[Blueberrybook]

I read for over an hour this afternoon, which was wonderful I've got to finish this book; our reading group is meeting on Monday, but luckily, it seems to read fast. Also, I got an email this afternoon that one of my library holds is in. I think I put the hold in 4 or 5 months ago; it's a popular book, and maybe the county only had a couple copies. I remember being nearly 100 in the queue for it. Seems like they should have ordered a few more copies as my local library is in the county (Harris County) where Houston is located, which is the 4th largest city in the U.S. Harris County itself is pretty large and has many libraries in its county system.

Oh, and my husband has agreed to cook dinner tonight! So happy to get a cooking break!

[Cocosurviving]

I texted my adult daughter. She called and asked if I was home. We do not live in the same county. She’s going to come hang out for a while. I ate a little more chicken teriyaki. Tomorrow it’s going to be 100 degrees. I don’t do well in the heat. I get real irritable and I feel tired. I’m going to wash some laundry and wait for my daughter

[wildflowerchild25]

I had a nice day today. Had a “spa day” with my sister in law (we just got pedicures). It was fun and relaxing.

Had a bizarre dream last night that my husband came back and told me he was never dead, just in witness protection because of drugs. I had to choose between him and my new boyfriend. This is at least the second, if not third dream of this kind that I’ve had recently. I think it’s my subconscious way of reconciling my feelings of love for my husband vs my new feelings of love for my boyfriend.

I’m taking my son to see hotel Transylvania three tomorrow. Then on Sunday we’re going to go to my grandparents house. I’ve got nothing planned for next week though :-/ except to go to the temp agency and finish my application. My boyfriend starts a new job and won’t be available during the week anymore. I won’t see him again until next weekend. I’m sure I’ll get together with my SIL as long as I don’t get too depressed. I’m gonna try to put out more applications too.

My plan was to work in retail for awhile if I had to but I realized on Wednesday after walking around an amusement park for four hours that my back is too bad to allow me to stand for that amount of time. Maybe if I get injections and they work I might be able to but that doesn’t help me now.

I hate being unemployed.

[pirilin]

Quiet day. My wife left early morning to go Disney's. For four full days. She's taking the granma role seriously.

I'm sacrificing in solitude. Eating and drinking whatever the hell I want.
The house is already a mess. It took me about four hours thought.
I don't have to pick up anything. I don't have to dress in other than underwear.
No shaving, TG I go to the pool several times a day. Otherwise, no bathing.

Nobody to tell me to go to bed. "It's late". She says. "For who?". Not for me.
The night is very young. I have places to go and people to see. Dancing. Naked. Hehe.

Let's see if I can survive this tortuous situation she has left me in.

[Cocosurviving]

Me and my 12 year old daughter had fun playing hangman on her computer. The game gives you a category. Then you have to guess the word. I really like that the answers are not simply. One category was “fruit” and the answer was “longan”. I actually looked it up on my iPhone and got the answer correct. Lol. My adult daughter came by I tried to feed her. She finally asked me to make her some scrambled eggs. She took two bites and started crying. I sat next to her and asked her what was going on. She said she did not know. I asked if it was a lot of emotions at one time and she said yes. She said, she was going to go home and text me when she arrived.

Bipolar check. Yep, still have it. Just kidding, I never had it to begin with.

[Cocosurviving]

My 12 year old daughter cleaned the dining room table off.
Then she cleaned behind the sectional.
My daughter took out the trash
I walked our dog several times today.
I cleaned my restroom tub out and emptied my restroom trash.
I’ve washed two loads of laundry.

[hopeless2015]

Well I made it up work every day this week. Drank like a dumbass tonight. I'm struggling with being very angry and lack of empathy. I don't like this feeling at all. I don't know what else to say. This too shall pass I guess. Hugs you guys!!! I wish i could be more supportive

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Good luck! I have mine tomorrow to test for schizoaffective (or schizoprenia if they don't think I have a mood disorder... but I've had repeated depression, so likely schizoaffective if anything.)

I hope you find someone who can do a good job. Consider asking about neuropsychologist vs psychologist. They both can do evals, but they're slightly different in what they can do.

good luck blue.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Victoria'smom]

So yesterday was my 35th birthday. Most of the day I spent angry I was still alive.

Possible trigger:

That I've been to afraid and weak to even try because I know I'm a failure even attempting

Then there was drama with whether or not to invite my nephew to my birthday dinner. So I told him not to come because I didn't want him to ever feel like his girlfriend isn't invited here. However it was going to cause issues. They're coming tomorrow for dinner and games. So we had my nephew's and niece and sister's over. We hung out, had mac & cheese and ice cream cake. All the little kids went home and we played red dragon inn, samurai sword, buzzword and space team. I'm not AS upset I'm alive but it sucks not being able to tell anyone birthday's aren't happy for me. Just put on a good face for everyone.

Now I have to make it to my niece's birthday. I'm running out of lamictal this weekend and my pharmacy couldn't fill it.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

Well I just made it back. I had an appt in the next county. Then I thought my 12 year old had an appt. We went only to find out it’s next week. We stopped and picked up chicken teriyaki while in the other county. There’s a store that has the best. I ate a little then walked my dog. I’m feeling much better today. I’ve been so stressed. First I was trying to find a GRE prep course. I called all the surrounding counties and no community college, tech school or college offers one. In Tennessee this was offered. Then my apartment was flooded by my upstairs neighbors washing machine. My carpet has been shampooed. Maintenance started repairing my ceiling. The school I planned on attended. I have a contact person in student services. On Tuesday I called her and left a message for her to call me back. Then yesterday I decided to send her an e-mail. I told her I was looking for a GRE prep course. I’ve been out of school for over the years. I need a great score. Hopefully next week things will get better. My primary care doctor’s office did not call me back either. Whatever happen to people being professionals.

If you can't find any in person classes, you might consider an online GRE prep course. I also found the prep books and vocab flash cards really helpful in prepping. Just a suggestion, make sure you time yourself and do a whole practice test because I didn't do that before taking it, and ran out of time on a couple sections. Then I ended up retaking it another time because of that. Good luck!

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by cln1812

So sorry. We're struggling financially too. Because of my BP, I can't work, and my husband lost several high paying jobs as a scientist as the government continued to cut and cut financing for NASA (he has a Ph.D. in physical chemistry). He is over-educated for most jobs. No one told him in graduate school that the manufacturing plants around here want chemical engineers (he says it would have been a change of just a few courses in grad school to get this degree, and he is super-smart; he could have done it). He got a Ph.D. from a Nobel prize winner (Rick Smalley, discoverer of the Buckey Ball, and big when nanotubes were first being engineered in the lab). But Smalley wasn't a great advisor, made his grad students compete for first author publications (in the university world, the publications other colleges care about are only 1st and last name publications, they don't care about the names in between). Even so, his grad school (Rice, in Houston) let him get a Ph.D. without a single first author publication. My graduate school (the University of Houston, much less prestigious than Rice) even made me have 1 first author publication on top of the thesis to get an M.S. For a Ph.D. you had to have 2-3 first author articles.

So now we're stuck in a situation where we can barely afford the mortgage (and our house is hardly extravagant as it was built in 1964), we've both got old cars, and God knows what is going to happen this year. Financial stress is AWFUL. My husband is a high school physics teacher; they pay him peanuts, the insurance sucks, I had a medical hospitalization, trauma surgery, hospital stay, numerous followups with a pricy gastroenterologist.

Yet...because my husband is a teacher (puts our income above poverty level) and I've hardly worked (other than the 2.5 years in grad school as an RA/TA), we can't get any financial aid. Sucks.

Wow, that all sounds really tough and stressful. Especially if you have a family. I really hope things work out okay for you. I only have to worry about myself. It's a shame you don't qualify for financial aid, I really believe some people fall through the cracks like that if they just miss the cut off. Also, that's messed up about your husband's advisor. It's crazy how much an advisor can affect your career and future. I was really lucky to have a supportive advisor in grad school who believed in me more than I did myself haha, but I have heard some horror stories, especially in PhD programs. In fact, one of my advisors had a bad experience with his advisor when in school, and said that he always tries to be careful not to repeat that with students. But there should be some sort of protection for students from bad advisors I think.

[pirilin]

Priveta Gommer Pile report ting for dyut SsssssIr!!!!!.
mIISOS accomplidhes!!.

This when I came back.

Nothing better than 2 V8 with 10 raw eggs to get you sober.

BTW, I Uber one way, the place's limo brings me back. If I spend enough.

I NEVER DRINK AND DRIVE!!!.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Priveta Gommer Pile report ting for dyut SsssssIr!!!!!.
mIISOS accomplidhes!!.

????
bizi

[frenchiebean]

Has anyone gotten so overwhelmed with the mess that has accumulated because they are too depressed even to pick up after themselves and the dirty dishes just pile up that they just throw away all the pots and pans and dishes and get an inexpensive set of new pots and pans and use disposable plates and dishes?

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by bizi

????
bizi

It's a reference to a popular old tv program. Here's the Wikipedia article about it:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gomer_Pyle,_U.S.M.C.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm exhausted this morning. My daughter woke at 2 AM because my husband's getting ready for bed woke her up, and the noise woke me. I couldn't fall back to sleep.

I took a long run/jog/walk this morning. It's good to exercise, but I think my FitBit is beginning to make me competitive with my brother-in-law, who is one of my friends on FitBit or MapMyRun or something. The thing is lately , he has been going on super long runs, 10 miles plus; I think he ran 13 miles yesterday. I get this competitive streak especially when it comes to exercise and weight and feel bad when I don't exercise that much. I do like my FitBit, and I don't want to unfriend my brother-in-law, he's a good person, but ugh, it's making me want to do that much exercise! I think it comes from the eating disorder I've struggled with over the years (not so much the food & eating now as the invasive ED thoughts -bad enough--, though I do get a disturbing happiness when I weigh less at the doctor).

Now, I am very underweight,partly from ulcer surgery, partly from exercise/manic episedes. When I get manic (even sometimes just hypomanic), I won't feel like stopping what I'm doing and eat. I've had a lot of cycles since February, what with the horrible surgery, bills, and anxiety, change in meds. I wish I wouldn't get so competitive about the exercise when I know logically I do not need to lose any weight.

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Quiet day. My wife left early morning to go Disney's. For four full days. She's taking the granma role seriously.

I'm sacrificing in solitude. Eating and drinking whatever the hell I want.
The house is already a mess. It took me about four hours thought.
I don't have to pick up anything. I don't have to dress in other than underwear.
No shaving, TG I go to the pool several times a day. Otherwise, no bathing.

Nobody to tell me to go to bed. "It's late". She says. "For who?". Not for me.
The night is very young. I have places to go and people to see. Dancing. Naked. Hehe.

Let's see if I can survive this tortuous situation she has left me in.

This was before I left, bizi

The last post is when I came back.
It should read:
Private Gomer Pile reporting for duty, SSSIIRRRR!!.

V8 with a bunch of raw eggs, always gets me sober. Sort of.

BTW, I NEVER DRINK AND DRIVE!!!

I Uber to the place, the limo brings me back.
If wife is in town, she'll take me to pick up my car. *****ing all the way and back.
Not because of what I do, but because, according to her, I'm too old for this.
If I don't do it now, When?

[bizi]

Originally Posted by frenchiebean

Has anyone gotten so overwhelmed with the mess that has accumulated because they are too depressed even to pick up after themselves and the dirty dishes just pile up that they just throw away all the pots and pans and dishes and get an inexpensive set of new pots and pans and use disposable plates and dishes?

nope but I am sorry it is so hard for you.
bizi

[bizi]

I did my stretching exercises with out pain to my back and even did a plank...now that was no fun! 20 seconds.
bizi

[pirilin]

Testing my new keboard. We are in binnez now.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by frenchiebean

Has anyone gotten so overwhelmed with the mess that has accumulated because they are too depressed even to pick up after themselves and the dirty dishes just pile up that they just throw away all the pots and pans and dishes and get an inexpensive set of new pots and pans and use disposable plates and dishes?

Me and my 12 year old daughter use foam plates from Walmart. We take turns loading the dish washer for other dishes. Maybe you could load a few dishes then take a break. Then load some more dishes. Do you have a dish washer?

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

If you can't find any in person classes, you might consider an online GRE prep course. I also found the prep books and vocab flash cards really helpful in prepping. Just a suggestion, make sure you time yourself and do a whole practice test because I didn't do that before taking it, and ran out of time on a couple sections. Then I ended up retaking it another time because of that. Good luck!

Thank you

[Unrigged64072835]

So stressed right now. My daughter is upstairs. I'm trying to be civil but I think she knows I'm angry with her.

I spent part of the day in bed to ease the pain in my lower back. That didn't help. It also didn't help that nobody did any of the chores that cause my back to hurt, so I still have to do those in pain.

At least we went out of the house for a little bit.

I'm in no mood to be around anybody right now.

[Blueberrybook]

Doing better now. Realized at lunch time, I forgot to take my morning meds. The Adderall perked me up a bit. I want to read some now, but need to order a few things online for my daughter for school next year first.

My poor husband nearly gave himself heatstroke today. Now, he is on 2 meds, Lipitor for high cholesterol (though is is thin, and this seems inherited from his dad) and synthroid for Hashimotos. I'm not sure if those meds make a person heat sensitive though for being 6'4" tall, he is very sensitive to medications.

One of the things he does as a hobby is blacksmithing. They have monthly meetings at a nature bayou near here (the nature bayou also has old buildings and demostrations to show off life in the late 1800s, early 1900s). He only joined maybe 6 months ago, but being that he is creative and artistic, he does remarkably well with it...the only thing, in the summer, it is HOT. I think he nearly gave himself sunstroke today as he told me he was starting to get chills & stuff. So everyone who lives in a hot climate needs to be careful.

Going to read later, after dinner, hopefully. Off to help my daughter now.