[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

wildflowerchild, I'm sorry about your FIL. I know how stressful a parent's last week can be. My mother died of cancer. It is horrible!

I can't imagine an employer would prevent someone from visiting a dying close relative. If they do, then they are bad employers and that would be a sign that they would be bad in other ways.

I've been on benzos a long time too. I tell myself I could just stop taking them, but I think I'm kidding myself. I was given them from my first hospitalization, which I will have to say was around 1998, 1999 and mostly (except pregnancy) have been on them since. My retiring pdoc would definitely have been old school about using benzos, though she was also the one who finally started me on the high dose Seroquel, which has helped a ton. She didn't want to up my dose to 4 mg Klonopin daily, until I admitted to her I was self-dosing 4, and she didn't want me to have withdrawals. Before I could have my next appointment with her, I was in the hospital getting surgery, then recovering at home. Now I'm seeing a new pdoc (well, he has been at that practice awhile, maybe as long as I was going there; he's younger, but IDK, maybe late 30s, early 40s. He seems to feel the Klonopin is the least of my problems right now, and I have to agree with him there. I'd love to quit them, but now is definitely a bad time to try.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Pdoc wants me to get an EKG before she ups my haldol. She does want to up my Haldol. Gotta go see my primary tomorrow.

Great! Can you get the EKG done quickly? I hope so!


WC

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Im skipping hadol tonight because im not sure what i took earlier today.

I've had those days too. Sorry about that.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Still feeling depressed. Think it’s physical issues but have to wait.

Husband saw a new neurologist who specializes in MS. Asked a lot of questions. My husband will be switching meds in Nov. after an MRI and some other tests. He’s anxious about heart issues. I am too. He has labs and referrals tomorrow.

My glasses broke at the pads but we super-glued them together. They have to hold together for another month because I can’t afford new ones yet. Ugh.

I'm sorry you're hurting, and that sucks about your glasses. I understand about not being able to afford what you need to be able to see. My glasses are so super expensive, like $800 or something. Even our good vision insurance doesn't want to cover all of it. Some years, like this year, I've just gone in and gotten only contact lenses because they are cheaper. I have extremely bad eyesight, -10 for contact lenses in each eye; it runs in my family, and it it looks like my daughter is unfortunately following the trend. But I have to have glasses that let me see well enough to drive and function (because with eyes this bad, there is not much functioning beyond taking a bath & washing my hair I can do). One year, I got a scratched cornea. No idea what happened, but the eye doc's best guess was it was spring, very bad pollen was all around (yellow pollen from the flowers, trees, bushes), and I likely got a bit of pollen under a contact lens, scratching the cornea. I think I had to wear glasses for 3 weeks or so until it healed.

I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me lately. I hate the uncertainty of always wondering if how you feel is a normal mood variation or the start of something bigger.

I kept hearing in my left ear a fax machine going crazy at 2am today. I couldn't locate the source. I walked everywhere in the apartment... and nothing. Not in the hallway either. Then I plugged my ear and I could still hear it loud as day. Basically, plugging my ear did nothing.

I think it was a hallucination because I've been getting those a lot

I also (tmi) had bad diarrhea around 4am after taking 2 laxatives around 2pm yesterday. (I had no choice. I went too long without going to the bathroom. Thanks, Rexulti.) I should've only taken 1 laxative.

Not a great way to start the day.

[Moreta]

I saw my GP yesterday. Have to go for blood work this morning and will probably have to see a cardiologist. Fun times. GP doesn't know what's wrong.

all ready Thursday and I have achieved nothing this weel

shameful really

but that's how it is

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Great! Can you get the EKG done quickly? I hope so!


WC

Im having it this morning at 10:30 EST

[Scooter9]

I visited my mother yesterday evening. She's been having problems with her tv and other electronics so I have been at her place several times over the past week.

She's got anxiety really bad and any little thing sets her off - it can be as simple as the tv not coming on right away. She's also got depression (diagnosed) so I know where I got my bipolar from.

I don't think the Modifinil is working that well for me. I don't feel particularly awake or focused - I'm even still yawning and still lethargic. I asked my pdoc if I can increase the dose to find out if anything happens.

I'm in the 'I really don't care about anything'-mode at the moment. I just do things to get them done and out of the way - even things that my son was supposed to do (I have been asking him to do a few things for weeks and it's frustrating to see them undone for weeks at a time - if you can imagine how bad the cat litter can get!).

I don't know what I'm looking for in terms of my day to day life. I'm searching for relief, I suppose. Back to the way things were last year in terms of my mind and mood...things weren't perfect but it was much better than this.

I finished reading my friend's book - it was terrible I guess I'm not part of the audience he's writing for...it's just not something I would read. It's sort of science fiction mixed with a heavy dose of reality. The underlying idea is good but the execution - the way he told the story - was really bad.

Mood-wise, I'm feeling low but maybe not as depressed as before. But I'm still scoring as 'severely depressed' on the phq-9 depression test...hoping that will change soon.

I called my psychiatrist last night and mentioned I wanted to talk to him about my recent Ativan elimination. He's yet to call, but probably will. He usually always does unless I'm just leaving a message to report an update. Now I wonder if I shouldn't have even bothered calling him. I'm kind of glad I did one moment and not the next. Oh well!

I have been feeling such a general malaise because of symptoms that are surely the benzo withdrawal. My moods have been sort of OK considering, but today I was so sensitive about something. I had to e-mail a person because something she wrote really upset me. Basically she used one wrong word in something she wrote and that poorly chosen word implied a meaning that I thought she didn't intend, but that sounded really bad about me. I felt that others reading it would get the wrong idea about me. She replied really sorry about it. It was true that it was just an accidentally poor choice of words, but even with a "fix" it still bugs me. I don't blame her now, but I can't get that uncomfortable feeling to go away, despite.

[Blueberrybook]

I had to get my daughter from school this morning as she was throwing up (seems to feel OK now though, which is a relief. I hope it stays that way. School policy says she cannot return to school until she has gone 24 hr without throwing up. So no school for her tomorrow.

Went running way too long this morning, and I don’t take my cell phone with me while running. I have probably fallen and broke 4 to 5 cellphones. The nurse couldn’t get hold of me of course. Then, I got home and saw I had 6 missed calls on my cellphone. I really hope this doesn’t affect the CPS case. But people have to turn off their phones a lot in daily life - doctor’s appointments, dentist, all day if you are a teacher like H. I had to reschedule my therapy appointment Friday because originally it was at 1 PM, and I couldn’t leave my daughter home by herself. Emailed H and he said he was swamped at work, try to reschedule. So still am seeing the therapist on Friday just at 4:30 when H can watch her.

I have a killer headache and back ache.Tylenol does nothing for me. Mood is s-so. Forgetfulness maybe a little better today, but is still there.

[Daonnachd]

I’m at work reading An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. As usual, it’s a quiet day in the cemetery.

I remember being at work, or somewhere else, and thinking over and over again that “I just want to go home.” The hours seemed like days. I’d watch the clock, and it would seem to have stopped. Two minutes before I was officially to be set free, I’d run around the corner and make an escape. I knew that those last two minutes would just kill me, so I had to make the run for it while I could still breathe.

There eventually came a time when I stumbled on that run home, and found myself in a full body cast. Then the only place I could even be is confined at home in my bed. Years passed in that cast and I again began to feel trapped. Out of old habit I’d repeat silently to myself that “I just want to go home. I just want to go home.” But I was home.

[Moose72]

No idea on results from EKG but it was done. Someone from the psych office called to check on me. I told them im still getting anxiety/vertigo.

[Faltering]

The insurance approved amphetamine salts instead of Adderall XR, which is better than nothing. I also picked up Latuda so now I'm stocked up on meds. I'm excited to see if Adderall keeps me awake and maybe helps with some of my other symptoms. Tomorrow I find out what I'm allergic to. I look forward to that too.

[downandlonely]

Adderall didn't help me with energy, but I know it helps some people. I hope it works for you.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Faltering

The insurance approved amphetamine salts instead of Adderall XR, which is better than nothing. I also picked up Latuda so now I'm stocked up on meds. I'm excited to see if Adderall keeps me awake and maybe helps with some of my other symptoms. Tomorrow I find out what I'm allergic to. I look forward to that too.

Adderall did help me feel more awake. I do not need to nap every day. And I can actually read a book or watch a TV show again without losing concentration. Maybe it caused me to be mixed, but I don’t think so. Pdoc thought I was mixed at the end of March. Maybe I started Adderall late July, early August. I hope it helps you. Also, Adderall seems to have given me at least some sex drive now which nearly all of these meds except supposedly the Wellbutrin killed, especially at points in my cycle where the body is more fertile, gearing up for ovulation (H and I stopped using birth control ages ago due to secondary infertility).

I'm carrying around a pair of mismatched shoes. That's how scrambled my brain is these days, lol.

(I was going to change my shoes after work for an appt. -- with T, yea! You'd think I would have noticed when putting them in the bag. Good grief. So I'm wearing my silly too big sneakers. With a skirt and they really don't go together at all...

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I'm carrying around a pair of mismatched shoes. That's how scrambled my brain is these days, lol.

(I was going to change my shoes after work for an appt. -- with T, yea! You'd think I would have noticed when putting them in the bag. Good grief. So I'm wearing my silly too big sneakers. With a skirt and they really don't go together at all...

Sounds cute!

At least your sneakers match!

I am sorry life is so stressful right now!


WC

[Sunflower123]

I’m having surgery Tuesday for severe carpal tunnel. Feeling a little uneasy since one doctor told me the nerve is dying (I don’t think he meant to say that in front of me). Has anyone had this done? I’m not getting a whole lot of info from the surgeon on this. Wondering what to expect. I’ve researched it but I’m still uneasy.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m having surgery Tuesday for severe carpal tunnel. Feeling a little uneasy since one doctor told me the nerve is dying (I don’t think he meant to say that in front of me). Has anyone had this done? I’m not getting a whole lot of info from the surgeon on this. Wondering what to expect. I’ve researched it but I’m still uneasy.

I hope your surgery goes well. I have a bit of carpal tunnel but nothing worth considering surgery for it. I am sure things will go fine.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I'm carrying around a pair of mismatched shoes. That's how scrambled my brain is these days, lol.

(I was going to change my shoes after work for an appt. -- with T, yea! You'd think I would have noticed when putting them in the bag. Good grief. So I'm wearing my silly too big sneakers. With a skirt and they really don't go together at all...

You and me both! Sorry you are dealing with so much right now

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m having surgery Tuesday for severe carpal tunnel. Feeling a little uneasy since one doctor told me the nerve is dying (I don’t think he meant to say that in front of me). Has anyone had this done? I’m not getting a whole lot of info from the surgeon on this. Wondering what to expect. I’ve researched it but I’m still uneasy.

I had it done after putting it off for many years (like 14!) out of fear. It was like a miracle though (yea, I can brush my teeth w/o 10,000 breaks!) and I wished I had done it sooner. It does take time to heal (can't remember how much), but then you're good to go!

Best of luck!

[Unrigged64072835]

Got the small kitchen cart put together and initial coat of oil done. Daughter came over saying something smelled weird with the car. Husband thought it may have been something wet on the brakes. Her car is fine now. She brought Reese’s for a “peace” offering. Lol. At least he’ll enjoy them. Think we have her health insurance payment done for now. Went to the base hospital for husband’s health stuff but they’re training so all the outpatient clinics were closed at noon. There’s another event starting tomorrow so we won’t get there until next week. I have sleep doc and trauma T on Monday, and GI doc on Tuesday.

Still down. Big loss of motivation. I so want to give up but need to keep going. I’m so tired of health issues. I’m sure a lot of you folks get that. Just pain and plain discomfort, plus med side effects.

Lots of prayers for those being hit by Florence. I checked on one of my old online friends, and she’s staying put with her daughter and family. I hope they make it.

Love and hugs to everyone.