[Jennyanydots]

I missed the last two days of work (negative PTO hours now) because I just get up feeling really low and my anxiety had been out of control. I feel that my bipolar disorder is getting in the way of my life more than usual. I feel extremely lonely and come home and just go to bed as soon as I come home from work at get like 12 hours of sleep a night. I end up getting hospitalized for a month at a time every year around Christmas time for mania. I've missed a few Christmas' over the years due to my hospitalizations. Over the past 9 years, I've lost 3 jobs due to my bipolar and lately I've just had a hard time not only going to work but focusing at a full day at work. When will it get better? I'm in tears writing this

Im trying to see a psychologist, but it's almost impossible to find one who is taking appointments.

Why is having bipolar so hard? My boss knows I have bipolar so I think I get some leeway on missing work. I asked for working from home some days but I haven't received a response yet. A coworker on my team has a illness and she misses a lot of work too and my boss has never said anything to me about it so I guess that is good. I got a really good review this week so I don't think he could fire me on work performance. Even If I did lose my job, I would get disability.

I just feel like a huge hot mess right now.

[Jedi67]

I've lost 2 jobs to my bipolar. the last one I wasn't fired but I was just getting diagnosed because my bosses knew of my illness and slowly let me go. the first one was very bad. they let me go because of my self medicating with alcohol. it was a bad time before I was diagnosed. bipolar is indeed bad but it can show us just how much strength we have. please be as strong as you can and if you can't work, like myself, then try disability. and if you get denied hire a lawyer, perhaps? it's a realization I had to come to. I tell strangers or non family members that I am "medically retired" lol. I also took many sick days because I did not want to face people and just lay in bed all day. I still do. it's a struggle but it's OUR struggle and we have to make it our own "job" per se. hoping you feel better and sorry you are going through this. sending hugs!

[Jennyanydots]

Thank you Jedi67.

I have been approved for disability twice but I had to deny it because I just wouldn't be able to pay the bills. I know if I got laid off again, I would be used to it at this point and get short term disability. My mom invited me hiking on Sunday and a friend is coming over in a little bit so I know I do have people who care.

I think more self care would help with my loneliness. Like going to the gym, getting out and hiking, finding more distractions like reading more.

May the 4th be with you (i know it's the 3rd, but I had to say it )

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by Jennyanydots

Thank you Jedi67.

I have been approved for disability twice but I had to deny it because I just wouldn't be able to pay the bills. I know if I got laid off again, I would be used to it at this point and get short term disability. My mom invited me hiking on Sunday and a friend is coming over in a little bit so I know I do have people who care.

I think more self care would help with my loneliness. Like going to the gym, getting out and hiking, finding more distractions like reading more.

May the 4th be with you (i know it's the 3rd, but I had to say it )

May the 4th be with you as well! yes, I think more self care would greatly help. when I'm less manic, I love to read! I have so many e books on my tablet and even going to the library in person and being around the people there is calming for me. I love graphic novels and I always bite off more than I can chew. I bring home like a dozen and never get through them all haha.

I'm glad a friend is going over to see you. it'll do you good. and definitely go hiking with your mom. it'll be a good time for you, and especially her. hope you feel better fast. keep us posted!

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Jennyanydots! I completely agree with what Jedi67 has already wisely said better than I ever could! I'd suggest to you to listen to him as much as you possibly CAN if you want to! He always gives SUCH GREAT ADVICE to EVERYONE like IN THIS CASE! I completely agree with what Jedi67 has already wonderfully said better than I ever could about taking GREAT care of yourself! You DO deserve it! I hope things will get better SOON for you at work! Just take GREAT care of yoursel and try to take things one step at the time! Just try to do your best at work! That's ALL we humans can do after all and it's ALWAYS MORE THAN ENOUGH! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! If you feel like this job is being too stressful for you, you can always look for another one or apply for disability! There's NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to be ashamed of! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! Just take GREAT CARE of yourself, ok? You know we'll ALWAYS be here for oyu if you need ANY kind of support! We'll NEVER ABANDON YOU and we'll NEVER JUDGE YOU! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! Remember that we're here for you if you need it, Jennyanydots! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME AT ALL! Let us know if there's ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL that we can do to help you, ok? I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Please let us know how it goes and PLEASE keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN if you want to, ok? We DO CARE about you and we DO want to know how things are turning up for you and if things are getting ANY BETTER and if there's ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL that we can do to HELP YOU OUT! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!!!!! Sending many hugs to you, Jennyanydots!!!!!

[xRavenx]

(((Big hugs)))

I completely relate to this right now. It is so hard to keep up with work, while battling with all the horrible things that go along with Bipolar Disorder and anxiety. I agree with the others who have posted that self-care is very important. It's really a struggle, because work can really take away so much energy from doing these things, especially combined with the loss of energy from depression. So it is a vicious cycle. Please don't give up on yourself and try to take care of yourself as much as possible!
I have been trying to get back into doing yoga. There's even some brief, easy videos on youtube designed for anxiety. Or meditation/guided imagery provides some relief. Just throwing out a few ideas.