[bpforever1]

I met the online man and decided not to see him again. All he talked about was sex. I did not have sex with him and felt like a piece of meat. I like the previous man I was seeing still. I am hoping we can see each other again one day. I am doing ok. I have a rather busy schedule this week. I will just show up and see what happens. I am still taking my medication daily. I feel fine. Today's weather is nice. It made me happy for awhile.

I'm actually doing well today. I'm starting to think about returning to work. I don't know exactly what I want to do because I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the stress. It's amazing how some pills can completely change my thoughts, emotions, and experiences.

[Blueberrybook]

I had a difficult evening last night. We went to a swim birthday party my daughter had been invited to. I HATE social situations like that, especially where I only know the child's mother and everyone else knows each other. There were hardly any tables to sit there when we got there, and it started raining, getting everything wet. I went off to a set of 2 covered tables (one occupied by a child's father) and set our stuff down. Of course, shortly later it stopped raining. Hubby went in the pool with my daughter (she has to wear glasses and without them, only sees clearly about 3 feet around her, according to the optometrist). I don't like swimming with my contact lens, and my eyesight is horrible without them. I am a -10 in contact lenses. I can't even read a book clearly without contacts or glasses. So I ended up sitting by myself, bored because I cracked my cell phone during my fall last Sunday, and it hardly works (can't type numbers or the letter "e"). In addition, the scrape on my chin from my fall last Sunday started seeping fluid and smelling AGAIN. I have been to that urgent care place twice now, and they are not fixing it. I finally left it unbandaged last night, and I think at least it's scabbing over. Hubby says we're going to wait to get me another phone until I either stop falling or get to the cause of it, but it really sucks. Some people, like my youngest sister, text EVERYTHING, and I can't reply. Sometimes, I can't even type the number 8, which is in the PIN to unlock my phone. I was nearly crying by the time we left the party. My daughter was so sweet and kept trying to cheer me up. I'm still depressed about the cell phone issue, but I'm doing a bit better this morning.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Spent the whole night last night at the ER with BF. Again. Same symptoms as 2 weeks ago (like an out of control anxiety, high agitation, psychotic break kind of thing). And there was the psych ER place less than a week ago as well. Things are clearly out of hand. I requested we go to the psych ER when the ambulance came, but they were not accepting patients, so we had to go to the regular one ---- and in the midst of writing this -- he just asked to go again (at least he's lucid now).

So resuming writing, I am there. But will be leaving once he gets in. He has said he doesn't want to put me through more after last night (which wore me down to overwhelmed tears after being up for 24 hours and hours trying to keep his agitation from harming -- like hold, " no, you cannot get up". Then 15 seconds later again. And again and again). He had refused to talk to a pdoc last night. He has reconsidered, even though he thinks there is no help for him.

I'm at my wits end.

So sorry you and your BF are going through this. I do hope they have an answer for him.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope you're doing okay, WC and cin1812.

Spent most of the day in the bedroom, as it's the only place with both house and portable AC. Still, it's 70 degrees F in here and climbing. At least I got the laundry done. It's too hot in the rest of the house to clean anything else.

I did finish another "loop song" that I've been working off and on for a while. Not too thrilled with it but it's done.

I tried to go through my memento bin. I moved some lighter stuff to another bin and got rid of a few things, but it's still full of photo albums, yearbooks, and vinyl records so it's still heavy. I finally stopped after it got too hot. It's so bad that even the basement heats up.

Will make a cold salad (tomato and cucumber) and microwave some breaded chicken strips for dinner, then retreat to the bedroom again. And it'll be the same routine until Wednesday. Not even the cats are down meowing for dinner. It's weird.

Bleh. Still have the TD but was able to keep focused so it wasn't too bad. Changed my supplements to a different time to see if that would help. It did, somewhat, but now I have a headache.

Mood is okay.

[Sunflower123]

I made it home. I really appreciate the hugs, the advice and the kind words. It helped me through and made me smile.

I gained experience and learned a valuable lesson that second week (it is better for me not to negotiate my mental health if I can help it).

Thank you again.

Sending hugs to those that need them.

[hopeless2015]

It's been a pretty good day. Trying out a new recipe for supper, hope it's good.

HUGS

[Scooter9]

It was a nice day today...my youngest son made a bbq for me, a friend came to visit, and I did some gardening. I'm not feeling as low as I did last week so maybe the lithium is working. Keeping my fingers crossed.

[Miss Laura]

So I've been off my meds for 2-3 weeks after only being on them for 3 weeks cause I can't stay on them. Prior to this I was off my meds for 3 and a half months. I just can't seem to take them.

In with not taking my meds I have been manic since Nov. My life turned in Nov when my Mum who is 61 years old had a sever stroke. It came on suddenly. She's doing good and is finally out of the hospital after 7 months in the hospital and rehab. She was paralysed down her right side but is slowly regaining it. And lost her speech. Again slowly regaining it. We thought we were going to lose her. But thankfully she is alive and we have her for hopefully another wee while. The day she dies is the day I die too.

Now after 7 months of keeping my family together I'm depressed. They rely on me to not be ill. I have kept everything from them as they don't need my dramas on top of ours as a families. I don't even know if my Mum knows I have Bipolar. Her mind is sketchy for details.

I'm exhausted yet I am caring for my Mum as she doesn't want carers in. I've cried I've lost it and I've cried some more. But my Mum is my Mum at the end of the day. I love her.

So yeah it's been a rollercoaster of 7 months and I'm flying between mania and depression.

[Wild Coyote]

Father's Day is not the best day to begin with. Family troubles -- sister acting up, as per usual. I'm too old for this. I don't need the stress!

Love to all!


WC

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Father's Day is not the best day to begin with. Family troubles -- sister acting up, as per usual. I'm too old for this. I don't need the stress!

Love to all!


WC

I’m sorry WC. I’d forgotten about your dad. About your family...I totally get that. Smh. Sending big hugs and positive vibes.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m sorry WC. I’d forgotten about your dad. About your family...I totally get that. Smh. Sending big hugs and positive vibes.

Thanks, Jennifer.


WC

[Rainbow Child]

Today has been good. Spent time with my dad and family. I opened up and talked with my mom about my current state of mind— lots of tears, but I feel better. I feel some mania creeping in. It’s time again for it. I’m a bit fearful of it, but standing my ground! I hope.

[Blueberrybook]

Today has been better than last night. I went for a jog this morning and did not fall. It's been a week since I last fell, which is probably the longest phase I've not fallen in a long time. Not walking on the sidewalk has made a big difference. After lunch, my daughter went with me to walk around the block, and she nearly tripped on the sidewalk because of how uneven it is (she's 10). There is a lot of settling in this area that affects houses and I think roads and sidewalks as well, not to mention the growth of large trees since our house was built in 1964. The settling is so bad, we have to have our foundation adjusted again next week; this is the 3rd time next since we bought the house around 13 years ago. This time, it's all around the house though, which is more than it was last time. Luckily, when we bought the house, it came with a lifetime foundation adjustment from the previous owner that transferred over to us, so we don't have to pay for it as long as that foundation company stays in business. I have decided for safety's sake to stop trying to walk on the sidewalk or get on the sidewalk to get out of the way of a vehicle and let them just drive around me. The road is much flatter.

I spent a good part of the day working on paring down my books, but it is hard and tiring work. I picked up lunch from a barbecue place my husband likes for Father's Day, but I ate too much. ED (eating disorder) voices are guilting me; plus, I just feel overfull. We all watched some funny videos on TV. I might work more on the books or call it a day and just read awhile.

I am going to have to go to ANOTHER of these swim parties July 8. One of the girls at the party last night is in my daughter's class (has been since kindergarten), and my husband and I know her parents because of that. Though our daughters get along, they have never really become close friends, so I hate that we always get invited there. The mom basically told us about the party as we were leaving last night, and my husband (who is more social than I am though still a bit of an introvert) said, sure, we could go. Ugh.

It is supposed to rain tomorrow, which makes me anxious about not being able to exercise. EDs are the gift that keeps on giving... You can recover from them, but you still don't get the voices and feelings of guilt to go away; you just have to choose not to act on it, at least that has been my experience. I feel horrible any time my weight has gone up at the doctor's office, even if I'm still underweight for my height.

Next week is very busy. I have doctors' appointments most days, either for me or my daughter. I have to take my daughter to the dentist tomorrow to look at a baby tooth that has been loose for months but is not falling out while the adult tooth is growing behind it. The baby tooth is practically horizontal in her mouth. She doesn't want to go and has a great fear of the dentist. When she was in around 3, her baby teeth needed extensive dental work, tons of crowns, etc. She was put to sleep for that, and thankfully, the adult teeth have done much better. The dentist said I was likely sick with something while pregnant that affected her tooth development to have so many bad baby teeth, but maybe to me it just felt like a cold or something very minor that I didn't even notice.

I see the pdoc as well as the neurologist and the following Monday, my primary care physician. I had made my annual wellness checkup with my PCP back in May, not anticipating I was going to have to discuss all these falling issues. And I need to get the osteopenia checked with a bone density scan; it's probably been 7 years or so now. Normally, the gynecologist would prescribe it, but they started doing well woman exams at my PCP's office, so I don't see a gynecologist any more. Lots of doctor appointments to get through...sigh.

[wildflowerchild25]

Having a down day. I’m assuming it’s the day. I lost my father when I was ten and then of course my son’s father three years ago. I didn’t think it was bothering me but subconsciously it probably is. I’m not down and out depressed today but not happy either.

I’m down on myself too. No job, no prospects. Afraid I won’t be able to handle any job I could get either. I crumble under pressure. I never used to. I used to be fine. But now...sigh.

I think I need to do something to help my self esteem. I’m thinking of what kind of hobby I could take up that would help me feel better about myself. I’m leaning toward cooking. I used to like cooking way back in the day. When I had someone to cook for. It’s hard to do things just on my own now. Like why cook a meal just for myself you know. But maybe I’ll get some satisfaction out of it. I need to do something to keep myself occupied while looking for a job and also just to feel better about myself in general.

The other thing is that my son’s needs might be more intense than I initially realized. I knew he probably had adhd but his therapist thinks there may be a sensory issue at play as well. She wants him to get an OT workup through his school once she makes a formal diagnosis and can refer him to services. I am already overwhelmed. I am going through a rough patch with him. He’s becoming more defiant. Not outwardly refusing to do things but taking a much longer time to do them and complaininga lot more about it. Then if my mom’s downstairs I get on edge because she gets all huffy that he’s not listening right away and she starts either yelling at him or she storms upstairs, which just reminds me of my own childhood. I really need to get my own place so I don’t have to deal with this anymore but I can’t.

I feel like such a loser right now. I can’t even provide the right things for my son. I can’t provide the right living environment, I can’t provide the right emotional support, I can’t do anything.

Ugh. Sorry for the pity party. I’m trying not to let it get me down too much.

[SkimmerRabbit]

I’ve been doing pretty good lately but this was the first Father’s Day without my Dad who passed away June 4th last year. I felt lonely without him here but wanted to make my husband’s day special so I focused on him instead. We don’t have children together because it’s our 2nd marriage but his kids don’t make the fuss over him that they should so I wanted to do it for him. My elderly and ill parents lived with us until Dad died and Mom is still with us. She was upset and weepy today.. It’s after 10:30 PM though so I think I made it through the day without crying or feeling depressed and wanting to sleep. That makes it a good day for me.

[Lifeischallenging]

So I'm looking at colleges and the one thing that is really bothering me about college and living on your own and everything is the cost. I eventually will be in that situation, I just hope I'll be able to handle it. I still think of going over to the UK for my education. I would really like to study over in Europe. But I do agree with my mom.

[Cocosurviving]

I’ve been sleeping a lot the last few days. Then today I realized that I had not been taking my vitamin B Complex. I made sure to take one tonight. My daughter K called me she went to urgent care to see if she could get her meds changed. The doctor told her that she was hypomania and would give her a sick note for work tomorrow. K’s primary care doctor has a psychiatry department however their full until July 30th. The urgent care doctor gave my daughter a list of psychiatrist in her area. I told K about Haldol. When she first discharged and had her follow-up appt she asked her primary doctor for some.

[bpforever1]

I'm doing ok. I have a date with a man tomorrow. I hope he is decent. I'm getting sick and tired of men who want hookups. At least, he said he wanted to get to know me. We shall see. He is Jewish and a real estate entrepreneur. I don't know what to expect. Today, I have a class to teach. Tomorrow, I have another class then a meeting. Afterwards, I will meet this man. At least he is American, and we will probably get along well unless he just wants sex. We shall see.

[pirilin]

Father's day has been good to me. Not only congratulations and gifts, but achievement in goals too. Thank you My GOOD LORD.

[bpforever1]

I'm coming down with a cold or depression. I feel tired and not happy. I'm not meeting the man tomorrow because I don't have the energy and don't feel like it. I hope I will feel better soon. I think going out with the other man who constantly talked about sex made me unhappy. I think waiting for awhile until I date again is a good idea.

My pappy died of pancreatic cancer 16 years ago, the most traumatic event of my life. Happy Father's Day, everybody!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I'm coming down with a cold or depression. I feel tired and not happy. I'm not meeting the man tomorrow because I don't have the energy and don't feel like it. I hope I will feel better soon. I think going out with the other man who constantly talked about sex made me unhappy. I think waiting for awhile until I date again is a good idea.

I think dating must be very difficult at times, especially if a large percentage of men you are seeing act the way you describe. I hope it gets more healthy, more balanced. Good for you in standing by your convictions and expecting more.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Supreme Soviet

My pappy died of pancreatic cancer 16 years ago, the most traumatic event of my life. Happy Father's Day, everybody!

I am sorry. My dad's death was very traumatic, too.
Peace to you.

WC

[bewise93]

I woke up. I feel awake. I'm hoping I can have a good day and read a book or do something enjoyable.