my chronic pain took the biscuit this afternoon

fell and hit my arm- then unable to move for 15 minits!

I felt so stupid.. I was in the middle of a pathway with people staring..

ugggg....

though to be fair I didn't know if they were talking about me.. really out of it

in lots of pain now- and it's going to be a rough night

[Scooter9]

I have missed a couple of days of check ins. Still feeling low and getting by. Looking for a job, searching for a retirement home for a loved one, doing life stuff.

I'm still occasionally seeing things that I know aren't there. Nothing big but enough to be noticeable.

I see my pdoc tomorrow. Thinking of asking for more Latuda to maybe treat the depression instead of adding a third med.

[yellow_fleurs]

Woke up feeling blah this morning, but got moving and got some cleaning done so felt accomplished and more energetic by this afternoon. I feel kind of good actually, but still like I have to ignore my thoughts or they will try to get me, if that makes any sense. I can't remember a time my thoughts didn't want to hurt me on some level, even though I never actively felt like this before this past year. It's weird, like someone took over my brain and made themselves comfortable. I am worried it's too late to get rid of them.

[Daonnachd]

My son and a friend of his are going to see a film this evening, so my wife suggested we go out, too. I don't really want to go out, but I feel I need to honour her desire. So we're going to drop the boys off and then go to the bookstore. Wish me strength.

[Moose72]

Started off feeling hypo this morning. Went to judo this afternoon. Went really well but my pants fell down!! Good thing my jacket is long! Plus I told someone my rank- a guy- about taking psych meds. (Weight gain) i was quite chatty. Not conducive to working out. Lol.

[Blueberrybook]

I had a better end to the day than beginning. Maybe knowing I'm going from a new med that didn't seem to sit well with me (Xanax XR) back to something I how I react to (Klonopin) has helped my mind. There may also be something to that "fake it 'til you make it" saying.

I had a book club meeting this evening. I struggled all week to finish the book and finally did (good thing it read fast). The time to leave for the book club came around and after the day I had had, I wasn't even sure I wanted to go.

But I figured I might as well. The people there are all nice and friendly, good company. It's not a far drive. I'm so glad now that I went. I'm very introverted (though I guess a lot of booklovers are that way too), but the company did me good. I left the meeting feeling a lot better than I had going into it. Might be something to that saying.

My daughter is on a total summer sleep schedule, and I need to get her turned around. Today, she slept until nearly noon! She told me she couldn't fall asleep until after 1 AM. I think I will work on it next week. This week, she has vacation Bible school at one of her best friend's chuches. The church itself takes about 30 min. to drive to thanks to constant stoplights along the way. Plus, her friends parents and grandparents are very involved in the church and the VBS so are among the last to leave, which makes my daughter one of the last to leave because she and her friend haven't seen each other all summer. I never had a good friend like that in school, and I definitely want my daughter to enjoy spending time with one of her 2 best friends (they all 3 play together at school). My husband has been taking her to the VBS since I'm going to be taking her to another STEM day camp next week.

Glad to have a happy end to the day

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Started off feeling hypo this morning. Went to judo this afternoon. Went really well but my pants fell down!! Good thing my jacket is long! Plus I told someone my rank- a guy- about taking psych meds. (Weight gain) i was quite chatty. Not conducive to working out. Lol.

WC

[VerMOZZica]

I went to the store this afternoon and got a few things done that I needed to do. Now just doing laundry and listening to music. I have a Pdoc appointment tomorrow.

[wildflowerchild25]

I had a good, if not boring day today. My son was feeling better but just to be sure I took him to the dr to make sure it wasn’t strep - it wasn’t. Just a stomach bug. Thank god I didn’t have to buy any expensive medication. I’m hurting not getting any income. The money I get from the state goes right out to cover all my bills. I had to refile for unemployment AGAIN. At least I could do it online this time.

Tomorrow I have PT/chiro for my back. I want to stop going because it’s not helping. But I have to see the doctor again first. I missed my appointment again on Friday so I have to reschedule.

I’m disappointed because I thought I’d be able to see my boyfriend on the weekends but it turns out he has his son on the weekends now so I’ll have to work in seeing him during the week. I’ve also been disappointed with how he’s been talking with me. He doesn’t say very many sweet things to me anymore. When we’re together it’s different but over text I get nothing and I’m so sweet over text. Probably something I need to just bring up so that it doesn’t fester.

Other than that it’s all good. Going to a job fair on Wednesday, maybe applying to be a special ed paraprofessional. I haven’t decided if it’s something I want to do. It would certainly be less stressful than teaching but I’m kind of soured on the education scene altogether. However it’s a job I know I could get. And it’s a good job to have with my son - we would get the same days off and snow days would be covered. I have to think about it more.

I’m just tired of not working.

[Victoria'smom]

Called the pharmacy and then Pnurse. My husband called and left several messages. I'm out of lamictal after tonight. I'm going to take my husband's that he has been stock piling, every other night so it at least stays in my system. I'm so sick and tired of Dr.'s and appointments and meds.

[Cocosurviving]

My day was decent. I was able to get an appt with a psychologist that came highly recommended. However the appointment is next month on the 20th. I checked her views online and they’re really good. My adult daughter started a job today and hated it. It’s commission based and I warned her. She quit but called up a temp company and asked if they could get her on at Whirlpool. She worked for them before for a year and left on good terms. The temp agency was able to get on on at Whirlpool. She starts this Wednesday. Today I folded a load of laundry. I picked up me and my 12 year old daughter’s allergy meds. Maintenance came by today to work on my ceiling some more. They said asked if I would be home tomorrow because they were going to do more to the ceiling. I told them that would be fine.

[bizi]

6th day alcohol free
bizi

Checking in, like it matters.

My online work is messing with my highly volatile bipolarity. Expect bad news. Stock up on water and toilet paper.

in adition to my sleepless night yesterday, I was also in severe pain all night (which sucked)
I am still in quite a bit of pain this morning- not to the extent of last night, but still enough

eaten breakfast and that's all I really have to do today.

**** all to do

well laundry, but that's on- and I can get it later

[BeyondtheRainbow]

congratulations Bizi!

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by bizi

6th day alcohol free
bizi

That's awesome! You are doing great!

[Blueberrybook]

My daughter had bad insomnia last night. She woke us all, crying at 2 AM about it. I don't know what to do. I finally let her lie in my spot on the bed and went to sleep on the futon.

I am not at my best at 2 AM. My night meds make me so drowsy, all I want is sleep. If I come up with an actual sentence to say, it comes out all blurred and herd to underdand (not sure which of the mes does this). At some point, she dis fall asleep; I woke at 5:30 AM and peeked in the bedroom, and she was asleep. She supposed to have a playdate with one of her cousins this morning, but I'm not sure about that now. The pediatrician says to try her on melatonin, and I want to try it, but my husband doesn't. Maybe he will want to try it now that the insomnia is worse (last time I consulted the pedi about it was about a year ago).

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cln1812

My daughter had bad insomnia last night. She woke us all, crying at 2 AM about it. I don't know what to do. I finally let her lie in my spot on the bed and went to sleep on the futon.

I am not at my best at 2 AM. My night meds make me so drowsy, all I want is sleep. If I come up with an actual sentence to say, it comes out all blurred and herd to underdand (not sure which of the mes does this). At some point, she dis fall asleep; I woke at 5:30 AM and peeked in the bedroom, and she was asleep. She supposed to have a playdate with one of her cousins this morning, but I'm not sure about that now. The pediatrician says to try her on melatonin, and I want to try it, but my husband doesn't. Maybe he will want to try it now that the insomnia is worse (last time I consulted the pedi about it was about a year ago).

I feel for her. Insomnia sucks! Its not like regular being awake. Its really miserable. I hope she can sleep tonight. Maybe the playdate would be good? Dont mess up her internal clock too much? Nap later? Hugs!

[wildflowerchild25]

Had another dream about my husband coming back to life and him and my boyfriend being in the same room and me having to choose. I started out with my husband but then gravitated toward my boyfriend instead. Damn subconscious. Then later on in the dream I violently attacked someone. I guess I’m stressed.

[yellow_fleurs]

Having a rough morning, and cannot stop crying right now. I have been financially stressed, but working to make things happen so I can pay my bills. I was returning some shoes, and trying to sell my textbooks etc to help out a bit. Turns out I parked in the wrong spot for 5 minutes and walked across the street when I had to go to one of the restaurants on that side of the street to park there. Got immediately booted and had to pay a fine to get it off. I was trying so hard not to cry in front of them so they didn't think I was just trying to cry my way out of a ticket, but I am just so upset right now. I did not even try to sell my books after that and just went home. I can ask someone in my family if I really need to borrow money, so I know I am lucky in that sense, but I am just so angry and embarrassed at myself for frivolously spending money I didn't have and putting myself in this position. I feel so stupid...I need to turn this day around if possible.

[Moose72]

Booted instead of a ticket??

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by bizi

6th day alcohol freebizi

Good for you - you got this!

[Scooter9]

I have been feeling low for the past 9 months now - ever since I had to stop Lamictal due to a bad reaction.

My pdoc switched me over to Lithium 9 months ago and we have been slowly increasing the dose to the point where my blood level has been 1.11 for about six weeks. I'm still feeling low, unmotivated, low self-esteem, I'm not eating properly, etc.

So I saw my pdoc today and she said the Lithium is obviously not working since we should have seen a difference by now. She suggested I stop Lithium and go with Modafinil instead. Modafinil is used to treat people with sleep disorders but she says research has shown it's useful for people with depression. I was pretty worried about using something like that so I opted for increasing my Latuda from 80 to 120 (I was on 120 a year ago) - I thought it's worth a shot.

I mentioned that I have been seeing things that I know are not there. We talked about that quite a bit. We uncovered some paranoia as well. She feels this part of the depression and nothing to worry about especially since this started recently. She feels it will clear up along with the depression.

She also recommended that I go back to a clinic we have here called the MDPU - it's part of the largest teaching hospital here and they do evaluations and assessments of people with depression and bipolar. They come up with treatment plans based on their assessment. It takes about a month to get in to see them.

I'll try the Latuda to see if it helps while I wait for the appointment. There are six weeks left of summer and I'm not holding my breath that I'll feel much better for it but I'll enjoy what I can.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but lately I haven't been hungry. We're talking about the past 2 weeks. I eat maybe 600 calories worth in a day, if that.

I've lost weight when I don't need or want to lose weight. I just eat like 200 calories and feel "full" for a long time. Then I eat an additional 200 calories at night. I'm lucky if I eat 400 calories at night.

Part of it is my esophagitis pain, but the other part is me literally not feeling hunger. I'm already spending a ton of money on doctors and tests, so I don't want to spend time at a doctor's office and pay more money. It ****ing sucks.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Booted instead of a ticket??

Yes, I think it is a private company the restaurants hired or something. I understand a ticket, but it seemed a little extreme to me to boot me and charge me more than a ticket for walking across the street for 5 minutes. At least they did not tow me, I guess.