[Unrigged64072835]

SSDI review paperwork came in. This is going to be tough for three reasons. One is I haven't been hospitalized since 2016, second is I've tried going to school online, and third is my pnurse may say I'm able to work. I still have high anxiety with driving and being out by myself. I'm stable on meds but not enough to attempt those things. I may have to see one of their pdocs and from what I understand they're not really that helpful. One thing that may change is I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 after I was on SSDI. If I do lose SSDI I can have my long-term disability increased, but there may be questions with that too. They haven't reviewed my case either. A great big ball of worry that I don't need.

Otherwise things are okay. I made muffins for breakfast and my husband is roasting a chicken for dinner. Packed some more boxes of stuff. Also consolidated the stuff we're donating tomorrow.

Kids are at the Pride parade. I hope they stay safe.

Time to calm down with an ice cream bar and more meds.

[scatterbrained04]

Haven't been posting much, but I've been lurking.

Gearing myself up for potentially a couple rough days. Pdoc saw my bloodwork and told me to go cold turkey off my trileptal for the weekend. Trileptal level a bit high and sodium levels low. Then we're restarting it at 600mg less than what I've been taking on Monday. Today's been ok, so I got my grocery shopping done. Tomorrow's probably when I'll notice the difference lol. See pdoc on Monday morning.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Haven't been posting much, but I've been lurking.

Gearing myself up for potentially a couple rough days. Pdoc saw my bloodwork and told me to go cold turkey off my trileptal for the weekend. Trileptal level a bit high and sodium levels low. Then we're restarting it at 600mg less than what I've been taking on Monday. Today's been ok, so I got my grocery shopping done. Tomorrow's probably when I'll notice the difference lol. See pdoc on Monday morning.

You have been missed!


WC

[GoldenSnitch]

Still IP. Today has been the best that I’ve felt but I’m so exhausted from all of the meds that they’ve been giving me. I don’t know how I’ll be able to eventually return to work if I’m feeling like this.

[bizi]

I really am taking not drinking a day at a time.
Each day I give myself a choice to drink or not drink. I will drink again....on vacation for sure, in less than 2 weeks.
bizi

[Cocosurviving]

Me and both my daughters went to a surprise birthday party for my biological father. We were told to be there at 3:30 PM. We arrived a little before 3:15 PM. We asked if anything needed to be decorated. An hour had next by. My oldest daughter was getting irritable because it seemed unorganized. Next a biological uncle came. We spoke. Then a first cousin of my biological father came. We talked for a while. At 4:30 PM my biological father and his wife walk through the door. One person had went and bought more decorations. They were in the middle of hanging a banner when they walked in. He was surprised. Me and both my daughters went to go speak to him. We actually told them that my oldest older had to go to work. The party was not planned good at all. They did not have enough food for everyone. The cake was even small. Me and one of my sisters don’t speak. Well she alone has five kids! Then she brought an extra kid with her. I don’t like disorganized events. After we left we grabbed some food and went home.

[wildflowerchild25]

I didn’t fall asleep until 3am so I slept until 11am. But that’s just 8 hours of sleep so it’s not that bad. Took my son to a birthday party so I couldn’t go back to sleep. The birthday party was ok but I have a massive headache now from the screaming children. I hate kids birthday parties. I would t even do one for my son if I didn’t have to.

Mood is better today, maybe because I didn’t sleep all day. I’ve cleaned a bit more because my back feels sooo much better today. Like almost no pain at all. I haven’t felt this good in regards to back pain for months. I’m hoping the chiro and PT appointments are helping. I’d like to reduce my pain level to manageable. Right now it’s manageable without medication only because I can’t take NSAIDS anyway. So I just suffer through.

I’ll have to properly disinfect everything tomorrow. Like really clean well, to eradicate all the strep throat and possible cold germs.

[Pookyl]

First morning back home after hospital discharge yesterday. Teary and fragile this morning.
I was a rather naughty manic individual pre hospital. Now that I’m home facing my hubby’s sad weary face there’s a lot of guilt.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

First morning back home after hospital discharge yesterday. Teary and fragile this morning.
I was a rather naughty manic individual pre hospital. Now that I’m home facing my hubby’s sad weary face there’s a lot of guilt.

Talk things out with hubby....make him understand.
Do you know why you were hospitalized in the first place, what I mean did you go off of your meds what precipitated this mania?
look at that and work on preventing that from ever happening again.
good luck,
this will be a trying time on your marriage.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by bizi

Talk things out with hubby....make him understand.
Do you know why you were hospitalized in the first place, what I mean did you go off of your meds what precipitated this mania?
look at that and work on preventing that from ever happening again.
good luck,
this will be a trying time on your marriage.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thanks. I’ve talked it out with hubby. He’s incredibly patient and long suffering. I think with the passing of time I’ll be able to show that I’m trustworthy and things will be great again. In the meantime I have no access to credit cards etc.
9 out of 10 of my episodes don’t have a trigger. I wake up suicidal, mixed or manic (like this time). My doctors were actually happy with how fast this was controlled.
I woke up manic on a Monday, behaved manic all week and was hospitalised the next week.
My pdoc says unfortunately I’ve got the worst case of bipolar she’s seen. On the plus side playing with meds I get up to a clear 7 weeks in between episode.

[Tucson]

I am here. My leg has been hurting due to exercising too much. My leg was getting much better. But for some reason both my leg and back began hurting allot. The pain subsides some and them start hurting again. This is not good if the pain turns out to be permanent. I would not to be able to walk fast or run anymore.

I have been lately trying to stick with my diet which is not normal. I have my trail mix composed of sweet raisins, sliced almonds, and a smaller amount of M&M like candies. This tastes really good, too good. I also have what remains as my apple pie. There is at least one slice left. I have to eat it before it is too long in the fridge. I think both the trail mix and the pie has not been helping with my diet. Anyone want a pie?

I have been looking for part time jobs in my past field of work. There are very little part time jobs available. So I think I am going to widen my search to maybe working in retail.

[scatterbrained04]

Blah this stopping trileptal cold turkey blows. Headache, slightly nauseous, getting the shakes off and on. Feel like poop. I'm highly contemplating taking a low dose before I'm supposed to.

[Blueberrybook]

Ugh...woke up to my period and a horrid backache from it. Unfortunately, after having a perforated ulcer, I can no longer take NSAIDs, just Tylenol, which doesn't do much. Then, I got on the internet, and randomly, our power flickered (no bad weather or anything), causing the internet to go down and not reset on its own, so I had to go reset it, and it takes forever to come back up again. So frustrating.

[pirilin]

Expecting visitors. Why we prepare for others and not ourselves.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Expecting visitors. Why we prepare for others and not ourselves.

good question!
bizi

I'm slowly realizing that I really am unwell. Maybe it's me getting better on my own?

[liveforsummer]

Terrible night, no point regurgitating my dream/ nightmare (posted in the dream thread and it’s boringly long and rambling.) I still am amazed how they can affect my mood the next day. I am just now starting to get it out of my head and negative thoughts it gave me. This morning I just kept telling myself to stop listening to my brain right now, it’s feeding me lies. Helped a bit

Getting on with the day. Walked, laundry, thinking about what dinner will be at some point (really do not like menu planning. If I lived on my own I’d eat a whole lot of cereal and smoothies . )

A good nights rest after a weeks of hard work of 60 hours...feeling good. Start again tomorrow but on call....I hope that it isn’t more than an 80 hour work week.

Being stabile has made this easier over being exhausted from untreated ultra rapid bipolar.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

A good nights rest after a weeks of hard work of 60 hours...feeling good. Start again tomorrow but on call....I hope that it isn’t more than an 80 hour work week.


Being stabile has made this easier over being exhausted from untreated ultra rapid bipolar.

Being stable really does help

[Unrigged64072835]

Woke up really depressed. If it weren't so painful I would've stayed in bed.

As it was I did five loads of laundry, put away dishes, and swept the kitchen, laundry room, and hallway again. My back was tweaked a little but otherwise okay. My husband did the vacuuming today. He's taking my daughter to her job interview and we feel pretty good that she'll get the job. While they're gone I'll start cooking dinner. Put the SSDI review paperwork in the mailbox for tomorrow. I remembered I did have one more hospitalization in 2016 and made a note saying the college courses were online. It is what it is. Daughter's friend left his wallet here so I guess he'll show up eventually. I still have a chicken to pick but I can do that tomorrow.

I also have the dentist tomorrow. He's not that bad but his techs really dig into everything. Painful as hell.

Mood is better but still a little low.

ETA: "ALDI is the IKEA of supermarkets"--my husband

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Woke up really depressed. If it weren't so painful I would've stayed in bed.

As it was I did five loads of laundry, put away dishes, and swept the kitchen, laundry room, and hallway again. My back was tweaked a little but otherwise okay. My husband did the vacuuming today. He's taking my daughter to her job interview and we feel pretty good that she'll get the job. While they're gone I'll start cooking dinner. Put the SSDI review paperwork in the mailbox for tomorrow. I remembered I did have one more hospitalization in 2016 and made a note saying the college courses were online. It is what it is. Daughter's friend left his wallet here so I guess he'll show up eventually. I still have a chicken to pick but I can do that tomorrow.

I also have the dentist tomorrow. He's not that bad but his techs really dig into everything.
Painful as hell.

Mood is better but still a little low.

Some dental techs aren't so graceful!
I hope it goes well tomorrow.


WC

[Pookyl]

It’s Monday and my first day home all alone on my own since discharge on Sat.
It feels a bit weird but ok. I’m seeing my psychologist in an hour, which I’m surprisingly looking forward to.

[wildflowerchild25]

I slept all day again. Just didn’t want to get up again. Depression is kicking my ***. I’m gonna try to stay up tomorrow. But I don’t think I will. I do have group in the AM. So I won’t sleep all day. I don’t know what to do to feel better except opposite action. I think the sleeping is making me feel worse because then I feel guilty on top of everything else. My son is really worried about me. He keeps asking me what’s wrong. Ugh I’m repeating what my mom did and I’m terrible for it.

I did look into going back to school last night. I might want to become a floral designer. The local community college offers an associates degree. I don’t know if I could do most of it online or what or if credits from my bachelors degree would transfer or what. I have to talk to an admissions counselor. It would awaken my creativity again and I feel like I would really enjoy it as a career. And it might be something I could actually do.

I also had an epiphany that it might be cheaper to live in the next state over. I live right on the border and I could move and still not be more than 20 mins from my family and treatment team. I looked briefly at apartments over there in the one town and they were $400 cheaper per month. It’s an option anyway.

So I do have things to be positive about. Just gotta focus on them and not everything that’s going wrong.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Wildflower-would going back on Emsam be a possiblity for you? It seemed to help you and nothing kicks severe depression like an MAOI.

[wildflowerchild25]

I dunno beyond. I might try to go up on lamictal first. I’m only on 100mg right now. I’m gonna ask my IOP pdoc about it this week. I will definitely consider the emsam though if it doesn’t work. That was the best thing for me.