[Daonnachd]

My heart aches having hurt my T as I did yesterday. I really like her and feel stupid after saying she couldn’t push a button or flip a switch to cure me.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I had originally planned to go to a museum to inquire about volunteer opportunities today, but over the last few days I've lost all motivation. I talked to my hubby about it this morning and he said I should just stay home. I've tried to run errands each day, or even grab a bite out to just get my butt out of the house, but I can't do that everyday. I feel lonely and isolated. I know it's not good for me, and yet I don't want to do what I need to do to help rectify this in any bigger way.

I also find that isolation is one of the worst things for my mental health. I think it is bad even for people without a mental illness. Maybe you could call the museum to get info if you don't feel up to going in person? Volunteering has really helped my mental health in the past by connecting me to people, and because it really does feel good to help others. Taking that first step is so hard, though. I felt like I was self sabotaging for months by not doing what I knew I needed to do.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

My heart aches having hurt my T as I did yesterday. I really like her and feel stupid after saying she couldn’t push a button or flip a switch to cure me.

I am sure it is hard for therapists to see their clients suffer like that. It's a sad thing about mental illness that it often has to be managed and cannot be cured. I am sure she knows that is the case with bipolar disorder, so I don't think you should be hard too on yourself. She cares about you, and I am sure it made her sad, but it helps to be honest so she can help you as much as possible.

I'm afraid that I didn't go to inquire about the volunteering, but thanks to those who have been encouraging. It doesn't mean I will never go.

Today was a low day for me. I'm easy to upset. A few days ago, my mood was actually a little up and I got excited about ordering a special cake that would have been a replica of my wedding cake. However, the bakery was getting back to me and I reminded them three times. I finally gave up on them and called to tell them to forget about it. Then an hour later I get a call from them with a quote finally. They said they'd have to modify one part of my idea and that the cake would cost $80. I told them to forget about it. The cake was supposed to only be for my husband and I anyway. But it saddens me a lot!

I'm a good baker, but not good at decorating cakes or certain techniques. The cake I have in mind is complex to make beautiful because of a marzipan wrapping instead of icing. I found a recipe, but it is intimidating me.

[blue_eyed_siamese]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Got up at 10am though didn’t want to. Made myself.

I hear ya. I got up at 6:00 for work this morning, but this involved my husband dragging me out of bed, and then laying down for several minutes in the tub with the shower running. I am struggling too, but that also means we are in this together.

[Scooter9]

I helped transfer my wife's aunt from the nursing home to the new retirement home. She was in the nursing home on a special time-limited program to get better after some issues but instead got worse.

The transfer took most of the day... had to move her, her stuff, set up the toilet, get her settled, stuff like that.

The retirement home is nice. I hope it works out. Will be visiting almost every day like we did the nursing home, except this is much, much closer.

A friend of mine said he got depressed for about 3 days and it dissipated on its own (he doesn't have MI). He asked whether I feel like he did all the time and I said pretty much. He said that it must be horrible and is happy to be out of his depression, also said he can't imagine coping with that for months on end. I feel bad that he had to go through that but at the same time, I feel good that he has a better understanding of what depression is like.

I got a wasp sting 2 days ago on one of my fingers and now the swelling is spreading to the rest of my finger. Reading online, it looks like this could go on for another few days. Whenever I have an iced coffee I keep my finger on the cold cup...feels so much better!

Mood wise I'm feeling ok. Low but manageable. Counting down the days to when I see my pdoc next (2 weeks to go).

[blue_eyed_siamese]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I had originally planned to go to a museum to inquire about volunteer opportunities today, but over the last few days I've lost all motivation. I talked to my hubby about it this morning and he said I should just stay home. I've tried to run errands each day, or even grab a bite out to just get my butt out of the house, but I can't do that everyday. I feel lonely and isolated. I know it's not good for me, and yet I don't want to do what I need to do to help rectify this in any bigger way.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you know what you need to do to take care of yourself, but you can't work up the 'whatever it is' in order to do it for yourself. It seems to not make sense to outsiders, but it's what we deal with on a daily basis. Thinking of you and hoping you get what you are looking for.

[blue_eyed_siamese]

I've been feeling crappy for the past six months, but in the last couple of weeks things have gotten much worse. I can hardly get out of bed (or stay out of bed, if I've gotten up) for work in the morning, it takes my husband yanking the covers off me and poking me and finally I'll move. Then this morning before I started actually showering I just laid down in the tub for a few minutes with the water running. I called in sick to work yesterday bc I was feeling so low (not self-harm or anything, but just *down*). I made it in to work this morning, but my brain was so foggy I left around lunchtime and told my boss I'd rest during lunch and get back online in the afternoon. I barely got any work done at home (barely got anything done at work either). I know I have to work on my attendance, but every day feels like a struggle.
On a positive note, I am meeting with a new T on Friday night (broke up with my last one because when I was describing obsessive thoughts about quitting my job and going back to school, she told me to "follow my dreams and listen to my heart!" - not the kind of advice a bipolar person with impulse control problems needs!!), and have my check-in with my pdoc on Saturday. So I can be honest with both of them about how sh***y I have been doing. If I can just make it through Thursday and Friday of work this week I will call it a success.

[wildflowerchild25]

I was feeling low this morning. Still didn’t go grocery shopping. Slept from 10am to 4pm. But now I’m feeling great. Maybe I just needed sleep. I haven’t been sleeping well at night but I figure that’s because I sleep so much during the day. Anyway I’m feeling great, wishing I had a bottle of wine to drink but I’ll wait until Friday for that. I’ll have to find some way to entertain myself tomorrow because my SIL is busy.

I’m wondering if my other SIL is still mad at me. I haven’t heard from her in about a month. She got (unreasonably) angry because she thought my son gave her daughter hand foot and mouth disease. It’s basically impossible that it happens that way because he was never around her but my mom was and she blames my mom. I’ve been avoiding her for a month but now I’m thinking she must have had enough time to get over it by now. I should text her.

I’m gonna be so bored tomorrow. If I’m still feeling good I might actually go to the grocery store like I’ve been meaning to all week. Maybe drop by Barnes and noble for a coffee and to peruse some books. I actually have a book in my car that I only read a few pages of so I can do that tomorrow too.

Hopefully I pass my physical and can start work soon!

[Moose72]

My new ficus bonzai. Was expensive but I love it.

Seeing pnurse practitioner tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. I hope we get rid of Seroquel and lithium and add back Haldol.

[Blueberrybook]

I just want to cry and give up.

[Scooter9]

Cool I had one similar to that.

I didn't water it for a long time during a depressive episode so it died unfortunately.

Originally Posted by Moose72

My new ficus bonzai. Was expensive but I love it.

Seeing pnurse practitioner tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. I hope we get rid of Seroquel and lithium and add back Haldol.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I just want to cry and give up.

I just got bad news today too. My ex husband texted that he got fired. No mored health insurance for kids and no more child support. Nevermind that its written in the divorce decree he just said he's going to quit. So he suggested that I put the youngest on medicaid. How lovely.....

[BeyondtheRainbow]

My mom tells me I seemed less spacey today. I don't know that I feel better than yesterday but I haven't had a day to just rest in a while and days without any responsibility are really important for me. Tomorrow I just have to take my cat to the vet for a post-infection check (I think he still has some infection ) and take care of our monarch butterfly nursery. So about 3 hours of responsiblity.

Today I saw my family doctor for help on why I'm either constipated or having diarrhea since my gall bladder came out and got a wart frozen off my finger. I'm ridiculously happy about the wart since it has been bugging me for a long time. A year ago the doctor didn't think it was a wart so I'm really glad that is all it is and that it is hopefully gone. I'll know in the next few weeks. And I got a med adjustment to hopefully help the bowels. We'll see; that's been a difficult problem.

Friday I don't have any plans at all. I can't wait.

[Moose72]

Also, I took a nap today- turned out to be a 3-hour nap! Now I'm not tired for bed. Meh.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

My mom tells me I seemed less spacey today. I don't know that I feel better than yesterday but I haven't had a day to just rest in a while and days without any responsibility are really important for me. Tomorrow I just have to take my cat to the vet for a post-infection check (I think he still has some infection ) and take care of our monarch butterfly nursery. So about 3 hours of responsiblity.

Today I saw my family doctor for help on why I'm either constipated or having diarrhea since my gall bladder came out and got a wart frozen off my finger. I'm ridiculously happy about the wart since it has been bugging me for a long time. A year ago the doctor didn't think it was a wart so I'm really glad that is all it is and that it is hopefully gone. I'll know in the next few weeks. And I got a med adjustment to hopefully help the bowels. We'll see; that's been a difficult problem.

Friday I don't have any plans at all. I can't wait.

I hope you have a "free day" Friday and as often as you need.
I understand, as I need then as well and they are hard to come by lately. I need them in order to recover.

I hope you feel better soon!

Heart-to-Heart,

WC

Possible trigger:

mother hurling more abuse at me again via email.

I'm not paying any attention to it. she's home for a while (until the end of the month), and is threatening to burn down where I live because she wants me dead and has had no word from anyone if I am dead or not

but I deleted it and ignored it. that woman isn't worth the effert

still unable to control my overeating, still not sleeping and in a lot of chronic pain

my mood would probably be good if it wasn't for my ****ing mother

had to wait on people too last night.

no fun at all

[Blueberrybook]

Wonderful:
"The National Weather Service in Houston/Galveston has issued a Heat Advisory, which is in effect from 9 AM this morning to 9 PM CDT this evening. * EVENT...Heat Index of 105 to 110."

My daughter has not had outdoor recess since starting 5th grade last week Wednesday (Aug. 15). The school nurse has deemed the heat index is too high for the kids to be safe, especially as the 2 playgrounds at the school have no shade, and one is nearly all metal. She said not until the heat index drops to 95 can the kids have outdoor recess. Right now it is 81 degree, heat index of 90, and the sun hasn't even risen yet.

I am glad her school is taking the childrens' health seriously, but apparently indoor recess is super boring according to my daughter. They have no plans for it; the kids are full of pent-up energy. Living in this area of TX, it may be over a month until the heat index drops below 95. The school nurse never did this before. I don't know if it is district-wide policy now and affects all the elementary schools or just my daughter's. I understand not wanting a child to get heat-stroke, but they need to have something fun & stimulating planned for all these days of indoor recess.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

Possible trigger:

mother hurling more abuse at me again via email.

I'm not paying any attention to it. she's home for a while (until the end of the month), and is threatening to burn down where I live because she wants me dead and has had no word from anyone if I am dead or not

but I deleted it and ignored it. that woman isn't worth the effert

still unable to control my overeating, still not sleeping and in a lot of chronic pain

my mood would probably be good if it wasn't for my ****ing mother

Could you block your mother's email address? Basically, create an email filter that automatically moves her email to the trash and empties the trash. Then you no longer have to see it. It's as if she never emailed you in the first place. Just a thought.

Failed my interview yesterday, but I passed my other one. It sucks because I don't know if I want to work for this other company anymore. People online say that this particular company expects 50-60 hours a week, and that there are lots of office politics. Plus, high turnover due to burnout. What kind of life is that? I don't know anymore... But I'm doing the next round for the sake of it until I figure out what I want to do. At least it'll buy me some time.

I think they'll literally double my salary (I'm dead serious), but I don't know if my mental health can handle 50-60 hours a week. And this is coming from someone who is young, single, and has no kids.

At the same time, I know this company would look incredible on my resume. It's just a tough decision. Do I take the offer and leave after 2 years, or do I reject it and keep my old job?

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Failed my interview yesterday, but I passed my other one. It sucks because I don't know if I want to work for this other company anymore. People online say that this particular company expects 50-60 hours a week, and that there are lots of office politics. Plus, high turnover due to burnout. What kind of life is that? I don't know anymore... But I'm doing the next round for the sake of it until I figure out what I want to do. At least it'll buy me some time.

I think they'll literally double my salary (I'm dead serious), but I don't know if my mental health can handle 50-60 hours a week. And this is coming from someone who is young, single, and has no kids.

At the same time, I know this company would look incredible on my resume. It's just a tough decision. Do I take the offer and leave after 2 years, or do I reject it and keep my old job?

All I can say is don’t let money drive your decision. I did that last year when they asked me to teach math. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it but I wanted the higher salary. I failed spectacularly because of the stress. Two breakdowns six months apart which ended up with me being fired.

You can always try it but don’t let your mental health suffer.

[hopeless2015]

Blue, even if you dont take this your getting more interview process experience and I think that's a good thing interviews are stressful, but you probably think of things you could have said but didn't and take the to the next one

[bizi]

I am sorry blue....perhaps you could try to work from home.
That would be better and you could be more productive not playing the politics?
bizi

[wildflowerchild25]

I think I’m a tad on the hypomanic side. It’s the first day I don’t want to go back to bed. My SIL cancelled her other plans so I’m going to hang out with her which is nice. Otherwise I was going to go to the mall that’s forty minutes away just to take a drive, even though I hate malls. There’s never anything in my size, being a plus size girl lol.

In other news I decided to test to see if I could run for two minutes today before my physical on Saturday. I nearly died lol. At least I felt like I was dying. I made it a minute and a half. I think I can push through that last thirty seconds though. I didn’t hurt myself which is what I was worried about. I don’t have good running form since I don’t run and I often hurt my ankles. Oh well it’s only one time and then I never have to run again if I don’t want to!