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#1
Jul 19, 2018, 06:43 PM
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I feel like two sides of my brain are fighting: a self destructive/impulsive side and a rational, healthy side. I do not feel at home in my own mind. It is tiring, and confusing. I feel like I should just be able to stop this other side and have normal thoughts. This is especially hard to come to terms with when I otherwise feel "fine", but keep letting these thoughts in. Can anyone relate? Told my pdoc I felt "weird" when he said I seemed better and less depressed. When he inquired further I just could not explain what I even meant. Not sure if there is a point to this post, but thanks for reading!
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 *Laurie*, 12AM, Anonymous45023, Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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 Gabyunbound, Wild Coyote
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#2
Jul 19, 2018, 06:50 PM
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Sometimes we can't explain things when the doctor asks that has happened to me. Other times I can't remember what I wanted to tell the dr
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| yellow_fleurs
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#3
Jul 19, 2018, 06:51 PM
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That's exactly how I feel a lot of the time
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| yellow_fleurs
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| yellow_fleurs
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#4
Jul 19, 2018, 06:53 PM
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I know what you mean. I get psychosis where i get two voices fighting each other swearing and yelling. Usually one voice is me and the other a stranger.
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg  Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
| yellow_fleurs
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| yellow_fleurs
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#5
Jul 19, 2018, 07:04 PM
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I get what you mean. I have that too. LIke, on one rational level I know that whatever I'm doing, thinking, feeling is not healthy for me, but on another level, I do it anyway. I've always had that self-destructive side, and, worse, I know I shouldn't use it, and yet I still do.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
| yellow_fleurs
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| yellow_fleurs
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#6
Jul 19, 2018, 08:32 PM
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Been there done that and bought the T-shirt.
I guess I’m use to it. My T and Pdoc know exactly how I feel. I think over the years of telling them bits and pieces they just ask.... how’s the ongoing verbal fight ? Kinda makes me laugh tbh.
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| yellow_fleurs
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| yellow_fleurs
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#7
Jul 20, 2018, 09:52 AM
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I'm so glad you posted this because I go through it now and then. Was doing it a lot lately. One part of me was wanting to give into hypomanic thoughts. The other was telling me I better not; I've made too much progress.
I was actually beginning to think I had been misdiagnosed since I'm so new to this. I was under the impression that you were either depressed or (hypo)manic) not really being able to control your action on the manic side. But I got through the day without any stupid decisions or turning to alcohol. I also made a BIG step yesterday that is one of the things I knew I needed to get out of my life but was holding onto. But, that was one area where my brain was fighting. |
| yellow_fleurs
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| yellow_fleurs
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#8
Jul 20, 2018, 02:59 PM
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Two sides of brain fighting? Oh yeah. And usually the destructive side tells the rational side that it's idiotic and delusional.
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| 12AM, yellow_fleurs
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| 12AM, Movingon69, yellow_fleurs
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#9
Jul 20, 2018, 05:39 PM
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Quote:
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| Anonymous45023
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#10
Jul 20, 2018, 09:28 PM
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happens to me a lot
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schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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#11
Jul 21, 2018, 12:04 PM
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#12
Jul 21, 2018, 05:00 PM
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How are you feeling today?
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| yellow_fleurs
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#13
Jul 21, 2018, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
 I am doing okay--still fighting internally with myself, and kind of feeling like the rational voice is getting a little drowned out, but still overall in control. I am also little unsure of how I feel about the fact that I am wide awake off of little sleep the past few nights and don't imagine sleeping much tonight, but not feeling too off otherwise so doing a wait and see kind of approach.
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| ~Christina
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#14
Jul 21, 2018, 07:19 PM
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Your holding your own that’s a good thing !
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| yellow_fleurs
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#15
Jul 21, 2018, 08:05 PM
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Quote:
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| ~Christina
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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