[Tucson]

I am here. Well, lets see...I behan walking again for exercise. I had injured my leg but it felt much better. Unfortunately I also started to run. Mistake. My leg now hurts again. In a couple days I will be alright.

I have been eating desserts to keep my calorie count up. Right now I have finished a slice of Cocos apple pie. I have problems with being able to eat enough in calories to maintain my weight. So I resort to desserts. Not healthy, but does the trick.

Tomorrow it will be one year since my mother died. My daughter reminded me of this. When she passed on, I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. Now one year later I am beginning to feel sad. It was a nightmare for the last year during my 24/7 care of her. A real nightmare. I ended up suffering from very bad depression. I could just barely keep things together. In the end, I was losing it. I still remember my mother before her dementia. It is that person who I miss.

I think I mentioned that my daughter is pregnant by accident. However, it looks like my daughter wants to take on this new responsability. The person who will be the father of the baby is a bum. No character at all. My daughter is the one who will be holding it together for both of them.

[Sunflower123]

Have been dealing with a tooth ache for two days now (my dentist was on vacation). I put it in the top three most painful things for me next to natural labor and a pinched nerve.

I have the utmost respect for the folks on PC who deal with physical pain day in and day out on top of mental illness. My hat is off and my heart goes out to you. This is just rough.

Hanging in there until tomorrow.

Sending hugs to all those that need them.

[wildflowerchild25]

Spent most of the day extremely hungover from the family bbq 😫 I did not mean to drink as much as I did. But oh well, I had a great time.

I went out to dinner with my boyfriend. We mutually decided it was time for him to meet my son. It went very well. My son is a very personable child so most people like him right away. And my boyfriend is great with kids. So He and my son got along very well. I’m glad. It feels like our relationship is progressing. Next step is introducing him to the rest of my family. He also introduced me to two of his friends tonight so there’s that.

I am withdrawing from nicotine and it’s hell. I want to smoke or vape so badly but I want this monkey off my back. It’s expensive and unhealthy. People think the vaping isn’t as unhealthy but it’s really hard to say as not enough research has been done. So I want to be proactive before all the research comes out saying it’s just as bad as smoking. I just have to grit my teeth and power through. If I made it through a hospitalization without smoking I can surely make it through regular stable life.

[bizi]

Back from our trip north to INDY to stay with my mother in law, and a few days with my folks. Went to a james taylor concert with bonne raitt. It was great!
Work this week starting at 830am...I am not a morning person so this will be a challenge for me to make it up I am setting the alarm for 7am. This will give me some time to hit snooze and then get ready for the day to leave the house at 8am. I need to get to bed at a reasonable hour too.
I am already yawning so that is a good sign.
Have had a few too many drinks...not good I know.
bizi

Too much cussing in original post. Lets just say I'm aggravated and I'm going to get some guy that lives near me thrown in jail hopefully.

[yellow_fleurs]

Having kind of a rough time with intense irritability, random anger, feeling impulsive, mixed with anxiety the past few days. Just feeling so worn out from fighting it right now. Pushing through, though, and waiting for it to get better (I hope). May talk to my pdoc soon if it doesn't. Talked to my SO in more detail about how I was feeling since I could tell I was being short with him and he was getting frustrated. Fortunately he was very understanding once I explained I am was holding back 10x more irritability than I was exhibiting and trying really hard not to be rude.

Is it wrong to be sexually aroused by construction vehicles?

Asking for a friend.

[Pookyl]

Felt well today. Had multiple doctors appointments to go to, so all a bit boring

today I was given a brand new stuffed animal.
it's a bunny rabbit and it's actually a keyring- so what you can do is either keep it on the keyring itself, or take the bunny off and use it as a cuddly toy

it is so cute.

doing okay mostly. still a little hot though- but hopefully having the fan on all day will help with that

Ugh. In about an hour and a half, I see my GP for a physical. I am NOT looking forward to seeing this ignorant lady. I don't know how the hell she has 60+ reviews on Google and an average of 4.9 out of 5 stars. She called me a liar when i had my old drs office send her my paperwork, and then she said that my "diet is to blame" for my low blood pressure and high cholesterol. Well, lady, I never had these problems before starting meds. There's a reason my old GP prescribed me lipitor and why I tried a nutritionist, who ultimately agreed to the medication, because my healthy diet failed to fix my blood pressure and cholesterol. Don't you know how to READ Dr notes, lady? My old GP was a cholesterol specialist, too.

Dumb b****. Go f*** yourself.

I need a new gp real bad.

[Blueberrybook]

Sorry to have been MIA. I will read more threads and respond to more hopefully later today or tomorrow.

I had a great weekend, and I wasn't hypomanic! Once a year, we have a Sister Day,when my 2 younger sisters & I get together without kids (husbands get to watch the kids, especially the younger ones). One of my sisters is 16 months younger than I am; I cannot even remember a time before she wasn't around. My other sister is 5 years younger, which was a huge gap growing up, but negligent now that we are adults.

This weekend, my youngest sister & I drove to Plano (near Dallas) for Sister Day with my middle sister. I host it next year, and hopefully, I can find some fun things to do, though with living near to Houston, if I can't find it locally, I am sure to be able to find something there. Though when my middle sister hosts it, it is more like Sister Weekend. We drive to Plano from the Houston area, and that can take just over 4 hours to 6, depending on traffic in Houston & Dallas. We were lucky and didn't hit any bad traffic. When we arrived Friday, it happened to be my middle sister's birthday, so we all went out to eat with she & her family (husband & my 2 nephews who are 11 & 13).

Saturday, we did the full sister day, starting with breakfast at a cute crepes & coffee place. I hadn't had crepes in forever, and they had all kinds of specialty crepes. Then, we played badminton on a court my sister had reserved. I hadn't played badminton since college. It is the only sport I am semi-good at, unless you count solo running. In college, I needed 4 P.E. credits to graduate, and I took badminton 3 times (we were allowed to repeat the P.E. courses, and I believe they were only on a pass/fail subject). My final P.E. I took self-defense, figuring everyone (especially a woman) could use that. After we got cleaned up, we went to lunch at a cute restaurant; then my sister took us to a chocolate shop that hand-made chocolates, some of them even hand-painted. OMG, it is good I don't live anywhere near that place! For dinner, we went to Medieval Times in Dallas since I had never been. Sunday, I had an awesome run, as my sister lives about a quarter mile from a nature reserve though the end of the run was tricky as the ground rises up a bit. The Plano area is a bit steeper than where I live in La Porte. When you live so close to the ocean & beach, land tends to be flat unless designed with slopes, so I am used to running/walking on flat surfaces. Again, no falls. I am getting hopeful that decreasing the propranolol has helped with my falling. I take it to help with anxiety.

I haven't had any panic attacks lately, and my mood has been good, but not hypomanic, I don't think. I am sleeping very well, usually 7-8 hours a night. I hope & pray it continues awhile.

Hugs to everyone having it rough. I think I will take it easy today though I have medical bills to call about and sort. Sigh. It's never fun to call those places or to call the stupid insurance company.

The other downside is I have to take our cat Licorice to the vet for her annual exam & shots. Not one of our 3 cats is crazy about getting into the cat carrier (in fact, our cat Midnight broke a cat carrier & got free, but thankfully, it was right as I arrived at the vet's office). That's what I get for buying a Wal-mart carrier on the cheap. I need to go to PetSmart & buy two more sturdier carriers (we already have one), but it is a little pricey when money is tight. I don't know how cats can just stiffen themselves up to make getting into a cat carrier such a nightmare, especially since they weigh at most 12 lb. (Licorice is a little overweight). But they need their shots though at least Licorice is on the 3 year rabies shot (got it last year), so that is one less she has to get this year.

I hope this mood lasts. I like it so much. Plus, I think the Adderall is helping my concentration, and it is really boosting my sex drive which is usually non-existent when I am on meds.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Ugh. In about an hour and a half, I see my GP for a physical. I am NOT looking forward to seeing this ignorant lady. I don't know how the hell she has 60+ reviews on Google and an average of 4.9 out of 5 stars. She called me a liar when i had my old drs office send her my paperwork, and then she said that my "diet is to blame" for my low blood pressure and high cholesterol. Well, lady, I never had these problems before starting meds. There's a reason my old GP prescribed me lipitor and why I tried a nutritionist, who ultimately agreed to the medication, because my healthy diet failed to fix my blood pressure and cholesterol. Don't you know how to READ Dr notes, lady? My old GP was a cholesterol specialist, too.

Dumb b****. Go f*** yourself.

I need a new gp real bad.

Sorry you're mad. Its ur over? What did you do afterwards?

[bpforever1]

I am doing ok. I feel fine although the weather is too hot. I will survive. I took my medication and feel ok. I hope tomorrow is ok too.

Originally Posted by Supreme Soviet

Is it wrong to be sexually aroused by construction vehicles?

Asking for a friend.

I certainly never heard of it before.

I suppose their's nothing really wrong with it, we're all diffrent

[Scooter9]

Yesterday was the second year of my sister's passing. I spent the day with my mother visiting an art gallery and going for coffee. We went over memories and talked about my sister. I still miss her.

Mood-wise I continue to feel low. Perhaps I'm expecting too much from lithium - maybe I won't regain my baseline mood on it.

[yellow_fleurs]

Still feeling irritable and quick to anger today, but got a haircut this morning and had the most relaxing shampoo and head massage ever, and feel better with a new hairstyle. That relaxed me a bit. Feeling very drowsy throughout the day lately and like I need to take more naps, even after waking up without a problem. Usually when very depressed I don't want to get out of bed, so I think this is possibly a med side effect. Going to see a friend today so that should hopefully make me feel a little better.

[Unrigged64072835]

Looks like my daughter and her boyfriend will be breaking up before this move. Crap. He left to "look at a car" and was supposed to come back to do laundry, but I don't think the latter will happen. She is still staying at a friend's house and is looking to find a smaller apartment. He's letting her cool down but I don't think it'll happen this time. She's had enough and some of their friends have had enough as well.

Sigh.

I just hope they're both gone soon so we can get things done with the house and I can have my home office back. Not to mention not having all the drama. I don't know how much more of this my husband and I can take, honestly. We figured this would happen sooner, but neither one likes confrontation. Since they both still "live" here, we're kind of stuck watching the train wreck until the rubble clears. All I know is they need to be out by mid-August, when the contractors are coming in.

Meanwhile--looks like we're better off with the budget than expected.

So I'm anxious but trying to stay chill. I hope this doesn't spark an episode in either direction.

[Daonnachd]

I've been on the hospital's patient financial assistance for a year, but the enrollment is only good for a year, so I've got to resubmit all the paperwork. I'm overwhelmed. I just want to give up on getting the ECT treatments. If we have to pay for it I don't see how I can continue. As things go right now, we are overdrawn by more than $700. I don't have the paperwork necessary to reapply to the hospital for financial assistance. My next ECT, which was already stretched out two weeks further than it should've been, is this Friday. Now I may have to cancel it despite needing it. The only solution I can see is to quit getting the ECT.

[Standup2me]

Eight months in the new city, in a new home. I thought that I would get over being so homesick by now.
I hate it here. But, here is where we are.
I hate it so much that all I can do is cry.

This is going to be an indepth check in from your least favorite user, Spikes.
I fricken hate being in treatment. I swear on my life I'll do better untreated. Everything is just so stressful. Counselors at PHP are "concerned" well **** that. I didn't take my meds last night and I'm doing fantastic so I'm not going to take them again tonight. Take away all the good aspects of my personality why don't you. Tomorrow I am calling and asking to be discharged. It's been a month and NO IMPROVEMENTS. When my nonPHP doc told me to keep going to PHP that proved to me that I should stop going because I know everything he says to do I need to do the opposite and I'll be okay. I probably don't even have bipolar disorder, it's something they made up to invalidate me and have me second guess myself 24/7. They probably saw some person with a promising future and wanted to take that away because they couldn't have that themselves. Well guess what, they can't take that from me. I can be stronger than the enemy. I always have been but it's time to prove it. I've always known it was me against the world since I was little. I must've forgotten at some point. Gotta bring that back.
The counselor said at one point mania must have caused me problems, but it was never the mania. It was other people that want to take me down. All of therapy is a sham. I could cure everyone in PHP's problems in a day if I gave it some thought. I could cure cancer if I had a million dollars. There really are no "problems" because we all know problems are what a problem is. Life in itself is a "problem" but it's also a solution. It's so simple I don't understand why no one gets it.
They even suggested me not going to work tomorrow and giving up my keys. This is not me explaining I'm unwell (I know it might seem that way, but I promise I'm fine). This is me explaining that counselors are trying to ruin my life. No more. I'm putting my foot down. I'm not going to murder anyone or myself, not even in self defense. No prostitution either, unless that's what it takes for my end goal.

[Standup2me]

Last night I dreamt of my dead mother.
I told her that she disappointed me
I asked her why she never protected me from my brother when she knew he was violent and abusive
Then it hit me. She was too narcissistic to care. She took pleasure in making her kids fight with each other.
She was in her best mood when one of us failed at something.
I told her that she was a b***h and that I was glad she was dead
It felt so good.
I wonder if when dead people come to us in dreams that they really are coming to us, but that our conscience mind cannot accept it, so we call it a dream?

[Lifeischallenging]

Hey all. Have been feeling less sleepy. I've been trying to go to bed early, but I wake up early. I must be manic or something. I hate that feeling. Hopefully, it goes away.

this morning my mother decided to email me one of her sick, abusive, twisted emails

I ignored it (I don't have time to deal with her drama), but it made me feel angry and frustrated- and just a tiny bit anxious.

I posted in a few sections if any of you want to read about it.

other than that, I guess I'm okay. weather is still hot, and I could do with it cooling down

rant of the day is this:
if someone is alergic to wasps/ bees, they are alergic to wasps/ bees, not scared of them. their is a big diffrence

hate it when someone says I am scared of something but actually I'm alergic

makes no senss and sends me over the edge

[scatterbrained04]

Saw my pdoc today. He wants to raise my gabapentin to try to help somewhat with sleep and anxiety. Then he wants me to go down again on my trileptal. Will be a small decrease for now, not like before. Not feeling super great about continuing to go down on my mood stabilizer. Makes me worried I'm going to end up in a bad episode. Might be going up on Latuda next month. I HATE dicking with my meds. I always have issues going up and down on them. Still having muscle twitching (probably from the hyponatremia) but overall I've felt better the last few days.