only backpack policy this year...sigh...these are the times we live in. They even have measurement dimensions for girls who need to carry a purse. I think my daughter will need one soon as the pediatrician thinks she will start her cycle before she turns 11 in mid-December. And who wants all their feminine supplies in full view in a mesh backpack? At least, my daughter found a mesh backpack in a color she liked. At one of the local library reading programs, my daughter met a goal and got a coupon for a free small bowl at a sub-zero nitrogen ice cream place. I'd been wanting to try it out since it opened, and the freebie was a good excuse. She liked watching the process and wanted the workers to explain all the science to her.

My mood is pretty good lately. I'm not sure if it's stability or a bit of hypo after getting put on Adderall about 3 weeks ago. I wish the improved concentration with the Adderall would last a bit longer though. It doesn't get me through the afternoon. I think I see the pdoc again on Thursday. I haven't had those falling issues since he lowered the dosage of propranolol, so hopefully, that is fixed.

[Wild Coyote]

Saw three nephews today! One is just back from a tour in Afghanistan.
Had a great time with them! Fine young men.

Love to All.


WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm holding stable for 2 months now although my pdoc says especially 3 weeks.

This week I see my therapist and then he leaves 2 days later for vacation. My mom leaves 2 days after that for vacation and my sister leaves about the same time. That's my support system all away.

I'm really anxious about this. Last year when my mom went on vacation I nearly ended up hospitalized with hallucinations and concerned my therapist enough he called me at home on his days off to check on me, something he has never done in 12 years of therapy. Summers, this one so far excepted, can be really hard for me and it's hard trust stability when it is the first time ever.

I'm so glad I have the appointment Monday but am finding this really stressful.

[Cocosurviving]

Today I woke at 8:30 AM CST because my oldest daughter was suppose to go meet an advise at a college. I texted her to get the address then she told me she was not going. I really hate to sound negative but I don’t know if she’s school material. Last night she decided to go out. Her priorities are out of order. I climbed back in bed for a few more hours. Then decided to start me day. I made a purchase last week and decide it was not a good idea. I paid $150 in cash and the balance I put on a credit card. I had to order it and received an e-mail that it had arrived in the store. I went to Best Buy to return it and the store rep asked why I was returning it. I said because I want to. Me and my younger daughter picked up a few things from the grocery store. Oh we stopped by Game Stop and purchased two games for the Xbox One. Tonight I practice some GRE vocabulary words. I’m 85% sure I want to go for my masters degree.

today someone on an online game I play decided to have a go at me because she didn't get her own way.

I'd asked for help with a quest, and the lady, knowing full well, I was too low level to kill the dragon on my own, sent me inside on my own to kill it.

of course, I died, and someone sle said to me but she knew you were going to die, and then I got someone else to help me with the quest and complete it.. and she was absolutely furious, started all these threats and crap and even blocked me because as far as she was concerned, I didn't deserve to complete it

what an ***.

anyway I don't need her in my life. I blocked her too. what goes around comes around, you know.

apart from that I had a pretty deecent meal last night (first time in a long time), I always have meals- but they usually suck

yesterday I had pork ribbs and they were quite nice.

no sleep- but I can live with that

today just drinking a lot because it's really hot, listening to my fan going and posting here.

will cook my roast later

Here I sit broken hearted, trying to shi+ but only farted.

My husband and I are sleeping in this morning. Well, I'm awake, but still in bed. For a while he was awake, while we had my parrot with us. Then I noticed something quite peaceful. I told my husband to pay attention to the sound in the room. For a number of seconds we were completely silent. The sound? Absolute silence. No cars, no birds (even my parrot made no sound), nothing! It was wonderful to savor.

Hubby has since fallen asleep again. Now I hear the sound of his breathing and an occasional light snore. I also hear my parrot, now in his cage, crunching his food. It's still peaceful. I have absolutely zero stress at this time. This says something about the value of mindfulness.

[Blueberrybook]

Doing pretty good today. I think I am somewhat hypo, but not too bad. I went running this morning and am about to start working on organizing my office again. Hopefully, I can make some noticeable progress, enough that I can start reading the book for my upcoming book club group because I haven't started yet, and the meeting is coming up soon.

My sister & I are planning out playdates with my daughter and her 3 girls where we'd do something special with one of her daughters at a time as my daughter often feels overwhelmed by all 3 of them. My sister did suggest we do a back to school bash for all of them though - make homemade ice cream, have an indoor picnic, check out a movie from the library (she limits the amount of TV/video her girls can watch), maybe make posters of their goals for the next year. My daughter is going into 5th grade (last year of elementary school!), and she has one going into kindergarten, one into 2nd grade, and a 4 year old. She has homeschooled the second-grader, but she says she can't take it anymore and just needs a break. No kidding. I go over there, and I'm exhausted after 3 hours because all of her girls want something at the same time, all want attention and want to talk. It gets to be a lot.

[yellow_fleurs]

Last night was tough will feeling depressed and impulsive. I didn't really feel safe with myself. Today I am feeling a bit better. I visited a friend in the morning and am seeing another this afternoon. It is better if I am social and don't isolate. I already feel like I am just "making it up" when I feel bad and then feel better the next day. Like I need to just try harder or stop focusing on it.

Massive anxiety. Hypo! I need to get some weed asap

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Last night was tough will feeling depressed and impulsive. I didn't really feel safe with myself. Today I am feeling a bit better. I visited a friend in the morning and am seeing another this afternoon. It is better if I am social and don't isolate. I already feel like I am just "making it up" when I feel bad and then feel better the next day. Like I need to just try harder or stop focusing on it.

I have felt like this many times. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.

[pirilin]

It's too hot out there. Went to the fleamarket and bought things I don't need but wanted.
Pool time.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m doing much better today. I cooked dinner for my in laws yesterday and it was very good. Had the leftovers for breakfast today I took my son to the park for about an hour today. I have plans to go to the shore tomorrow by myself. The one I’m going to is only 45 minutes from my house so plenty of time to get there and back to pick up my son. I’m not going to go on the beach, just walk the boardwalk, get some food, that type of stuff. Hopefully not spend too much money. I just want to make sure I stay out of bed. I don’t want to keep sleeping my day away. Then Tuesday I will spend the morning with my boyfriend, then pt/chiro and therapy. I have to admit to her I canceled on her because I was too depressed to get out of bed. Not looking forward to that. Wednesday I’m taking my son to an amusement park with his friend, and then Friday I’m hanging out with my SIL. So really, I only have to fill Thursday. I’m glad I have a busy week for once.

I’m going to cook tomorrow too. I don’t have anything planned for The rest of the week yet though. I’ll have to figure something out for Wednesday and Thursday. Although Wednesday I’ll probably just do sandwiches because I’ll be tired from the amusement park. So really just Thursday. Maybe pulled pork. That’s always good, and I have brioche buns already and pretty sure I have pork shoulder.

Now I’m just going to relax before I make dinner tonight.

I've had a similar thing going on, wildflowerchild-- not getting out of bed on days I don't have to do something lately. But today I took a shower ('bout time!), went to the grocery store and the library. Cleaned a little in the kitchen and did dishes (there were just a few). Filled pill boxes. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday there is work, so those are taken care of, but who knows what Thursday will bring. The only serious downer today was witnessing (possible trigger --threatened violence toward someone else)

Possible trigger:

someone being chased and threatened with a power drill! The guy was scary and bashing on the windshield of the vehicle he was chasing the guy around threatening to kill him. 911 was called and TG he was apprehended by the police (he made a run for it). Yikes! Shook everyone up (there were quite a few witnesses).

Back to (overly) quiet home. The bed is calling because I don't know what else to do with myself. Anything I look at feels overwhelming and or I'm totally unmotivated. Sigh.

Discovered a new band I like though (via hearing a bit in a tv series and exploring further) so enjoying listening to them on youtube.

[Unrigged64072835]

Meeting with daughter's ex's parents is done. Daughter and husband are pissed off. I'm like eh, it's over with. They moved his stuff back to their house, and we got the car back. He took out the radio he bought, but also the mounting bracket he didn't buy. Will get that tomorrow along with getting the title switched over so my daughter can drive the car. I think we're going to be flat broke for the rest of the month. As much as I love my daughter, I'm really looking forward to her moving out so we can have some peace for once and not all the drama. I'll probably miss her later but not the drama.

Other than a bit of rebound anxiety (from having to be glued together while everyone else is unraveling), I'm okay. Thank goodness Trileptal is working because I would've been unraveled too.

[Moose72]

I was thinking of getting my piercings removed at the shop tomorrow but i remembered i have my followup from my hospital stay tomorrow afternoon. I hope it goes well as its not with my regular dr. I also have appointments the rest of the week. Yuck. Ive felt good sad and worried this last week. When will i settle down?

[Cocosurviving]

Today my daughter took out the trash. I walked our dog a few times. I made breakfast. Then I studied vocabulary words. My living room table chairs make my back hurt. I took an hour nap. Then made tuna for dinner.

[Tucson]

I am here. Big deal!

I am in not a very good state of mind. I do not know why. I am a bit agitated, depressed, sad, and angry. Because of the way I feel now, I do not want to go anywhere next week. The thought of this bothers me right now. Being cooped up in my house is not helping things either. Sometimes I want to get out of here perhaps on some day trip. Right now I just feel like staying indoors. This mood change happened quickly. I have this trapped feeling, that something is going wrong. I have food, but for some reason I feel that I do not have anything to eat. Helpessness. Agitation. I cannot do anything about this. I am not happy over anything. I am trapped in a bad place. I am getting agitated over things that would normally be manageable of actually no big deal to me. I feel intimidated at handling anything in my life right now.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I have felt like this many times. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.

This means a lot, thank you.

[Pookyl]

Hubby left for HK. My daughter is coming early evening to ‘babysit’ me until Friday. She will be out and about most days so not underfoot too much I hope.

I farted.

I'm guessing that is the most interesting part of my day today

seriously I am doing **** all, and when I say **** all, I litirally mean an automatic door probably has a more interesting day than I have.

that said I am in an okay place. mood good and stuff

no sleep but blah what's new

may as well stick a sign to me that says constantly awake