[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I would like to get this breast US and possible mammogram done soon. Dealing with getting the right orders and things sent over. Symptoms seem worse and while could be nothing, really don't like waiting in anxiety and discomfort. My SO is coming to visit this week in better news.

Does the doc suspect something or do you have a family history?

My doc always sends me for the breast ultrasound and mammogram. Well, this year, it was standard, I guess since I'm forty, but I've had to go yearly since I stopped nursing because of having cystic breasts, meaning the doc can't really tell much by feel (and neither can I unless I luck out).

Not sure about where you are going, but the place I went to always gave me the ultrasound results the same day, may have had to wait on the mammogram results though.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

I'm doing good today still upset about clothes not fitting but I guess I can't control that. I applied to some more jobs today. I woke up with a weird rash/pimple in the inner crease of my arm that is driving me bonkers; it's itchy and it hurts.

Hugs to everyone that needs one.

Sorry about the clothes It's different for me, but it felt awful when I could no longer fit into my "skinny" clothes. Took something like 7, 8 years before I got rid of them. Now I have a lot of clothes too big again...sigh. I am making progress; it's slow progress though.

My brother visited me today. The main concern my siblings and I have is my dad. We all agree he needs to be in the hospital (dual diagnosis wing, preferably one for the elderly). Bro said "Dad probably has bipolar disorder". I was like "Well, Sis and I have known this for ages". We obviously didn't know as kids or young adults. We didn't know that a few of us had it. Total lack of insight when so many in a household have major issues.

Dad tells us he is "an alcoholic". Bro thinks he is. But I think he's bipolar self-medicating. That's what I was. How can a person who's only started drinking problematically at 70 years old be an alcoholic? Though his mental health has been in question off and on since he was 16?

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Does the doc suspect something or do you have a family history?

My doc always sends me for the breast ultrasound and mammogram. Well, this year, it was standard, I guess since I'm forty, but I've had to go yearly since I stopped nursing because of having cystic breasts, meaning the doc can't really tell much by feel (and neither can I unless I luck out).

Not sure about where you are going, but the place I went to always gave me the ultrasound results the same day, may have had to wait on the mammogram results though.

Hopefully not TMI, but I had some itching/irritation plus I have fibrocystic changes. So it is kind of the same problem you have, she cannot tell much by feel. She did not sound too concerned, but did want me to get it checked. I am only 31, so not routine. But now it's turned into a rash or something and is worse than before so I am also just worried if it could be an infection or something? I hope to hear back as I called the doctor today and left a message that it got worse.

Also that is great news potentially about your husband and the job. Thinking of you and your family!

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Got results of my cervical MRI .... worn discs which is causing strong muscle spasms and then my shoulder hurting so bad.

Just one more painful thing wrong with me. *sigh*

I’ve been working on my scarf today it’s looking beautiful and so soft. I take lots of breaks so my hands don’t lock up.

So yeah not the greatest day

Hugs to all

Sorry about the muscle spasms I wouldn't wish those on anybody.

I too want to see this scarf and I hope you get to feeling better.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

OMG, pray for us. We may, may, may actually finally have good news regarding the mechanical engineering department at Lamar University in Beaumont, TX hiring H. He got a call from the provost today who said things are happening and to expect a call from the dean tomorrow. I hope we finally catch at break. H has wanted to teach at university level since getting his Ph.D. in 2000.

That is great news to hear and I hope you guys finally catch a break your way.

[stahrgeyzer]

I had the final last remaining thing that meant something to me destroyed. I can feel a major bipolar hurricane coming my way that always results in suicidal thoughts. For some reason this forum always calms me at least a short while with the Desert Sand theme. ... sigh.....

[MJLouise]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My brother visited me today. The main concern my siblings and I have is my dad. We all agree he needs to be in the hospital (dual diagnosis wing, preferably one for the elderly). Bro said "Dad probably has bipolar disorder". I was like "Well, Sis and I have known this for ages". We obviously didn't know as kids or young adults. We didn't know that a few of us had it. Total lack of insight when so many in a household have major issues.

Dad tells us he is "an alcoholic". Bro thinks he is. But I think he's bipolar self-medicating. That's what I was. How can a person who's only started drinking problematically at 70 years old be an alcoholic? Though his mental health has been in question off and on since he was 16?

That does seem unusual. Usually alcoholic issues begin early if there’s a prob. I used to have to go to Alateen meetings for kids of alcoholics but was always really confused because I never saw my dad drunk and I saw him drink a couple of beers and stop. I learned years later that he was actually not addicted to akcahol but to pain killers and he used heroin before we were born and struggled using pain killers sorta as a replacement addiction. I didn’t know this until recently. It is highly possible your dad in his 70’s has struggled his whole life with addiction alcohol or otherwise and is just now not able to hide it in his 70’s. But bipolar and addiction do often go hand in hand. Sorry your having such s hard time I’m sure the three of you will come up with a plan.

[MJLouise]

Update:
I’ve got a psych appointment tomorrow and I’m not sure if she’ll put me on the darn mood stabilizer yet. I feel like it’s taking forever I just want to feel ok again and get up off this couch. I feel lazy but I know I’m sick. Neurologist wants the MRI to rule out MS. I wonder if meds would effect the MRI or if I can go on the mood stabilizer anyway. The Bupropion is mostly out of my system I think. The tremors pretty much gone. It tremors just slightly between my eyebrows when I close my eyes and that it. Hoping that goes away soon. Brain fog. Can’t think clearly. No motivation to do anything. I’m exhausted. My husband is too good and too nice it makes me sick. I wish he’d get mad at me not doing enough so we can fight. But I know he just is too damn sweet. It’s gross how sweet he is. 14 years of marriage and when in like this I don’t like him because I don’t like me. But he and I both know I’ll get over it and love him again when I’m better. For now fake kissy face and heart texts and watching the Big Bang theory is about all I want to do with him. I have no sex drive at all. It was coming back with the Bupropion and stopping it was just like shutting down my sexual systems. We’ve had sex only twice in the last 4 months(and it was sex for him not me if you know what I mean) . When I’m healthy we’re at least twice a week.

I feel like crap.
Sorry for all the “I”’s

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

OMG, pray for us. We may, may, may actually finally have good news regarding the mechanical engineering department at Lamar University in Beaumont, TX hiring H. He got a call from the provost today who said things are happening and to expect a call from the dean tomorrow. I hope we finally catch at break. H has wanted to teach at university level since getting his Ph.D. in 2000.

Oh, that's incredibly awesome! I hope everything works out for you guys! Best of luck to the two of you. Your husband, based on everything you've been saying, sounds like a very dedicated/motivated person, and that's what universities need. I've had too many unmotivated professors who've just SUCKED because they had no motivation or care for teaching. All they wanted was to do research at a top university and that's it. Then of course students' education suffered a bit as a result. Dirty, selfish bastards imo. But of course, a lot of universities care more about research than teaching. Research is what makes them a "top" school, not necessarily education via courses.

I’ve been up and down a lot over the last couple weeks, which is really unlike me — I’m usually steadily (and probably annoyingly) upbeat and energetic. I messed around with my meds when I shouldn’t have. IDK what makes me think that is ever the right answer —it has NEVER worked out for me in the past. But I tried my hand at it anyway, and it was a bust. I don’t understand how lithium works — but I’ve found that taking more or less of it seriously changes how my mind responds. Then I had this idea about using Benadryl as an anti-anxiety med, which was sort of effective, but again, I know nothing about neurochemical whateveryhoos, and it wound up being problematic. When I stopped playing and just went back to the meds how they were prescribed, things leveled out. I swear this is a lesson I have had to relearn a dozen times over the last decade.

There is this new person at work, and she is so smart and well-spoken and professional. I find myself feeling inadequate around her. She catches small mistakes that I make (not in a snotty way— just in a “she is on top of things and wants to make sure everything is right” way), and each time I feel more inferior. We have very different jobs, so it’s not like we are in competition. And I’m glad to have someone so competent to work with. But it’s like I can’t just let her be her awesome self and me be my awesome self. For some reason, my mind uses her awesomeness as a reason to deflate my own. I really dislike this about myself.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by MJLouise

Update:
I’ve got a psych appointment tomorrow and I’m not sure if she’ll put me on the darn mood stabilizer yet. I feel like it’s taking forever I just want to feel ok again and get up off this couch. I feel lazy but I know I’m sick. Neurologist wants the MRI to rule out MS. I wonder if meds would effect the MRI or if I can go on the mood stabilizer anyway. The Bupropion is mostly out of my system I think. The tremors pretty much gone. It tremors just slightly between my eyebrows when I close my eyes and that it. Hoping that goes away soon. Brain fog. Can’t think clearly. No motivation to do anything. I’m exhausted. My husband is too good and too nice it makes me sick. I wish he’d get mad at me not doing enough so we can fight. But I know he just is too damn sweet. It’s gross how sweet he is. 14 years of marriage and when in like this I don’t like him because I don’t like me. But he and I both know I’ll get over it and love him again when I’m better. For now fake kissy face and heart texts and watching the Big Bang theory is about all I want to do with him. I have no sex drive at all. It was coming back with the Bupropion and stopping it was just like shutting down my sexual systems. We’ve had sex only twice in the last 4 months(and it was sex for him not me if you know what I mean) . When I’m healthy we’re at least twice a week.

I feel like crap.
Sorry for all the “I”’s

I hope you get to start on a mood stabilizer.
I also hope your MRI goes well.

Your H sounds like a very nice guy and supportive.

I hope you start to feel better soon!


WC

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hopefully not TMI, but I had some itching/irritation plus I have fibrocystic changes. So it is kind of the same problem you have, she cannot tell much by feel. She did not sound too concerned, but did want me to get it checked. I am only 31, so not routine. But now it's turned into a rash or something and is worse than before so I am also just worried if it could be an infection or something? I hope to hear back as I called the doctor today and left a message that it got worse.

Also that is great news potentially about your husband and the job. Thinking of you and your family!

Odds are it is nothing. Some medications can change hormone levels (or even just your body itself), leading to higher prolactin levels, meaning milk ducts get more prominent. I was around 32 when my doc started sending me for ultrasounds & mammograms. First it was the OB/GYN and then the PCP, once they started doing well woman exams at my PCP's office (so long as you weren't pregnant or needing more than a routine pap smear or birth control pills).

Try not to worry until there is something to actually worry about. Easier said than done I know. One of my grandmother's (now deceased, but from Parkinson's) had a grape-like cluster lump in her breast when I was in high school. The thought it was surely cancer, couldn't tell from the US and mammogram, but the biopsy came back benign. She lived another 20 years or so, like I said, it was Parkinson's in the end.

My apartment complex made me look like a douche today/yesterday.

After I had ALREADY parked my car in front or the building, they sometime in the afternoon added a wheelchair/handicapped parking sign in front of my parking. (I didn't notice it until this morning.) Then I obviously looked like a total douche for parking in a handicapped parking spot when I am not handicapped. Thanks, assholes.

I KNOW it wasn't there yesterday when I parked my car. I always walk around my car whenever I park it to make sure that I didn't hit the curb or park too close to the person next to me. It's just a habit.

Also, I don't like this one guy here who parks in one of the handicapped spots. I've SEEN him give his parking thing that hangs on his rear view mirror to one of his friends. What an asshole. Who knows which one is handicapped, but they obviously do it to park in front of the doors. And it makes me question if either of them are handicapped. Talk about total abuse. Sickening. Now people who deserve the parking spot CAN'T get it. That's probably why the complex added a third handicapped spot.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by IRememberMyFirstBee

I’ve been up and down a lot over the last couple weeks, which is really unlike me — I’m usually steadily (and probably annoyingly) upbeat and energetic. I messed around with my meds when I shouldn’t have. IDK what makes me think that is ever the right answer —it has NEVER worked out for me in the past. But I tried my hand at it anyway, and it was a bust. I don’t understand how lithium works — but I’ve found that taking more or less of it seriously changes how my mind responds. Then I had this idea about using Benadryl as an anti-anxiety med, which was sort of effective, but again, I know nothing about neurochemical whateveryhoos, and it wound up being problematic. When I stopped playing and just went back to the meds how they were prescribed, things leveled out. I swear this is a lesson I have had to relearn a dozen times over the last decade.

There is this new person at work, and she is so smart and well-spoken and professional. I find myself feeling inadequate around her. She catches small mistakes that I make (not in a snotty way— just in a “she is on top of things and wants to make sure everything is right” way), and each time I feel more inferior. We have very different jobs, so it’s not like we are in competition. And I’m glad to have someone so competent to work with. But it’s like I can’t just let her be her awesome self and me be my awesome self. For some reason, my mind uses her awesomeness as a reason to deflate my own. I really dislike this about myself.

Many of us end up learning lessons about meds.
You are awesome yourself! I hope collaboration with your new colleague goes very well and benefits you greatly!

I admire your honesty!


WC

[Blueberrybook]

H is off to Toronto, and he will not be back until Thursday, so I'm parenting on my own a few days. H is actually going to teach today, but he has to drive straight to the main (most crowded/busy) airport in Houston directly after school, fly late into the night, with a layover, have meetings on Wed. and fly back on Thursday.

He has to be sick or have family issues for school not to dock his pay. It is a fundraising trip for the company in India he is part owner of. The CEO there used H's grad school thesis to build a nanotube generator, one which makes the nanotubes with less junk in than compared to other production methods due to a fluke of not having enough money & clout to buy some chemical H used on the original (H got his PhD until a Nobel Laureate, so money was not an issue in that lab), consulting H on what might be most similar chemically but easier to obtain. The company is now trying to raise capital to build a demo facility in the U.S. Keeping production in India is cheapest, and that is where the CEO lives and has his family there. But they are talking of paying H as an executive and consulting him remotely should they get a U.S. facility (they've already consulted him remotely a lot from India), perhaps bringing him on board in a few years (moving out there), depending on how everything goes. The company has gotten good press in India lately; it has been around 8 years now, has won awards from DOW Chemical, other prominent companies in India. H will be meeting with some pretty high profile venture capitalists though it is a very last minute trip because the CEO couldn't get his visa to Canada quickly enough though he is in the U.S. now.

So things are looking up for H. I am praying he will get his job university teaching. He is supposed to hear from the dean today. Even though Beaumont is quite the commute, he has been told some professors do commute from this area, and work remotely a day, sometimes 2 from home, depending. And if it goes well, we'd move to Beaumont, not really much of a change from here, chemical manufacturing nearby and a hurricane prone region.

Two good job possibilities in the making, especially if the Indian CEO raises his capital; he is talking about paying H a really good salary for out here though it would have to go up quite a bit should they build their demo facility in Silicon Valley and want us to live out there, where housing is double, even triple what it is out here for just a 1400 sq. ft. house (which is what we have now).

I see the T this afternoon. Plenty of stuff going on to deal with.

Originally Posted by MJLouise

Update:
I’ve got a psych appointment tomorrow and I’m not sure if she’ll put me on the darn mood stabilizer yet. I feel like it’s taking forever I just want to feel ok again and get up off this couch. I feel lazy but I know I’m sick. Neurologist wants the MRI to rule out MS. I wonder if meds would effect the MRI or if I can go on the mood stabilizer anyway. The Bupropion is mostly out of my system I think. The tremors pretty much gone. It tremors just slightly between my eyebrows when I close my eyes and that it. Hoping that goes away soon. Brain fog. Can’t think clearly. No motivation to do anything. I’m exhausted. My husband is too good and too nice it makes me sick. I wish he’d get mad at me not doing enough so we can fight. But I know he just is too damn sweet. It’s gross how sweet he is. 14 years of marriage and when in like this I don’t like him because I don’t like me. But he and I both know I’ll get over it and love him again when I’m better. For now fake kissy face and heart texts and watching the Big Bang theory is about all I want to do with him. I have no sex drive at all. It was coming back with the Bupropion and stopping it was just like shutting down my sexual systems. We’ve had sex only twice in the last 4 months(and it was sex for him not me if you know what I mean) . When I’m healthy we’re at least twice a week.

I feel like crap.
Sorry for all the “I”’s

Of course your question about taking medications during an MRI should be addressed to a doctor, but I'll say that I've had about four MRIs in the past and never stopped taking my medications. No one told me to.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Of course your question about taking medications during an MRI should be addressed to a doctor, but I'll say that I've had about four MRIs in the past and never stopped taking my medications. No one told me to.

Has fibromyalgia been ruled out? Brain fog is one of my worst symptoms with it. Have your vitamin levels been checked? B6 toxicity can do a lot of bad stuff too, including brain fog & exhaustion.

Sex drive is pretty hard to come by on meds. I don't even get it on Wellbutrin, at least not Wellbutrin alone. Adderall on the other hand does help it.

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Has fibromyalgia been ruled out? Brain fog is one of my worst symptoms with it. Have your vitamin levels been checked? B6 toxicity can do a lot of bad stuff too, including brain fog & exhaustion.

Sex drive is pretty hard to come by on meds. I don't even get it on Wellbutrin, at least not Wellbutrin alone. Adderall on the other hand does help it.

Hi Blueberrybook. I assume your question is actually addressed to MJLouise and not me.

My husband has encouraged me to make some calls to places that can help guide my siblings and me on what to do to help my dad. It's really time. We've all had individual interventions with him and everything is the same or worse. There are two places I will call, one of which is a psychiatric hospital my nephew and I went to some of our many times. They have an older adults wing for psych and addictions. It's a decent place and close to everyone in my family.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi Blueberrybook. I assume your question is actually addressed to MJLouise and not me.

Yes, sorry about that. Still waking up today.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband has encouraged me to make some calls to places that can help guide my siblings and me on what to do to help my dad. It's really time. We've all had individual interventions with him and everything is the same or worse. There are two places I will call, one of which is a psychiatric hospital my nephew and I went to some of our many times. They have an older adults wing for psych and addictions. It's a decent place and close to everyone in my family.

That is a big step, and I am sure it's hard. I hope you & your siblings can agree on the decision. How many siblings do you have?

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

That is a big step, and I am sure it's hard. I hope you & your siblings can agree on the decision. How many siblings do you have?

Hi Blueberrybook. I have an older sister and an older brother. I talked to my brother last night. My sister and I have been discussing the issue a lot over these past months, too.

I just got off the phone from an information search. I called one of the psychiatric hospitals both my youngest nephew and I went to in the past. I know they have an older adults unit that can address both psych and addiction issues. They gave me a lot of information on how to precede with possible admissions. Basically they said we'd need to take him to the ER for a medical evaluation (particularly since he's elderly) and psych evaluation, and if the doc and social worker agreed, they could refer him to the hospital. The difficulty would be getting dad to agree to go to the ER.

I called a sort of hotline that the psych hospital admissions woman suggested. The hotline guy said that the options in getting dad help against his will are to either call the police to come to his house for a "Wellness Check", and the police may or may not take him to the hospital. Or, if dad drives somewhere drunk, to call the police to track him down and charge him with a DUI. If this came to pass, dad would be taken to the police station and charged with a first DUI. That's a rough option. It would likely piss off my dad. I'm not sure if/when we'd ever go that route. That still wouldn't necessarily get dad to a psych hospital/rehab.

The hotline man also suggested we try to encourage dad to go to AA, but just going to AA doesn't help with withdrawal symptoms. He may not want to go to AA anyway, though the hotline guy's suggestion was to get dad among sober people vs. the so-called "friends" at the bar dad goes to. The trouble I see with this is that it wouldn't get him the psych help. That issue would need to be addressed, otherwise I think stopping drinking would be hard for him to do. I know from my past that it's hard to stop self-medicating with alcohol if you still have psych issues. It's dangerous to take psych meds if you are drinking or drugging heavily.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi Blueberrybook. I have an older sister and an older brother. I talked to my brother last night. My sister and I have been discussing the issue a lot over these past months, too.

I just got off the phone from an information search. I called one of the psychiatric hospitals both my youngest nephew and I went to in the past. I know they have an older adults unit that can address both psych and addiction issues. They gave me a lot of information on how to precede with possible admissions. Basically they said we'd need to take him to the ER for a medical evaluation (particularly since he's elderly) and psych evaluation, and if the doc and social worker agreed, they could refer him to the hospital. The difficulty would be getting dad to agree to go to the ER.

I called a sort of hotline that the psych hospital admissions woman suggested. The hotline guy said that the options in getting dad help against his will are to either call the police to come to his house for a "Wellness Check", and the police may or may not take him to the hospital. Or, if dad drives somewhere drunk, to call the police to track him down and charge him with a DUI. If this came to pass, dad would be taken to the police station and charged with a first DUI. That's a rough option. It would likely piss off my dad. I'm not sure if/when we'd ever go that route. That still wouldn't necessarily get dad to a psych hospital/rehab.

The hotline man also suggested we try to encourage dad to go to AA, but just going to AA doesn't help with withdrawal symptoms. He may not want to go to AA anyway, though the hotline guy's suggestion was to get dad among sober people vs. the so-called "friends" at the bar dad goes to. The trouble I see with this is that it wouldn't get him the psych help. That issue would need to be addressed, otherwise I think stopping drinking would be hard for him to do. I know from my past that it's hard to stop self-medicating with alcohol if you still have psych issues. It's dangerous to take psych meds if you are drinking or drugging heavily.

That is a tough decision. Personally, I think the wellness check would be a better choice because it is dangerous if he is driving drunk and could cause an accident, harming himself or others before the police stopped him. And how he would react, if he would stop or not while drunk?

I agree with you about the AA meetings. It doesn't help with withdrawal symptoms. And what would it do to help the psych issues if he is not getting mental health help?

What a difficult time for you.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband has encouraged me to make some calls to places that can help guide my siblings and me on what to do to help my dad. It's really time. We've all had individual interventions with him and everything is the same or worse. There are two places I will call, one of which is a psychiatric hospital my nephew and I went to some of our many times. They have an older adults wing for psych and addictions. It's a decent place and close to everyone in my family.

I wish you and your family good luck with this. It's great you care so much about your dad! I hope this works out.


WC