[~Christina]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I'm fine.

La Bruja is playing granny more often. The two girls live in Miami.

Me, Thanks To The Superior Power, 160 miles away.


So she spends a couple of weekends a month there.

Sometimes I tag alone to visit with friends. And get drunk. I can't drink alone.


I've come to dislike Miami.

The traffic, rude people, gangstas wannabe, the prices, the tall buildings.

Miami has become NY with palm trees. The Heat is losing.

Even the shouting of Spanglish gets to me now.


I managed to stay behind this trip.

So wonderful. So peaceful. I can do no wrong.

My music is loud. So what?.

I have sports in every TV. No HGTV. Great!!!.

I wake up three or four times a night. Good.

Sleep during the day. No one cares.

Don't take pills unless I'm eating Arnica.

I eat a lot of peanut butter and get fat. So?.

My dogs appreciate rib bones. Priceless.


I can get used to this miserable life. Oh YEAH!!!.

Enjoying all the little things makes everything better !!!

[~Christina]

Found the perfect velvet yarn today for my scarf ! Can’t wait to get started !!!

Pain sucks today but it could always be worse.

The sun was out and about 62 degrees.

Today life is good !!!

I choose to be okay !

[Sunflower123]

It hurts when your family doesn’t understand mental illness and treats you as lesser than. I built another support system long ago and yet some days the hurt is fresh. Usually when I have to deal with said family.

I’m thankful for PC and you folks who do get it. It makes me feel less alone in this.

Best wishes for a peaceful week.

[TheSeaCat]

Today I cleaned again, I guess my brain finally got the spring cleaning memo. I don't know how I am going to survive this winter. Went through my winter clothes. None of my jeans fit, my favorite winter jacket won't fit across the girls. Thank you so much Zyprexa and horrible NP who told me nothing about the weight gain. The only thing that fits are a few skirts and two maxi dresses that were not meant for winter cold. I can't buy new clothes because I know I have bills coming up. Maybe its time to break my leggings are not pants rule.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Today I cleaned again, I guess my brain finally got the spring cleaning memo. I don't know how I am going to survive this winter. Went through my winter clothes. None of my jeans fit, my favorite winter jacket won't fit across the girls. Thank you so much Zyprexa and horrible NP who told me nothing about the weight gain. The only thing that fits are a few skirts and two maxi dresses that were not meant for winter cold. I can't buy new clothes because I know I have bills coming up. Maybe its time to break my leggings are not pants rule.

Definitely consider breaking that rule . I’m sorry about the weight gain. Zyprexa is wicked that way.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Sometimes, I think people don't see it because they don't want to.

This is what I've always thought.

I actually went into work today, and at 5:30am so that people wouldn't bother me. It was nice.

I thought I was hallucinating because when I walked in, I heard footsteps and a radio only in my left ear. After investigating by walking around, it turns out there was some other guy sitting at his desk playing the radio and walking around... at 5:30 in the morning. Wtf. Who gets here at 5:30 in the morning when most people get here at 9:30am???

So strange. Freaked me out, as I didn't see ANY cars parked in the parking lot. But he was here before me for sure. I have no idea where he came from. And you can't walk here unless you want to get hit by a car since the speed limit is 45mph and there are no sidewalks. Not to mention there are no houses within at least a mile from here and it's dark out at 5:30am.

He must've parked somewhere, but I have no idea where. However, I'm used to hallucinating radios and footsteps, so that's why I got nervous and concerned.

[MJLouise]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

My best friend in college didn't know until I told her, not about my eating disorder and not about (my then diagnosed) depression & anxiety.

She said she did wonder about my weight since I was so thin in so many pictures, but I always ate normally around her. We didn't live together, and she did not realize I spent the bulk of my week overexercising and restricting to make up for spending Friday night or Saturday with her. She never wanted to come right out and ask.

Since I was baring it all, I told her about the depression & anxiety too. It seemed to throw her.

Several years ago, she visited when my daughter was in pre-school and was very shaken up. One of her good friends in vet school (and a good vet too) had suddenly given her dogs away to people who would care for them and committed suicide. My friend told me no one in her circle of her vet school class of friends could believe it.

Sometimes, I think people don't see it because they don't want to. And other times, I think they don't see it because we don't let it out and pretend like everything is normal.

Truth. I dont know about you guys but I'm very good at putting on my "Im great mask" especially if its not for an extended period of time. I have tons of friends who have no idea anythings wrong. But with stigma and the new outlets take on mental health its hard to be open.

I started running regularly. Hopefully I'll get to lose some weight. I see my pdoc this evening and I'm going to ask to decrease my clozaril dose. I haven't really been taking it anyways, not the full dose.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm having a horrible morning and am depressed and near tears. Doesn't help I'm on my period, I guess.

When I woke my daughter for school, she was yelling and screaming at me when I turned on the lights and took the covers off her bed, which is really the only way to get her up. Later, I checked on her; she hadn't dressed, and I told her to get dressed, more screaming. Checked again and she had undergarments on and nothing else. I tried to help her put her dress on (it has a belt the ties in the back), and she screamed & yelled at me again. At that point, I did raise my voice to her, telling her I was just trying to help, and I'm tired of being treated this way every school morning, she could put her dress on herself.

I apologized to her before eating breakfast, but she refused to apologize to me. She was completely silent in the car ride to school. Because H is so lenient on her, I think she practically views her behavior as acceptable, but it really hurt me. I told her I am doing my best with her, but I do need her to meet me partway. Didn't seem to want to hear that.

Stomach in tangles, feel like crying; I don't know how I'll get through this day. Doubtless she will forget about it until tomorrow morning when the cycle will repeat, and I've told her again and again to please net scream at me in the morning and remember I have feelings too. And H is like, "Why should she take you feelings into consideration? She hardly plays or interacts with you" which hurts me more. How am I supposed to repair such a torn relationship?

Her behavior (for a 10, almost 11 year old) is not acceptable morning behavior, and I don't know why H won't back me up and tall her it is not OK to treat me that way every morning (pretty much as if I'm worthless to her), and it hurts my feelings, especially if she is not sorry at all and does nothing to admit that while I may be partly to blame, so is she.

Have to grocery shop. Practically in tears. This is a horrible start to the day.

Hubby went to work this morning after a week at home vacation. He definitely didn't want to go, and I'm kind of sad, too, but it's a nice weather day again today. I want to get outside. When hubby was home we walked a lot.

Yesterday early evening, I felt so good. I spiffied myself up and convinced hubby to go to my favorite inexpensive pizza restaurant. I love it there because everyone knows me and is so friendly. Hubby agreed that I had a minor mood elevation blip. It felt good, but this morning I'm back to a calm stability, which is also good.

[Moose72]

I got thej landlord's papets turned in this morning. One less thing to do. My mom is going to drive me to the place to drop off the big packet as soon as n2 finishes it.

M going to judo tonight- i hope. N3 has piano and i seem to have to take him a lot. His step mom is supposed to take him.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

It hurts when your family doesn’t understand mental illness and treats you as lesser than. I built another support system long ago and yet some days the hurt is fresh. Usually when I have to deal with said family.

I’m thankful for PC and you folks who do get it. It makes me feel less alone in this.

Best wishes for a peaceful week.

I understand completely Even H, who has at least admitted I have some mental health issues, definitely bipolar & panic disorder will tell me to do something useful when I'm depressed; it will help. Maybe it helps him but it does not help me. H won't stick with me on parenting issues because of all the trauma our daughter has gone through because of me. And sometimes, she needs to be told no, or that is not acceptable, and H just doesn't do it. It makes me feel like a lesser parent and a bad parent too.

[Blueberrybook]

Got groceries. Still out of sorts over the situation with my daughter this morning. Ugh. And my husband has to be in Toronto on Wed., so he is flying out tomorrow and coming home on Thursday. It has been some years since he's flown, but he is very prone to motion sickness and anxious as he is flying from Houston to Atlanta with a 2 hr. layover, then Atlantic to Toronto. I got him some crystallized ginger today; he says that seems to help some.

Anyway, between the HOA, job stress, and this trip to Toronto, I don't want to bother him about parenting issues. I am hoping there may be a time to talk with my daughter. H needs to pack this evening, so maybe I can get her to help me with a stew I am making. Once I brown the meat, the other steps just add spices, canned beans, diced canned tomatoes, etc., which she probably would add to the stew. She is paranoid about raw meat though, so I'll have to get that cooked first.

can't really comment on today... I lost so much time today it's hard to remember things I did

I know I watched mr tumble, I know I had a less than average meal, and I know I didn't sleep

but I lost a lot of time otherwise so unsure of what else

[hopeless2015]

I'm transferring to a new department next week, Friday will be my last day. I've been in this department for 12 years. I'm very excited and I think this change will be positive for me. A new start. It was really strange intervening but I guess I did ok since I got the job.

Hugs to all

[Faltering]

Something strange is happening to me lately. I noticed it started once my job began to get more stressful. I have periods of time where I become unresponsive and almost catatonic. I lie in weird positions. Today I crawled under my desk at work and laid there for awhile. My boyfriend has witnessed this a couple times and says I look sad. But once I "snap out of it," I'm okay and can function again. I also have a bad feeling, like a premonition, about my mental health taking a turn for the worse. I'm wondering if a deep depression is coming. It's just so odd.

[Wild Coyote]

Busy day. Ache all over. Chilly and dark today.

Lots to attend to today!

Cannot wait to climb into a comfy bed tonight!

Love to all!

WC

[TheSeaCat]

I'm doing good today still upset about clothes not fitting but I guess I can't control that. I applied to some more jobs today. I woke up with a weird rash/pimple in the inner crease of my arm that is driving me bonkers; it's itchy and it hurts.

Hugs to everyone that needs one.

[liveforsummer]

Starting a new job this week. Less stress and responsibilities however I am so anxious about learning new things and trying to remember everything. I’m afraid mostly that when the person who’s training me is explaining things my brain will fog up and shut down then I can’t intake and process info.

Oh well. What will be will be and I’m also trying to look at the positive. I’ve been given a new opportunity to try something completely new and different

Wish me luck!

Hugs to all

[~Christina]

Got results of my cervical MRI .... worn discs which is causing strong muscle spasms and then my shoulder hurting so bad.

Just one more painful thing wrong with me. *sigh*

I’ve been working on my scarf today it’s looking beautiful and so soft. I take lots of breaks so my hands don’t lock up.

So yeah not the greatest day

Hugs to all

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Got results of my cervical MRI .... worn discs which is causing strong muscle spasms and then my shoulder hurting so bad.

Just one more painful thing wrong with me. *sigh*

I’ve been working on my scarf today it’s looking beautiful and so soft. I take lots of breaks so my hands don’t lock up.

So yeah not the greatest day

Hugs to all

Sorry about the discs causing muscle spasms.

You'll have to take a pic of your scarf and post it when it is done

[Blueberrybook]

OMG, pray for us. We may, may, may actually finally have good news regarding the mechanical engineering department at Lamar University in Beaumont, TX hiring H. He got a call from the provost today who said things are happening and to expect a call from the dean tomorrow. I hope we finally catch at break. H has wanted to teach at university level since getting his Ph.D. in 2000.

[yellow_fleurs]

I would like to get this breast US and possible mammogram done soon. Dealing with getting the right orders and things sent over. Symptoms seem worse and while could be nothing, really don't like waiting in anxiety and discomfort. My SO is coming to visit this week in better news.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I would like to get this breast US and possible mammogram done soon. Dealing with getting the right orders and things sent over. Symptoms seem worse and while could be nothing, really don't like waiting in anxiety and discomfort. My SO is coming to visit this week in better news.

Hope the testing gets over with quickly , waiting is horrible !