Can someone listen?

I have never felt this low in my life. For the first time in my life, I felt that I wanted to go to a bar to drink. That thought is no longer there.

Over the past few years, my daughter has been treating me pretty poorly at times. Lately its been terrible. Now she thinks that she does not want me there in the hospital with her when my grandchild is born. I cannot not stand the pain.

Just before she told me this, I told her that I will not text her for a period of time. I think this would be good for both us right now. I wanted the pain to stop. She texted me back that she wants me to give her and her boyfriend my townhome. I told her that I have already been giving her everything I can. This is what I have always done for her. This all started with her ignoring my text messages for days. All I wanted is to know how she was feeling. I told her this is not right, and asked her to at least respond during the same day.

This time I drew my boundaries with her. This just made her more angry. She then began to treat me even more poorly. She cannot handle any sort of critisism, even when it is meant to be constructive. There is allot of anger in her.

She is in a very difficult situation where she is living in a small room with her boyfriend while preagnant with their child. She thinks her relationship with him may not last. He is also not very good at keeping jobs. He is now going out until the early morning hours drinking and doing drugs. She cuts herself off from me. When I get upset over this and talk to her whike at the same time making sure she understands that I am there for her, she pushes me away. She gets very angry with ne. She treats me even worse trying to hurt me. She has done it this time. She has really succeeded this time.

Boundaries are the only way to weather this storm.

I am so sorry this is happening to you

I agree with Christina. Boundaries.

Tucson, I am so sorry your daughter is giving you a hard time.
It is very sad.
I hope she changes her mind.

Please keep posting if it helps.


WC

I also agree with boundries and bottom lines. If you give and she has no limit it will never end.

I really feel for your situation. In my experience, the behavior of adult children can be frightening hurtful. I am so sorry you are having such pain right now.

My daughter is 33 years old, by societal standards, she is successful in her life and is married to a responsible, caring man. I have always - always - put her needs before anyone else in my life. She is consistently angry with me and very disrespectful (unless she wants something from me, such as me caring for her cats while she's on vacation). I have discussed with her the hurt I feel in vain. The only solution I can come up with at this point is that I have allowed her to use me to a point at which she takes me for granted. (Sadly, she is not the kind of person who appreciates love so much as she emotionally abuses the person giving that love.) Anyway, I feel forced to set limitations/boundaries with my daughter. Saying "no" is the only way I can see that will cause her to stop pushing limits with me and, in turn, stop the terrible hurt I feel from her behavior.

This sounds so hurtful, and stressful. I am really sorry your daughter is treating you that way. It makes me sad to think of that. I agree with everyone that boundaries will be necessary, even if she pushes back, because you can't continue with your relationship this way without it affecting your health.

I may have done something right with her for a change. Maybe this needed to happen a long time ago, drawing boundaries. This still feels terribly painful. I am trying to watch a movie to take my mind off of this for a little bit.

I think something happened to me related to this stress. I was running and about to cross an intersection. Everything went white. I could not see at all. I then began to see partial outlines of cars. This was like overexposed film. This went on for a minute. Then when I began to see well enough, I walked to the McDonalds close by. By the time the Uber driver came, I was able to see much better, but everything seemed on the bright side. I think that this is an episode of a conversion disorder.

It looks like this is starting to effect me physically in unexpected ways. I need to cut myself off from my daughter until my stress subsides. I told her that she still can text me for help. What do all of you think about this recent development?

That use to happen to me when it was hot and I was dehydrated.

God is able to cure what ever it is we go through I am praying for you and hope your daugter change her ways you are doing right by not giving in!!!

you may have had a seizure.
your daughter sounds awful!@
bizi

This sounds awful. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's hard to accept that we can't control how other people treat us, only how we deal with it. It is the truth though. You can't change her, I wish you could!

A month ago, my neurologist thought I may be having brain seizures. Actually I found out they are vascular seizures that happen in the brain. Later, he tells me he does not think this is the case. Then a neurosurgeon’s nurse told me that brain seizures can explain some of my symptoms. What helps is an antiseizure med like the one I am on, Depekote. But then this may very well be not what is happening to me.

This is exactly what I think about the episode you had: I think that you are hurting very much because of how your daughter is behaving toward you, and that the stress of it all caused you to have that experience. I believe that your mind and body are telling you to take care of yourself.

I tell you, everything going white on me without being able to make anything out was scary. I am glad I was not crossing the intersection at the time. I have found out a friend of mine had this happen to him a couple times in his life. Last one was a couple weeks ago. He happens to be under allot of stress right now at risk of losing all of his money.

BTW I have recently looked at my face very closely. It has been changing rapidly, particularly around the sides of my eyes and my forehead. I look like I have been emotionally beat up over a long period of time. Not very attractive. I guess this is what stress does. Just when I get into a stress free period of my life, it comes back with a vengeance.

PS There is always Photoshop for the pictures I upload onto these singles sites.

It sounds like you are in a stressful situation, and certainly, I think stress takes a negative toll not only on the mind but on every organ and system in the body. I don't think it's a coincidence that I'm beyond stressed, and my fibromyalgia is flaring up again.

I agree it sounds like you need to set some firm boundaries with your daughter. It sounds like she's in a dreadful position, and of course, she is pregnant with your grandchild. I haven't been a parent long enough to fully understand a situation like yours, but it sounds extremely hurtful and difficult.

I hope you take good care of yourself. You have tried your best with your daughter. If she's going to be mean and disrespectful, you need to stick to your boundaries. How old is your daughter?

My sister has had something similar with the vision problems, related to migraines, a migraine aura or ocular migraine, something like that.

My daughter is 18. She has allot of anger in her that I have seen for several years now. She became unexpectantly pregnant. She wants to change her boyfriend and help him mature. I told her that this is unlikely. I think she knows that she and soon her baby are to be in an excruciatingly tough situation. She has been having panic attacks, and it only will get much worse. I think she realizes that she will not be able to depend on him. I just have never seen her treat me in this terrible way. I am shocked. Unfortunately, she is capable of pushing away the people that can help her the most, further isolating herself from the rest of her family.

Oooh, she is young. She's beating up on you because you're the only safe thing in her life. I should not have assumed that she was well into her 20's. She must be a wreck...still a teen, a kid, and unexpectedly pregnant with the baby of a man who is not providing security. She's in sh---it deep and the reality is, due to her young age, unless you want to lose her and your grandchild entirely, so are you.

This is not someone you can just walk away from. Your daughter is still doing teen-aged acting out. That's not unusual; the problem is that she is not coping well, is pregnant, and is with a loser of a guy. She's so young, she and your grandchild could well end up in a seriously destructive situation. This is not a polite case of "I suggest family therapy". This is a case of there needs to be intervention NOW. She is most likely using, too, or has prior to her pregnancy.

I cannot suggest strongly enough that you must stop personalizing your daughter's behavior, stop focusing on yourself - by that, I mean use ALL of your inner strength (even if you don't think it's there! Use it anyway) - and DETACH from the pain you perceive as being inflicted by your daughter. She is so young, she's completely lost right now. Everything in this situation must go toward the well-being of your grandchild.

I strongly suggest that you go to your local HHSA (Health and Human Services Agency) ASAP and tell them that your daughter needs help. IF you can get her to go with you - great. She needs major resources right now, Tucson. No time to waste. Of course take care of yourself. Take care of yourself so you can deal with this situation and help to be sure your grandchild has at least a fair start in life.

If there's anything else we can do, just say so.

I would never walk away from my daughter, however, I do not want her to feel that I am. I have decided to not completely detach myself from my daughter for that period of time. I still need to be able to function so I can help her. I have been allowing myself to get too emotionally enmeshed in this situation. I think I will go to her mothers house where she is living to just see how she is doing. Maybe I can talk with her. Last night she got me dinner which is the first time she has ever done this.

Lately I have been thinking about more of her situation. She is in a terrible place right now. I guess sometimes all I can do is just let her know I am there for her. I am just used to having her lash out at me over the last couple years saying very hurtful things. There is no “Health and Human Resiurces Agency” in Arizona. I need resources to help me to help her. So I think I will go to my mental health agency to see if they can refer me to some such place here in Tucson. I also have found or two possible places that list themselves as crisis intervention services. One also can provide social services.

I am very impressed. You seem to be a great father! She is a very lucky young lady in this regard.


WC

could you set her up for medicaid?
that will be helpful and an child assistance programs wic etc.
good luck you are a great father to her, and you don't deserve to be treated badly.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

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Also - I strongly suggest that you/your daughter go to the government agencies in person. That will go much further than calling will.

She has refused to be dependent on aide. I did remind her that she is already on Medicaid. My daughter is very stubborn. She sees her mother being very independant, so she wants to be that way too. I reminded her that her mother is a very strong person for certain reasons that do not apply to her. I did convince her to allow her mother and I to help. I also tried to explain in diplomatic terms why she cannot rely on her boyfriend, and how important it is to have a support network. I will go to “Human Services” anyway to see what services are available.

I wish you well. I hope things take a turn for the better. Keep us posted.

I am glad she is accepting your help. Sounds like you are doing your best. It is great she wants to be independent, but this is a lot for her to handle alone. I hope by accepting your help, she will be better able to take care of herself and your grandchild, making herself more independent and in a better place in the future.