[tecomsin]

My son started a new job today. It looked for awhile that he would have to move to another city to find a job he liked but he got one in the city we live in, so I'll have some family nearby and won't be all alone. He's been out of work since he graduated from university last year (in October) so this will be a big change for him. He is also looking for an apartment to rent once he starts getting paid. It has been a rough time since he came to live with me starting in March. Sometimes I really think he just hates me, but it is what it is.

I have been sleeping well just extremely tired during the day.

Anyway this is something to celebrate that he's gone to work. I just hope he sticks with it.

[diamondprincess]

Good for him and I'm sure he doesn't hate you. My relationship with my mom isn't the best either, but I don't hate her.

[Wild Coyote]

Great news!

I hope he likes his new job and thrives.
I hope you are feeling less stressed.


WC

That is such a great update. I was wondering how things were going. Very exciting!

[tecomsin]

Thanks for your reassurance diamondprincess. My son goes through periods, sometimes lasting days, that he refuses to speak to me or eat with me. But then when he needs a ride or something he will choose a more friendly behavior. He has said many times that he hates me and that I deserve to be treated with cruelty. His hatred for me is real but not constant. This morning I gave him a ride to the train station and he wouldn't say goodbye to me after I also made him coffee.

It's been a stressful time for both of us WC and TheSadGirl. I am hopeful that his drive to succeed in the world will get him back to a normal, active life engaging with the world rather than playing video games endlessly, just occasionally getting out with his friends. He got a shave and haircut and dresses appropriately going into work and is actually getting in before the required 9AM. He has to account for all of his time in 15 minute increments which might be helpful for his adhd.

I have also been engrossed in the rescue of those boys in a cave in Thailand. it really is a heartwrenching drama.

I had a ct scan for surveilling cancer on Tuesday and now have to wait 2 weeks to find out if I am still all clear from my oncologist. It's a long wait.

Once my son gets his own apartment, he will be happier.

This is great news, tecomsin! I am so glad for you.

[Unrigged64072835]

Great to hear! I hope your son does well and you get some relief.

[tecomsin]

Thank you Innerzone and Fharraige,

The past 4 months haven't been easy. First he had unrealistic expectations of the job market, what he could make and the type of job he was suitable for. He spent time working on some skills to add to his cv, but still wasn't getting any phone interviews. Then he paid a consultant $200 to help him on his resume. Mostly she was able to extract from him what he actually did during his coop internships and get all that onto one page. It was the best $200 he has ever spent.

Then he started getting phone interviews and converted many to in person interviews and eventually got a low ball job offer that he declined, then another higher offer but in a different city that he accepted, then one in the same city and more money so he 'quit' the offer he had accepted and took this one.

The whole thing has been stressful for both of us and my mental health has taken a step back. I get overwhelmed with negative thinking, like if my cancer will come back or other catastrophic things might happen. Mostly I am very alone most of the time and have few friends and rarely get out except to do errands and eat out with my son. But he is rushing things and spends most of the time on his phone.

I haven't been able to kick the marijuana habit but haven't had psychotic thoughts or trouble sleeping either. Just very tired. I am trying to find positive things to think about.

[pirilin]

Good for him. Better for you.

[tecomsin]

So far so good. He's still having trouble getting in by 9 am each day but today he made it in. I make him coffee and a baggie of fruit for a snack each morning and give him a ride to the train station. It's taking him about 50 minutes door to door but at least he doesn't have to drive downtown.

I have also completely stayed out of getting him up in the morning. If he's late he's late. yesterday he got an email reminding him about the flex time policy. He's got to be at work every day between 9 am and 3 pm but otherwise the hours are flexible and you can bank hours to use another time.

Next week I'll find out the results of my ct scans from my oncologist. It is tough to wait 2 weeks to get the results and sometimes it really starts to get to me.

I haven't had any trouble with thought disorder or paranoid ideas though since I started on the rexulti even though I have been consuming very small amounts of marijuana each day. I am waiting for it to be available for sale here in Canada. Should happen by mid October they say.

My son and I have had a lot less conflict since he started working. He texted me one day that he had been stuck on the same problem (a software issue on his computer) for days and didn't know what to do. I told him to ask for help and not wait for two days and then write to his mother. I kind of freaked out and started wondering if he was going to be fired for not doing anything but he's had a couple of good days since starting back on the Vyvanse again.

[tecomsin]

Well unfortunately my son is still dumping on me and being outright cruel when he gets some news he doesn't want to hear, like at work for instance.

Here are his latest texts to me. He still lives in my house for free...

"There's a reason nobody likes you, talks to you or cares about you
There's a reason not a single family member talks to you, why not a single person loves you, why your own son wants you to kill yourself
it's because you're a broken, evil, degenerate piece of filth and you can't fulfil basic obligations to other human beings
You are a narcissistic, self-involved monster and I will be so, so happy when I finally learn that you're dead
I hope when I come back from work tomorrow you're dead. do it."

[tecomsin]

Oh and i had to wait to weeks to get my ct scan results that i need to have regularly since i was treated for lung cancer. I am getting the results tomorrow so am under stress anyway. He was just standing over me, while i was resting on the sofa shouting that I should die.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi tecomsin,

I appreciate hearing from you.

I am both deeply saddened and very angry your son treats you this way.

I hope you fully realize your son's ways are ill/toxic. There is something seriously wrong with treating another human being the way you describe he treats you. He needs serious help.

I am also saddened to say you need to protect yourself from him and from his ongoing abuse.

I hope and pray your CT scan results are good news!

Please continue to reach out. You are in a very unhealthy situation, most unfortunately. Let us help to support you.

You are worthy of better treatment, tecomsin.


WC

[tecomsin]

Thanks for reaching out WC. You have made a difference. I feel a bit better and calmer now reading your reply. I had not the best sleep but not the worst either. I locked myself in my bedroom this morning until my son left and texted him that i had left the house so he wouldn't come looking for me to scream at me in my face again. yesterday i was lying on the sofa and he was standing over me repeatedly shouting in my face that i was an awful person and should die...

I told him he's got a week to get out.

Going to get my ct scan results is so depressing. The patient waiting areas are chairs lined up on long hallways in the basement floors with no windows or cellular reception. The admins at the cancer center are above ground and all have windows. it is just the patient areas that are in the basements. Sometimes my oncologist has been 2 or more hours late. No one can tell you how long you will be waiting either so it isn't like you can go get a coffee in the meantime. you just wait and then wait some more to see the doctor to get the ct report.

Because of my past problems whenever is show up at the hospital i cross paths with half a dozen or more security officers each time. I am being watched when i go there like a criminal.

[Wild Coyote]

I am very saddened that your son is doing this to you.

You have tried to help him.

I am also very sorry the patient area of the cancer center is so depressing.
I hope your wait is brief and the news is good.


WC

Omg, tecomsin. I'm at a loss for words. How awful. My heart goes out to you. Just... wow. Sending lots of love...

[Unrigged64072835]

So sorry you have to go through this with your son.

If you need to arrange for the police to make sure he doesn't harm you when he moves out. I had to do that with my abusive ex-fiance.

[tecomsin]

Thank you Fharraige, Innerzone and WC. I had a good result with the scan. No changes since the last one, hooray! Each scan opens up the possibility of another round of cancer treatment, and each one I get through is just pure relief. I'm good to go for another year.

I don't know how much of my son's behavior is related to his adhd and how much is his pure hatred of me. When he settles down he claims he doesn't hate but then whenever he gets upset this boiling rage erupts and I end up living with the consequences. That is why I didn't want him to come home after travelling but I got stuck with it because I didn't put my foot down and totally refuse to take him in.

I really appreciate the folks who reached out on this thread. Sometimes Ijust feel so alone. At least the security people were not following me this time in the hospital. I only saw a cop parked at the main entrance but no one inside the hospital.

[Pookyl]

I’m sorry to hear how badly your son treats you. We’ve been through the same with our daughter and ‘encouraged’ her to move out for the sake of my mental health.

[tecomsin]

Hi Pookyl,

I'm sorry to read that you have gone through a similar situation with your daughter. Did she actually move out? Are things better now?

I was really stressed out last night and especially this morning, waiting to find out my ct scan results and living in fear of any communication with my son. Now my ct scan results are fine so it is one less huge burden off my shoulder, but it is so sad to know that nothing I do or don't do will make anything better. We've really just got each other so it is doubly sad. I know I just have to write off the idea that I could ever look to him for any kind of help. I told him why should I leave anything in my will to someone who wants me dead... I am thinking of writing him out of it but haven't made that final decision yet.

[Tucson]

I feel so sad about what you are going through.

Remember, one week for him to disappear. I hope you follow through on this, no matter how difficut it will be on you. As you know, you need to do whatever you need to do to remove yourself from this toxic environment. If he is still there, place all of his stuff outside and change the locks on the doors. I think this is called “tough love”. Maybe give him $100 to get along until he finds a solution for himself. You can always give him a list of resources for people in real financial need, such as soup kitchens and shelters. I am sure there are emergency services from the state that he can apply for.

All of this is just my opinion. But then, what do I know about situations like yours?

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Hi Pookyl,

I'm sorry to read that you have gone through a similar situation with your daughter. Did she actually move out? Are things better now?

I was really stressed out last night and especially this morning, waiting to find out my ct scan results and living in fear of any communication with my son. Now my ct scan results are fine so it is one less huge burden off my shoulder, but it is so sad to know that nothing I do or don't do will make anything better. We've really just got each other so it is doubly sad. I know I just have to write off the idea that I could ever look to him for any kind of help. I told him why should I leave anything in my will to someone who wants me dead... I am thinking of writing him out of it but haven't made that final decision yet.

Yes she moved out and things are 110% better now. She’s been out of the home for a couple of years and has developed a healthy appreciation for how good she once had it lol.

[Wild Coyote]

So glad your CT can has turned out okay!

In the situation with your son, my heart breaks for you.
It's a very sad situation.

sending you more strength.


WC

[tecomsin]

We've been mostly staying out of each other's way. I still make my son a coffee and pack some fruit for him for the morning train, then drive him to the station.

So far my son has been getting in on time. Once he gets paid and can start to save up some money then he will move out. I'm not giving him anymore money though. He's got to be able to live on his own salary with a budget now and i'm not going to take responsibility for his payments.

He's stopped telling me on a regular basis that he wishes I were dead. We don't talk much. He doesn't want to talk about work.

I mail ordered another strain of cannabis that I am hoping will give me some energy. I consume just tiny amounts though, keeping it stored in the freezer. The ounce I'm finishing is from October 2017, 9 months ago. Yeah, that' what I mean by tiny amounts.

[diamondprincess]

Why does your son not like you? Is he upset with himself or does he feel abandoned, neglected, what?