My dad has been having issues in recent years. I won't go into all of them, but so many times when I make arrangements to visit him he's not at home, at home but then says he "has to leave", or is napping. I always tell him when to expect me.

It's not just me. He neglects my siblings and only surviving nephew on that side, too. He's self-centered and puts cafe and bar cronies, and his enabler girlfriend before us all. We have never been anything but caring to him, but it's so upsetting. I talk about the issue with my therapist and psychiatrist all of the time. Pdoc says to just accept it. I have told my therapist that it's almost as if we have no parents left (my mom tragically died of cancer 15 years ago).

When I left his house, not seeing him, I went to a museum alone that he was supposed to be joining me for. I was so upset that at the museum I was sweating profusely so I left early and drove straight home (not his house). When I got home he had left a message with an apology. Not a really regretful one. I cannot call him back. I feel ill and have a bad headache. I was almost crying when I called my husband. Hubby knows dad well. He is sad for me.

[pirilin]

Things are cliclikng in a way that can only be attributed to The Law of Attraction.

I went into the attic. Found a transformer hanging by the wires, that was extremely hot.
I cut it off and threw it away. It happens that's the transformer for the doorbell.

La Bruja calls the alarm company, because the camera in the doorbell is not working.
When the serviceman comes to the house, I'm not in.
He says the doorbell has no juice. Goes all around the house looking for a low volt connection. After 2 hrs looking, goes to the attic, and finds the connection, but no transformer.
"Someone cut the transformer in the attic." "Do you have it?."
La bruja calls me to grill me for cutting the dam transformer.
I denied everything, of course. However, I used a white lie and told her I was close to Home Depot. (I was good 20mins away at Hooker's speed.) If she wanted, I could buy
one an take it home in 5 minutes.
"Tell the guy to wait 10 mins." "I'll be there in no time."
I left with a 3/4 tank. Arrived with fumes. And the guy was fuming too. It took 18 mins the whole stunt. Got door bell. Will ring.

The timer in the pool went caput. I go to Home depot, my check buster, and buy a timer.
When I get home I open the box and see alot more wires than I thought.
Ah, it can't be rocket science, electricians do it every minute. I was ready to change it, and it starts raining.

Next day I'm all gon-ho to change my timer and the pool pump is doing weird noises.
I call for service and the pump is busted.
Then I take the opportunity to ask my serviceman if he can change the timer. No charger of course. He's already there and making money in the new pump.
He agrees. I come timer in hand, and it's a 110v timer. System is 220v, he says.
Back to Home Depot and exchange timers.

La Bruja asks if he can change the timer so I don't electrocute myself.
"No way. " "I got this." "He will charge and arm and a leg and I know what I'm doing" I said with an abundance of confidence.

Guys leave, I go to the backyard, vape a couple of new flavors, come back in the house and tell her: "All done." "I told you I know what I'm doing." "We saved a bundle."

Coincidence?. No. Law of Attraction, yes.

[bewise93]

I feel like I'm developing hypomania. I slept just 3 hrs last night and still have energy. I'm starting to feel some euphoria as well.

I'm upset. My therapist finally admitted that I have flat facial affect and flat vocal tone (i.e., monotonous voice). She said that these two things combined may put people off from talking to me or being my friend because I don't correctly react emotionally to what people say to me. She says that people may think I'm bored or uninterested in them.

She offered to help me, but I don't know why she didn't offer help before. It's kind of mean to let me be this way without helping. Or maybe I just have too high expectations. Idk. But she knew I was having social problems, so she should have helped. She only offered this help AFTER my reevaluation and AFTER I asked.

[Blueberrybook]

I have a bit of a headache now. Because of forgetting to take my Protonix most of the past month, I'm just going to go back to actually taking it. I called the gastroenterologist's assistant asking if I could take the Protonix first thing in the morning instead of 30 minutes before dinner like the doctor said because I completely kept forgetting to take it. She actually did call back (she's not the best about that) and said it is fine to take the Protonix first thing in the morning. The problem with Protonix is it works best on an empty stomach, so it has it's own small pill case where it is the only medication in there, and it gets lost in the shuffle or I forget about it.

Now, I have to see how all these meds I am prescribed actually work when I take the Protonix like I am supposed to. So we'll see. My next pdoc appointment is September 5, so it's not that far away considering my last appointment was August 9, but I had to turn it into a phone appointment and not an in-person one because I was sick with a UTI. The next appointment is in-person, so that will probably be a little better. I think the thing about this pdoc is he is very quick & efficient. I think he tends to process things very quickly because I did get the medical records for my my psych treatment for my retiring pdoc, and they included the records they had from my visits with my current pdoc. He did have a good deal of detail on all the forms for my visits with him (only started seeing him in March), and his were typed instead of handwritten like the old doctor's, so I think he is just very fast at doing and processing things. Since the old pdoc's notes were handwritten, I have to assume the staff does not type up the visits; it's something the doctor does.

I didn't exercise today because of sleeping later and having a bit of an upset stomach upon waking (hopefully that is not from forgetting to take Protonix). Also, today was my daughter's first day of school, so the morning was hectic. I did have to get some groceries, and I vacuumed some. I thought about running but instead walked around the block just once and decided it was too hot to exercise. Anyway, I figured that was enough in the way of exercise for today. Maybe I'll go around the block again if I get antsy.

It is ironic that out of all these medications I take, I'd forget to take the most important one.

[Daonnachd]

cln, what if you took the Protonix in the middle of the night? I have a med I’m supposed to take two hours either direction away from other meds or food. Between midnight and 3am is usually when I take it. I don’t set an alarm as that would be too jarring. I just depend on a natural wake-up. It’s easy.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by vertigo

cln, what if you took the Protonix in the middle of the night? I have a med I’m supposed to take two hours either direction away from other meds or food. Between midnight and 3am is usually when I take it. I don’t set an alarm as that would be too jarring. I just depend on a natural wake-up. It’s easy.

I think I will just take it super early, at least during the week. I wake up at 4:30 AM when school is in session because my husband teaches high school, and it starts early. He never hears the alarm, but by then, it's usually woken me up. Often, I don't eat breakfast until around 6 - 8 AM (it varies). Weekends I'm not sure. Right now, I've been setting an alarm to be able to get up & exercise before it gets too hot outside. Or I can do it if I wake early, such as my nightguard is bothering me (which happens roughly twice a week) or some other interruption (usually from my daughter). The only bad thing is that I usually like a cup of coffee soon after waking though I do morning chores first - take care of the cats, put away the dishes from the dishwasher, fold some clothes. I don't think the chores take 30 minutes unless it's during the week when I make lunches for my daughter & husband. But it is probably a good 20 minutes. I don't always turn on the lights when the alarm goes off (such as weekends when my husband can sleep in), but I don't know, maybe I should put the Protonix pill box in front of the coffee maker to remind myself. I would put it next to my contact lens case, but I always hear not to keep meds in the bathroom.

[Unrigged64072835]

Quiet day today. Woohoo! Only went to the jewelers to have them inspect my wedding ring. Good for another six months.

I find the catastrophe thinking happens more when I try to fight it. My brain is calmer now because it has figured out a happy ending so it's good. I guess it's more of a detachment thing--just let it process without getting too involved. How that works I have no idea, LOL.

I'm in a pretty good mood today. I'm actually wearing something besides shorts, tee-shirts, and athletic shoes for a day.

I found a local concert we may go to. Waiting to see if we can buy tickets when we have money, and what seats are left. That can be a belated birthday present. I don't even know if my husband has anything in mind since the last thing he wanted to get me I decided I didn't want. Fickle, but I couldn't use it anyway.

Sorry for your loss, WC.

Hugs and love to everyone.

[Scooter9]

A miracle happened... I have my appointment with the mdpu (a teaching and research hospital) tomorrow! I thought it would take months before I could get the appointment because it has taken that long before.

The mdpu gave me the bipolar diagnosis and they set out my treatment plan years ago. Hopefully now they'll have a plan that considers all of the meds and other options I have tried.

I met a friend for coffee and told him about my visit to the nude beach. He was surprised I did it and curious about what it was like for me despite the depression. I told him that I just had to try something new and see where it takes me.

I also finished painting the bathroom. I had to take the tank off the toilet so that I could paint behind it.

I'm still feeling low but surviving and getting a few things done.

[yellow_fleurs]

I think I am continuing to feel better. Still having some negative thoughts, but able to have a conversation with them, instead of them just being intrusive and all encompassing. So, I feel like this is promising. A little apprehensive due to the fact that my moods have seemed better the week before my period the last 2 times, then got really weird starting a couple of days before, and I am now at that week mark. So, just have to watch things, but I think I am doing better. If these reactions were med related I am not sure I want to try any more of them, at least right now. Might just try therapy and health related things like eating right and a sleep schedule since I don't even know if my psychiatrist knows what my diagnosis is anymore, and then if I feel worse go back and reconsider meds. We will see.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by pirilin

La bruja calls me to grill me for cutting the dam transformer.
I denied everything, of course.

Why did you deny it?

[Wild Coyote]

I have been in touch with pdoc. She wants me to see her tomorrow. I guess her prior plan is not her current plan.

The plan seemed very simple.
Get an EKG . If it's fine, start trazodone.
It's been over 2 weeks now and the Ambien meant to hold me over only agitates me.

However, I am new to her and she really feels she needs to see me.
At least she is being cautious. I'll struggle through another night/day.

I had slept an hour early this morning and 20 minutes this afternoon. I have to work at cutting the agitation.

I am very frustrated.

Love to All!

WC

[Moose72]

I saw two friends for coffee this morning. (Separately.) I see T tomorrow morning. I took a 2 hour nap today. Probably shouldn't have done that; we'll see if I can sleep at a decent hour tonight. Been binge watching orange is the new black. Got my eldest's financial aid figured out. Saw my "13-year buddy" last evening. Always fun. Picked up my seroquel yesterday- I have two prescriptions for it: one for 200 and one for 300. Gotta figure out what makes 450 and try not to get them to run out. I see pdoc a week from tomorrow.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I have been in touch with pdoc. She wants me to see her tomorrow. I guess her prior plan is not her current plan.

The plan seemed very simple.
Get an EKG . If it's fine, start trazodone.
It's been over 2 weeks now and the Ambien meant to hold me over only agitates me.

However, I am new to her and she really feels she needs to see me.
At least she is being cautious. I'll struggle through another night/day.

I had slept an hour early this morning and 20 minutes this afternoon. I have to work at cutting the agitation.

I am very frustrated.

Love to All!

WC

Sorry you are having a hard time. I am glad your pdoc is being thorough and hope she has a plan that helps.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm upset. My therapist finally admitted that I have flat facial affect and flat vocal tone (i.e., monotonous voice). She said that these two things combined may put people off from talking to me or being my friend because I don't correctly react emotionally to what people say to me. She says that people may think I'm bored or uninterested in them.

She offered to help me, but I don't know why she didn't offer help before. It's kind of mean to let me be this way without helping. Or maybe I just have too high expectations. Idk. But she knew I was having social problems, so she should have helped. She only offered this help AFTER my reevaluation and AFTER I asked.

I can understand why you are frustrated. I think I would be, too. Sometimes I think the professionals are gauging what to tell us and what not to tell us, and I find myself wondering what my pdoc is really thinking or picking up on. I often want to just say "out with it, what are you noticing?". I hope that she is able to help and it improves your social life.

[wildflowerchild25]

Physical is tomorrow!!! Super nervous still. I’m praying everything goes ok. I really need to start on Monday. If I do, I won’t see my t for two weeks, but since I’m ok emotionally right now that should be fine.

I’ve still been sleeping out of boredom but I don’t care. Hoping I won’t have to worry about it because I’ll be starting work.

My son has a week off starting on the 27th. I think I’ll be off as well even if I train on Monday because the school has a week off at the end of summer so I’m assuming that’s the week they have off. I have to plan things for us to do and hope I have the motivation to do them. I might take him to the arcade, maybe swimming at my SILs. Definitely to the park. I don’t know where else to take him though. Money’s running low since I never got anywhere with unemployment. Hoping I’ll have enough to entertain him. There’s a couple of museums that aren’t too expensive as well. And sometimes I can get free passes through the library. I’ll have to see.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I have been in touch with pdoc. She wants me to see her tomorrow. I guess her prior plan is not her current plan.

The plan seemed very simple.
Get an EKG . If it's fine, start trazodone.
It's been over 2 weeks now and the Ambien meant to hold me over only agitates me.

However, I am new to her and she really feels she needs to see me.
At least she is being cautious. I'll struggle through another night/day.

I had slept an hour early this morning and 20 minutes this afternoon. I have to work at cutting the agitation.

I am very frustrated.

Love to All!

WC

I guess at least she's cautious, but I've never had a pdoc want an EKG before prescribing Trazodone. I'm not 100% sure, but it is one of the safer drugs to take out there, and you are able to stop it without tapering (at least I was). The problem with Trazodone (for me anyway) was that the amount I needed to sleep often left me feeling hungover in the morning. I'd only start feeling normal around 3-4 PM. It used to be used as an anti-depressant, but that is not common anymore as it is generally too sedating at the effective anti-depressant doses for most people. But I was able to use a smaller amount of it with hydroxyzine. I needed hydroxyzine to fall asleep, trazodone to stay asleep. And my old pdoc would remind me even though I was not taking a therapeutic dosage for depression, trazodone would still have some anti-depressant properties that can help with the lows of depression. I can't take more than 100 mg of trazodone a night without the hungover feeling. I looked it up, and I took 50-100 mg of trazodone a night with 50-75 mg of hydroxyzine for sleep. I did better on that. Otherwise, it took like 300-400 mg of trazodone for me to sleep, and I was just zombified. I'd ask to go back on the trazodone/hydroxyzine mix rather than the straight trazodone for sleep if the pdoc determines Clonidine is the culprit of my latest hypomania. But in this case I'm lucky; he is a colleague of my retiring pdoc, so he knows her and that she is very highly regarded in the field. Plus, the office staff can look up the old dosages, no problem. I switched to the Clonidine because for some reason, the trazodone/hydroxyzine mix just stopped working for sleep during a hypomanic phase, and that was the point at which I started seeing my current pdoc. So maybe it would work for me again; it could have just been the mania of the episode escalating with more & more nights of no sleep.

If you are prescribed trazodone, it always took 1-2 hr to take effect for me, but the hydroxyzine worked much faster (sleep with it doesn't last as long though).

It's funny though. Every single pdoc I've been to hands out trazodone like candy. I've never had to so much as ask for it. I don't know, maybe it's because I've been on it ever since I started psych treatment.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Physical is tomorrow!!! Super nervous still. I’m praying everything goes ok. I really need to start on Monday. If I do, I won’t see my t for two weeks, but since I’m ok emotionally right now that should be fine.

I’ve still been sleeping out of boredom but I don’t care. Hoping I won’t have to worry about it because I’ll be starting work.

My son has a week off starting on the 27th. I think I’ll be off as well even if I train on Monday because the school has a week off at the end of summer so I’m assuming that’s the week they have off. I have to plan things for us to do and hope I have the motivation to do them. I might take him to the arcade, maybe swimming at my SILs. Definitely to the park. I don’t know where else to take him though. Money’s running low since I never got anywhere with unemployment. Hoping I’ll have enough to entertain him. There’s a couple of museums that aren’t too expensive as well. And sometimes I can get free passes through the library. I’ll have to see.

Good luck with your physical!

[Blueberrybook]

((((BirdDancer))))) I am so sorry about your problems with your dad. That has to be tough

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I guess at least she's cautious, but I've never had a pdoc want an EKG before prescribing Trazodone. I'm not 100% sure, but it is one of the safer drugs to take out there, and you are able to stop it without tapering (at least I was). The problem with Trazodone (for me anyway) was that the amount I needed to sleep often left me feeling hungover in the morning. I'd only start feeling normal around 3-4 PM. It used to be used as an anti-depressant, but that is not common anymore as it is generally too sedating at the effective anti-depressant doses for most people. But I was able to use a smaller amount of it with hydroxyzine. I needed hydroxyzine to fall asleep, trazodone to stay asleep. And my old pdoc would remind me even though I was not taking a therapeutic dosage for depression, trazodone would still have some anti-depressant properties that can help with the lows of depression. I can't take more than 100 mg of trazodone a night without the hungover feeling. I looked it up, and I took 50-100 mg of trazodone a night with 50-75 mg of hydroxyzine for sleep. I did better on that. Otherwise, it took like 300-400 mg of trazodone for me to sleep, and I was just zombified. I'd ask to go back on the trazodone/hydroxyzine mix rather than the straight trazodone for sleep if the pdoc determines Clonidine is the culprit of my latest hypomania.

If you are prescribed trazodone, it always took 1-2 hr to take effect for me, but the hydroxyzine worked much faster (sleep with it doesn't last as long though).

It's funny though. Every single pdoc I've been to hands out trazodone like candy. I've never had to so much as ask for it. I don't know, maybe it's because I've been on it ever since I started psych treatment.

Thank you!

I'd needed the EKG because I have been treated with Celexa/citalopram and continue with it. Both Celexa and tradozone have the potential to cause heart QTc interval prolongation. The safest way to prescribe two meds carrying this potential is to do EKGs.

I see signatures here with people using two meds carrying this potential; I hope everyone is safe.

My old pdoc tried prescribing Celexa with Seroquel and the pharmacist refused to go along with this. Both meds carry this potential.

I despise med hangovers in the AM. Since I am very sensitive to meds, I half expect the trazodone trial to be short anyway. We will see.

I get dangerously suicidal on clonidine.

Thank you for your ongoing support!

WC

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Saw my "13-year buddy" last evening. Always fun.

I also am waiting for a package to come Saturday: Don't laugh but I ordered a pair of "authentic" handcuffs. Um yeah.... Say I have leftover hypo/mania if you want.

[half_awakexx]

Did a lot today and still have some energy left. Overall, it was a pretty decent day. I enjoyed the time off from work. Been playing video games for the past couple of hours. Tomorrow, I get my shot. I usually get it every 21 days.

Sending good vibes everyone's way and hope your evening is going well.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I also am waiting for a package to come Saturday: Don't laugh but I ordered a pair of "authentic" handcuffs. Um yeah.... Say I have leftover hypo/mania if you want.

You said that was an accident!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

You said that was an accident!

Yeah but it wasnt an accident that I then havent cancelled it.

[Moose72]

I left my lights on. Battery dead. Will be calling AAA first thing in the morning.