[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I don't know what's wrong with me, but lately I haven't been hungry. We're talking about the past 2 weeks. I eat maybe 600 calories worth in a day, if that.

I've lost weight when I don't need or want to lose weight. I just eat like 200 calories and feel "full" for a long time. Then I eat an additional 200 calories at night. I'm lucky if I eat 400 calories at night.

Part of it is my esophagitis pain, but the other part is me literally not feeling hunger. I'm already spending a ton of money on doctors and tests, so I don't want to spend time at a doctor's office and pay more money. It ****ing sucks.

I'm sorry, I was having this problem while on Lexapro. Could not bring myself to eat and kept losing weight. Fortunately now I can eat normally. I guess they don't think your problem is med/mood related? I suppose if only the past 2 weeks with no med change seems unlikely.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm a bit tired. My daughter had insomnia, work me up at 2 AM. Still a bit zonked from that. We had to reschedule her playdate with her cousin because of that.

I went for a run/walk, shorter than I intended because of the heat. I wanted to wake earlier but fell asleep on our futon, without an alarm set.

I'm feeling better moodwise today than yesterday. Only got angry and raised my voice to one telemarketer who would not listen to my request to put my number on the company do not call list. Can you ask to go above them and talk to a manager & complain? Probably not. They use all sorts of illegal tactics, fake caller IDs, robocalls, etc. I realized my cell phone was not on the do not call registry because my last cell phone number would not port over (we had been using a not well-known company, out of business now), so I called and put it on, but that's a 31 day process. So tired of telemarketers who DO NOT LISTEN.

That's my soapbox. OK otherwise today. Going to sit down with hubby soon and make a plan to get my daughter back on a decent sleep schedule, hopefully in the next day or 2. He had to make a trip north of Houston today and probably won't be home until late (we live southeast of Houston proper, and traffic jams here tend to be worse than Dallas, though nothing like the traffic jams in the Los Angelos area, where my husband is from. How anyone can stand to drive there is beyond me. Gorgeous weather 95% of the time but killer traffic and expensive costs of living).

Klonopin definitely seems to be treating me better than Xanax XR.

[Wild Coyote]

It is hot/humid out!
Trying to keep the house cool.
Trying to get some work done. Isn't working very well.

Love to All!

WC

[Nammu]

Waiting to meet the T they assigned me, all I know it's a male with a beard. No info on the web other than his school and when he graduated. Younger than me.....of course. We shall see.

[wildflowerchild25]

My back was way worse after pt/chiro today. I’m currently laying down trying to recover. The dr wants me to get an MRI but I am horribly claustrophobic. I can’t even go in an elevator. I’m going to see if my insurance will cover an open MRI. Otherwise it’s just plain not getting done. Unless I am completely sedated. Klonopin or Ativan wouldn’t cut it. If I could keep my head out I’d be ok but from what I understand you can’t. Nooope.

[Unrigged64072835]

Daughter failed the parking test. Apparently the poles they used were short and she couldn't see them. Hopefully she can pass that before next week. We can't afford to chauffeur her across town. At least she passed the main test.

Oh crap...

Otherwise a busy day. Hauled salt around for the water softener, cleaned the bathroom before the contractor came out, and put the cones back in our car for return. I'm sore and I shouldn't have bothered to take a shower, because I'm all sweaty and sticky again. So tired too.

Also found out from the foreman that they couldn't replace our window because their window isn't the right type. Told us we can replace the glass for about $200. Will save us about $1800. Could use that.

[Cocosurviving]

I’m so frustrated about this school situation. Kaplan offers an online GRE prep course for about $600 not including books. The in the classroom is around $1,500 not including books. Oh keep in mind you still have to pay for the actual GRE test and plus pay for school. The only way around the GRE is going to like the University of Phoenix. I had a co-worker do that. I think the company accepted her masters degree and gave her a promotion. I know for a fact she did not have to take the GRE. I’m not going in debt just to practice for this damn test. I’ve been doing really good paying extra on my credit card. I ordered a smart tv two weeks ago from Best Buy. I paid $150 in cash and charged the rest. When I went to the store I had bad anxiety. I returned it.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I’m so frustrated about this school situation. Kaplan offers an online GRE prep course for about $600 not including books. The in the classroom is around $1,500 not including books. Oh keep in mind you still have to pay for the actual GRE test and plus pay for school. The only way around the GRE is going to like the University of Phoenix. I had a co-worker do that. I think the company accepted her masters degree and gave her a promotion. I know for a fact she did not have to take the GRE. I’m not going in debt just to practice for this damn test. I’ve been doing really good paying extra on my credit card. I ordered a smart tv two weeks ago from Best Buy. I paid $150 in cash and charged the rest. When I went to the store I had bad anxiety. I returned it.

I hope you can find a way which works well for you!
I get very anxious if/when I spend money, too.


WC

[yellow_fleurs]

Calmed down and feel a bit better about figuring things out. Just need to take it one step at a time. Sorry my last post was so whiny. Thanks for listening

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I’m so frustrated about this school situation. Kaplan offers an online GRE prep course for about $600 not including books. The in the classroom is around $1,500 not including books. Oh keep in mind you still have to pay for the actual GRE test and plus pay for school. The only way around the GRE is going to like the University of Phoenix. I had a co-worker do that. I think the company accepted her masters degree and gave her a promotion. I know for a fact she did not have to take the GRE. I’m not going in debt just to practice for this damn test. I’ve been doing really good paying extra on my credit card. I ordered a smart tv two weeks ago from Best Buy. I paid $150 in cash and charged the rest. When I went to the store I had bad anxiety. I returned it.

School is tough. I'm not sure if the online schools are regarded as well in the field as actual universities, though granted, many traditional universities now offer online courses and even online degrees. Ask about it first before spending the money. In some fields, University of Phoenix won't cut it. They'd see it as the grad school on the resume, toss it out the door. Maybe there are forums someplace on the issue or talk to HR in potential work places, see what they are looking for.

The GRE is expensive, but you can generally have your pick of grad schools if you pass, depending upon the major. I took the GRE right as I was finishing my B.S. degree, so I was still in the school mode.

There are loans but it's so easy to get into trouble with those. Might there be some type of scholarship to help those going back to school?

My husband got lucky. After he lost his job, and unemployment ran out, the state agency directed him to a college where you could do teacher training online and it would be paid for by the state if it was in the STEM area. You could even start teaching and earning while taking the course. He had to pay to get his certifications: math grades 8 up, composite science grades 8 up, computer science grades 8 up. He only needed one certification but did all 3 to make it easier to find a job. The composite science degree got him a job teaching high school physics in a district nearby; apparently, not many composite science teachers are fond of physics. They go through them fast in his district.

[Pookyl]

I can’t figure out if my mood has dropped or if I’m coming down with a bug. Can’t be bothered to get dressed or go to the gym.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Daughter failed the parking test. Apparently the poles they used were short and she couldn't see them. Hopefully she can pass that before next week. We can't afford to chauffeur her across town. At least she passed the main test.

Oh crap...

Otherwise a busy day. Hauled salt around for the water softener, cleaned the bathroom before the contractor came out, and put the cones back in our car for return. I'm sore and I shouldn't have bothered to take a shower, because I'm all sweaty and sticky again. So tired too.

Also found out from the foreman that they couldn't replace our window because their window isn't the right type. Told us we can replace the glass for about $200. Will save us about $1800. Could use that.

Sorry about the driving test. When I was in school, they taught a course out of my high school, and they passed everyone on the driving test, well, I guess unless you wrecked the car or something. The instructor gave me 3 tries at parallel parking and finally said the last one would do even though I was still too close to the curb by some number of inches. I didn't really care as I had no plans to EVER parallel park again in my life! And I haven't. I will walk and extra 1-2 miles if I have to just to avoid parallel parking. Thank God the only parallel parking around here is in downtown Houston, and that's mostly metered, meaning it costs a fortune, so I wouldn't park there anyway.

[Blueberrybook]

Feeling happy this evening...could get used to this...

Have to have an early dinner, husband's taking my daughter to Vacation Bible School, I have plans with a book this evening, Us Against You by Frederick Backman. Finally came in from the library after being close to 100 in the queue for the hold line.

[hopeless2015]

Trucking along. Walked with my friend for an hour..super hot and sweat my *** off but feeling good now after shower and relaxing. Work 8s super busy but days are going fast.

Hugs to those who want or need them

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Feeling happy this evening...could get used to this...

Have to have an early dinner, husband's taking my daughter to Vacation Bible School, I have plans with a book this evening, Us Against You by Frederick Backman. Finally came in from the library after being close to 100 in the queue for the hold line.

Enjoy your child free night. You deserve it.

[Cocosurviving]

Group was interesting to say the least there was a new lady there that was a pain. She did not want to go to a doctor to get diagnosed but wanted to know how she could figure it out on her own. Yet mental illness ran on both sides of her family. People like that annoy the hell out of me. Then we started talking about depression and she says “well doesn’t everyone get like that”? I said we’re not talking about depression because your boyfriend or husband broke up with you. Some of us get depressed and nothing is wrong. But we can not get out of bed, we barely eat, we barely shower or take care of ourselves. There was another new lady in the group she started crying saying how hard her depression had been. Another young lady 21 said she had been having episodes since she was 15. That each one was worse. She said, she has tried different meds, changing her diet and exercise. Nothing has helped. She went on to say that her goal is to find something that will make her never have an episode again. Another young lady told her nicely no such thing exist. I told her if a doctor tells you something is available he/she is after your money.

[Tucson]

It has been hot this year in Tucson. The last couple days the humidity has been up. I still have no air conditioning. I am going to have to do something about this. I just do not want to spend the money. Today at 10 PM I am sweating inside my home. I also went running this afternoon. The air conditioning in the car has been helpful.

My place is a real mess. I need to clean up starting with the kitchen, and then the bathroom. I hate cleaning the tub.

I'm told i might not be bipolar.
Correct.
I'm bipolar Two.
There's s huge difference.

But yeah, I'm still broken.

yesterday I got really, really, wound up

I was trying to fill out an application form, but the woman who wrote it had clearly no writing skills.. she didn't write it word by word, she wrote it letter by letter- and trust me, for someone like myself (not the best speller), that, was painfull

trying to spell Fibromyalgia out letter by letter was hard (as well as all the other words she'd written in that format)

their needs to be a rule about people who can not write not sending out aplication forms. just saying

Possible trigger:

later my mother decided to email me an attachment which turned out to be a voice clip of her asking if I was dead, with sounds of fake guns in the background

what the actual ****. I couldn't have really stopped the trrigger, as it was labeled something along the lines of

"the night has a thousand eyes- bobby v", which later I found out was a song anyway

sick woman

but yeah that triggered me a lot

but apart from that.. I suppose the same as any other day

I didn't sleep again and didn't rest

mood is okay today.

got nothing to do again.. just laundry- but it is all ready in the washing machine

I think my therapist was legitimately trying to make me cry this morning. She kept asking about my dying grandma and saying stuff like, "how does that make you feel? That has to be REALLY, REALLY hard." Then she looked me straight in the eyes and continued to say it. I held it together, though. I just didn't like being asked about her 5 times, nor did I like to tell her about how she can't eat or function anymore. I had to repeat myself because she kept asking me over and over and staring at me in the eyes.

When I had hallucinations for 7 weeks straight, I almost cried during therapy. She kept saying, "I can see you're holding back emotion. Your eyes are teary. What's wrong?" Then I stupidly said, "I'm agitated," even though I was experiencing extreme fear and paranoia, not agitation at all. But I'm glad I said it was agitation, because I didn't want to talk about my paranoia of someone coming to murder me or being watched on cameras in my apartment and at work (even though there are no cameras anywhere). I was also afraid the FBI was out to get me and arrest me for accidentally stealing a pen from Staples 15 years ago. (It was one of those pens intended to be used for signing reciepts, since there were no electronic signature machines at that time.)

It's irritating when I'm pushed to the point of crying. I mean, I know I need to talk about what's going on in my life, but I don't like being asked repeatedly or looked straight in the eye, waiting for me to cry. It's not cool, and it hurts... a lot.

She made me elaborate on how my grandma can't eat anymore and is dying of starvation. She also made me elaborate on how she doesn't remember or trust anyone. Not to mention she's confused, depressed, and scared. I can't keep talking about her dying and her experiencing emotional pain. I can't even talk about her inability to function or the drs a while ago giving her 6 months to live...

This is so stupid. I hate therapy. I don't mind being asked things, but not repeatedly in the same seesion.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm doing pretty good this morning. Yesterday evening, I started on a library book, and I read over 100 pages for the first time in forever, this book a serious one too, not light reading.

This morning, MapMyRun had me on a killer interval training run this morning for 4.4 miles. Afterwards, I had to walk 2 miles home. I'm a bit tired from that. I need breakfast but don't have taste for anything. Maybe once I've had a bit more water. And I've got a lot of fruit, which contains water too. I love it when summer fruit is in season and affordable and actually tastes good

I have an appt. with my gastroenterologist this morning and will have to leave soon for that. At least the trauma surgeons did consult one of the top gastroenterologists in the Houston area. Though he is always warning me off NSAIDS for life, saying I should realize how rare ulcer surgery is in developed countries (most people have symptoms and either self-treat with things like Nexium or see a doctor, but I had no symptoms; I should realize I am lucky and that many perforated ulcers end in death or have complications such as sepsis. Cheery. So I guess I beat the odds there, but if I had known I would be having such pain in my future, I don't know how I could have faced it. I didn't even know people were capable of feeling that much physical pain.

I am hopeful this will be my last appt. with the gastro doc, or maybe he will stretch the next appointment to 6 months. I'm off the proton-pump inhibitor (PPI) medication now. I don't have symptoms and can eat most foods again although there are a few greasy foods like hamburgers and pizza I still cant face. But now I can have things like salsa and Tex-Mex food again. The only thing that seems to still hurt my scar is to carry a large case (around 32 bottles) of water from the car to the house since I have to carry that against my stomach.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

yesterday I got really, really, wound up

I was trying to fill out an application form, but the woman who wrote it had clearly no writing skills.. she didn't write it word by word, she wrote it letter by letter- and trust me, for someone like myself (not the best speller), that, was painfull

trying to spell Fibromyalgia out letter by letter was hard (as well as all the other words she'd written in that format)

their needs to be a rule about people who can not write not sending out aplication forms. just saying

Possible trigger:

later my mother decided to email me an attachment which turned out to be a voice clip of her asking if I was dead, with sounds of fake guns in the background

what the actual ****. I couldn't have really stopped the trrigger, as it was labeled something along the lines of

"the night has a thousand eyes- bobby v", which later I found out was a song anyway

sick woman

but yeah that triggered me a lot

but apart from that.. I suppose the same as any other day

I didn't sleep again and didn't rest

mood is okay today.

got nothing to do again.. just laundry- but it is all ready in the washing machine

Woah, I am so sorry your mom sent you that email. WTF??

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I think my therapist was legitimately trying to make me cry this morning. She kept asking about my dying grandma and saying stuff like, "how does that make you feel? That has to be REALLY, REALLY hard." Then she looked me straight in the eyes and continued to say it. I held it together, though. I just didn't like being asked about her 5 times, nor did I like to tell her about how she can't eat or function anymore. I had to repeat myself because she kept asking me over and over and staring at me in the eyes.

When I had hallucinations for 7 weeks straight, I almost cried during therapy. She kept saying, "I can see you're holding back emotion. Your eyes are teary. What's wrong?" Then I stupidly said, "I'm agitated," even though I was experiencing extreme fear and paranoia, not agitation at all. But I'm glad I said it was agitation, because I didn't want to talk about my paranoia of someone coming to murder me or being watched on cameras in my apartment and at work (even though there are no cameras anywhere). I was also afraid the FBI was out to get me and arrest me for accidentally stealing a pen from Staples 15 years ago. (It was one of those pens intended to be used for signing reciepts, since there were no electronic signature machines at that time.)

It's irritating when I'm pushed to the point of crying. I mean, I know I need to talk about what's going on in my life, but I don't like being asked repeatedly or looked straight in the eye, waiting for me to cry. It's not cool, and it hurts... a lot.

She made me elaborate on how my grandma can't eat anymore and is dying of starvation. She also made me elaborate on how she doesn't remember or trust anyone. Not to mention she's confused, depressed, and scared. I can't keep talking about her dying and her experiencing emotional pain. I can't even talk about her inability to function or the drs a while ago giving her 6 months to live...

This is so stupid. I hate therapy. I don't mind being asked things, but not repeatedly in the same seesion.

I am sorry, that would really bother me if my therapist did that, too. For me it's not like I never cry and need someone to make me realize I am sad. So, I might be there trying to hold myself together so therapy can be a productive talking session. I would not find that technique helpful.

My husband stayed home yesterday and the day before because of our deck fire this past weekend. I liked his extra presence. But one of the days he went out to dinner with a friend (without me). Tonight he's going out with more friends (without me). It reminds me of how I've lost all of my friends. Normally I'm not that lonely, but today I feel very alone.

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Woah, I am so sorry your mom sent you that email. WTF??

I suppose I should expect it.

I mean that's all she's done since the moment I was born.. find ways to abuse me