[Blueberrybook]

Bad day, depressed with a headache, fibromyalgia flaring up too. Maybe I'll post more later. My day just sucked

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Bad day, depressed with a headache, fibromyalgia flaring up too. Maybe I'll post more later. My day just sucked

Arriving Friday: Category 4 Hurricane Lane, which "poses a rare direct threat to Hawaii". My wife said "poses" means "it's gonna happen."

[wildflowerchild25]

Today has been another low motivational n day. Was supposed to go grocery shopping but didn’t. Will hopefully go tomorrow. I did reschedule my physical for work. I don’t have to worry about the lifting anymore, just the running. I haven’t run for two minutes in ages. I hate running. I hope I can do it.

Not feeling to well this evening. I had a king size Twix bar for dessert and I think it has upset my stomach. I haven’t been eating sugar. I probably should have just had a regular sized one if I wanted the taste of candy. Live and learn I guess!

[Scooter9]

Yet another low day today.

Still nothing happening with searching for a job.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I hope your appointment goes well!

I nearly made her cry. She was saddened and hurt when I admitted to her that there have been times when I did not share how poorly I was doing. ... I've already written her an email apology reassuring her that even though she can't "fix" me, I do leave her office better than I enter.

[Cocosurviving]

I received a call from my daughter’s music teacher. She had the name of another music store. I gave them a call and a rep said if you come in their store with a debit or credit card you can rent an instrument without a credit check. I asked their hours on Wednesday. Then me and my daughter headed to her school open house and book fair. We sat in the car for a while then at 4:50 PM we headed inside and there were a few other parents as well. The assistant principal greeted us then told us we were early?? She went on to say that the teachers would not arrive until 5PM. Then she suggested we check out the book fair. I sat down while my daughter shopped the book fair. I was sitting and processing the open house begins at 5PM so the teachers are going to wait until 5PM to walk in the building?? Wow I was just not raised like that. I’m not the biggest fan of my grandmother but one positive thing that I learned from her is be early. I get anxiety if I’m late. My oldest daughter is the same way. Once the open house began I was able to meet her teachers and they seem really nice. I was not happy that one gave out a school supply list after I have already been to the store to purchase supplies.

[Sliders]

I had a productive day today. I made myself dinner.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

My mom says I'm spacey. I'm still in my head listening to racing thoughts and trying to keep up. I REALLY don't want to have to do more clozaril but it seems I'm going to have to be open to the possibility. I'm tired and not as agitated as a week ago but still not right. My therapist reminded me this happens every year. Huh, I started to say but last year it didn't but yes it did. I just prefer to forget.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

My mom says I'm spacey. I'm still in my head listening to racing thoughts and trying to keep up. I REALLY don't want to have to do more clozaril but it seems I'm going to have to be open to the possibility. I'm tired and not as agitated as a week ago but still not right. My therapist reminded me this happens every year. Huh, I started to say but last year it didn't but yes it did. I just prefer to forget.

I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

I get agitated every late June/July/August. It's an annual event for me, too.

Thinking of you.

WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

I get agitated every late June/July/August. It's an annual event for me, too.

Thinking of you.

WC

How are you doing? Any more sleep last night?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

How are you doing? Any more sleep last night?

I did get some intermittent sleep last night. I am hoping to get more tonight.
I need a few more days of this med regimen in order to even out, I think. Trying to accept the fact that I need the extra meds. I had pared down meds of all types and have been reluctant to start adding more back in. I just have to do it! It took being very miserable first... then I was begging for meds.

Life is very busy right now and I am trying to get the rest I need while also needing to participate. I could use a few days with no/fewer demands placed upon me. Lol.

Thanks for asking.


WC

[Tucson]

I had the oil changed and then while driving it back home, it broke down. The oil light came on. The dealership sent the mechanic who did the oil change to check it out. He did not see any problems. So I told him that I want this checked out. He then followed me most of the way to the dealership. I then waited for at least three hours while they thoroughly checked it out. I am at home now. I forgot to eat lunch and it is now in the evening for a late dinner. Just wonderful.

My daughter is having allot of problems that is causing her allot of stress and panic attacks. It is only going to get worse for her. I told her that her mother and I are there for her.

I have restructured my mood diary.

well it seemed to me that some of the stuff in it wasn't really relevant to my mood (and less like a diary), but now it is

after dinner yesterday I spent some time going through the diffrent sections and editing it.

I didn't sleep, in sted had flashbacks to various times I've been in the ambulance- scary stuff

today had to go to the shop for some washing up powder, but I went early on in the morning so it was still quiet

now home chilling and being boring. (nothing knew their, then.)

might just watch some soap operas after I've posted a bit more on here

for dinner I am having chicken wings..

[Moose72]

Woot! Chicken wings!

[Victoria'smom]

I am / was putting a college / career/ life class together for the kids at a home school group. We don't have that in our area. Most kids just get their GED and work. I'm fine with that but to often I hear college is not for him or her or they can't afford it. They don't even try the sat/act which with a decent score can give you a full tuition scholarship to any state school. If they do go to school usually it's a for profit Christian school with massive loans and no scholarships. So college is like a bad word in this community. I want to change that.

My husband told me last night that the community doesn't care. Spending money on financial help books, Sat/act books and doing college planning are going to fall on deaf ears and not to do it. I hate the financial aid people because they're loans, loans, loans. They barely talk about grants, scholarships and work study. The academic advisorsuccess are worse, usually pointing you to the wrong class or just generally confusing you. I really would like to help but my husband thinks all I'll do is frustrate myself.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I am / was putting a college / career/ life class together for the kids at a home school group. We don't have that in our area. Most kids just get their GED and work. I'm fine with that but to often I hear college is not for him or her or they can't afford it. They don't even try the sat/act which with a decent score can give you a full tuition scholarship to any state school. If they do go to school usually it's a for profit Christian school with massive loans and no scholarships. So college is like a bad word in this community. I want to change that.

My husband told me last night that the community doesn't care. Spending money on financial help books, Sat/act books and doing college planning are going to fall on deaf ears and not to do it. I hate the financial aid people because they're loans, loans, loans. They barely talk about grants, scholarships and work study. The academic advisorsuccess are worse, usually pointing you to the wrong class or just generally confusing you. I really would like to help but my husband thinks all I'll do is frustrate myself.

I think it's great that you are trying! Even if you only get a few kids to consider another path, it could be worth it. Could you get any guest speakers to talk about their life paths and how college helped them? Maybe they could be inspired. Your husband may be right, but still seems like it's worth a chance to me. Good luck!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I am / was putting a college / career/ life class together for the kids at a home school group. We don't have that in our area. Most kids just get their GED and work. I'm fine with that but to often I hear college is not for him or her or they can't afford it. They don't even try the sat/act which with a decent score can give you a full tuition scholarship to any state school. If they do go to school usually it's a for profit Christian school with massive loans and no scholarships. So college is like a bad word in this community. I want to change that.

My husband told me last night that the community doesn't care. Spending money on financial help books, Sat/act books and doing college planning are going to fall on deaf ears and not to do it. I hate the financial aid people because they're loans, loans, loans. They barely talk about grants, scholarships and work study. The academic advisorsuccess are worse, usually pointing you to the wrong class or just generally confusing you. I really would like to help but my husband thinks all I'll do is frustrate myself.

That seems a worthwhile project. I'm sorry your husband is so unsupportive.

I had originally planned to go to a museum to inquire about volunteer opportunities today, but over the last few days I've lost all motivation. I talked to my hubby about it this morning and he said I should just stay home. I've tried to run errands each day, or even grab a bite out to just get my butt out of the house, but I can't do that everyday. I feel lonely and isolated. I know it's not good for me, and yet I don't want to do what I need to do to help rectify this in any bigger way.

[Blueberrybook]

Bad, bad day. I hate myself and wish so much that perforated ulcer had killed me . I’m safe, not going to harm myself, but I am so low and just sinking lower.

My daughter actually hit me this morning on purpose. She has only been spanked once in her life, around 4 yr old after ignoring warnings for mistreating our cat to the point where the cat could have been badly hurt. My husband has never been physically violent to me. All I was doing was trying to help her get ready to make it to school on time. Just thinking about it makes me cry.
No help from HUD and other housing help agencies . We have to have at least 31% equity in our home for the HUD help, and estimations put it at 28% equity.

God, this day is awful.

[giddykitty]

Finally got my psych results test back and they showed unspecified bipolar disorder as well as dependant personality disorder (not bpd). Oh and gen anxiety disorder. Going to try going back to therapy with specific goals...i need to start writing these out. Well, I'll probably be around here more often to check in, now that I have some more specifics.
Current state, scared, but validated. Scared of my relationships and my lack of ability to do things at certain times, but at least someone recognises my issues and wants to help...and I have this place.

[251turnaround]

Today is going okay I guess. I can't really complain.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I had originally planned to go to a museum to inquire about volunteer opportunities today, but over the last few days I've lost all motivation. I talked to my hubby about it this morning and he said I should just stay home. I've tried to run errands each day, or even grab a bite out to just get my butt out of the house, but I can't do that everyday. I feel lonely and isolated. I know it's not good for me, and yet I don't want to do what I need to do to help rectify this in any bigger way.

I think the museum idea is a wonderful idea! You should go for it. My mum volunteered at the gift shop at the hospital for years until they remodeled and did away with the gift shop. They had a soup and sandwich special daily and a lot of regulars came in for that. She is still a member of the circle at church but at 90 she doesn't do much of the work any more but they have lunch every month and she gets out and connects. Isolation is a killer. GO FOR IT!

[Moose72]

I got up at 630 this morning. Took N3 with me to Starbucks. Talked with friends. Somewhere in there N1 showed up with a friend. We all sat around and talked for a while. Then N3 and I went to the store fore groceries and this plant Ive had my eye on for some time now. So we left with this big bonzai treeand a bunch of food.

Tomorrow at 830 a.m. I see pnurse for a check up. Im hoping that I'm going off lithium and Seroquel and back on Haldol. That's my hope anyway.

[yellow_fleurs]

Woke up blah this morning, made myself shower and grab some coffee then went to the library. Stared at my computer trying to figure out for a long time how to transfer some files and feeling really slow. I have a hard time with concentration/executive function right before my period, and it can be quite frustrating. So, I didn't even accomplish that simple task, but at least I sent a couple emails and got out of my apartment. Doing some laundry now. Just doing basic stuff like this sometimes improves my mood a tad. I get bummed out that 1/3 of my life, other mood episodes aside, is ruled by my hormones to such a degree that it seriously disrupts my life. I try to remind myself there are little things I can do to make it better, with diet, activity, exercise. I am scared it is getting worse though

Possible trigger:

I have never had suicidal and self harm thoughts with my period before this year

. I also feel discouraged, as September approaches, that I am still in this bad mental state that I don't even understand, and it has now been about a year. Although, I am better than a couple of months ago. I told myself last August that 30 would be my best year yet because I have grown a lot as a person, my autoimmune issues seemed to be in a good place, and I was happy with my grad program and new career choice, but then almost immediately I crashed into a dark place. If I believed in that kind of thing, I'd say I rightly jinxed myself! haha Same thing happened in the past when I thought I was getting better from Lyme disease then got sick on top of it and was way sicker than before. I know many people have it much worse than me, but gosh do I sometimes think life has a twisted sense of humor and likes to mess with me. Haha I guess the best way to fight back is to just keep going.