[Moose72]

I took a long nap yet again but then i went out for dinner with a friend - he paid.

[Nammu]

Treated my daughter to lunch, we both had a martini and talked. My grandson possibly has dyspraxia, it's on the sensory disorders along with ADHD. They are going to try just OT and PT before adding meds. See how he does in school, he just started kindergarten. Then we went to a department store that's closing, it's the last 6 days and everything is 90% off. After years of no makeup, I bought some, see if I can get myself out of the house more often. Got everything but blush and mascara. Tomorrow planning to go to the art festival.

Wish everyone good vibes.

[yellow_fleurs]

Took a flight today out of town to see family/friends and my SO for the next week. My thoughts tried to get the better of me on the way. They started to get negative and intrusive, but I kept them at bay. Hope I won't have to fight these thoughts forever, they won't go away! I am still feeling depressed, but seeing my SO did make me happier. We went shopping and made dinner together. Tomorrow we are going to pick some fruit at a local farm. I saw that my SO had written himself a note and put it by the bedside table as a reminder to call me more often since he knows I have been really struggling. I feel very lucky to have such support. I don't think he totally understands what I have been going through, but he wants to be there for me which means a lot.

[~Christina]

My Bil is coming tomorrow from Virginia , so I recleaned everything I cleaned yesterday. Gotta love my OCD cleaning... Yay

[jmariah001]

Feeling extreme agitation and anger tonight. My husband got hurt at work on Thursday. He burned his hand. The ER doctor wants him to go see a burn specialist but instead he is having his sister who is a nurse look at it. He has developed a good sized blister on his one finger. I told him that he should make an appointment and see the specialist. But he says he's fine with his sister looking at it instead. Am I wrong here? I feel like he never listens to me and it ticks me off so much. Even his voice is irritating me tonight. Maybe I am just going into a manic phase. It get really angry and irritable during these damn phases. I also found out that my Grandma is in the hospital to right now. My life is just becoming too much right now.

[giddykitty]

Well, today was a really hard day (between the guests leaving and my husband's sortof silent treatment), but at least it's almost over. Tomorrow I have a pdoc appointme t and my husband is coming with and will be forced to talk to me. It's killing me but I'm trying to give him space today. I cried a lot though. Maybe this crying stuff I can work on in therapy. Unfortunately I won't be getting in till mid September though. But back to husband, at least he is being civil and small talks with me. We just really need some deep talk though...and some smiles.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I don't have a lot of stuff from my childhood because my father got rid of it because I lived with my mom during the years of college left after their divorce and because before that I burned anything I didn't want him to see before I left for college.

Tonight I was looking for something in the few bins I have and found a notebook I kept at 13-14. It is part journal, part scrapbook and it is pretty raw with feelings about the abuse I refer to obliquely mixed with my grandma's terminal illness.

What stands out though are an essay and a note to a friend I never gave her (possibly because about then I found out she was sleeping with my only partly broken up with boyfriend. The essay is about "crazy" and how I know my peers call me that and react to me like that. I was quite accepting, knowing something was very wrong but not what.

The note practically wails that the depression is back, that it was gone for a short time and now it is back and worse than ever. Nobody in my life caught that for many years after (12?) but that's my earliest proof of cycling. I'm sure it was going on longer and I just happened to catch it on something I kept once but it's a weird look back.

Sadly those same people call me crazy yet.......no 25 reunion for me next year.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I don't have a lot of stuff from my childhood because my father got rid of it because I lived with my mom during the years of college left after their divorce and because before that I burned anything I didn't want him to see before I left for college.

Tonight I was looking for something in the few bins I have and found a notebook I kept at 13-14. It is part journal, part scrapbook and it is pretty raw with feelings about the abuse I refer to obliquely mixed with my grandma's terminal illness.

What stands out though are an essay and a note to a friend I never gave her (possibly because about then I found out she was sleeping with my only partly broken up with boyfriend. The essay is about "crazy" and how I know my peers call me that and react to me like that. I was quite accepting, knowing something was very wrong but not what.

The note practically wails that the depression is back, that it was gone for a short time and now it is back and worse than ever. Nobody in my life caught that for many years after (12?) but that's my earliest proof of cycling. I'm sure it was going on longer and I just happened to catch it on something I kept once but it's a weird look back.

Sadly those same people call me crazy yet.......no 25 reunion for me next year.

I feel for you.
(((((( BeyondtheRainbow ))))))

yesterday I enjoyed a proper winter's evening.

it was nice, the coldest it has been this year so far

makes my thoughts turn to halloween and christmas.... oooo

weather forcast says the heatwave may come back for a few weeks.

hope not though. would be ashame as I love this wintery weather we've been having

no sleep

[Moreta]

You know how you reach out for help and nobody is there. yeah. its a ****** feeling.

I give up on people.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Moreta

You know how you reach out for help and nobody is there. yeah. its a ****** feeling.

I give up on people.

Don't give up on us. We're here to listen. What's up?

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Don't give up on us. We're here to listen. What's up?

It doesn't matter anyways.

[Moose72]

Im at my aunt's house. Vast majority of the family is here. Well, my mom's generation and im the only one of my generation represented. So my mom says to everybody "Anybody notice anything different about Jennie?" People guessed having no earrings etc. But then my mom said "She's lost weight!" Have I? If I have its not enough! And now Ive quit making pasties because I feel tired and sort of faint. I turn my head and the room moves with it.

I still havent heard much from mr 13 years.

Im waiting to hear back from the people about foodstamps and medicaid.

Originally Posted by Moreta

It doesn't matter anyways.

Aww, it does if it's bothering you...

Fell down the stairs, face first. No teeth lost, but my chest hurts and i got scraped up from the carpeting on the stairs. Blood. No first aid kit. No one to get me Band-Aids and I can't drive due to the drunk feeling caused by rexulti.

Basically, I skipped 2 steps because I had double vision and couldnt see where the steps were. Then I couldn't find the real handrail when I tried to grab it, since there were 2 of them from the double vision.

Brusies and scrapes already. I hate how all antipsychotics make me drunk.

[Blueberrybook]

Sorry. Days have been hard lately, so I'm not responding much though I do read the posts here.

I ran again today a lot and then walked more. Don't know if this was to make up for lack of exercise most of the week, even punish myself. I suppose when you think about it, even overexercising (especially if you can't eat enough to compensate for it) is in its own way self-harm, at least definitely when you do not need to lose weight.

I've been having to take low dose Seroquel for long anxiety/panic attacks. Some days it makes me sleepy, others not.

I did manage to clear most of my pantry of expired food. Still have the refrigerator (especially the freezer, but that is maybe another day). I am of the hope this may help some with cooking, but I hate cooking & meal planning and then having to plan meals around the food I already own. It feels impossible.

I did find I am less prone to impulse shopping if I do the curbside pickup shopping (always free at Super Wal-mart and free at HEB (food chain store in TX) Tuesday through Friday. Though of course, I think you have to have a $30 minimum, but groceries add up fast. Monday, I think I'm going to call the city. We are out of trash bags (the city delivers a certain amount per residency free for the year), but I think I read on NextDoor you could buy them from the city as well, and they are a lot cheaper than using store bought bags and sturdy too. I'll have to see.

My husband and I decided substitute teaching is not the best decision for me right now. He was again contacted by Lamar University in Beaumont (the Mechanical Engineering Dept.) saying they want to hire him, but it won't be until the Spring semester starts in January. Don't know whether to believe them or not, but the department was re-organized, a "problem" professor moved out of the department and into an area which while, on paper is a promotion, now gives him no power in the department. Other professors who want my husband on board all moved upwards in the department. So...maybe some hope? But they promised as late as June this summer, and then nothing happened. So we'll see. At least, it's got my husband in a better mood.

My daughter seems to be sleeping better which seems to be helping her moods, though she always knows just how to push my buttons.

I am still anxious though. We will hardly have money to make it through to January and probably will have to beg my father-in-law for what little he can spare and maybe one of my aunts who took early retirement from a very high paying corporate job (though she has never helped us financially in the past, but we haven't asked either). Not to mention, December is an expensive month. Not only is there Christmas, but my daughter's birthday is Dec. 14. Plus, her school has a Santa Shop to which the kids bring money to buy gifts for relatives. I used to give my daughter the money for that, but this year, I might have to tell her to take it out of her own money.

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Fell down the stairs, face first.

Brusies and scrapes already. I hate how all antipsychotics make me drunk.

Oh no! Don't guess take your time, go slowly until you're sure you have the step.

I'm glad you didn't lose any teeth!

Hope for a speedy recovery.

[Fuzzybear]

I took the serokill a few times again.. it scares me. Maybe I’m “just a wimp”

Wait a minute.. that’s the voice of yet another abuser GRRRRRRR

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Fell down the stairs, face first. No teeth lost, but my chest hurts and i got scraped up from the carpeting on the stairs. Blood. No first aid kit. No one to get me Band-Aids and I can't drive due to the drunk feeling caused by rexulti.

Basically, I skipped 2 steps because I had double vision and couldnt see where the steps were. Then I couldn't find the real handrail when I tried to grab it, since there were 2 of them from the double vision.

Brusies and scrapes already. I hate how all antipsychotics make me drunk.

Oh no! Sorry this ha happened to you!
Do you need to be checked out?
Damn! I hope you are ok!

WC

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Fell down the stairs, face first. No teeth lost, but my chest hurts and i got scraped up from the carpeting on the stairs. Blood. No first aid kit. No one to get me Band-Aids and I can't drive due to the drunk feeling caused by rexulti.

Basically, I skipped 2 steps because I had double vision and couldnt see where the steps were. Then I couldn't find the real handrail when I tried to grab it, since there were 2 of them from the double vision.

Brusies and scrapes already. I hate how all antipsychotics make me drunk.

Blue,

I sympathize with you. One morning at my old complex I was out walking my dog. I missed a curb and fell. My dog got loose and was running around. I was lucky because a few ladies that worked in the office were riding around on a golf cart. They stopped and helped me up. One lady got my dog for me. I felt like a cartoon character like I had the stars knocked out of me. When I made it back to my apartment and took my clothes off, like you I was bleeding. My knees were a mess and elbows too. Get you some bandaids and Neosporin

[wildflowerchild25]

I passed my physical! It was really hard to run for two minutes but I didn’t pass out lol. God I hope I never have to do that again. I really hated it. I passed everything else with no problem.

But another catch is I have to get a two step PPD test. So I got one today, go back Monday to get it read, then I have to go back on Saturday AGAIN to get the second part, then back on the following Tuesday to get it read. And I’m supposed to start training that following Tuesday! I hope the PPD test doesn’t stop me from starting training. I’m tired of waiting!

Haven’t seen my boyfriend in nearly two weeks. Our schedules just don’t match up. I’m going to try to see him tomorrow but it depends on when his son leaves. Oh well, I’d rather see him not often than not at all.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I passed my physical! It was really hard to run for two minutes but I didn’t pass out lol. God I hope I never have to do that again. I really hated it. I passed everything else with no problem.

But another catch is I have to get a two step PPD test. So I got one today, go back Monday to get it read, then I have to go back on Saturday AGAIN to get the second part, then back on the following Tuesday to get it read. And I’m supposed to start training that following Tuesday! I hope the PPD test doesn’t stop me from starting training. I’m tired of waiting!

Haven’t seen my boyfriend in nearly two weeks. Our schedules just don’t match up. I’m going to try to see him tomorrow but it depends on when his son leaves. Oh well, I’d rather see him not often than not at all.

Congrats on passing the physical!

WC

[Moose72]

I'm not feeling good. I mean, I went to my family gathering today and mostly went through the motions and when they said I looked great because I'd lost weight I put on a fake grin, but mostly I was inside when everyone else was on the screened-in porch- on my phone trying to text to text anybody and everybody about sex. Ive spent too much money lately- I've got $30 to my name- not to mention that tree was way too expensive no matter how cool it is. I've been doing this a lo. Then I turn around, buy handcuffs, he says no and its all I can do to not sob before I leave. I'm courteous with my family, saying only good things going on in my life like judo while inside I know that this is far from the truth. My nurse practitioner ALMOST caught this last Thursday when I saw her- the depressed yet hypo/manic states but she let it go. I'm left wondering if I should call her on Monday or if I should see if my new med arrangement will iron some of this out. Meanwhile, I'm afraid I will scare away each and every one of my friends one by one.

[Scooter9]

Feeling low and depressed today, body pains, moving slowly, feeling bad.

But I was busy today putting up a front (shopping with my wife, visiting the retirement home, doing some cleaning).