[Scooter9]

Feeling really low today. All the classic symptoms of depression.

I have a meeting out of nowhere at work on Friday. These types of meetings are usually bad news, so I'm preparing myself for the worst.

[downandlonely]

I hope the work meeting goes ok Scooter.

I really like that photo.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I've been on the hospital's patient financial assistance for a year, but the enrollment is only good for a year, so I've got to resubmit all the paperwork. I'm overwhelmed. I just want to give up on getting the ECT treatments. If we have to pay for it I don't see how I can continue. As things go right now, we are overdrawn by more than $700. I don't have the paperwork necessary to reapply to the hospital for financial assistance. My next ECT, which was already stretched out two weeks further than it should've been, is this Friday. Now I may have to cancel it despite needing it. The only solution I can see is to quit getting the ECT.

That sounds really stressful. I hope you get things worked out. Thinking of you...

Never be ashamed of what God made you.

[Standup2me]

These are possibility days

[Unrigged64072835]

Daughter and boyfriend broke up. He took his things and went back to his parents.

Daughter is truly heartbroken.

It's just sad.

[Blueberrybook]

Doing pretty good. I had a mammogram & bone density scan this morning, which wasn't very much fun. I did a lot with my daughter this afternoon. Most of it was stuff we both enjoyed except the grocery shopping. I hate to grocery shop, but she loves it. I've been having a good run lately (stable or hypomanic, not sure, but I will take what I can get). I have been sleeping well, which usually does not happen when I'm hypomanic, but I suppose there is a first time for everything.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Daughter and boyfriend broke up. He took his things and went back to his parents.

Daughter is truly heartbroken.

It's just sad.

Ugh. That sounds like a nightmare. How old is your daughter?

[bizi]

this is the song that bonnie raitt and james taylor sang as an encore at the concert in INDY.
I love james taylor! (this is from the 70's and this is carly simon)

bizi

[Pookyl]

A bit brain dead when I woke up this morning. Sitting out in the sunshine for an hour has helped.

[yellow_fleurs]

Had a bit of an exhausting and emotionally tough day doing a day trip out of state for a funeral. Didn't get much sleep the night before and feeling off. Also feeling pretty irritable and impulsive and had to keep my driving in check so as not to speed, etc. Don't feel like I am doing too great right now, but also could be worse I suppose.

[wildflowerchild25]

I haven’t had a great two days. Spent most of my time in bed. Sunday night i let NV spend the night for the first time. So I didn’t sleep much, worried about whether my son would wake up etc, plus it was super hot with the door shut (I can’t have AC in my room) and I was worried NV was uncomfortable. It was stupid really, I should have not worried and just slept. But anyway we went out to lunch/breakfast Monday and after he left I went to bed and stayed there. I even skipped my therapy appointment which I NEVER do because I love my therapist. I just couldn’t fathom getting out of bed and going and talking for an hour. That is so unlike me, even ina depression I’ll go to her, I want to go to her. Today I dropped my son off at camp, came home and slept again. I skipped my PT and my spine dr appointment, which I shouldn’t have done because my back is really bad. At least I didn’t skip pdoc. I only went to her because I had a job interview right after.

My job interview went ok. I felt like I was super awkward. I kind of play off the interviewer and this guy was awkward himself so it made me feel awkward so I kind of think I bombed it. I’d be shocked if I got a call back. Shame because it seems like an easy gig. Receptionist at a prosthodontics office. Laid back, etc. oh well.

I went down to NV’s house later today. We watched a movie. He was talking about how someday he was gonna buy a house like his aunt’s (whom he lives with) and we were gonna live there. I said I’d never be able to afford a house. Any house. He said no babe, you don’t have to. We will. I thought that was really sweet. He’s really thinking of a future with me. He’s basically already seen me at my lowest. Can’t get any lower than a hospitalization, right? So there was only up to go from there. I just hope I continue to stabilize and I don’t **** it all up like I tend to do.

Blech. I hope I’m more motivated tomorrow. I can’t be sleeping all the damn time.

I am struggling with my pain issues today.

it's my fault.. yesterday I went a bit far- did something I know I shouldn't do, so triggered a flare up for probably a few days

my mood is good though, and today the weather is cooler. their's even some clouds in the sky.. we might get a bit of rain, and we need it- oh do we need it.

yesterday england won their world cup match. I am shocked with their performance this year (they are doing rather well), better than I expected.
I wasn't even planning to support them, I know that sounds bad- not supporting my own country

[bpforever1]

I am doing ok. I relaxed today and slept. I feel fine now. I will teach tomorrow and will have to prepare in the morning for the class. I took my medication. I am worried about one of my pen pals who seems to have met someone online whom he has never seen in person nor on videocam.He is falling for her and wanted me to help her find a job and chat on facebook. I declined the request and when I saw her facebook page, she is using a fake name and has no pics of herself. I was dismayed and knew she just wants to use him and his contacts for some purpose of hers. I warned him about such people who are scammers but nothing seems to change his mind about her. He is mentally ill and disabled. I did my best to warn him and am not initiating any contact with him until he contacts me again. I feel bad and did my best to warn him. However, he won't listen and seems to be heading for a bruising. Oh well. Some people have to learn a hard lesson before understanding that scammers are just that- scammers. Besides this, I will meet my new man again soon this week for lunch.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am struggling with my pain issues today.

it's my fault.. yesterday I went a bit far- did something I know I shouldn't do, so triggered a flare up for probably a few days

my mood is good though, and today the weather is cooler. their's even some clouds in the sky.. we might get a bit of rain, and we need it- oh do we need it.

yesterday england won their world cup match. I am shocked with their performance this year (they are doing rather well), better than I expected.
I wasn't even planning to support them, I know that sounds bad- not supporting my own country

What kind of pain issues do you have that flare up?

I have fibromyalgia, and if I do too much, I get a flare, even if I have seasonal allergies it flares up. Sometimes, it is so painful, even the water hitting me from the shower hurts. I also still get pain from doing too much that affects carrying things like boxes of books or water cases against the scar on my abdomen from the ulcer surgery I had. That scar is at least 4 inches long, belly button & up, and it is still healing. I still can see the spots the staples poked into my skin though I am told it has healed up quite well and the inside too (from an upper endoscopy). The doctors told me it could be awhile until I'm 100%, and I can't wear bikinis or anything that gets sunlight on the scar or it prevents the healing. Even though I am in shape, I don't know if I will wear a bikini again because of the scar, but other people have told me next summer, I should just own it, wear the bikinis or short shirts, and not worry about it. It is a survival scar, one I wish I didn't have, but I know I will have it for life, so I have to come to terms with it.

I ran out of Buspar yesterday but did OK. I had to call the pdoc's office and leave a message for him that I needed a refill. He is on vacation this week but luckily called it in to the pharmacy. I forgot that my old bottle had the prescription written for taking 1 10mg tablet twice a day, but my pdoc told me to go up to 2 tablets twice a day, so I ran out. Unfortunately, the pharmacy is closed today for the 4th of July, so hopefully, I will do all right without it another day.

My morning has been decent so far. I took a run that turned into a shower. It was sprinkling when I set out, and I thought it would be OK. I knew we were due to have rain today, but I didn't know if it would be light rain or hard (hadn't watched or looked at the weather much lately). The first part of my run was fine, but about 2 miles in (the far point from my house, of course), the sky just opened up, and it poured and poured. I was soaked when I got home. It's still raining, but not too hard now though it looks like the rain is not finished, and I'm still getting area flood advisories on my cell phone. It looks like it will rain until the afternoon, and tomorrow has an 80% chance of rain, so we'll get more then. We do get heavy rains here, often in the summer, but it hasn't rained much in forever. I'm glad hubby mowed the grass yesterday as the HOA makes it a huge point to give out notices for unmowed lawns, even if they are not that badly overgrown.

I took a bath and now am having coffee to warm up a bit. It is warm here, but I got a chill in the rain. My mood is OK so far. I need to work more today on cleaning my office, we'll see. I also have a DVD I took out from the library I need to watch soon because it is due in a couple of days. It's for the next read of our book club, "The Martian". I'm not much into science fiction; I don't think the librarian who runs the group is either, but one of the members wants a sci-fi book, so I'll be giving it a try. I love reading, but science fiction is one of my least favorite genres to read.

If the rain doesn't stop, I don't know if we will see fireworks for the 4th of July. In one area of our town, they set off the fireworks over the water in the Gulf of Mexico, but that area is a nightmare to leave. Last time we went, we were stuck in traffic 2 hours trying to leave. We used to watch another local town's fireworks from a park (my daughter liked it because there was a playground), but now the trees have grown up, and the view is not good there any more. Sometimes, we've gone to a local junior college to view from that town, and it was pretty good, a bit of traffic leaving, not too horrible. There are also some church parking lots close to where they set off the fireworks, but you have to get there super early for a parking spot. So we'll see.

[Moose72]

Still have the tail end of akathisia. Feels a bit like anxiety. But i slept last night without ativan! We are going to my mom's today for the holiday and then my cousin's saturday for the big gathering. Boy did i sleep well last night. Waiting on my new cpap though. The cpap people are supposed to call me soon. I hope it all goes through! Iits not easy. Insurance is weird. A cpap is necessary and only costs $400 but theres this big hubbabaloo to get you one.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Ugh. That sounds like a nightmare. How old is your daughter?

She's 21. They've been together for four years, so since high school.

[Unrigged64072835]

Daughter is staying with friends, so we decided to go out of town for a day. Went to the zoo but it was so hot and humid that we only were there for an hour and a half. My husband has to be careful about overheating. We checked a mall a few blocks away from the hotel but it wasn't much. We're also near the convention center and they had two events going on, even though it's a holiday. At this point we're sweaty and sticking so we're just hanging out in the hotel room. We may do a museum later. Right now we're just glad to be away from the stress. We have to go back early tomorrow because my husband has a sleep doctor appointment. Plus I want to check in on my daughter.

Sweaty, sticky, and tired. Otherwise okay.

[yellow_fleurs]

I think I have switched into depression again. I don't want to move, don't care, can't bring myself to be around people and am just lying in bed, feeling lifeless and hopeless. I increase my Lamictal tomorrow to 100 mg, but am not super hopeful right now it will help. I kind of think it has made me feel worse. I sort of want to call my pdoc to discuss how badly I have been feeling with the mood swings, but he kind of knows already and there is nothing else that could be done until I am at a therapeutic dose I don't think. I want off this roller coaster, please. I feel like a shell of a person right now. Sorry to be a downer right now.

[Pookyl]

Fell asleep on the chair in the sunshine this morning.
Eating breakfast, sitting in a warm spot with the sunshine seems to be my new morning routine.
Visited by pharmacist at home today.

[wildflowerchild25]

Horrible day today. No motivation to get up, as usual. My mom took my son to my grandmas house so I literally slept all day again. This time it was terrible anxiety that kept me chained to the couch. Just thinking about being awake and getting up was anxiety inducing to me. I’m not sure why. That’s really what it’s been. It’s less depression and more anxiety of the whole day I.ln front of me and nothing to actually do.

I got a bill in the mail from my latest ER visit and they want to charge me $2400. Something must be wrong with my insurance. When I went to the ER back i October I only had to pay the ER copay. Not sure what the deal is now. Not sure who I should call first, the billing line for the ER or my insurance company. I think I’m gonna call the billing line first and find out if they got my insurance right at all. The ambulance company that transported me didn’t so that might be what happened. It’s just more stress on me though. I can’t handle when bills pile up like this.

Ugh. Part of this may be the nicotine withdrawal. It was tough not to go buy cigarettes today. But the cartridges for my vape are so ****ing expensive. Almost as much as it costs to smoke. I really can’t afford it anymore. So I have to power through. Besides I’ll be more proud of myself if I can make it without anything.

[Standup2me]

I rode my bike for the first time in years tonight
Did great. Go me...however when I dismounted I fell face forward into the grass
Nothing hurt but my ego

[Scooter9]

Another low day today...felt lower than yesterday. I was tempted to start a new thread seeking support, but I managed.

Spent part of the evening with my son who is visiting for a few more days. I miss him so much when he's not with us at home. He says he'll be working overseas for about another 2 years.

[hopeless2015]

I think my marriage is over. I'm so heart broken.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Oh Hopeless2015 I am so sorry.