[yellow_fleurs]

Well I am feeling pretty bad right now, but also been able to push myself still to do things like shower, basic household chores. Trying to keep moving and not think on it too long. Going to visit family tomorrow out of state for about a week, so hopefully that will brighten things up for me a bit. I woke up at 4 am last night feeling very depressed, sad, to the point that I started crying out of nowhere and couldn't fall back to sleep for an hour or so. Things seem a little better in the light of day, though. And it is a beautiful day outside, not too hot yet, but still sunny.

Hi bluebicycle. That is a tough decision. hopeless made a great point about getting interview experience. I think I'd definitely consider at least that.

Have you been working already for a while? How many hours per week? Really, only you can decide what you're willing and able to manage. I'd say that if there is at least something about the potential job you'd enjoy, beyond the increased pay, then it's worth considering at least a bit, but if not, maybe not. One really should enjoy some aspects of a job. My last job of 8 years was stressful, but rewarding in that it allowed me to be somewhat independent in ways and allowed for creativity and idea generation. I can't be micromanaged or have people breathing down my neck.

[Moreta]

I finally ate some real food this week. Seem to have my appetite back a bit. Pain levels are high today. Have to go out later to get some books out of storage and tonight i'm going out with my friend for dinner. In other news, I am so sick of people.

[Moose72]

I saw pnurse practitioner this morning. It didn't go exactly how I'd envisioned. Turns out we are keeping Seroquel as it is, stopping Lithium completely, and upping trileptal to 900 mg\day. That means a trip to the pharmacy. Next month, we are stopping Seroquel (or at least reducing it) and adding Haldol. She thinks I'm a difficult case med-wise. She also thinks Rexulti is wonderful and that 3 mg is my magic number so we're not changing that.

Right after this I went to DHS to apply for Medicaid and foodstamps for my youngest. My older two will have to this on their own because of their ages. Now I just wait to see if I need to send any other proofs etc. This is bevause my lovely ex got fired and with it the health insurance for the kids.

A lady called from DHS. Talked for 45 mins about my application. Said I'll get paperwork in the mail telling me if I am accepted or rejected for me and the kids.

[Cocosurviving]

Yesterday I was so mad I could not post. I hate co-parenting with my youngest daughter’s dad. I contacted him and told him she was not allowed to use her xylophone at her new school band. She was selected to play the clarinet. I told him I was going to go to the music store the band teacher referred me to Wednesday after school. He said ok. I told him all this Tuesday before 3 PM. Well on Wednesday at 4 PM me and my daughters get to the music store. I text dad and let him know we were at the store that I would get the pricing and text him the info. The cheapest instrument they had was a Yahama used. I rented the instrument and purchased the other supplies. Dad flipped out. He was asked why we could not buy on eBay. I told him the music teacher sent home a information sheet telling parents not to purchase from Walmart, Sam’s and eBay. He asked about looking at other music stores. I asked him why did he not think of all this before now? He started telling me he’d been busy with work and having problems with his work vehicle and private vehicle. I told him I would call the music store our daughter used at her last school. I spoke with the store and found a less expensive clarinet. I e-mailed the music teacher to verify that the brand was fine. The teacher said it was fine. I called dad today to let him know the teacher said yes. I also told him as far as his vehicles that’s part of having a vehicle “regular maintenance”. Now I have to return this Yahama clarinet. My anxiety is going to be so high during the whole process. I’m going to call a head I think it might make it better.
I’m not mad that dad wanted a cheaper instrument. I was mad that he waited until the last minute to start thinking of ideas. I’ve always just went to the music store the school recommended. I did that with my son and older daughter. Maybe I should not do that and should shop around. But it’s not cool it wait until after I’ve told you 24 hours in advance what I was going to do then start with questions and ideas.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm sorry for not responding to posts. I can't concentrate to read them lately.

I can even concentrate to watch my sister's videos she's been posting detailing her recovery from the worst ACL tear her surgeon ever repaired, and I feel guilty about that. It is not gory, just mostly her talking about her pain, other issues (her husband's stepmother passed away the night of the day she had the surgery), and they have 2 boys, aged 13 and 11. I'm such a bad sister My 2 sisters are really the only friends I have right now. I am still friends with my best friend from college, but she lives in Connecticut now, so I never see her much any more. And she is busy as a vet & mom. I feel lost and so alone.

[Daonnachd]

All the best, cln.

I’ve been hyper focused on my upcoming ECT , since answering some questions about it on Facebook. I like to educate people, but there are some who insist on clinging to their misconceptions. I’m doing my best.

[Wild Coyote]

Forced to spend the day resting.
Too light-headed, dizzy from gabapentin. Will try to adjust dosage in order to make it more tolerable.
Frustrating.

Love to All!

WC

[Scooter9]

Feeling really low today. No motivation at all.

But I forced myself to take a shower, the first in a number of days. I don't feel better.

[Moose72]

Oh yeah. As an afterthought, pnurse asked me if I were feeling depressed. I said I was feeling more sleepy. Lots of long naps. This was just as I was walking out. Wonder why she asked.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Forced to spend the day resting.
Too light-headed, dizzy from gabapentin. Will try to adjust dosage in order to make it more tolerable.
Frustrating.

Love to All!

WC

I hope the adjustment helps. Are you able to sleep any better?

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Feeling really low today. No motivation at all.

But I forced myself to take a shower, the first in a number of days. I don't feel better.

Sorry you’re down. So am I. I have been crying so much lately.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I just got bad news today too. My ex husband texted that he got fired. No mored health insurance for kids and no more child support. Nevermind that its written in the divorce decree he just said he's going to quit. So he suggested that I put the youngest on medicaid. How lovely.....

So sorry

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I hope the adjustment helps. Are you able to sleep any better?

My sleep is still broken. I need a couple of days when I can just sleep. Maybe this weekend, when hubby works.

Thanks for your response.

[giddykitty]

I feel awful! Sad and lonely. Some of my guests will be leaving tomorrow and that is sad and I also need my husband's counsel or consoling, but he's kinda upset with me and things of my past (since sharing the psych evaluation results). I'm hoping it blows over. We were doing so good last weekend. I need him and so I hope he starts loving me again and soon.

[Moose72]

Is this a stupid thing to be sad about or am I just getting down or what?

Possible trigger:

I was at my "buddy's" place and we didn't seem to be clicking. Ok we did some.... I mean we ALWAYS do and its been 13 years. So I'd told him I'd brought him a present and after a while I showed him it was under his pillow. He picked it up and said "These are heavy!" Then he thought for a second and said "I can't. I just can't." No reasons why. It hit me hard. I wanted to cry right then and there. It was the anticipation and the fact that I never dreamed that he'd say no. They were authentic handcuffs. After that he just quit. Just lay there and couldn't continue.
After a while, he got up and got some gin and tonic and begin getting out his art supplies and commenting on how he could draw me and my tattoos. I still was holding back tears. In fact, I did until I got ready to leave when I walked out the door and one tear rolled down my cheek.

[~Christina]

I’m half cranky and sad.

Saw Rheumatologist today, my inflammation numbers are still down so that’s a plus ! Go me

Side note Hubby and I stopped for Pizza on the way home , was fabulous Lunch , Had leftover for dinner , no cooking today

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Is this a stupid thing to be sad about or am I just getting down or what?

Possible trigger:

I was at my "buddy's" place and we didn't seem to be clicking. Ok we did some.... I mean we ALWAYS do and its been 13 years. So I'd told him I'd brought him a present and after a while I showed him it was under his pillow. He picked it up and said "These are heavy!" Then he thought for a second and said "I can't. I just can't." No reasons why. It hit me hard. I wanted to cry right then and there. It was the anticipation and the fact that I never dreamed that he'd say no. They were authentic handcuffs. After that he just quit. Just lay there and couldn't continue.
After a while, he got up and got some gin and tonic and begin getting out his art supplies and commenting on how he could draw me and my tattoos. I still was holding back tears. In fact, I did until I got ready to leave when I walked out the door and one tear rolled down my cheek.

I can understand why you would be upset. You would naturally experience it as rejection.

Originally Posted by Moose72

Is this a stupid thing to be sad about or am I just getting down or what?

Possible trigger:

I was at my "buddy's" place and we didn't seem to be clicking. Ok we did some.... I mean we ALWAYS do and its been 13 years. So I'd told him I'd brought him a present and after a while I showed him it was under his pillow. He picked it up and said "These are heavy!" Then he thought for a second and said "I can't. I just can't." No reasons why. It hit me hard. I wanted to cry right then and there. It was the anticipation and the fact that I never dreamed that he'd say no. They were authentic handcuffs. After that he just quit. Just lay there and couldn't continue.
After a while, he got up and got some gin and tonic and begin getting out his art supplies and commenting on how he could draw me and my tattoos. I still was holding back tears. In fact, I did until I got ready to leave when I walked out the door and one tear rolled down my cheek.

This is my first post here, though I’ve been a lurker for a while. This made me so sad. You were vulnerable and sharing something you thought would be intimate , and then to have him react so........flatlined. Is it possible that he thought they were something else?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Is this a stupid thing to be sad about or am I just getting down or what?

Possible trigger:

I was at my "buddy's" place and we didn't seem to be clicking. Ok we did some.... I mean we ALWAYS do and its been 13 years. So I'd told him I'd brought him a present and after a while I showed him it was under his pillow. He picked it up and said "These are heavy!" Then he thought for a second and said "I can't. I just can't." No reasons why. It hit me hard. I wanted to cry right then and there. It was the anticipation and the fact that I never dreamed that he'd say no. They were authentic handcuffs. After that he just quit. Just lay there and couldn't continue.
After a while, he got up and got some gin and tonic and begin getting out his art supplies and commenting on how he could draw me and my tattoos. I still was holding back tears. In fact, I did until I got ready to leave when I walked out the door and one tear rolled down my cheek.

Not stupid at all..

[Sunflower123]

Thank you for the love, support and prayers during my rough patch the other day. I really appreciate it.

I send that love and support to those having a tough time right now. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Is this a stupid thing to be sad about or am I just getting down or what?

Possible trigger:

I was at my "buddy's" place and we didn't seem to be clicking. Ok we did some.... I mean we ALWAYS do and its been 13 years. So I'd told him I'd brought him a present and after a while I showed him it was under his pillow. He picked it up and said "These are heavy!" Then he thought for a second and said "I can't. I just can't." No reasons why. It hit me hard. I wanted to cry right then and there. It was the anticipation and the fact that I never dreamed that he'd say no. They were authentic handcuffs. After that he just quit. Just lay there and couldn't continue.
After a while, he got up and got some gin and tonic and begin getting out his art supplies and commenting on how he could draw me and my tattoos. I still was holding back tears. In fact, I did until I got ready to leave when I walked out the door and one tear rolled down my cheek.

It’s understandable that you would be upset. It was a rejection. That rarely feels good. I’m sorry that happened to you.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I'm sorry for not responding to posts. I can't concentrate to read them lately.

I can even concentrate to watch my sister's videos she's been posting detailing her recovery from the worst ACL tear her surgeon ever repaired, and I feel guilty about that. It is not gory, just mostly her talking about her pain, other issues (her husband's stepmother passed away the night of the day she had the surgery), and they have 2 boys, aged 13 and 11. I'm such a bad sister My 2 sisters are really the only friends I have right now. I am still friends with my best friend from college, but she lives in Connecticut now, so I never see her much any more. And she is busy as a vet & mom. I feel lost and so alone.

I’m sorry you are having a tough time and hope you feel better soon. Sending hugs and positive vibes.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

All the best, cln.

I’ve been hyper focused on my upcoming ECT , since answering some questions about it on Facebook. I like to educate people, but there are some who insist on clinging to their misconceptions. I’m doing my best.

What you are doing is admirable. Best wishes on your upcoming ECT.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Forced to spend the day resting.
Too light-headed, dizzy from gabapentin. Will try to adjust dosage in order to make it more tolerable.
Frustrating.

Love to All!

WC

You are a true warrior! Never giving up or giving in. You truly deserve a break and you are in my thoughts and prayers. If I could, I would donate my good days to you for awhile so you could get that break.