Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Thanks 21SAB! The Pepsi is a problem for me lol. I'm gonna give it a shot though. Got an insulated water bottle that I'm going to start taking to work

You guard that bottle with your life

I guess the IP doctors were right about my grandma when they said she has roughly 6 months left to live. That was back in April.

It pained me to go to hospice today to go see her. She was visibly upset. Shaking, sad face, teary, etc.. She does get morphine for pain, though, so it could be just her back pain that's getting to her.

She won't eat, even when we try to give her food. When we ask if she wants food, she says yes, so we go feed it to her and she won't open her mouth. We keep telling her to open her mouth in order to eat, but she won't do it. Then we ask if she's not hungry anymore and she says, "no, I'm hungry." But we can't put food in her mouth if she won't open it.

The hospice nurses have been having the same issue with her. She just won't open her mouth to eat, even when starving (literally). She won't talk to anybody either, except on a rare occasion, so we know she is capable of moving her jaw. But then again, I don't think she remembers who anyone is, so maybe that's why she doesn't want to talk so much. I'm just afraid she's going to starve to death from not eating.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm sorry Blue. Dementia is heartbreaking.

[Moose72]

I just had pasta for dinner. Meh. But i dont have many choices in the house and no grocery money for a bit.

[VerMOZZica]

Today I managed to clean my turtle`s tank and clean the bathroom and I mopped the floors. Washed dishes. Now I have to sort out my meds for the week.

[wildflowerchild25]

Spent the day caring for my son who was vomiting since late last night. High fever too. Seems to finally be breaking. I think he may have strep throat AGAIN because his throat is extremely red. I’m going to take him to the dr tomorrow if his throat is still sore. I will probably have to take him to an ENT if it is strep again because this will be the third time in two months that’s he’s gotten it. He may need his tonsils out or something else, not sure what. More stress on me.

I felt ok today but incredibly bored so while my son was sleeping I slept as well. I didn’t want to be awake because of the boredom. Usually I can at least go out somewhere but my mom wasn’t home all day so I couldn’t even run out to grab a soda or some food or something. Oh well.

[Cocosurviving]

I returned the two movies I rented earlier before 2 PM. Grabbed a few groceries and some dog food. We took naps then my adult daughter came over. She ate some pasta and some of the cherry cheese cake pie. Tomorrow she starts a new job and she’s not excited about it. There was another position she really wanted and the hiring manager is supposedly out of state on business.

[Blueberrybook]

Took Tizandine this morning (it's prn for fibromyalgia), and I don't know, either I lost my tolerance or the stuff or I'm just a ton more affected by the pills my pharmacy's new manufacturer is using (my pharmacy is now constantly in flux, computers, text alerts, the same prescription looking different 3 months in a row.). Hopefully, it settles down soon.

I forget the dosage of Tizandine as I have it it my signature, but I can take up to 4 pills (either spaced throughout the day or 2 or even all of them at once.). I do remember instantces of 4 pills making me a bit drowsy (nothing a coffee wouldn't lift), but today, I was practically senseless on the stuff.

Yes, I do have a prescription that has to bee from another manufacturer because it looks different. Maybe tomorrow I've feel like googling images of tizaznidine in the dose I was prescribed, but my pharmacy very thororough, and I don't think they made any errors.

This morning, I wanted to go jogging or walking but felt my balance was off and thought not to chance it. That had me thinking the pdoc & I were wrong about my falling being caused by the propranolol, which was a bit of a downer. But it was a good thing I stayed in because I was so off-balance, at one point, I walked into my off and fell over sideways, landing on the floor.

Hubby said I was slurring me speech again, and I was thinking, OMG, how did I make another mix-up with my psych meds? I've been super careful with it. I took out the trash as my husband was walking out to his car to go to the hardware store, and he told me to stay home, that I didn't look stead on my feet (I felt steady but guess I wasn't). I slept away a lot of the morning, some of the afternoon. My daughter was a good sport about it because my husband was gone on errands over the afternoon.

[Moreta]

I decided to go out to lunch today. I left, got halfway down MLK and remembered i forgot to sign my receipt. I had gotten my card and had left cash for the tip, so I turned around and went back to sign it. Decided while I was there I should go to Mast General Store and see if they had metal straws. They didn't, but I found a shirt and a knife sharpener on clearance and got a little funnel and some cheese cloth. They have all sorts of stuff in that store. I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up my meds on the way home and asked the pharmacist if she wanted any squash and zucchini and she said sure. I came home and sat in front of the AC for a while cause it was so hot and went back to the pharmacy to give the pharmacist the veggies. I went to the dollar tree too to get a basket so i have something to carry veggies in from the garden.

I made some roasted cherry tomatoes and garlic tonight and threw some mozzarella balls in at the end and it was tasty.

Today was a decent day. I didn't talk to too many people though.

I feel like crap today

- watched a really pointless movie yesterday called gio storm (entirely wasted an hour or so on that movie)

- had dinner and got sick because it was that disgusting

-unable to rest/ relax/ lie down all evening

- meant to see someone today at 10 A.M, but the usual sinario.. half 11 and they arn't ****ing here

well I'm not wasting my time.. if they show up this afternoon I'm going to tell them where to go- people turning up late for things is my biggist annoyance

- no food in the house and very little money

life sucks at the moment

i'd say at least my pain level's good but even that's creeping back up

I forgot to say a site i often use is down too.

blah

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I'm sorry Blue. Dementia is heartbreaking.

Thanks

The one of the hospice nurses even said to us, "We have to be very honest with you: in all sincerity, this is unfortunately the natural progression of things and we as nurses can only do so much. We do our best everyday to make her feel as comfortable as possible, and we do our best to help feed her and take care of her."

At least they're trying their best. They are very nice and caring. They watch movies with her and play games whenever possible. But she sleeps a lot because of the geodon they give her. I don't know why she's on an AP anymore when she's in hospice. She's not a danger to herself anymore like she was when we put her in IP. Plus, it's not helping with anything. It's just sedating her.

It's bad because she has BP *and* dementia. I dont think she's manic anymore. She seems depressed if anything. I wish she had something useful to combat the depression, because I can imagine a manic crash plus dying in hospice makes a godawful episode. I don't think she knows she's dying, but I think she does feel lonely and confused (which is understandable because she doesn't recognize us anymore). And they need to stop using geodon to make her sleep away the rest of her days. I think that's f***ed up.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Thanks

The one of the hospice nurses even said to us, "We have to be very honest with you: in all sincerity, this is unfortunately the natural progression of things and we as nurses can only do so much. We do our best everyday to make her feel as comfortable as possible, and we do our best to help feed her and take care of her."

At least they're trying their best. They are very nice and caring. They watch movies with her and play games whenever possible. But she sleeps a lot because of the geodon they give her. I don't know why she's on an AP anymore when she's in hospice. She's not a danger to herself anymore like she was when we put her in IP. Plus, it's not helping with anything. It's just sedating her.

It's bad because she has BP *and* dementia. I dont think she's manic anymore. She seems depressed if anything. I wish she had something useful to combat the depression, because I can imagine a manic crash plus dying in hospice makes a godawful episode. I don't think she knows she's dying, but I think she does feel lonely and confused (which is understandable because she doesn't recognize us anymore). And they need to stop using geodon to make her sleep away the rest of her days. I think that's f***ed up.

I am glad you are having a good experience with hospice. I have read of people having a bad experience with them, but they were great for us. I know they used them when my husband's mother was dying of something like COPD and they kept her at home due to her with her due to her wishes (she still had her mind 100%), but my inlaws were out in California, so I couldn't see anything day to day. They let my husband's family know what was going on day by day with his mother (which my husband's family told him) and knew when to prompt my husband flying out to California when it was time, warning him that she would likely pass soon after he arrived. They were so right. They put him on the speaker phone once he arrived at LAX, so he could tell her he had landed safely and she could hear it; she passed as my brother-in-law was driving my husband to his parents' house.

They helped tremendously when my paternal grandmother was dying of Parkinson's. This was a horrible disease as she still had her mind but was trapped in her body and couldn't talk or gesture much. Afterwards, my paternal aunt said she wished she could go back in time and call in hospice sooner. They helped that same grandmother years earlier when her husband was dying of Alzheimers. He was an extremely intelligent man in his day, an architect of many of the current freeways in Houston in his day, never gave up on writing and applying for letters to immigrate to the U.S. He must have gotten regected at least 15 times but never gave up. He was originally from the Czechoslovakia (a country headed toward Communism, which he didn't believe in), had a brother living in Texas, had gone as an exchange student to Texas A&M University, learning English and an engineering degree, having to be a member of their team of cadets, which they required of all students back then (and of course, didn't admit women). He designed whole factory towns and stores based on the manufacture of a brand of shoe in the Czech Republic, South Africa, and Brazil, could speak around 5 languages. With th Alzheimers, he often confused my grandmother with other people and reverted to speaking only Czech, his native language (luckily, my grandmother's heritage was Czech, and she grew up talking Czech & English), but hospice was great to her, before she had to put him in a home, coming over to her house, giving her freedom to get out, go shopping, get her hair done, sending pastors and ministers to her home to speak with her & pray & give her communion as she was a religious woman but couldn't go to church what with caring for her husband with Alzheimer's.

We always give to hospice now when we give to a charity.

[Moreta]

Didn't sleep much last night. Oh well. Feel pretty decent today though. We had a bad storm last night, dogs didn't like it. At least I don't have to water the garden. Just got tomatoes out of the garden today.

I feel very stressed out this morning. I took an extra 1 mg Ativan prn. Hubby is home to deal with calls relating to the fire on our deck this past Saturday afternoon. An insurance person will come in about an hour while I'm at one of my two prospective therapists. The whole prospective therapist thing is stressful, too. Both seem nice, but I still can't choose between them. They have different pros and cons, with the cons relatively minor or not yet fully realized.

[Blueberrybook]

Tried to go for a run today...ran a little...just too hot. I slept 9 hours again. I think my body is just exhausted. I may have been pretty close to heatstroke when I ran a few days ago in the sun & heat. I don't think I've recovered from it yet. Trying to push fluids.

I have a playdate with one of my nieces and daughter tomorrow. First part is on the splash pad at the park. Sure to be hot as there is not much shade there. Maybe I'll wear a bathing suit. Then, they want to play on the park equipment. The one nice thing about living in a subdivision built in the mid-1960s is the tress (particularly oak & pecan are large). There is tons of shade over the play equipment. Then, they want to swim in our outdoor pool at home; hubby put an awning over it, so it doesn't get much sunlight. Then, a place that makes ice cream by freezing the ingredients with liquid nitrogen, which the kids love. Thinking about it all exhausts me though.

Oh, I did finish my book for the book club discussion today! Awesome! Good thing it was a fast read. I wasn't sure it would happen with my concentration issues lately. I hope I finish the other book for my local neighborhood book club, can't even remember the title they chose. I do think I will be skipping the library book club next month; it is sci-fi, and I am not much a fan of the genre.

On Wednesday, I have to see the gastroenterologist again. I'm hoping this will be the last time. So tired of discussing my ulcer and all my digestive activities of late. He is conerned with my lack of weight gain, wants to check the gall bladder, which was apparently not happy when the hospital did the CT that showed the perforated ulcer. Said it was really my choice, and I don't know whether to go through with that or not.

[pirilin]

I'm tired. Dam, I'm not the same anymore.
I've been swinging for the fences and, only one rolling hit, and four strikeouts.
With that average, I wouldn't even make the T-ball team.

Maybe I need summer camp.

[Faltering]

I'm so conflicted right now. I moved 2 hours south a couple years ago to live with my boyfriend and take a job. Now I want to move back closer to my family because the relationship is going nowhere and my job was too stressful. I'm looking at jobs here up north and found only one that's hiring before school starts again. And now my high school sweetheart (a different guy) wants me to stay so he can marry me. I'm afraid to quit my current job because I will lose the health insurance I need to control my bipolar disorder. And there's no guarantee I will get the job by my family. If I don't, I will probably be jobless and without insurance until the next school year. This decision is really wearing me out.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I'm so conflicted right now. I moved 2 hours south a couple years ago to live with my boyfriend and take a job. Now I want to move back closer to my family because the relationship is going nowhere and my job was too stressful. I'm looking at jobs here up north and found only one that's hiring before school starts again. And now my high school sweetheart (a different guy) wants me to stay so he can marry me. I'm afraid to quit my current job because I will lose the health insurance I need to control my bipolar disorder. And there's no guarantee I will get the job by my family. If I don't, I will probably be jobless and without insurance until the next school year. This decision is really wearing me out.

If you were to get married would you get his health insurance?

[Faltering]

Originally Posted by Moose72

If you were to get married would you get his health insurance?

Yes. He just got a new job with health insurance.

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I'm so conflicted right now. I moved 2 hours south a couple years ago to live with my boyfriend and take a job. Now I want to move back closer to my family because the relationship is going nowhere and my job was too stressful. I'm looking at jobs here up north and found only one that's hiring before school starts again. And now my high school sweetheart (a different guy) wants me to stay so he can marry me. I'm afraid to quit my current job because I will lose the health insurance I need to control my bipolar disorder. And there's no guarantee I will get the job by my family. If I don't, I will probably be jobless and without insurance until the next school year. This decision is really wearing me out.

I left behind a company netting 300k/yr. More than a 1/2 mill in cash and property, to run away with a married woman. That was 27 years ago.
Lived off a suitcase for a while, waiting settlement.
I've never regretted a single second. I'm better off now. And HAPPY!!!.

If you are worried for a year of health insurance, please, don't get married.

[Wild Coyote]

Having a tough time. So much trauma brought up by two (one hour each) appts of history-taking by new pdoc. She has suggested possibly taking a longer break in between appts if this pace is too triggering.

Uggh! I just want it over with!

Love to All!


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

I'd want it over with too, WC. That's a lot to go through.

Daughter is confident with her driving though she'll do more practice with the parallel parking bit tonight. I sure hope so because her test is tomorrow afternoon Hopefully we can take the cones back too. We have the contractor in the morning then I need to go to the pharmacy and pick up my next round of Lunesta. Right now they're giving out all controlled substances in 30 day intervals, no refills. It's ridiculous.

Did physical therapy today, plus swept the floors. I had to put the latter off because I was sick this weekend. So glad I don't have what I had yesterday. I felt pretty good this morning. Now I'm sweaty, tired, and my body hurts. Ugh. Still have to feed cats and make dinner. My husband is taking a nap because he was out in the heat. So much for the thunderstorms that were going to cool this week down.

I'm doing okay though, and I'll be okay.

Hugs to everyone.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Having a tough time. So much trauma brought up by two (one hour each) appts of history-taking by new pdoc. She has suggested possibly taking a longer break in between appts if this pace is too triggering.

Uggh! I just want it over with!

Love to All!


WC

(((((((( Wild Coyote ))))))))

This would be very hard and triggering for me too. I’m sending you love and positive vibes